All Comments on 'Sisters Surprise Ch. 01'

First of all, I liked this story as a good start. I'm a big fan of sister/sister incest fantasies and I enjoyed this. The characters, while not especially notable, were mostly believable, but could do with some good fleshing out.

There is a wonderful essay on how you can tell when lesbian erotica is written by a man. It's funny, but thought-worthy. (I believe it's under Humor & Satire.) One of the items in the essay is that men really focus on things like breast size, or other body measurements. Simply, it's not necessary under most circumstances and can actually take away from the character. Read your story again, but completely skip over any measurements or references to size. I think you'll see that it's not needed.

P.O.V. is very difficult in stories or chapters, especially as short as this one. The story seems to be mostly about Emma's experience, not about Amy's. While Amy's feelings and actions are important plot movers, We don't necessarily need to know about them right now. Consider having them talk about it later.

I think the term "aghast" might not be the best term to use when Emma finds Amy masturbating. Certainly a bit of shock, one that might make her unable to stop watching before she dashes downstairs. Would she be shocked that her sister is masturbating? Probably not other than her choice of timing. I liked that you have her wondering if she's aroused because she saw another woman masturbating or if it was because it was her sister.

One last bit of food for thought. Erotica, especially lesbian erotica, is most effective when it deals with emotions. Incest even more so. There's a hint of Emma's feelings towards Amy at the beginning but you should at least consider expanding on that emotion. How did they get along as they grew up? Was there a hint of something more than normal sisterly love in the past?

I think you're showing great potential and should definitely keep writing, especially another chapter. I hope you find this helpful. There is no "right way" or "wrong way" so consider and take or leave what works for you. Hope to be seeing more from you soon!

Nice start butcheck your grammar closet

You have a very original story. My wife is 5'9" and has 34 inch hips (a perfect size 10.) Her top is 38 D. Too many writers get their descriptions and sizes messed up. I did date a lady who was 5' 6" with 34C and 36 hips. My wife is also Bi and women are alway attracted to her. I have known her since she was 17 but we did not get together until 17 years later. I like how you continue the story? A California guy reader. CHEERS

What's with the favorable comments? THIS IS ABSOLUTE 14yo GARBAGE!!