Skepticism

"But..."

"What?"

"You're about to tell me you're flattered, but...you don't feel the same way. I...kind of knew that had to be the case, but I think sometimes hope has a way of making us believe crazy things so I..."

"Brandon?" he heard her say, a smile on her face.

"Oh. Sorry. I'm still really nervous, and I tend to talk a lot when that happens, so I..."

"Brandon?" she said again, getting him to stop.

"Sorry. I'll be quiet. I promise."

"The truth is, I like you, too," she told him.

"But, right?" he said again.

"Yes, but not the kind of 'but' you're probably thinking of."

"Okay," he said quietly waiting to hear what kind of 'but it was.

"First let me say that I have never, ever had any feelings of any kind for any student."

She smiled then said, "Before you."

"Oh, okay," he replied nervously.

"I've beaten myself up more than once for even having them, and I swore I'd never tell you how I felt. I even decided to move back to Spokane at the end of the school year."

"And?" he asked, reversing their roles.

"First the 'but', okay?" she asked with another sweet smile.

"The 'but' is this. You're only 18 years old. So even if I was say, 18 or 19, or...even 21, you'd still be 18."

Now much calmer, Brandon was able to see where this was going.

"I won't be 18 forever, you know," he said very politely.

"No. No you won't. But I'm 30 years old, Brandon. And while you're going to get older and only get more handsome, I'm just going to get...older."

The way he looked at her was so troubling she couldn't hold his stare.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked after she reached for her teacup again.

"Do you really think I'm that shallow?" he asked as kindly as humanly possible. "That I wouldn't love you even more as time went by?"

Just hearing the word 'love' tied Monica's stomach in knots.

"As time goes by, I would only love you more," he told her. "I mean, were you and I to...fall in love, of course."

She went to speak, but he kept talking.

"I'm honest enough to admit that were you not...beautiful...and you are. You're incredibly beautiful. But while that's what initially attracted me to you, I...well, I love many other things about you."

He shared the things he'd told his dad about her, and she said she loved those things about him, too.

He leaned forward a little then rested his forearms on his thighs and said, "I know how old I am. I understand you were my teacher less than a month ago. I also know that I don't have a career or a house or much of anything, but I can't help feeling the way I do about you, and if you feel any of that for me, nothing would make me happier than to have the chance to find out if, you know, there's really something there. Or...here. Between us."

As he gestured to indicate the distance between them, Monica finally laughed.

"I see a lot of empty space between us, Brandon," she told him as she set her cup back down.

"I could change that," he told her very politely.

"I think I'd like that," she replied as she tapped the empty space beside her.

Their eyes met as Brandon stood up and stayed locked as he walked around the coffee table separating them. Rather than sit down, he held out his hand which she accepted without hesitation. He helped her stand up, and once they were face to face, he took both of her hands and told her how beautiful she was.

She quietly thanked him then told him she thought he was the most attractive...man...she'd ever known just before he slowly leaned down and softly kissed her for the first time. Monica accepted his kiss and put her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

When it ended, they stood there and held one another for nearly a minute before she very quietly asked, "Now what?"

"I should probably start looking for a place to live," he told her with a smile.

"You don't have to start looking right now, do you?" she asked with a smile.

"I could probably wait a few minutes," he said with a straight face, causing her to smile and then laugh.

"I've actually...fantasized...about this," she told him.

When he raised his eyebrows, she immediately clarified.

"Kissing. I've fantasized about...kissing you."

"Oh. I see," he told her. "Well, then we have that in common."

"I'd say, 'Shame on you!' but I'm the one on whom the shame would be," she admitted.

"Do you feel ashamed?" he asked her.

"No. It's going to take some time to get used to this, but no. I don't feel ashamed in the least."

"Nor do I," he told her. "But while I want to tell the world about us, I can understand your need to keep things quiet, so I'll respect your wishes. Whatever they may be."

Monica looked up at him, smiled, then said, "You're already trying to make me fall in love with you, aren't you?"

Brandon knew it was a rhetorical question, so he put his arms around her again then told her all that mattered was that he'd told her how he felt.

"But should you ever get to that point, I wouldn't mind hearing about it," he told her before kissing her again.

"You'll be the first to know. I promise," she said very sweetly before kissing him, sharing the tip of her tongue with him for the first time.

"Would you like to go apartment hunting with me?" he asked.

"Right now?"

"No. Just...whenever."

"Sure. I'd love to," she told him. "And would you like to stay for lunch?"

He'd eaten an hour and a half earlier, but Brandon could always eat.

"I would love to," he told her before kissing her one more time.

"Then follow me!" she told him before taking him back to the kitchen by the hand.

Three hours passed as they talked, ate, and talked some more. Monica finally felt comfortable admitting how little she knew about the topics Brandon covered in his podcast, and asked question after question.

"I'm driving you crazy, aren't I?" she said after nearly another hour of back and forth with him.

"Hardly," he told her as she sat side by side on the sofa. "You have no idea how long I've waited to have someone who was even interested in these things."

"I'm interested in them," Monica told him.

She kissed him then said, "I'm also interested in you."

"Hmmm. That's um...interesting, because I'm very interested in you."

Out of nowhere, Monica turned toward him and asked, "Do you really think I'm beautiful?"

He then turned her way and asked, "Are you kidding?"

"No. I'm not kidding. Brandon, I'm...well, you know how old I am, so..."

"Do you think I'm a child?" he politely asked, turning the tables.

She started to ask if he was kidding then laughed.

"Oh! I see what you're doing," she said.

Brandon laughed then said, "If that question seems as ridiculous to you as yours does to me, then you have your answer."

She rested her head on his shoulder, took his hand then said, "This is all happening very fast."

"We've held hands, hugged, and kissed. Okay, we've talked quite a bit, but that's pretty much it, right?"

She put her free hand on his chest then said, "I really do feel like the younger person when we're together."

"And I feel like the lucky one," he told as he gently lifted her chin and kissed her again.

It was nearly 10pm before Brandon finally left. They continued talking, ate dinner together, then kept talking. Staying all night was out of the question for several reasons, none of which had to be spoken.

"Good night," Monica told the tall, handsome, muscular, younger man she was now...dating.

"Good night, Monica," he told her before kissing her goodbye.

Brandon spent most of the next few days with his former teacher, and during that time they agreed to keep their budding relationship quiet. It had nothing to do with embarrassment but rather with practicality as Monica was still a teacher, and Brandon had been her student just days earlier.

But that didn't stop them from wanting to know as much about the other person as possible, and they stayed up until all hours of the night talking and laughing and occasionally making out. Making love was off the table, at least for now, as Brandon surprised by letting her know he was serious about saving his virginity for marriage.

"You really are the last Boy Scout, aren't you?" his beautiful older girlfriend teased after sharing that with her.

"Do you mind? Waiting?" he asked, ignoring the polite kidding.

"No. Of course not. I actually admire your strength of character."

She paused then said, "In so many areas of your life. You have a level of maturity I rarely see in men of any age, and well, were it not for that, this would never be happening."

Monica smiled then said, "No matter how attractive you might be."

Brandon laughed and told her he agreed with her assessment where she was concerned, too.

"You're obviously beautiful, but were you not intelligent, thoughtful and considerate, you could be...a supermodel."

"Are you saying I'm NOT a supermodel?" Monica asked as though she were hurt.

Her boyfriend laughed again then said, "Considering how most of them are anorexic-looking...or worse...it's actually a compliment."

Monica laughed happily then put her arms around him and held him for a very long time.

Just before school started for her, Monica called her parents and at one point asked her dad to listen to a podcast she thought he might enjoy. An engineer who loved math, science, and technology, he told her he'd be happy to. His daughter didn't tell him why, she just wanted his take on it.

Two days later she got a long email in which he told her he was very impressed.

"This young man has more knowledge about these subjects than most college graduates I know," her father began before going into detail on what he agreed with and where he disagreed.

"If he's the kind of person who's open to honest give and take, I think I'd enjoy talking with him, his age aside. And while I'm there, any idea how old he is?"

When Monica typed '18' it made her stop and think. Was this really okay? Was she corrupting Brandon? Was she doing anything wrong, morally or otherwise?

The only answer she could come up with was that Brandon Holtz was the first and only...man...who'd ever made her love him for his mind, even though she truly loved his body, as well. So right or wrong, this was the most enjoyable relationship she'd ever had, and on every level, except for his age, it felt more right than anything she'd ever done.

Brandon was also back in school, but this time, he was a freshman at a local community college where he was taking biology, calculus, and two electives while still doing his podcast.

Both of them were very busy and had to carve out time to see one another, but they made spending time together a priority, and over the next three months, the bond between them continued to grow.

By the time Spring Break came around, Brandon brought up the issue of Monica's leaving, and that's when she told him what her father said when she left Spokane.

"So...have you met anyone who might make you consider staying?" he asked as he looked into her eyes.

"Yes," she told him. "And were this person to, you know, ask me to stay, I would."

Brandon put his hand on her face and quietly asked, "Will you stay?"

Just above a whisper, Monica replied, "Yes," before kissing him softly.

When the school year ended, the unusual couple decided to go public with their relationship beginning with Brandon's parents. Monica was nervous to the point of feeling ill the first time Brandon invited her to have dinner with his them, even though Brandon had told her he thought his mother already knew. He'd accepted his father's offer and stayed in their home in order to save money, and that only added another layer of 'strange' to everything else.

But it didn't take long for Brandon's mother to not only accept her son's choice of girlfriend but to consider her a friend of her own. His father, on the other hand, was much less enthusiastic about it all, and yet he was both pleasant and cordial to their guest. Like so many other things he wished had turned out differently where his son was concerned, he knew this was Brandon's decision and his alone, so telling her how he felt was out of the question

A week later, after finally telling her own parents about the mystery man she was falling in love with, they drove to Spokane where they spent five days, sleeping in separate bedrooms.

In this case, it was her dad who was the more accepting parent as they had some very long, involved discussions on the topics Brandon loved the most. Her mother wasn't opposed to it, she just had a more difficult time accepting that her daughter was caught up in what appeared to be some kind of fantasy. After all, this Brandon of hers was an incredibly handsome boy, and it took her some time to realize he was also exceptionally mature, polite, and caring. But before they left, she knew her daughter's feelings were genuine, and she accepted the reality she'd been presented with.

The most difficult challenge came when, during planning week before the following school year, Monica asked Mrs. Renner if she had a spare moment.

Her principal didn't explode, but it was obvious she was angry and deeply disturbed by the announcement.

"We've done nothing wrong. Brandon is 19 now, has a well-paying job, and is majoring in biology in college," Monica said in her boyfriend's defense.

The most hurtful thing her principal said was was said with utter contempt, "So what's next? Will you be wearing a MAGA hat to school?"

Monica ignored the dig and again didn't mention that she was a Libertarian. Not did she mention that Brandon had made a true skeptic out of her. She still had her own beliefs, but she had a newfound respect for the way Brandon looked at the world, and she found herself examining life from a very different perspective now.

Monica never asked and Brandon never told, but his bank account was very large for someone his age by the time Thanksgiving rolled around. He made reservations for them to spend a four-day weekend at a cabin in the San Juan Islands, and Monica happily accepted the invitation while wondering how this would work considering his commitment to celibacy.

Their first evening together there was spent at a very nice restaurant where Brandon told her how much he loved her, something they'd both hinted at many times but never actually said.

Hearing those words made her so happy she teared up and told him she loved him, too.

"I don't just love you, Monica. I'm...in love with you."

Before she could reply, Brandon was holding a small, white box in his hand as he got down on one knee and opened it.

"Oh, my..." Monica said, as her trembling hands covered her mouth.

"Monica? Honey? I know I'm young."

Brandon smiled, tilted his head a little then said, "Very young."

He coughed and she laughed through her tears as he continued.

"While I may have abandoned my faith, I've never lost faith in marriage or the sanctity of it. I have no desire to 'sew my wild oats' or 'play the field'. I have always dreamed of loving and marrying and spending my life with just one woman."

He paused then said, "And well, I've met that one, special woman, sweetheart. So I'm on one knee asking her if she'll spend the rest of her life with me."

"Yes. Yes! I will!" she told him as he took her left hand and slid the diamond ring on it.

He stood up slightly, kissed her, and told her he loved her again, unaware everyone else was watching. Monica also didn't know or care until people began congratulating them and telling them how long they'd been together and wishing them a lifetime of happiness together.

And later that night Brandon told her he was ready to offer her the gift he'd saved for the woman he loved.

"Are you sure, sweetheart?" she asked, needing to be certain.

"Yes. One-hundred percent," he told her.

Their lovemaking was slow and deliberate as they spent nearly two hours exploring one another's bodies in great detail over and over before Brandon finally made love to her. It made no difference to Monica that he was inexperienced and didn't last too long, because he'd already brought her 'there' two times before he entered her, and nothing could make her love him less.

Over the next three days, Brandon proved to be a very quick study, and was no longer 'quick' when it came to lovemaking. By the new year, he was a very skilled lover who could last as long as needed to bring his fiancé to another climax whenever she was ready.

To avoid 'pouring salt into the wound', Brandon stayed at home until after the wedding, and then, out of practicality, moved into Monica's apartment.

By the time he finished his bachelor's degree, his podcast had run out of steam, and due to financial issues, the institute that had been funding his education was no longer able to do so.

Between the two of them, they'd amassed a significant amount of money, so the news, while disappointing, didn't deter them in any way. Brandon applied for graduate school and was accepted, and that's when Monica told him the most wonderful news he'd ever heard.

"I'm pregnant," she let him know. "I'm about six weeks along."

Thrilled, Brandon couldn't wait to be a father. But two months later, they learned their baby had an abnormality with its heart; one that would almost likely require multiple surgeries costing hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Neither he nor his beautiful wife never once thought of not having the baby. But their health insurance wouldn't pay anywhere near the amount needed, so once again practicality ruled the day.

"Honey? Are you sure?" Monica asked when he told her his plans.

"Yes, but only if you'll support me."

"Of course I will. I'd do anything for you. And for our baby," she told him.

Three months later, Monica Holtz, along with Brandon's parents and hers, flew to the Dulles airport in Virginia then drove a rental van south to the small town of Quantico, where she and Brandon's father pinned gold bars on his shoulders after his graduation from Marine Corps Officer Candidate's School.

As proud as Monica was of her handsome, younger husband with the 'high-and-tight' haircut, no one was prouder than Brandon's father who, through tears of his own, told his son how much he loved him and how proud he was of him while he hugged him unashamedly.

The rift in their family was finally healed. It left a scar that would always remind them of their differences, but a kind of 'new normal' replaced the former expectations Brandons' parents had had for their son. They valued patriotism almost as much as missionary service, and they dearly loved their son, his wife, and the unborn child she was carrying.

While Brandon was at The Basic School, a six-month course that taught all Marine officers the basics of life in an infantry platoon, Monica gave birth to a son they named Christoper Mark Holtz.

Christopher needed three surgeries before he started school, but his parents never spent a dime for the surgeries, the hospital stays, or the medications required. And in the meantime, Brandon had graduated from flight school and was flying the MV-22 Osprey and having the time of his life doing it.

His dream of finding some 'third way' where evolution was concerned had been shelved, but in return, he'd gained so much else. He and his father were once again best friends, he was married to the love of his life, he had a son who was now healthy and happy and well-adjusted, and a career he planned on keeping for at least 20 years.

So while he would never be known as the new Einstein of biology, Marine Captain Brandon Holtz wouldn't have done a single thing differently.

That didn't mean he wasn't still a world-class skeptic who took everything with a grain of salt until he was convinced it was true. It just meant that he was a realist who understood that life sometimes has other plans for us, and how we adapt them often determines how happy we are. And judging by his overall, extremely-high level of happiness, it was obvious his skepticism had served him very well indeed.