Skinny Girl (fm)

1

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

This one quote fucked my life.

I can never eat without feeling terrible.

I guess that's the one good thing about college. I can eat how I want, or not, whenever I want, without the observing eyes of my family members.

You know what's really fucked? I've been skinny, and I've been a little chunky, and it is crazy how much more attention I get from boys when I restrict.

It makes me almost not like men at all. But I can't help it. Some guys are so sexy, my pervading hatred of men and the male gaze must retreat.

Fuck, cute boys with good legs in high cut shorts. It's hard to be a feminest around them.

I'll do anything for boys in short shorts, even starve. Just please give me attention.

2

I sit next to this super skinny guy in my Freshman English Comp class. We never talk. It is nice.

His name is Sam. Low-key Sam is thinspo for me. It's fucked up.

3

The worst part about this whole not eating thing is I never get horny, I have no sex drive.

I remember one time I went to a party with a friend and met a cute guy. We went back to his apartment and I was bone dry. We couldn't have sex. We just made out. I was so embarrassed. I wished I was wetter and hornier so bad. I mean, he was a sexy athletic guy. What's the point of being skinny to get attraction from guys with good legs if I can't get all wet and horny for them. What the fuck. So I sucked him off, feeling nothing.

I have a really nice wireless Magic Wand vibrator that I bought for myself when I moved to college. It was like 200 hundred dollars. It's really nice and crazy strong. Most nights I numb myself out with it getting no real pleasure at all. I barely feel anything these days. I try and try, but I never orgasm or get anywhere close. I guess I just use it out of habit. I almost feel something. Or, rather, I almost feel the memory of feeling something.

4

One day Sam and I both brought White Monsters to sip on during English Comp.

We looked at one another and just smiled and made eye contact. Neither of us said anything, rather, we just sat together with our caffeinated drinks and learned about Shakespeare or some shit. It was nice. Sam is honestly my favorite person at this school. Too bad we have never talked to one another.

5

My favorite thing to masturbate to is male tennis. Fuck, Alexander Zverev is so hot. He could give me private lessons any time. I would pay him so much money. And Stefanos, fuck me up please. Maybe we could play doubles and have a big orgy or something after. Just take me right here on the tennis court. I don't mind a skinned knee.

It's sad: even tennis doesn't bring up much these days.

At least I look good for guys I no longer like.

I never wear a bra. I don't need one. My tiny korean aa tits don't need one. I barely have any mound at all. I look like a boy. I just wear t-shirts braless and it doesn't matter. Maybe if I had big tits boys with short shorts would like me? Maybe I could even fuck a tennis player? Alas, all I have are my dark asian nipples, with no mountain leading to the peak. I want to get my nipples pierced. Maybe that would make up for my nonexistent tits? Maybe that would make me more sexy and feminine? Maybe that would help me get boys? I would just wear a t-shirt and they could check out my pierced nipples through my shirt. At least they would have something to look at.

What do boys think about when they masturbate? Probably the girls with great big tits. Fuck, I would be such a slut if I was a white girl with big great tits. I don't think I would ever wear a bra. I would let boys look at my titties. I want them to have something good to masturbate to. I wonder if any cute boys at this school masturbate and think about me? Probably not. I'm too flat.

6

One day I brought an extra White Monster with me to English Comp. I gave it to Sam and I forced him to talk to me. A fair exchange.

"Here you go Sam," I said as I handed him the drink.

"Thank you so much, hey, your name is Ashikiko right?"

"That's right, but people just call me Kiko." I blushed. Sam knew my name.

"Thanks, I owe you one."

"You're welcome."

"Did you do the reading for class?"

"Yeah, it was kinda hard, but I got through it." I couldn't help but smile ear to ear. Finally, Sam and I were having a boring nothing conversation about class! My thinspo wet dream.

Sam and I chatted and class started.

After class Sam asked for my phone number. He said it was in case one of us was absent and needed to get the homework. I hope it isn't for class. I hope Sam asks me to hang out.

7

My dream came true.

Thirty minutes before our next English Comp class, Sam texted me and asked if I wanted anything from Starbucks. I said sure, just a blonde roast coffee black.

I met Sam outside the classroom and he handed me my coffee.

We sat together like usual, except we were sitting just a little bit closer.

After class Sam asked me if I would be down to hang out sometime. I nearly peed myself with excitement.

8

The next weekend Sam and I met up at a really hip, cool, local cafe.

I spent an hour pouring over my wardrobe trying to pick out an outfit. What would Sam like? I tried on a bunch of dresses and skirts and stuff, then said fuck it, and put on a white Alice and Chains tee and short shorts. Like usual, I went braless.

I arrived at the cafe. Sam was already there reading and sipping a coffee.

"I like your shirt," Sam said as I sat down.

I ordered a coffee and we talked about class.

The cafe had a really good playlist of music going on.

We sipped our coffee and chewed the fat. Sometimes the best conversations are about nothing, and talking is just the excuse to be with another person. Honestly, I would be content if Sam and I just sat silently and looked at one another. That would be a good date. Not that this was a date. We were just hanging out, or whatever, it's cool, I'm cool. Please think I'm cool.

After my coffee date with Sam,which might not have been a date, I layed on my bed and just stared up at my ceiling. I wonder if Sam ever thinks about me when he masturbates? I hope so. But probably not. Eitherway, I hope he asks me to hang out again.

Sam texted me that night.

9

Sam and I got into this unspoken routine where we alternated in bringing one another drinks to English Comp class.

Fuck, this unspoked routine might be the most meaningful thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.

Anyways, Sam asked me to hang out again. We went to another coffee shop downtown that also had a banger playlist.

Sam and I sat and talked to one another. I was super caffeinated. Halfway through the conversation I interrupted Sam mid sentence:

"Hey Sam, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Sam smiled, "sure thing Kiko, I would love to be your boyfriend."

"Yay," I gulped, " I mean, we don't have to do anything different, like, all I want to do is get coffee with you, just like how we have been doing, it's just that I want to officially be your girlfriend."

"Sounds perfect to me," Sam said, still smiling.

We finished our coffees and walked back to campus together. Sam held my hand.

We arrived back at my apartment. I gave Sam a big great hug. Sam brought my cheek to his and we kissed. It was just a real quick peck of the lips. Nothing to put in the spank bank, or whatever.

"Alright, see ya Kiko."

"Bye, Sam."

10

Being stuck awake late at night when you know you should be asleep is the worst feeling in the world.

Just a hot, tired stressfulness.

I wouldn't wish night like these onto my worst enemies.

Every once in a while I binge out on some food in an attempt to fall asleep. It works half the time, but I hate myself in the mornings.

Most of the time I try to masturbate myself to sleep.

That works sometimes.

I just mindlessly scroll through my phone and wish I was asleep. It's two am, and class starts at 8. Fuck me.

The stress of knowing you have class in six hours and you still can't fall asleep.

Maybe I am addicted to my phone? Maybe I drank too much caffeine today? Maybe I have too much physical energy, and I should have worked out?

All my life is set up such that nights like these don't happen.

The reason why I do everything is to avoid this.

I wouldn't wish nights like these on my worst enemy.

11

Eventually, I did fall asleep.

That night I had a strange nightmare.

I dreamt Sam and I were out biking on a secluded woodland trail.

I was wearing a light pink sundress.

As I pedaled the bike, the pink sundress rode up my legs, revealing my knobbly knees and the upper insides of my thighs.

I kept trying to pull my dress down, but each time I put my hands back on the handlebar and peddled, the dress rose up again even higher.

My dress rose up so high that Sam had a full view of my white panties.

I struggled and strained and stressed, but I couldn't keep my dress down.

I was so stressed and frustrated, I wanted to cry.

Sam kept looking back at me; at my revealed thighs; at my white panties; at me struggling to keep the sundress down.

The sundress was too big for me and loose on my frame. The dress was low cut. The cleavage of the dress began to move left and right-- revealing my small tits and nipples.

Now, not only did I have to keep the dress pulled down, but I had to adjust it so my tits and nipples weren't showing, peddling and keeping my balance all the while.

I almost fell on the bike as I tried to adjust my dress.

I felt so stressed.

Finally, mid-nightmare, my phone alarm went off and I woke up.

12

Later that week I texted Sam and invited him to come over and watch a movie or something.

Sam arrived at my apartment and I met him at the front door.

Sam was wearing vans, tightly fitted light grey joggers, and a cool blue henley shirt.

I led him through the lobby and up to my room on the fourth floor.

"Wow, I like all of you plants," Sam said with a smile as we entered my room.

"Thanks," I said, "they are kinda like my only decorations."

"I like it, it almost feels alive in here."

"Is it cool if we sit on my bed?"

"Sure," Sam said as he jumped on my comforter.

I grabbed my laptop from my desk and brought it over to Sam on my bed.

"Is there anything you want to watch?" I asked.

"Yeah, we should watch a spooky movie or something."

"Sounds good to me."

I sat down next to Sam on my bed and we scrolled through netflix until we found The Shining.

Sam and I laid back in my bed and watched Kubrick's film, silent, in very close proximity to one another.

It was a pretty great film.

By the time the film was over it was close to midnight.

I closed my laptop and set it on the floor next to my bed.

What do you want to do now Kiko?"

I don't know, it's pretty late, you can spend the night if you want."

That sounds good to me."

Here, I said, "let's get under my comforter."

Sam and I slipped under my bedding, our bodies close to one another on my tiny bed.

I moved my mouth to Sam's and we began to kiss.

This was the first real time Sam and I made out. Something more than just a simple peck on the lips.

Our mouths fondled one another, and quickly grew accustomed to one another.

Our Bodies pressed in close to one another as we both laid on our sides and kissed.

Sam broke the kiss, "Hey Kiko, is it alright if we just kiss?"

"Sure thing, that sounds nice to me."

Our mouths reconnected with one another.

It was nice kissing Sam like this, with no pressure for further activity.

I could really breathe and just enjoy this time tasting Sam's lips.

Sam and I just kissed. Sam kept his hands modest and we began to cuddle as we kissed.

Eventually we grew tired and fell asleep, our bodies next to one another, our lips still connected.

13

I woke up to the Sun shining down onto my plants through my window.

My arms and legs were completely wrapped around sleeping Sam.

I laid still. I didn't want to wake Sam up.

There was so much light shining through my window.

I couldn't fall back asleep. So I just laid still with Sam, and enjoyed this quiet moment of togetherness.

Eventually, I got kinda thirsty, so I carefully unwrapped my arms and legs from around Sam, stood up, and brewed some coffee with my Keurig.

The smell of coffee filled the morning room, as hot water pressed through the coffee pods.

I made two cups. I figured that Sam would wake up and want some.

Sam shifted and woke to the smell of coffee filling the room.

He sat up in my bed and without saying anything I handed him a cup of black coffee.

I crawled back next to Sam and sat next to him on my bed.

We both sat silently and just drank our coffees.

I broke the quiet magical morning moment.

"Hey Sam, can I ask you a question?"

Sam nodded his head.

"How come last night, you didn't want to, you know-- don't get me wrong, just kissing was nice, I enjoyed that, Just, ya know."

"Oh, that. Don't worry, it's not you Kiko, I'm just not that sexual of a person."

Oh," I said, "are you gay?"

Sam laughed, "I don't think so, it's just that I don't really like sex. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy kissing you Kiko, and being with you, it's just, well--"

I cut him off, "That's fine Sam, you don't have to explain yourself. And I really enjoy kissing you too."

Our coffee mugs still in our hands, we began to kiss.

Sam and I carefully made out and sipped our coffee.

14

A couple days later I invited Sam to come over and spend the night again.

This time we just listened to music and kissed.

We fell asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning I made Sam coffee again and we kissed some more.

15

The next weekend I went with Sam to a tattoo parlor.

Sam wanted to get a deer tattooed on his left thigh. I was for it. Tattoos are hot.

It was a nice, modern, pricey, very clean tattoo parlor.

Sam's artist was a heavily tattooed small Asian lady. Her name was Kim.

Kim is the cool aunt I never had.

Sam introduced me to Kim and she led us to her chair.

Kim placed the outline stencil of a deer design she had been working on on Sam's left thigh.

It was a cool design. It was geometric, somewhat feminine deer. Low key I wanted to steal this tattoo idea from Sam.

Kim pulled out a foldable chair so I could sit next to Sam.

Kim began her outlining of the tattoo.

"Do you guys do piercings by the way?" I asked Kim.

"Yes, we do," Kim said enthusiastically, not looking up from her work on Sam's thigh. "Why?"

"Oh, It's kinda embarrassing, it's just that I've been thinking about getting my nipples pierced."

"Oh, there's nothing embarrassing about that," Kim said, "in fact my nipples are pierced.".

"Really!" I was so excited, "did it hurt at all, what's it like?"

"Oh, you're sensitive the first couple of weeks, but you get used to it. Honestly, I love them, I can't imagine my tits without piercings."

Sam and I laughed.

Kim went on, "I don't know, I guess I just feel sexier with them."

"That's exactly how I feel!" I exclaimed.

"I don't have an appointment after this," Kim said, "since your friend already paid me a bunch of money for his tattoo, why don't we just do your nipples real quick while you are here. I can do it in like two seconds.Just pay for the jewelry."

"Really? that would be awesome! What do you think Sam?".

"I think nipple piercings are pretty hot, you should do it if you want to Kiko."

"Let's do it!"

16

Kim worked on Sam's leg for a couple of hours and finished the tattoo.

The geometric deer looked good on Sam.

Sam's quad was all red from all the poking.

"Alright, I think I am done," said Kim, "your leg is going to be sore for a few days. Try to keep your leg moisturized and out of the sun."

"Awesome, thank you so much." Sam said

"Alright, your turn Kiko, I'm going to go get a needle and some bar studs, why don't you come with me out to the lobby Sam?"

I interrupted, "actually, can Sam stay here for this?"

"Oh, yeah, I wasn't sure. Okie dokie, why don't you take off your shirt and bra, and I'll be right back."

I pulled off my shirt. I wasn't wearing a bra.

Kim quickly came back with new gloves, a needle, and a couple of bar studs.

I held Sam's hand as she applied rubbing alcohol to my nipple.

Strange, now that I think about it, this was the first time Sam had seen my tits.

"Alright now, just breathe," said Kim, "this will be really quick."

I closed my eyes and squeezed Sam's hand as Kim pricked my nipple.

It hurt, but it wasn't too bad.

"Alreight, now the other one."

Again, Kim dotted my nipple with rubbing alcohol.

"Just breath," Kim said. And again I closed my eyes and squeezed Sam's hand.

I put my shirt back on and we paid Kim.

On the way out of the tattoo parlor, I couldn't help but to check myself out in the reflection on the windows.

I could barely see the outlines of my pierced nipples through my braless shirt.

It was hot and sexy and kinky and all that.

I loved them.

17

Sam and I went straight back to my apartment. The plan was that Sam was going to spend the night again.

We arrived back at my apartment and went straight to my room.

I took off my shirt and looked at my newly pierced tits in the body length mirror on my wall.

"They look really good Kiko," Sam said as he came over to me.

"Fuck, I feel so sexy. I should have gotten them pierced sooner."

"You are sexy Kiko."

"I know you're not sexual and all that, but is it cool if we kiss and stuff while I touch myself.".

"Of course Kiko," Sam said with a kiss.

I pulled Sam over to my bed and laid him down.

I then got down on my knees and found my Magic Wand under my bed.

I got back on the bed with Sam, layed next to him, and we began to kiss.

I turned my vibrator on and placed it on me.

The vibrations were still strong through my panties and shorts.

"Here, let me," Sam said as he grabbed the wand from me and pressed it into my sex.

Sam bit my lower lip as he vibrated me.

I slid my panties and shorts down.

Sam immediately put the wand back against me.

Fuck, it was so much stronger against my bare sex.

Sam continued to tease my mouth as I humped into his vibrating hand.

I played with my newly pierced tits.

They were sore.

I really did feel feminine and sexy as fuck

"Your piercings look really good," Sam moaned into my mouth.

My hips shook and rocked against Sam.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." I moaned back.

The vibrations became too much, and I pushed Sam's vibrating hand away.

Sam turned the vibrator off.

His hand refound my sex and began to finger me.

His palm against the outside of my sex, Sam massaged me, his fingers sliding in and out of me.

"Oh my god," I moaned, "that feels so good. Please, please, please..."

My pelvis humped into Sam's finger in rhythm with his movements.

Sam's fingers slipped out of me and went back to the wand.

We kissed like this for a while, Sam alternating between the Wand and his fingers.

I was so wet. For the first time in a long long time, I was desperate, maddeningly, horny.

Eventually I cooled down a bit, and our fingering gave way to cuddling.

I wrapped my arms and legs around Sam, like he was a big body pillow.

I couldn't help but to hump against Sam as we cuddled.

Sam and I kissed for a while as we fell asleep in one another's arms.