by earnie65
There may be a story in here, but the writing and editing is so terrible it is unreadable. If you are serious about writing, get some help!
The editing was so horrible and the angle jumped around so much I couldn't get into the story. I was unable to read through the entire first page due to the above. Please have someone edit and make sure if you change the angle it's clearly defined and doesn't jump around multiple times in the same sentence as it seemed to have a nice start to the story line.
I don't know whether it's because your English sucks, you're mentally challenged, or you simply can't write for shit. Whatever the cause, the symptoms are inane dialog and a story I wouldn't use to line the bottom of a bird's cage.
Absolutely horrible.
your bio says you are from the U.S.A. but your writing is more like an uneducated person from the mideast. the best thing you can do is delete and run it through a good english speaking editor as is this sucks big time and not in a good way.
The constant pullimg the reader along to the next step was great, would love to read other incest text. -- Thanks --- rhigh1@knology.net
Hi that was more a cock and bull story than an erotic one,
but keep at it, and you will soon get the hang of it.
Thanks for trying anyway.