All Comments on 'Sleeping with Beauty'

It's nice that you'd take a shot at sharing your stories on an open forum this one however could use some serious work. first off there's barely any effort put into establishing the characters, no descriptions, backstory or context to the situation we find them in, a good story, erotic or otherwise, needs to establish these things or the readers will most likely be left more confused than anything else. The pacing is also off in fact it moves at a pretty breakneck pace, the build up to the actual sex is merely a few lines and it doesn't flow well, this isn't to say that you can't launch straight into the action but it still needs to have flow and a strong sense of build-up to keep a readers attention. The dialogue could use serious improving a lot of it comes across as blunt and unrealistic. Another problem is that there's quite a bit of repetition in there and reaffirming of things that don't need it a good example would be at the start where the character is offered a beer and then the story states that she's takes a beer, the reader can already grasp that, that is what she's taking based on the previous context making saying it again kind of redundant. Overall conceptually I like what you're doing there's a good story in here somewhere and I hope you'll find my criticisms more encouraging than anything else, keep writing and I'm sure you'll eventually get better, good luck! :)

Suggestion to previous commenter: Perhaps it would have been better for you to send the author all those suggestions in private.

Anyway, I enjoyed the wham-bam-thank you maam course of events here. I didn't have to know who the gals were specifically or fit them into much context. Sometimes this type of thing happens in real life where someone is turned on by another person in a flash. No explanation needed. The "Ever since the day I laid eyes on you, I've been imagining making you cum in my mouth. Every. Fucking. Day." connotes this quite well IMHO.

There are some contrivances, yes, but give the author a break.

You could developer your characters as you go and do a series, you have potential

Oh that was so short. I wanted more.