Slow Burn Roommates

One

As soon as I got home from work I sent my phone spiraling through the air at the couch. That man had the nerve to try and contact me after the shit he already pulled?

I opened and slammed every cabinet I could, searching for something but also for nothing specific. I settled for microwaving yesterday's dinner from the fridge. My hands and breathing shake as the plate of casserole twirls behind the transparent door.

Spencer has tried calling a hundred times since Christmas and has sent countless text messages between each unanswered call. To ignore him was becoming exhausting, but that's exactly what he wants. He needs me to give in so that I will open the door for him to be able to explain everything away. I'd've broke by now if I hadn't seen his lack of remorse for myself. I shove the palms of my hands into my eye sockets.

The memories of him and Grace flash through my mind and send my stomach turning. The microwave beeps and the casserole sizzles inside. My phone chimes from the living room. I scrape the heaping mess of cheese into the trash and stomp out of the kitchen.

Hidden in the mess of missed calls, unopened texts, and awaiting voicemails from Spencer is a message from Sarah. I click it quickly, eager to stop looking at the only other name on my screen.

-How are you holding up?

I sigh a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Feeling comes back into my numb fingers as I type my reply.

-I'm okay. Just got home. We still on for tomorrow?

After I'd called her last week, slurring my words through my cries, Sarah knew I needed her. She wouldn't bail on me during such a crisis, but it didn't hurt to make sure.

She'd been the first person I called and the only person I truly wanted to speak to after I found Spencer with Grace's lipstick smeared across his face. Sarah was still the only person that knew the whole truth of what ended my last relationship.

Sure, I'd been very loud about Spencer's cheating to his family and our mutual friends, but only Sarah knew about the flirty text messages I'd found all those months ago, and about the long hours Spencer started taking on at work despite the holidays being a usually slower season for his organization.

I wonder now if he'd thought this whole time that I was stupid and clueless, or if he enjoyed the games he had to play and hoops he had to jump through in order to evade getting caught.

The bathroom filled with steam and the mirror fogged over before I could feel comfortable enough to strip out of my work clothes. Nasty thoughts have crept into my head whenever I've seen my reflection since that night. An evil voice in the back of my mind tells me that if I just looked like Grace, Spencer wouldn't have cheated on me. If only I'd been shorter, or thinner, or blonder. I know the thoughts to be false, but nothing can stop the voice once it starts.

The tears start once the hot stream of the shower water hits my back. No matter how hard I try, there is no scrubbing away the thoughts that have plagued me all week.

I knew exactly what I would find when I went looking for Spencer at the Christmas party. We'd been invited to an event held by Spencer's boss for the holiday, and he conveniently avoided mentioning Grace at all when I asked who all was planning on going. I knew what it had meant.

Spencer had been in the bathroom for a little too long when I realized that Grace was also missing. It was impossible to lose her in her emerald green sequin pants suit, and I couldn't find her sparkles anywhere. I encountered Spencer's boss outside of the men's room by complete coincidence, and I didn't mean for him to join my search for Spencer after he'd told me that Spencer wasn't in the bathroom. I wasn't familiar with the lodge but Spencer's boss was, and that became our reasoning for teaming up.

It was him that heard the noises coming from the bathroom upstairs, and it was him that knocked on the door. I realized then that I wouldn't have had the strength to, and I was grateful to have someone with me.

The door propped open slightly and I heard Spencer let out a breathy laugh. After a moment he opened the door wider, and I caught the sight of a loosened tie around his neck.

Spencer was smiling a toothy smile at his boss but lost the expression when his eyes landed on me. The sparkle vanished, replaced by something I hadn't ever seen in him before. There was smeared red lipstick on his face that he didn't know was there yet, staining his mouth and painted on his front teeth. My eyes flicked at the rest of him and I could see the growth in his pants.

A flash of green sparkles came from behind Spencer and I bolted. There was nothing to say, and I wasn't sure if what would come out of my mouth would be words at all. I could feel the drinks I'd had earlier sloshing around in my stomach as I ran down the stairs.

Spencer had put his keys in my purse earlier and I rummaged for them as I shoved through the front doors of the lodge. I could hear someone yelling my name as I climbed into his truck. My body wouldn't wait, I threw it in drive before it even felt like the truck had finished starting.

My body vibrated as I drove away, my teeth chattered. The whole cab of the truck smelled like Spencer. I wondered if Grace had ever been in there. Had they ever fucked in the backseat? In the front ones?

I called Sarah and began to cry as it rang. She had to pick me up at a gas station because I was too upset to drive any farther after I'd told her everything over the phone. I was grateful for her.

I pat my face and wrap myself with a towel before crossing the hallway to my bedroom. A loud thud makes me jump, but the light from beneath Aiden's door tells me that I must've not heard him come home. Had he heard me crying?

I'd told Aiden about my breakup the night that it happened, but still couldn't bring myself to spill all the beans. At one point we told each other everything, even the things you'd think you would never tell anyone else. He's been with me since middle school, never even batting an eye to my impulsive decisions or troubled history with guys. When the ex boyfriend I'd originally shared this apartment with bailed, Aiden took my extra room without any time to consider it.

Our relationship changed when he started dating Sarah last year. A drunken decision one night led to them "trying it out" for a few months before ultimately deciding that it was going nowhere. Sarah and I are fine now but there's an awkwardness in the air between Aiden and I that neither of us have been able to get rid of. Something about both of us knowing that he fucked my best friend in his bedroom, and probably all over our apartment, has shifted the vibe between us.

Another missed call from Spencer and a text message from Sarah are what are waiting for me on my phone after my shower. I ignore the missed call.

-Of course! Wanna meet there or at my place first?

I juggled the thoughts of driving all the way to Sarah's house and of meeting halfway at our favorite lunch spot. We hadn't met at my place since her and Aiden "decided to be just friends."

-Let's meet there? Can go to your place after?

I reply, and her typing bubbles pop up immediately.

-Of course, see you tomorrow!

~•~

Two

I sit at one of the diner's tables, my leg jolting up and down beneath it. I'd confirmed with Sarah twice on what time to meet and she's fifteen minutes late.

My phone has no new notifications and I feel something inside of me loosen. Nothing from Spencer since yesterday.

I already know what Sarah will say. 'Forget about him, babe. You could have anyone you want.' But would that really make me feel better? To fuck anyone I wanted? That's what Spencer did, right?

I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the thought. Nothing about sleeping with a stranger will make me feel any better.

My phone illuminates on the table. A text from Sarah.

-Parking now.

We ordered a coffee and tea, along with two appetizers for lunch. It's always been this way.

"Are you working Friday?" She asks between chips.

I shake my head, cradling my coffee at my chest. My fingers are cold and the mug is comforting.

"I saw a poster for a show that night. You want to go out?"

I knew she'd ask eventually. Sarah loved to go out. She's a social butterfly that can sniff out Karaoke like a bloodhound.

While the idea sounded nice, I'm not sure I'd be able to go out and enjoy myself as a single woman so soon after leaving Spencer. But it's not like he waited at all, right? What harm would come from me indulging in some casual fun too?

She doesn't wait for me to respond. "You need to get laid, babe. You're giving yourself wrinkles, you're so wound up."

I release the knot I'd been holding between my brows, unaware I'd been frowning. "I'm sorry." I set my cup on the table and pick my my chipped nail polish. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I feel like I never want to be touched by a man ever again."

"So you're saying I have a chance?" She teases, winking and giggling at me when my mouth drops open. "Come on, I remember you saying how bland your sex life with Spencer was. You need to find a little spice."

I snort, remembering how I'd confided in her about how bored I was of missionary and quiet quickies. Nothing about Spencer was passionate, at least not when he was with me. He never would've kissed me if I was wearing lipstick. Why was Grace different?

Sarah eats another chip. "You know, it took me six months to sleep with anyone after Aiden and I broke up."

Her sudden sincerity brings me out of my own inner turmoil. She didn't speak with me much about their relationship after they broke up. All I knew was that they'd decided they were better off as friends and then never spoke to each other again. I fold my hands atop the table.

She eats another chip and squints at the pattern of the tabletop. "We were so drunk."

Sarah and I had gone to college at the same local university and were invited to a birthday for a frat guy that neither of us knew very well. We felt unsafe going alone and were talking about our buddy system in my kitchen when Aiden walked in from work. He wasn't meant to come, but we felt safer with him there.

Aiden didn't normally drink but he did that night.

Sarah and I drank too. I had to call an Uber after the bright lights in the frat house's bathroom sent my head into a mess. I tried to blink it away but found my head in the toilet regardless. Aiden helped me into the Uber, made sure I had my keys, and told me he would make sure Sarah got home safe. I thanked him and told him I'd see him tomorrow.

I received more of the story from Sarah almost a week later. After I'd left the party they locked themselves in a room and stayed the night together at the frat house.

Sarah said she remembers everything from that night but that she knows she was hammered. After a game of beer pong and another few cans of whatever they had in the coolers, Aiden was wasted. She told me he didn't remember much after they'd lost their game.

"We went upstairs to find a bathroom so Aiden could puke. He looked like he was sick." She takes a drink of her tea. "We sat in there for ages. He kept saying he felt hot so I helped him take off his shirt."

I pick at my nails again. This time in full view as she speaks. I'd never heard this much of the story before and for some reason it's making me nervous. All she ever told me was that they'd slept together after I left the party.

She takes a breath before continuing. "We started kissing in the bathroom. He was shirtless and we were both drunk, it was a recipe for disaster." She shakes her head. "We found a bedroom and that's where we stayed the whole night, but he says he doesn't remember."

I wince at the image of them hooking up in a bathroom, remembering how it felt to find Spencer in one with Grace. Why was everyone hooking up in the bathroom?

She brings her eyes up to meet mine and I realize it's the first time she's met my gaze since bringing up Aiden. I hold my breath. "You know, when I was having sex with him, Aiden said your name."

My jaw drops open again and this time I'm not sure how else to react. Is there a right way to react? I pull my hands into my lap and break her gaze. "I'm sorry, Sarah."

She laughs and tucks some hair behind her ear. "It's okay, we were so drunk."

I wondered why Aiden would have said my name while in bed with Sarah, and then I wondered if she'd ever told him that he had done that. "Did he..?"

"I told him. He felt so bad, but he didn't remember sleeping with me in the first place." A shrug of her shoulders signals the end of the conversation.

I refrain from asking her if that's why her and Aiden broke up, though I desperately wished to know. The awkwardness between Aiden and I ever since his involvement with Sarah finally begins to make sense.

~•~

The Next Day

When I get home from work I notice the door was left unlocked. Aiden's car was outside so he must've left it open for me. The light in the kitchen is on and music is playing. A big plastic bag of takeout sits on the dining table.

I come around the corner to see Aiden unloading the dishes, turned around and sliding a knife into the block. He bobs his head slightly to the song coming from his phone that's laid atop the coffee pot. "What's up, buttercup?" He says, not yet turning to see me.

"What's up?" I respond.

"Waiting for you, you're late." He spins around and grabs a soup spoon from the dishwasher. He points it at the takeout bag, "I picked it up on my way home. It's burgers from that place by the strip mall. You don't like pickles, right? And extra ketchup?"

I winced and he laughed. He knows I hate ketchup.

"I got ranch on it, don't worry."

Something about him remembering how I ordered my food made me smile.

We finished our burgers as the episode ended, so naturally we watched another one as to be able to finish our fries. We sit on the floor in my bedroom because I don't want crumbs in my bed.

The credits song plays at the end of our second episode and I hit pause just as Aiden's head begins to really start bobbing. He raises an eyebrow at me and sucks the back of his teeth in a tsking kind of way.

I realized then that Aiden and I's friendship had improved after my breakup with Spencer, and that him and I hadn't hung out like this in months.

Spencer had always been protective in weird ways and that distanced our friendship first, and then Aiden's brief relationship with Sarah had caused an even deeper wedge between us. After cutting all ties with Spencer and learning about what happened between Sarah and Aiden, the tension between Aiden and I has began to subside. I feel like I've got my friend back.

"Can I tell you about what happened between Spencer and I?" I ask, suddenly feeling very vulnerable with him. Did knowing his secret make it easier for me to share mine?

His teasing face fell into his serious one, and he nodded at me while straightening his back. I try to only tell him about what happened at the lodge but can't stop myself from telling him about the pictures I found on Spencer's phone, or about the emails I'd read on his company laptop. I started crying when I told him about the endless stream of calls and text messages I'd received from Spencer, and about how he'd tried calling me again today while I was at work. I choked on my own cries, asking Aiden why Spencer couldn't leave me alone.

Aiden's fingers balled tightly into fists as I told him about all that happened with Spencer, but they gave loose when I began to cry. Through tears I saw his body soften as he reached for me, bringing me across the floor and into his lap. I cry into his shirt, across his chest, and into his neck. He doesn't seem bothered at all by my tears or my snot. He holds me without a word, just allowing me the space to cry. It was the first time I'd felt okay to talk about it all. I cry and cry until I have no more tears, but Aiden still would not let me go. I silently begged for him to not leave me alone.

I wake up in my dark room, confused. The lights and TV are off, I'm tucked away in bed. I'm alone.

Blinking, I reach for my phone. It's 2am.

I stumble out of bed and step on a foil wrapper from the burgers we ate for dinner as I go for the door. I wonder where Aiden is.

The lights in the hall and throughout the house are off too, but there's a hum coming from his room. I squint and see a low blue light from beneath his door. He's gaming. He often games late at night, but never this late.

I knock on his bedroom door and he takes a moment to answer it. A quiet, fleeting second. I question why I knocked at all. I was sad when I woke up without Aiden's presence.

He opens his bedroom door and looks down at me with a sad, tired expression. He's wearing only a pair of black sweats. His hair is down, wet and brushing drops of water along his shoulders and collar bones. He showered.

"I'm sorry I cried all over your shirt." I say. He must've had to shower because I got snot and tears through his clothes.

"It wasn't you." He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I take showers to calm down when I'm upset."

So we had that in common. His jaw is wound closed tightly, and I worry that somehow he was upset with me. "Why are you upset?"

A light burns deeper in his eyes. "Because that motherf-" He stops himself. He rakes a hand through his hair before continuing. "Because I don't like seeing you upset, and knowing why you're hurting. How he-" he stops again. Opens and closes his mouth, looks away. "I want to fucking fight him."

He retreats into his room but I stay in the hall. "Nothing good will come from fighting him." I say, though the thought of Aiden sending a fist flying into Spencer's face did satisfy something deep within me.

He paces his room once and then takes a long, deep breath. "I want to hurt him, Nessa." He says. I feel a muscle tighten in my stomach. "I want to make him feel as much pain as he's caused you." Another pace, and then he crosses his arms. "I won't. Because you don't want me to. But I want to."

His body is rigid with stress and his eyes are glossy. I put my hand on the door and wait for his nod to push it open. He uncrosses his arms once I've stepped inside his room.

His protectiveness over me is comforting, and dare I say quite charming. The way he softens with my presence tugs at something within me. The way he looks at me sparks a fire in my core. I feel guilty as I reach for him, knowing he won't reject me.

I wrap my arms around his naked upper body and brace myself as he relaxes against me. He slips his arms around me one at a time and squeezes me tightly. He smells like the bar soap from the bathroom.

I adjust to fit against him better and feel his ear brush against mine, but I don't pull away. Aiden has always been gentle towards me, and I fall guilty of wanting to take advantage of the pleasure that it's bringing to me now.

I take a deep breath and release it into his neck. He tightens his grip around me and I do the same to him. We fit tightly against each other, the heat from his bare chest warming me to my core. My breasts are pressed against his torso and I can feel the ridges of his hips through my clothes. A different kind of warmth is growing there and I wonder for a second if it's him or me. Thoughts enter my head that make me question what kind of lover he is. I shift against him.

His body stiffens again. He pats my back with his hand in an anxious kind of way. I release my arms from around him, angry at myself for the cold that crept in when Aiden's warmth escaped me.

In the low light of just his monitor screen it was hard to make out certain details of him, like the color of his eyes this late at night. But the ripples and shadows of the muscles in his torso remain highly defined. My eyes dip downwards and I notice that there's a thin patch of soft hairs leading from his belly button to the waistband of his sweats. I dare a look lower and question why I was curious to do so at all, but am met with the sight of something twitch beneath fabric. He's not quick enough with his hand to hide it, though he tries to.