Slow Separation

"Baby, I wish I could say that I was, I really do. But it doesn't seem to have slowed down at all, and since I haven't been getting any from you I've actually had to, you know, see him more often. I know this is hard, baby, but it seems to be working for us. Just give me some more time, okay?"

I nodded, seeming to signal my agreement. I quickly left the room and went into the garage, suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. I had been cruising along, enjoying my time with Ann while staying married to Bonnie and avoiding the hard decision. Now that I was finally faced with cutting loose the woman I had devoted over two decades to I was having trouble handling it.

The fact was I took comfort in seeing her every day. She knew how to comfort me if I had a bad day and she knew how to get my motor running. She knew my likes and dislikes probably better than I did. She was my other half and I was now faced with the prospect of cutting that half off of myself.

I know this doesn't exactly scream masculine, but I went into the garage and had myself a good cry. I mourned the upcoming death of my marriage to the woman I considered my soul mate. It was a terrible feeling and I felt a pang deep inside my gut. This would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do.

After getting myself together I made a call to my attorney and asked him to arrange to have the papers served Sunday evening. I didn't want to embarrass her by having it done at work and wanted it done before I met with Ann.

I planned to actually give them to her myself ahead of time, but for the purposes of official notice to be noted in the court record it had to be done by an officer of the court. I could always cancel it if Bonnie seemed amenable to just going into my lawyer's office and signing the papers.

Finally Saturday night Bonnie mentioned that I seemed on edge and I just told her I felt out of sorts. She did her best to soothe my frazzled nerves and it helped but also made me genuinely feel that she loved me and that made me feel even worse about what was going to happen tomorrow. It was a vicious cycle.

I slept fitfully that night until Bonnie curled her body around mine, something she had done effectively many times to help me sleep in the past and tonight was no exception. I had always loved the way our bodies melded together.

The love she had given me over the last 12 hours actually made me reconsider my position. I still loved Bonnie a lot and I began to actually ask myself what I was losing by having her fucking other men to satisfy her own needs at times when I wasn't there. I mean, other than my showing up at her work to see her for some reason and having her not be there, was it really costing me anything. Could I just put it out of my mind and be happy for her?

The answer, sadly, was no. To me a marriage was a commitment, and the vows were to be taken seriously. 'Forsaking all others' certainly applied here, though I think this actually fell under 'for better or for worse'. This was a rough patch in our lives, certainly, but it was times like this that we should pull together and get through it, not go find someone else to fill in the gap. My decision, as difficult as it was, had been made.

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I made lunch for us and got my copy of the divorce papers out of my desk where I had hidden them. They called for an even split of the assets. Our salaries and retirement accounts were comparable so there wasn't really anything to fight about, other than the divorce itself.

We sat down to lunch and I know Bonnie noticed my being withdrawn but she didn't say anything. I wondered if she knew what was coming, or at least suspected the possibility. I had my answer shortly after I slid the papers toward her. She picked them up and read through them, smiling ruefully.

"I thought we had a good thing going, Henry. Why now?"

"I can't go on like this anymore, Bonnie. I've tried, I really have, but I'm a guy that needs to get his emotional and physical satisfaction from the same woman..."

"That was your choice, honey. I was more than prepared to be all that to you."

"I know, but I also need that woman to get all she needs from me, and that's just not a place that you are right now. If I thought you were getting closer to the end I might try and stick it out. I actually set this up hoping you'd see what you would be missing without me and it would make you willing to give up your lover, but all it did was put you in his bed more often and still give you me to come home to."

"That's why you asked me about it yesterday, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Well, I've kind of been expecting this. In fact, every time you asked me that I waited for the papers to arrive but they never did, until now of course. I'm still curious about the timing though. You said you can't do this anymore. Does that mean...you've met someone?"

My head involuntarily dropped. Did this woman know me or what?

"I've been seeing her for about 4 months, and we went as far as we could part time. It was time to end it or go all the way. I asked her to give me the weekend to sort things out with you."

"What if I had said I was ready to commit back to you?"

"To be honest, I don't know. Part of me is glad I didn't have to make that decision."

"So, is she waiting to hear from you?"

"We're meeting tomorrow night for me to tell her what happened."

"That won't do, Henry. You can't keep her in suspense like that. Call her now and tell her you belong to her now."

"You're being awfully calm about this. It feels like you don't care about losing me."

"Oh, baby, I'm positively devastated, but like I said I've had time to prepare for this for months. I expected it to end like this from the moment you told me your plan. I hoped it wouldn't but I was pretty sure it would. I only agreed to it because I wasn't ready to let you go and this would buy me some time with you."

"I've always said you were the smartest woman I know."

"What's her name?"

"Ann."

"Does she have kids?"

"Two. Her son is 16 but I haven't actually met him yet, and her daughter is 13 and doesn't like me much."

"Why not?"

"She didn't care for her mother dating a married man."

"Oh, if that's all it is that'll pass. Once you're with her mother full time you'll win her over. Go ahead and call her, And Henry, I'd like to meet her sometime. In fact, if you can get her to come over for dinner tonight that would be great."

"Are you...are you serious?"

She stood up and walked over to me, taking my hands in hers and looking me straight in the eyes.

"Henry, all I want is your happiness, because I love you so much. If you can't be happy with me then this is what has to happen, but I'd like to know the woman that will be taking over for me and I'd love for all of us to be friends, as much as possible. We have Ginger's graduation and wedding coming up someday, and who knows what family events where we'll see each other."

"I'll always love you, Bonnie."

"I know. And I'll always love you. Now go call Ann."

I pulled my phone from my pocket as I considered just how strange this all was. I had expected a far different experience when I spoke to Bonnie. It just goes to show you never know.

Ann picked up after a couple of rings and I told her what had happened, and what Bonnie had said. She was as in disbelief as I was but was ultimately very happy.

"So, we can really be together, Henry? No more losing you at 8:30, no more weekends alone?"

"Yes honey. And if you're not comfortable coming over for dinner I'll understand."

"To be honest, I wouldn't be very comfortable coming into her home like this. Could we all go out? And I think Gracy would like a chance to see that this is all on the up and up. Could she come too?"

I put Ann on hold and checked with Bonnie, to make sure she was okay with going out and at having Grace there. I just wanted everyone to be comfortable. Bonnie was agreeable and so we set up the details.

As I ended the call with an 'I love you' to Ann I turned and found Bonnie on the couch gently crying. I went over to comfort her and she cried into my shirt for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry, Henry. All the time in the world wouldn't have prepared me for hearing you tell another woman you love her. You can go to her if you want. I'll understand."

"No Bonnie. I have the rest of my life to spend with her. Right now I'll spend some time with the woman I've loved for the past 2+ decades."

We spent the time leafing through our wedding album and Ginger's baby book. We laughed and we cried and we talked about the lives we had lived together. It was certainly bittersweet and I cursed the biology that had torn us apart. I questioned my manhood at not being able to be there for my wife in her time of difficulty, but Bonnie would have none of that, assuring me that no man should be expected to put up with what she was doing, no matter the reason.

Finally it was time for dinner. We went to our bedroom to get dressed. Considering the circumstances I had expected Bonnie to be a bit more modest but she stripped naked as she always did. I guess my surprise was written on my face.

"It's not like I've grown something you've never seen before, honey. You've been looking at my nude body for over 20 years. It's not going to suddenly bother me."

As we drove to the restaurant to meet Ann and Grace we chatted some more about things from the past. She did reveal, accidentally I think, that Brian had moved on about two months ago but he had hooked her up with a friend of his named Edward. I was surprised that the news struck me as simply a piece of information and wasn't painful to hear. That as much as anything told me I was ready to move on.

As we walked arm in arm toward the door of the restaurant she leaned into me for probably the last time. Just outside the door she stopped and turned us to face each other.

"When this evening is over I expect you to leave with her. Don't worry about me. I'll take the car and drive myself home. You're hers now and it shouldn't be any other way."

I felt my eyes get a little wet as she kissed me on the cheek, and we walked through the door.

The evening itself took on a surreal quality. Ann and Bonnie hit it off and were acting like old friends in no time. Ann looked very beautiful and I marveled at the circumstances that had brought us together. Grace wore a very pretty green dress, and she was actually in a good mood. She directed a few questions at Bonnie that seemed designed to make sure I had told the truth about our situation and she seemed satisfied by the answers.

At one point I went to the restroom and found Grace waiting for me as I came out, wanting to speak to me alone for a moment.

"Henry, I'm sorry for the way I attacked you when we first met. I'm not sorry for objecting; just sorry for how I handled it."

"I would have expected nothing less from a daughter that loves her mother. It was an unusual situation. No harm done."

"I'm glad to hear that. Mom is happier than I've seen her in a long time. She spent almost 5 years focused just on me and Charlie and I'm glad that she's finally doing something for her own happiness. She loves you very much and talks about you constantly. When she decided to end things since she couldn't have you full time she was completely miserable. I'm glad it all worked out."

"I am, too. I appreciate your understanding, Grace. I'll try every day to make her happy."

She gave me a quick hug and then went into the restroom herself while I returned to the table. Bonnie and Ann were still talking and laughing. This was so strange.

When the night was over I did, in fact, leave with Ann and Grace, and Bonnie left alone, which made me feel bad. I hated the idea of her going home to an empty house. I still cared for her, still worried about her, still loved her, even as I knew the way things had turned out was really the only way they could have.

I opened the back door and helped Grace into the car, then Ann handed me her car keys and walked around to the passenger side. I followed and let her in and then drove us all back to her apartment. Despite having to work early in the morning, I wasn't going to pass up this opportunity to finally spend a full night with Ann.

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Epilogue

The house was sold as part of the divorce as neither of us wanted to continue to live in the home we had shared: too many memories. I moved into Ann's apartment the week after that dinner we all shared, though most of my things went into storage until we could get a house for all of us, and that waited both for the divorce to be final and for Ann and me to be completely sure about our future together. Let's be honest: 4 months of dating without spending any time 'living together' was not the basis for a lifelong commitment.

But our time together in her apartment only reinforced that we were right for each other, and once the divorce was final we found a perfect 4 bedroom house in the same school district as Ann's so the kids didn't have to change schools.

Even though we hadn't met, Charlie had heard about me from both his mother and his sister, and we ended up getting along very well. He was leaving for college soon anyway.

Ann and Bonnie remained friends, and even got together for lunch periodically. We all spent Thanksgiving together, with Ginger and Grace oohing and aahing over Ann's expanding belly.

Oh, right, I hadn't mentioned that. Neither Ann nor I had expected to have any more kids before we met, but one night we were cuddling in bed and Ann seemed distracted. I asked if she was okay and she was silent for a moment, then it all came bursting out.

"I know we didn't really talk about this, baby, but I want to have a baby with you. I know I'm 40 and you're 45 but that doesn't mean we can't be great parents together. I know Ginger is on her own and Charlie's not far behind, and Gracy only has a few more years at home, which would mean we'd be able to travel and be alone together, but I really want us to have a child that's just our own. So what do you think?"

This all came spilling out of her at once, with no breaks where I could interrupt. I'm not even sure she took a breath at any point. I just waited for her to finish and she waited for me to say something while looking at me expectantly.

I leaned in and kissed her lips, and then her neck, and then down to her breasts. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the pleasure, seeming to have forgotten the previous topic of conversation. But when I kissed my way back up to her ears and whispered "you've taken your last birth control pill' she wrapped her arms around me and laid a kiss so powerful on me that I swear I saw heaven. Ann wouldn't get pregnant that night but we had fun practicing.

Bonnie continued hooking up with college guys for another 5 years before she finally had enough. Shortly thereafter she met, and eventually married, a doctor from a nearby hospital after running into him at a conference. She fully disclosed how our marriage ended and after a tense couple of days as he digested the information he decided he was okay with it and they went forward. I'm very happy for her. I never wanted anything but a happy ending for her and I'm glad she got it.

I'm glad we all got it.

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fin