Sneaking In

Thinking back for a moment as he walked, Sam remembered that he had noticed her for sure when he saw her about a month ago. It has been the first time in over four years. She had been in school abroad, and traveling. Now twenty five his eyes had nearly popped out of his head when he saw her. He had hoped that no one noticed, but he had suspected she may have seen his gaze. He tried to think of it as just an honest reaction, but she had caught him off guard. It is true that she had always been very kind to him. He remembered that fondly, and it surely added to the reason why he noticed her now.

After a few moments, Sam reached the cabin and looked up at the door from the grass at the bottom of the long front steps. After deciding to just peek in and see if she has gone in to sleep, he carefully crept up to the porch and made his way around to one of the side windows, which looked across the large open first floor room. Being careful to make no sound, Sam noticed that the lights were low and without looking in it seemed that she had turned on one of the small lamps. Not hearing anything from inside he had high hopes that she was asleep. But when Sam quietly peeked in the side window he discovered that that was far from the truth.

"Oh holy shit," Sam whispered as his eyes widened.

Sam quickly looked away, not believing what he had just seen. He thought about just walking back over to the steps and leaving, but he was only human after all. Peering in again, he watched quietly.

Megan was lounging on the couch, propped up with a pillow at her back. The blanket partially covered her and one bare leg rested against the back of the couch. She had taken off her one piece skirt if one could actually call it a skirt. The blanket only covered up until her waist. He watched as her arm moved up and down connected to her hand between her legs. Soft panting escaped her and occasionally a light moan as her neck would relax and her head would almost drop backward. Her other hand circled her petite right nipple.

Sam couldn't believe what he was watching. Part of him wanted to take off in a hurry, but he stayed, knowing he was a creep for doing so. But he was compelled by as much of her as he could see. Being more beautiful than he could have imagined, he couldn't help staring. He had always been rather disgusted with the notion of being a peeping tom, but intense curiosity got the better of him.

As Sam noticed his now rarely used appendage press against his pants, he felt rather juvenile. He had to reach down to adjust himself, letting it grow behind his zipper. As he did so, Megan's hand within the blanket started moving faster. Her breathing grew stronger as her hand movements increased. Dropping her head back, her legs clenched together as she slowly turned to the side moving her hips up and down. A girl that he had once told 'knock knock' jokes with, was finishing herself off on his couch.

All Sam wanted to do was go in there, take his clothes off and use what had grown in epic proportions in his pants. Of course this would be with her approval. But in his imagination he fantasized for a moment that she would be tear his clothes to pieces. Pressing his hand on the front of his pants he had not remembered it being this hard, at any time during his 10 years of marriage, before, or after. He thought that if he were to take care of it himself right now, he would be over it, and then could go to sleep after she finished. But part of him felt wrong about it. He knew it would have been a filthy decision. He would not disrespect her any more than he already had.

Sam watched her hit a homerun once more, and then suddenly she stood up, seeming oblivious to the fact that the front windows was open. He could see all of her. Gazing upon her thin petite form, he could barely stand it. As she turned, she picked up her phone from the end table looked at it. He thought that perhaps she was looking at the time, and remembering when he had told her he would be back. After setting it down, she laid back down on the couch, in almost the same position she had been in before she got up. Sam wanted her. He couldn't help it, but he knew it was not appropriate. She was after all his best friend's daughter.

Deciding to do the honorable thing, he carefully crept along the porch and down over the stairs again. He would let her know that he was back with enough warning time to compose herself. Sam began to whistle and sing a little as he again walked up to the stairs. He did so rather slowly to give her time to react. He suddenly thought that maybe she wouldn't compose herself, and instead be sitting or standing there ready for him. Climbing those stairs he honestly wasn't sure which way he wished it would go. But still being rock hard, it would be a giveaway that he knew what she was doing.

Sam couldn't help thinking that she seemed so alive a moment ago as if it was her favorite past time. When her body shuttered and released, it had done so with such precision, but at the same time some elegance and a lot of sensuality. It was obvious to Sam that this was not new behavior for her or something just on a whim.

As his foot touched the lowest step, he made sure it did so with force. Each step was as loud as the last, and he even added a little whistle to his steps. As Sam reached the door, he quickly glanced in to see her full covered up and playing the part of a sleeping beauty. His plan to announce himself without saying anything had worked. He looked over at her a moment to see her peaceful expression by the soft glow of a nearby lamp. He knew that she was awake, but with her eyes closed she would not have a chance to see the army style tent he was pitching.

Entering the cabin quietly, he closed and locked the door, turning toward her. He smiled a moment, knowing that he could get through this. He was going to win this one, not in the way that most guys would want, but a win that would leave their collective dignity intact.

Just as Sam was about to turn and head for the stairs, he spotted her one piece outfit crumpled at the far end of the couch near her feet. He mouth opened a bit as he knew that she must have just quickly covered up. He didn't know if it was her intention for him to see that or if it was forgotten in her effort to look asleep. But all he could think about was that he was just a meter away from her, and the only thing that separated her, with him was a thin cotton twin sized blanket. Closing his eyes a moment, he concentrated on his own dignity. In an instant he went up the stairs.

Quietly Sam climbed the stairs, and with each step relaxed a little. As he reached the top, he quickly peered into his son's room, seeing him sleeping quietly. Giving one last look, he went to his room, pulled closed the only thing that covered the doorway, a long flowery curtain and let out a sigh of relief. For a moment he wondered why anyone would build a place like this with only thin curtains that slide across a wooden stick for door coverings. Knowing that this was a rather rustic vacation camp, he shrugged it off as he pulled his shirt up over his head. Sam thought about taking a shower, but remembered that he had done so already after work. Pushing his jeans down and kicking them into a corner, he looked down a moment not believing that he was still at attention. Figuring that in order to sleep he would have to do something about it on his own.

Although he rarely self performed, he knew that at this moment it was necessary. As he pushed his boxers off and kicked them onto his jeans in the corner, he stood in the dull light of his bedroom window. Knowing that no one could actually see inside, he looked down at the now quiet boardwalk as he gently wrapped his hand around what now seemed to have a mind of its own.

Slowly and gently he stroked himself. He couldn't help thinking of Megan, and her nude sleeping form downstairs. Shrugging it off, he knew that a fantasy is a fantasy, as long as its taken care of instead of going back downstairs. He imagined her smile, and her soft form as she approached him. In his mind, they had just had a long day, and were both in the mood for passion. He would tense and release before too long, and probably right out the window, but it would be innocent enough. He would be thinking of her, now a grown woman, but one he couldn't have. However something wasn't quite right. He wanted to let this fantasy finish, but the world around him had other plans.

"Can I help you with that?" Megan said softly from across the room.

"Dammit!" Sam said as he quickly went over and picked up his boxers from the corner and put them on, "What are you doing?"

"Couldn't really sleep and wanted to talk," Megan said softly as she crept closer.

"Don't," Sam said as he motioned for her to stop, "Can't believe this."

"What good reason do you have not to do what you're doing?" Megan asked as she still came closer, "You are only human."

"Funny you should say that. But where do I start?" Sam said quickly as he adjusted his boxers and looked at her naked form a moment before grabbing a small blanket and tossed toward her.

"You know you came in the house and went upstairs really quickly," Megan said as she dropped the blanket, "Didn't even have time to notice me."

"Oh I did," Sam sighed, "Is why I came up here so fast. What if the kid wakes up and comes in here?"

"He is snoring Sam. You can hear it from here," Megan said.

"But that doesn't answer the question of why are you in here with nothing on?" Sam said.

"I'm not a slut if that's what you're wondering," Megan said, "I have been very selective with my relationships. But that is exactly my point actually."

"What do you mean?" Sam sighed, "You actually have feeling for me or something?"

"You really had no idea did you?" Megan said, "Why did you think I never talked to Julia very much and actually spent a whole lot more time with you after she stupidly screwed up your life?"

"Well I don't know actually," Sam said, "I wasn't really thinking about anything other than being mentally butchered, you know."

"Yeah that last day before she left, I remember," Megan sighed, "Dad and I could hear all the way from the sidewalk heading to your house."

"You actually heard all that?" Sam asked.

"Yeah I was pissed when I heard it," Megan said, "I mean, getting mad during a breakup is sort of normal but then talking about your coworker, and saying how much she liked having a mouthful of his, ah well sorry. Shouldn't have said that."

"I thought about throwing it back at her but I didn't," Sam said.

"You were too nice," Megan said, "It's ok. I got her back."

"Yeah didn't want to say that she was never very good at that," Sam chuckled lightly as he stood in the window.

"See, it's good to laugh about it," Megan said as she stood beside him looking out the window, "That's what makes you amazing. You are still nice about it, but sometimes you can, you know, blow off steam."

"You mean like saying, she was so bad at catching that if I gently handed her a penny she'd probably drop it," Sam said.

"See there you go," Megan smiled as she lightly patted his shoulder.

"Wait, you said something about getting her back, and why are you still standing here nude?" Sam asked as he looked at her quickly then looked out the window again.

"You know that black dress and purse she always raved about?" Megan said, "I saw it in the back seat of her car as we were walking in. When dad was in there talking to you two, I slipped out, grabbed them both and tossed them in the clothing donation bin at the gas station across the street."

"No kidding?" Sam asked, "She was so pissed about that. She accused me of it first, then realized I was in the house the whole time. She figured that someone grabbed it out of the car."

"Pissed? Good. She really hurt you." Megan said then turned to face him, "To answer your other question, because you really don't want me to."

"I really don't," Sam started to say as he looked at her, picking up a small thin blanket and putting it in front of her, "No I guess not. But you need to."

"Just tell me," Megan said as she grabbed the blanket and tossed it on the bed, "If I was just some random girl looking like this, what would you do?"

"Twenty years ago when I was younger, we wouldn't be talking right now," Sam admitted, "But now, it's just that I have more respect for people, you in particular."

"I know that. I think that is why I have always been attracted to you," Megan said as she took his hand, "See Julia pissed me off, because she hurt you so badly, and you had no idea that I loved you."

"Ah Megan," Sam sighed as he watched her go over to his bed and lay down on her back, "I know it was just a fascination. I really don't know why though."

"Fascination, hmm, right," Megan said as she rolled over and laid on her stomach, "I suppose that is why I could never get serious about anyone, and before you ask, I really don't know why I got talked into wearing that outfit earlier. It's not me."

"I was going to say, no it's not you. You always dressed rather conservative," Sam said as he glanced at her before looking away again, "Well, not at the moment."

Sam had only looked for a brief moment, but the image was etched in his mind. Her nude form, tanned and fit, contrasted against the white bed sheet. Her soft flowing hair, brushed only lightly against her skin. He started to wish that he hadn't looked. It was as if a camera flash had gone off in a dark room, and the shock to his eyes had created an after image that wouldn't go away. Closing his eyes a moment, he rubbed them symbolically to try to erase the thought. But as hard as he tried he couldn't.

"I'm sorry," Megan said as she sat up and took the blanket, covering herself, "It took a lot of nerve to come up here like this. I just figured it was easier this way. I guess it was just the wrong way of letting you know how I feel about you. I think I should have just told you instead of this."

"How you feel?" Sam said as he looked at her stand up and walk slowly to the door, "Like I'm really worth all that."

"Stop that," Megan turned quickly with frustration, and looked at him again, "This isn't you. Ok, I did fall in love with you a long time ago. I was attracted to that man, who was so proud, happy, and full of life. I just can't explain it. Then Julia ripped it out of you. But I always knew you could get it back again."

"I miss that part of me," Sam sighed, "I know I lost it. I don't know how to find it again."

"You have it," Megan said, "It's right in your mind and in your heart. I can see it peeking out sometimes just fighting to appear again. I know you can bring it out again and be happy. You really are in there somewhere."

"I wish I could see myself like you do, or did," Sam sighed.

"I see it," Megan said, "Just let all that crap go. She is gone and you could be better off now, if you just let it happen. Be whole again."

"I wish so much," Sam whispered with a rasp to his voice.

"Just do it," Megan seemed to almost beg, "Let Sam come out, slowly maybe. Live again. I want to see you be happy, even if you were to say that you don't want to be with me. Just to see you happy again. I think I would cry with joy."

At that moment Sam was staring into her eyes. He could suddenly see what she saw in him. He could hardly believe it. Her gaze was filled with what he could only describe as love. He didn't understand it, but it beamed at him even through her lightly watered eyes. He felt as if it might even kick away his long compulsion to be mediocre and miserable. He didn't understand how she could feel this way. But he did see something familiar. She had always looked at him like that. For a moment he felt ashamed that he had never seen it before. He wondered why. He had been a completely different person for over two years. He began to realize the point he had just made in his own mind. The truth was that she had never changed how she felt about him, even after he had entered a darkness that was no longer, Sam. That was true. He realized that that she saw right through it, and to the person he really was.

"You know something," He said as he approached and embraced her with a soft hug, letting out a soft whisper, "Sam is in here somewhere. I know that. Just been so pissed at the world to see it."

"You will be whole again," Megan whispered as she returned his embrace, "Can I be there to see it?"

"Let me ask you," Sam sighed as he took in the scent of her hair, "How did you know exactly what I needed to hear?"

"Because I love you," Megan said as she pulled back to look at him.

"But let me ask you something else," Sam grinned slightly, "What about your parents, my best friends?"

"They love you too, but not in that way," Megan grinned.

"You know what I mean," Sam sighed.

"They know how I feel," Megan said

"What do you mean they know?" Sam asked.

"They confronted me about it when I made you a birthday last month," Megan said with a smile, "I worked hard on it. They thought it was a little strange."

"Great," Sam said with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing changed," Megan defended, "You can see that."

"They just told me to think about it and make sure it wasn't just a crush or something, a fascination as mom put it," Megan said.

"Really?" Sam asked as more of a statement but with a hint of doubt.

"Yeah you're older than me, but you are like family to them," Megan said with a smile, "But if they knew I was over here like this now they would probably freak out."

"You mean just being here?" Sam asked.

"No, I mean like this," Megan said as she moved her hands up and down in the air, "I thought a long time about it and was just thinking I would simply tell you how I feel. As exciting as it all is, I don't know why I am doing it like this. I mean running around your house naked. I feel a little foolish now. You know how I feel and the kind of girl I am, and now I kind of look like a whore. I would like a mulligan please."

"No," Sam said quickly, "I know you. You are right, this is a little out of character. But I guess I really see what it means to you."

"It's just really simple. I love you," Megan said as she started to walk out of the room, "But I should have thought this through and not used this approach. A moment of weakness and a bad choice. Just tell me if we can try this gain the right way later."

"I um," Sam started, "Ok."

"Ok, goodnight," Megan said.

"Wait Megan," Sam said with a moment of weakness, as he watched her stop.

Sam gazed at her form in the dim light of the lamp beside his bed. The small lamp only partially illuminated her. But he could see enough. She had tossed the blanket on the bed before she started to retreat, and she just stood there looking at the doorway. Her thin and well toned form he thought was breathtaking. Being truly beautiful would not make it easy for him to simply tell her that they would talk about it and take it slow. He was human after all, and at the same time a very lonely man. He had always tried to be kind, and he knew that it was probably more proper to do the right thing and say goodnight. Whether her methods were correct or not, her intentions were genuine. He did not think bad of her for her obvious seduction, because he had seen love in her eyes. She really meant it, and he had starved for such feelings for so long. His experiences had turned him bitter and it often showed. He wondered if he could change that before it was too late. He didn't have any answers except for one that for some reason he was completely certain about. She would not hurt him.

"I can go back downstairs," Megan said after a pause, "If you want."

"I can see it in your eyes, and I know how you feel," Sam said as she turned to face him, then made an offhand comment that was more like an accidental compulsion, "Gosh you're beautiful."