by TMaskedWriter
a couple of small grammar errors. Now you have some critique to go with the 5 rating. Keep up the good work.
Always trying to learn more. There's at least one that I caught while reading it now. As I've said, "I'll spend about a week writing a chapter, then I'll spend the rest of my life editing it."
There are a few stories on this site that are truly gripping and yours is one of them - along with Tristan’s Tale, My Only Talent and A Gift From His Father. The only problem with all of these is that I get so invested with the characters that it leaves a massive gap during the time between chapters. As per the previous comment, I did spot a few grammatical errors but then I always have been a picky sod and they didn’t detract from the story 😜.
Keep up the good work, you have a true talent.
I sometimes struggle with the grammar vs "what dialogue sounds like" debate. Often, the second one wins. If I'm getting it wrong some other way consistently, I'd like to know. (One thing that might come up is that it's a deliberate style choice to always use "amongst" instead of "among" wherever possible.) Like the Futurama writers' rule about how you should never say "shorts," "underwear," or any of the other common words for "underpants," because "underpants" is ultimately the funniest word to describe them.
So yes, I'm always aware that I can be wrong. I'm open to input.
sorry to read that the story is winding down,I check everyday for a new chapter. Since I'm not an English teacher It is easy to glide over the few grammatical errors I've spotted. Hope this continues for a while more. Thanks for taking the time to entertain us the way you have.
Not sure if this is a regional thing but how do you nod no?
I've seen it in other stories but it still doesn't seem right.
Julie nodded no.....
You'd shake your head no, rather than nod. Unless you're Greek or have grown up surrounded by Greeks. Then a single downward and to the right nod indicates Yes, and a single upward nod to the left indicates no. Eyes are part of the gesture, too, so if you get an eyeroll with your "no," that's not meant to be insulting, it's part of it. With a yes, there's a brief closing, too.
It is rather gripping. I really like the interactions of everyone, and how they really care about each other, even Mander.
I knew I had to have Mander back somehow. And that he'd forgive Troy for taking a long time to be sure about him. He was up-front about the 'orrible things, though.
And a good part of Helen's selecting him for the job, apart from being "already bought," was that she knew "Ok, if shit goes wrong, Mander WILL try to bail and save his own ass, that's understandable; he works for money, he wants to live to spend it. But if he got on with Troy, Julie, and Susan, she knew he'd at least TRY to get them out of danger before deciding to desert THEM too. Basically, after doing The Thing to get her phone back in Uongo, she hasn't done it to Mander since. She has too much respect for him as a fellow criminal.