All Comments on 'Soccer Moms Ch. 16'

Love this story. Can't wait for Soccer Girls!

Thanks for the chapter, what I was hoping for did happen. You will have a reason why soccer girls need to come first before finishing this one, so I will see what comes next. Don't keep us hanging too long though. It's a long journey (in time perspective) so I think it was good to cut and combine some chapters, to keep it flowing.

Looking forward to reading more in your series

Am really enjoying this story, and looking forward to Soccer Girls also. Thanks for sharing this tale.

As I have said before this is very interesting and I really like your gift of always leaving us wanting more.....................

Love this story,

Can’t wait to read more.. and i have to say I have been rooting for Jen and Carol. Carol deserves to be happy and Jen makes her happy, the same with Jen.

First let me say you rock as a writer.

Next let me say having a wife who excelled on a high level in soccer, and a daughter who excelled and received a full ride to college, you are spot on. I only wish I was able to be fortunate enough, thinking back, to have the same liberties at club events.

I do have to tell you I felt like I was writing the story with you as it has evolved and had a premonition. I felt Paul some how was going to leave the picture early in your story, but I didn’t know how that would happen in your telling. I was freaked out when it came to pass, yet sadden he passed too other than reconciled. I really thought Paul was special individual. I love Carol’s character and admire Jessica and Jen as intelligent women.

Thanks again for the tale, and looking forward to reading more. I personally wish you can twist and turn this into a sixty chapter epic.

Regards.

As others have said, you're a great writer and tour character development is very believable and engaging. Looking forward to seeing how you reconcile Carol and Jen. You are certainly clever enough to develop something othe than Carol and Jen getting together, but I'm hoping for True Love to prevail. On to the kids.

Awesome... but hanging in there for Jen and Carol to get their happy ever after together plus big wedding.

This story is a labor of genuine love. You obviously had the entire arc in mind from the start because you weave in incidental elements from prior chapters. In that sense it's almost like This Is Us and have steadily ranked it accordingly.

That said, I have gotten increasingly frustrated at the sloppy elements of your craftsmanship. The misspellings and typos and grammar errors have driven me to distraction. How many times, for instance have you written, "Her and I did such and such"?

It also appears that you dictate your first drafts and then review the text for corrections. How else to explain (from page 1)" "Jessica entered the room and through her carry all onto the floor"? And that is not the first time you let "through" pass muster when the correct word was "threw"? It comes across that you place too much trust in Auto-Correct.

Similarly on page one: ". . . you have to make sure your nipples won't show if your looking for something more family friendly." The difference between "your" and "you're" is rudimentary.

And how about (on page 2): ". . . this hug was essentially chaste, a sign of the genuine affection their shared for each other." Auto-Correct won't catch the misuse of "their," but you (or, even better, your editor) should have.

And finally, I have to flag the continuing confusion of the transitive verbs "lay" (lay/laid/laid) and "raise" (raise/raised/raised) with the intransitive verbs "lie" (lie/lay/lain) and "rise" (rise/rose/risen).

These craftsmanship points detract from the delight with which some of your readers savor your artistry.

I would like to reinforce an earlier comment on the value of the piece. I found it very easy to read and the portrayal of the characters very good. I am about to embark on the soccer girls and look forward to similar peasant read.

will look out for the continuing saga. of the mums.

Thought it strange you did not pursue more intrigue with Paul's company recovering all his records and documents.

Now you have the foundations to develop sub-plots and erotic encounters.

This is my first venture into this genre of writing which I find quite interesting.

I have really enjoyed this series. Carol's discovery of her sexual needs and the people she associated with to meet that end (Paul principally) enhanced the story. Wonderfully written. Looking forward to Soccer Women.

(P.S. I tried Soccer Girls and honestly couldn't get past Chapter 2... :( )