All Comments on 'Softball Team vs. the Apocalypse'

Really enjoying this story from a pure entertainment aspect.

If you’re open to it, consider giving some of the other characters a fuller background, and/or revisiting this adventure from their point of view. Not at all, necessary, but it might add some interesting perspective.

Keep up the good work!

The concept is fun and the idea is good, sort of a x rated Dawn of the Dead. However...

1. Have someone else read this and critique it for grammar, proper word use, complete thoughts, flow, and the ability for the reader to know what’s going on. Half the time I was rereading stuff just to try and figure out what was happening.

It’s good you got a nice plot pretty well developed characters and the setting is pretty dialed in. Nice job

There was a few places that the wording was kind of off.

Felt like hitting literary speed bumps.

And you couldn't be bothered to use a chapter number in the title to warn this wasn't a complete story?

Very interesting. I like the characters and the flow. I gave the story a 5 for your ideas and efforts. Thanks for your time and imagination.

The plot and pacing are great and keeps me interested, the sex scenes are also good. The main problem is that the sentence fragments, punctuation mistakes and grammatical errors made me keep having to stop and re-read sections to understand what was going on.

...but a really annoying read! The completely random spelling and grammar, the little chunks of disjointed "sentences", etc.

Have a chat with one of Lit's volunteer editors before you post any more of this.

I'm liking it so far but ella needs to be put in her place. I'm hoping they can get more guns and ammo to defend themselves and I'm hoping they can rescue as many people as possible. you need at least 50 men and women minimum for genetic diversity and no inbreeding so the survivors need to be rounded up so they can start baby making. also not knowing what exactly happened was there a disease or virus and what is it turning the people into is really weird and if it just started how did it spread so fast? there should have been some warning even if the softball team didn't get it because they were traveling and scientists studying whatever it is. it's kinda weird but I will keep reading to see what happens.

I agree with Anon 2 down... your incomplete sentences are confusing as hell... cant tell wtf you are trying to say half the time.

Story has potential you just need to work on your structuring a bit.

Going to agree with the most recent comment. Story has great potential but the minimalist style and incomplete sentences are very difficult to follow. Maybe have an editor proof read and re-post. Just an idea.