Some Comfort Here Ch. 05

Isabel quietly held his hand as they approached the Hawks Well theatre. Brandon looked down at her, felt her stiffening by his side.

There, in a spare room, the auditions were being held for the music concert. It was an annual concert, kind of a platform for the local kids. He had performed there someday, so had Mark, Ben, and Kyle.

It was the last week of auditions. Isabel had made up her mind just in time.

"Okay?" he asked gently, squeezing her hand. She shook her head. He held her close, put an arm around her shoulders.

"We're there," he whispered encouragingly. "Myself and Mark. You aren't alone."

"I'll be alone in that room, though," she spoke in a small voice.

"We'll be right outside, watching you." He held her hand again, felt how cold it was even though she had the gloves on. "Will you be okay?"

He wasn't sure of it himself. Isabel hadn't sung in very long. She didn't have anything to do with music anymore. All the tragedies in her life had suppressed her voice. Music required emotion. Isabel didn't show any of it any longer.

It was only because of their insistence that she had finally agreed to sing.

"I'm afraid." She looked up at him. The black cardigan made her skin look paler, her hair all over the place because of the breeze. "I don't know anybody there."

"You don't have to. Just sing. That's all." He hugged her tight, stroked her upper arms through the wool. "You can do it."

"I'm not sure..." She bit her lip.

"I am. You'll do great." He tugged at her hand. "Come on. You're the first one today."

Brandon asked some people there when the auditions for the day would begin. They were asked to wait awhile. Mark had been loitering around with some friends, and came up to them when he saw them waiting. Brandon laughed with him, tried to get Isabel to relax. But she remained slumped in the seat, not looking up, not talking to anyone.

When Isabel was called in, Brandon started to feel his own nerves. They hugged her, wished her the best, and saw her till the door. Brandon wanted to be there with her inside, but he wasn't allowed.

So he and Mark waited outside, watching through the small gap in the door.

Isabel walked in slowly, barely looking anywhere. The room wasn't unfamiliar to Brandon. He'd hung out there more times than he cared to count, auditioned there for many concerts and musicals. But to Isabel it was unfamiliar ground. Her body language proved it.

"So, Miss Standish, what are you singing for us today?" One of the three selectors, whose name Brandon just couldn't remember at the moment, asked her. Isabel looked up, glanced at the three strange people alternatively.

"A-Amazing Grace," she replied, her gloved hands in fists by her side. Brandon shoved his hands inside his pockets, trying to warm them up.

"Okay, so are you ready?" The other selector, a woman, asked her now. She nodded rather reluctantly.

"Please begin," she was given the green signal by the three people in front of her. Isabel shifted uncomfortably on her feet, her body stiffening. Her scared eyes moved around the room, lips bitten, fingers fidgeting uneasily.

"Please begin, Miss Standish." She was prodded again by the selectors. Brandon and Mark exchanged glances, watched Isabel start to tremble. Brandon's heart ached at the sight. She didn't look one bit like the classically trained mezzo-soprano that she was.

"Shit. Brandy, she's a mess," Mark whispered to him. Brandon pressed his hand to his mouth. He wanted to step inside and bring her away from the room. Had just taken a step forward when Isabel turned and came running out, with the selectors calling after her.

"Izzi!" He and Mark called out in unison. "Wait! Izzi!"

They ran after her, but she was too fast. She was already out on the road, still running, when they saw her.

"Izzi!" Mark called out. Brandon held his arm.

"I'll take her home," he told him. "I'll handle her."

"Sure?" Mark chewed his lip, worried. Brandon nodded, beginning to run down the trail Isabel had just taken.

Isabel had sat down on the steps of a house when Brandon finally caught up with her. He stopped to catch his breath, then slowly went over to her side.

"Hey." He put a hand on her knee. She didn't look up. Brandon moved her hair back, lifted her face. Saw what he had not seen in months: tears.

Brandon's mouth fell open as he stared into her moist eyes, her lips quivering, hands trembling. He held her in his arms, felt her entire body shaking in his embrace. He didn't know the right reaction. On the one hand, he was relieved to find her showing emotions again. But on the other, it broke his heart to see her cry.

He stroked her head, cradled her in his arms, tried to stop the trembling. Passersby looked at them, a couple of them even stopped to ask if everything was okay. He managed to get her to her feet, then hailed a passing taxi. Isabel only cried silently and trembled in his arms all the way.

He took her to his house, sneaked her in through the back door, and took her upstairs to his room. Isabel was still shedding tears; months of suppressed emotions finally finding an outlet. She sat on his bed, still trembling. Neither of them had spoken a word yet.

Brandon wrapped her in his arms again, marvelling at the way she almost melted against his body. He buried his face in her hair, smelled the fading shampoo. When Isabel looked up, her face was drenched in tears, her eyes red and puffy, lips still quivering.

"There was a concert in school," she spoke brokenly, her head low, eyes wide and scared. "I asked for £40, the participation fee." She looked at his face, horror in her eyes. Then she tugged the sleeves of her cardigan to reveal a deep, reddish-black scar on her right arm. Brandon flinched, his breath catching.

"I got this that night," she murmured, her eyes dropping close, tears streaming down her cheeks. Brandon pulled her close again, kissing her face, trying to comfort her somehow. Isabel was open with him. But there were still parts of her she wasn't comfortable showing. And that included her body. She was particularly guarding of her upper body, where, he knew, the nastiest scars were. He'd seen most of her other scars— on her legs, her neck, parts of her face.

But every time he saw another scar, his horror just increased. He wondered if no part of her body was unscathed.

"Don't..." he kissed the top of her head, feeling his voice choke. "Don't remember those times, please."

"They don't leave me." She clutched his arms, lips trembling helplessly. "Every time I close my eyes, I can see their faces, feel the pain..." She looked up, hands still gripping his arms. "I can still feel the wounds."

She looked down at the scar on her arm. "I can tell you the story behind each of these scars," she mumbled. Brandon shook his head.

"Please don't do this to yourself," he whispered.

"They did this to me!" She cried, letting go of him. "Those people! My parents! They did this to me. They ruined me. What was my fault? Tell me!"

"Izzi—" He reached for her, but she pulled back.

"I don't want to live, can't you see?" She shouted again, rising from bed. "I've nothing to live for. I have no one. Nobody likes me. Everyone looks at me like I'm the one at fault. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere."

Brandon rose from bed, pulled her close. She was still trembling, fresh tears still forming and streaming down. She crumbled when he held her, her voice dropping.

"I'm not happy," she sobbed against his chest. "I don't want to live."

"Shh. Don't say that." He stroked her head, her back, wondered if he should have locked the door of the room, in case she wanted to run again. But he realised he need not when she put her arms around him, sobbing bitterly.

"They asked me for descriptions," she croaked. Brandon figured the 'they' here meant either the court or the police, or both. "What did they want me to describe? How I'd be seized by the hair and wrenched up in the air, kicked in the stomach, and thrown against the wall? How I'd curl up in a ball under the bed trying to protect myself, crying and begging to be left alone? How I had difficulty keeping clothes on because the wounds hurt everywhere? Or—"

"Izzi." He couldn't hear anymore. Her scars spoke loud enough. He didn't need the back-story. Didn't want her to keep reliving her past.

He took her back to bed, made her sit, soothed her until the trembling had begun to go away. He moved her hair out of her face, wiped off the tears with his hands.

His phone rang. It was Mark. Brandon told him that he'd brought her to his house and that she was okay. Isabel moved slightly away from him, wiped her nose with the sleeve of her cardigan, then began to cough. He gave her some water, smiled when she finally relaxed. For those long minutes that she remained silent, Brandon just sat beside her, holding her hand, giving her space.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do it." When she finally spoke, her voice was broken. "I shouldn't have agreed to go in the first place."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," he put an arm around her shoulders. "It's okay."

"It's not. I made a fool of myself."

"You were just unprepared. My mistake. You needed more practice."

"It wouldn't have helped." She shrugged, turning her face away. "I don't have that thing in me."

"What thing?"

She looked at him, her eyes big and round. "X factor."

Brandon gaped at her, and then unable to help it, he burst out laughing. Isabel frowned, but when he finally managed to calm the fit of laughter, he found her smiling. For the first time in months.

Oh god. He felt like his heart would burst out of his chest. There were too many things happening at once.

"Feeling better?" He asked. The frozen figurine that they'd known for the last six months had finally, finally come back to life.

Isabel shrugged. "Would you care if I'd died?" she asked. Brandon frowned, his smile fading.

"What kind of question is that?" he said. "I just asked you to not say such things."

"Just wondering," she calmly answered. "Would anybody care if I'd died?"

"You'd wanted to die. So why wonder if anybody would care?"

She didn't reply, only played with the tips of her gloves. Brandon put a finger under her chin, turned her face towards him.

"Because you hadn't wanted to die," he said slowly. "You'd only wanted an escape from all this."

Isabel hung her head low, bit her lip, fresh tears sprouting in her eyes. "I never know what to do," she croaked, reached up to wipe off the tears. "I feel so helpless, so..." she made a vague gesture with her hands, searching for the right word. "...stifled," she said. "I want to feel better. I want to be normal, but..."

She swallowed audibly, sniffed back the tears. "I don't know what to do."

"You don't have to do anything." Brandon hugged her, let her hide her face in his chest. "Just be good to yourself. And don't look back."

"There's nothing to look forward to either," she mumbled.

"There is. Your future. Our future."

She looked at his face, surprised.

"You really aren't dating someone else?" she asked quietly. Brandon smiled.

"You think I'll ever find anyone better than you?"

"You will, if you look around."

"I don't want to. I can barely take my eyes off you."

Isabel smiled, teeth biting her lower lip. Then she closed her eyes, looking tired. He didn't ask, but he knew she had spent the other night worrying about the audition.

"Izzi, I love you," he sighed. "I know we have a long way to go, but I see my future with you. I..." He tenderly brushed a finger across her cheek, smiling. "I want to spend my life with you. No matter where I go or what I become in life, you'll always be the girl I want. And Louis is great at making up garbage about everyone, so think twice before believing something you read about us."

He shook his head, his face saddening. "I'm sorry, this is going to be hard for you," he held her hands in his. "But I'm always with you. I'll keep you safe, protect you always. I'll never let any harm come to you."

Isabel nodded. "When you can do so much for me, I can also do this much for you. I'm proud of you."

"And you're my pride, baby," he said. "And to answer your question, neither I nor Ben would be in the band today had anything happened to you. I can't speak for anybody else, but I care about you infinitely. If you'd only seen our condition while you were battling for life, you wouldn't have to wonder if we care." He leaned back in bed, took her along with him. "I'd never seen Emily cry or break down. I wonder if anybody ever had, she's always so strong, at least in public. But while you were in hospital, she never made any attempt to hide her tears."

He looked down at her face, brushed her nose with a finger. "And you still doubt we care?" he raised his eyebrows.

Isabel sat up, gathered her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry I put all of you through this," she said. "I just...didn't know how to get out of the bottomless pit I seemed to be in."

"We know. You don't have to explain." He quickly kissed her forehead. "Now, we go downstairs and eat something, then we're back to business. Okay?"

She shook her head. "I can't do this."

"Izzi, you just need some more preparation, that's all," he tried to make her understand. "Don't give up on yourself, please. I'll help you."

"Just watching me sing isn't called helping." She crossed her arms. "I require your active participation."

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

She smiled quietly, crept closer, and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I love you," she whispered. "Now come on, I'm hungry."

*

"Stop bouncing, Brandy. Dammit!" Nathan exclaimed exasperatedly. "I can't fix your collar if you don't stand still."

"I can't wait to see Izzi," Brandon kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other, his hands crumpling the necktie. "Can you imagine the town will hear her sing for the first time today? I bet she'll be beautiful."

He turned on his toe, heading towards the ladies dressing room. Nathan grabbed the end of his coat.

"This is a concert, for god's sake," he reminded him, snatching the tie out of his hands and beginning to fasten it around his neck. "You're not getting married."

Brandon rolled his eyes, standing still for a moment as Nathan checked his hair and his suit. Then he was bouncing like a rubber ball again.

"Hey lads!" Mark barged into the room. "Guess who I saw in the audience?"

Brandon and Nathan looked at him expectantly.

"Gillian," he said, nudging Nathan in the ribs.

"What?" Nathan stared with wide eyes. "She's here?"

"I saw her beside your mam," Mark explained, "They're chatting."

"Holy shit!" Nathan laughed, had just proceeded to head out when he noticed Brandon's absence. "Where's Brandy?"

Mark looked around, found no one, because Brandon had already headed out of the dressing room, eyes still impatient to catch a glimpse of his love. The penultimate performance was going on at the moment. Isabel was the closing act. God, it had been crazy to get her accommodated at the show after how she'd fared that first time, but they'd managed.

Loud cheering filled the hall when the ongoing performance ended. The stage went dark for some time and then the spotlight came on, the emcee walking to the front of the stage.

They'd had it all planned. Mark and Nathan came out of the dressing room to see if things were going according to plan. Brandon had finally stopped bouncing and was fidgeting with his tie.

"There. All done." Mairead appeared beside him, her hands smeared in makeup. "She looks gorgeous!" she giggled.

"Wh--where's she?" Brandon looked around him. Mairead pulled a face at him.

"She's right where she has to be," she explained. "You look nice, by the way."

"You remember what you have to do, right?" Mark whispered to him. "You're supposed to walk on to stage singing and take your place beside her. Oh." He disappeared, returned with a microphone. "Here," he handed it to him.

"Presenting the surprise performance of tonight!" the emcee said, drawing loud claps from the audience. "We know you've been waiting for this," he quipped, leaving the stage, as it went dark again.

Brandon's heart was in his mouth. He just hoped she wouldn't mess up again like that day. He looked up, said a silent prayer.

And then, there it was. The opening notes of the piano, expertly delivered by Ben. Followed by the guitar, deftly performed by Kyle. And then the flute.

With each note of the music, the lights started coming on, bathing the stage in a soft halo.

And then the voice. And the face.

Isabel.

"Come over the hills, my bonny Irish lad, "Come over the hills to your darling You choose the road, love, and I'll make the vow... And I'll be your true love forever..."

Brandon stared with his mouth agape as the rich, mellifluous voice cloaked the packed theatre. He saw Emily wipe tears, his own mother staring on without realizing there were tears in her eyes. Beside him, Mairead was trying to stifle a sob by pressing her hands to her mouth.

Unbeknownst to him, Brandon's eyes welled up, tears streamed down his cheeks. They hadn't heard that voice in ages, so the sentiments were understandable. But Nathan's mom, who was seeing Isabel for the first time, was also crying.

"Red is the rose that in yonder garden grows, Fair is the lily of the valley... Clear is the water that flows from the Boyne, But my love is fairer than any..."

Mairead had started to cry by then. There were smiles on everyone's faces and tears in their eyes by the time Brandon wiped off his own tears and made his way to the stage. Isabel looked at him, smiled quietly. He struggled to catch his breath.

She looked radiant in that blue long-sleeve gown that she'd bought with the prize money from the writing contest, her gloved hands holding the microphone with the adeptness of a trained singer. Mairead had put some makeup on her face to hide the dark circles and highlight her pretty puckers. And she had no other jewellery except the charm necklace he'd gifted her. It didn't seem like she'd ever taken it off since he put it around her neck.

"Down by Killarney's green woods that we strayed, The moon and the stars they were shining... The moon shone its rays on her locks of golden hair, And she swore she'd be my love forever..."

He couldn't help stare at her like a fool while he sang his part. He'd always wanted to sing a duet with her, but never thought it would come true like that, with almost half of the town at the theatre that evening. It meant more to him than any gig he'd ever do in his entire life.

His hand crept towards hers, held it with fingers entwined as they sang the chorus together. Isabel looked at him, smiled again with tears in her eyes.

"Clear is the water that flows from the Boyne..."

Their held each other's gaze, love flowing between them like electricity.

"But my love is fairer than any..."

The hall erupted in a standing ovation, included those people who had so far only called Isabel names. There were the three selectors of the concert, looking happy and surprised that a girl so broken could also be so talented. Behind them, Ben and Kyle had also risen, clapping. Brandon led her to the front of the stage, took a bow together. And then, with the applause refusing to die, he pulled her close and kissed her. Felt tears against his face, not sure whose they were. He was too busy kissing Isabel, feeling their shared joy.

She seemed like a different person altogether. Not the Isabel who was emotionless till a few days ago. It was a like a new beginning.

The lights dimmed, but the applause still continued. Brandon looked at her face, tears wiping her mascara away. And then she laughed, putting her arms around him.