Songs for the Soul Ch. 06byyoudonwannaknow©
The song is an English translation of a Japanese song by Crystal Kay. Kumeko-san, I hope the story lived up to your expectations. The lyrics belong to the song-writer and the artist. I take no credit for them. I have also not changed the lyrics, in whole or in part. Hope you all like it. Please vote.
Thank you Ray, for the wonderful editing.
"Open up Bobbie," yelled an irritating voice from the other side of the door.
Bobbie groaned because she knew whom that voice belonged to and what its owner wanted. Looking longingly at her soft couch and an old, worn romance novel sitting invitingly at the coffee table, she walked over and unlocked the door.
She had a second's warning before she was lifted up and practically carried to her bedroom.
Clothes were thrust at her and she was shoed into the bathroom.
"Ten minutes," Tim said after the door was shut. "Ten minutes and I'll break that door down whether you're dressed or not."
Bobbie sighed and looked dubiously at the clothes she held. A pair of tight black jeans and a sheer silk shirt weren't the most comfortable clothes she owned. But they were certainly appropriate for going to the trendiest club in the city, where she knew Tim was taking her.
Sighing with frustration, she reluctantly shed the comfortable sweats she was wearing and pulled on the other clothes. After a quick tug to make sure everything was where it should be, she opened the door and stood before Tim for appraisal.
She had to stifle a grin when the blonde giant standing before her tilted his head to one side and squinted at her.
"That'll have to do," Tim said. "You just need some make up and you're ready to go; and do something with the hair."
"Really Tim," Bobbie said while unfastening her comfortable, and incredibly messy, bun. "I thought the untidy look was in."
"Not on you," was the brusque reply she got before he went into her kitchen to raid her fridge.
"I can't believe you thought you could skip coming to the club tonight," he remarked from the kitchen. "I get promoted, I just get a six figure salary and want to celebrate, and my best friend wants a quiet night in. I had to tell Vivian to go on her own because I needed to come and get you."
"Vivian's going to be angry," Bobbie remarked as she quickly brushed out her hair and applied a small amount of lip gloss. She was right too. Tim's current girlfriend, Vivian, didn't like to go anywhere on her own. She also detested Bobbie, and hated the fact that Bobbie had such an important place in Tim's life.
But the fact that Vivian shared Tim's bed and had a place in his heart was something Bobbie would always envy. For as long as Bobbie had known Tim, she had loved him, and for as long as Tim had known Bobbie, he had thought of her as his best friend.
She looked in the mirror to see her sad face looking back at her. Tim wouldn't like that. She quickly smiled, cringing inwardly at how artificial it looked, but it was the only way she could hide how she felt.
* * * * * *
I realized that love was painful
Because I know you better than anyone else
I look at you from up close
But why, why are we only just friends?
No matter how strong my feelings are
I can't convey it to you
You don't understand
I'm so in love with you
* * * * * *
After two hours in the club the group had drunk innumerable heady blue cocktails. Bobbie was annoyed; she could hold her drink, and hadn't had as many as the others, but everyone else around her seemed to be on the verge of collapsing into a drunken stupor.
Even Vivian was tipsy, and was leaning heavily on Tim who looked extremely unsteady himself. Knowing that she would have to make sure all of them got home safely, Bobbie sighed.
There were seven of them; Kim, Sam, Daniel, Vivian, Adam, Tim and Bobbie. She would get a cab for Kim, Sam and Daniel; but she would have to drop Adam, Vivian and Tim off herself.
She called a cab and managed to get the drunken group to the door. She had a little help from Kim, who wasn't quite as drunk as the others. As Kim and the others got into the taxi, Kim whispered "Go and tell him," in Bobbie's ear.
Bobbie didn't say anything, but she remembered what had transpired earlier that evening.
During the course of the evening Bobbie and Kim had met in the ladies room, and Kim , who had known for a long time how Bobbie felt about Tim, and who had noticed the interplay between Tim, Vivian and Bobbie during the evening said, "For God's sake Bobbie, tell that idiot Tim how you feel about him."
"I can't," Bobbie said, her despondency making her sound snappy.
"Because if I did I'd risk ending the relationship we do have," Bobbie replied.
"Why on earth are you being so pessimistic?" Kim said. "Why wouldn't a real relationship between both of you work out? I know you, and I know him, and I know that both of you are right for each other. For an intelligent guy Tim can be so stupid at times when it come to his own best interests."
"I won't. I couldn't bear it if he vanished from my life Kim."
"And why would he do that? Tim may be stupid but you're a coward. Are you going to let that Gorgon Vivian ride off into the sunset with him?
"I've got eyes Kim." Bobbie said miserably, "You tell me, what is the longest relationship Tim has ever had romantically?"
Kim sighed. She knew Bobbie had gotten her on that one. The longest relationship Tim had ever had was for six months and that was the current one with Vivian.
"But I still think you should tell him. You'd be good for him, but like a lot of guys he needs to be told that."
"He already has me in his life - as his friend."
"Fine, if you won't tell him, I will," Kim said brusquely.
Kim began to leave, but Bobbie stopped her.
"Don't you dare," Bobbie hissed, a look of alarm on her face. "You'll ruin our friendship and I'll never speak to you again."
Kim could see the real fear in her face, and shrugging said, "Okay, if your content to go on loving from afar, that's up to you, you're the one whose miserable."
Then Kim nodding sadly, left Bobbie to get herself another drink.
Now, shaking her head at the recollection of that conversation,, Bobbie pushed Kim into the car and shut the door. She bundled the rest of the inebriates into Tim's car, took the keys from him and drove off.
She dropped the others off at their respective apartments and by the time she reached Tim's apartment, it was very late and she was very tired.
That Tim was snoring on the back seat did nothing to make the situation any better. Since it was Tim who had driven her to the club she didn't have her own car, and her flat was at least an hour's walk away, so she knew that she would have to spend the night at Tim's place.
Not that it mattered because she had stayed a number of times before and used his second bedroom. The danger was that if Vivian found out, all hell would probably be let loose.
At that stage she was past caring what Vivian felt or thought, and she muttered, "Oh, sod it," as she lugged the half-asleep Tim into his flat and pushed him roughly into his bedroom. "A break up with Vivian would be a good thing."
With little help from the near comatose Tim she pulled off his clothes. When he was naked she stood gazing at him for a while and wondering how it would be if...she stopped the thought.
After she had made sure that Tim was fast asleep, she chose one of his T-shirts, went to the second bedroom, stripped, and changing into the shirt got into the bed.
She couldn't sleep. What Kim had said to her and her own long held feelings for Tim kept buzzing around in her head.
Kim had seemed so sure of herself when she said that Bobbie and Tim were right for each other. Bobbie knew that she and Tim got along well. They were complete opposites, but that seemed to work for them.
She wondered whether she really loved Tim, or was it merely infatuation. Growing up in foster homes hadn't exactly been a stable childhood, and only having Tim to talk to during her late teens had kept her from doing anything rash. She sometimes wondered if she was merely grateful for that, or whether she really loved him.
But a small part of her knew that what she felt was love. If it was infatuation, she would have told him by now. She wouldn't have been scared of losing him. Now, she was terrified of losing him.
Shaking her head at all the memories that filled her head, Bobbie wondered whether Kim was right. Should she tell him?
* * * * * * * * * *
Everyday, everyday my heart aches
I've gone through so many, many sleepless nights
I'm so in love with you
It'd be nice to confess and love you
Is it impossible to go back to our smiling faces?
Although remaining as friends and not confessing might be better than love
Because I'm not able to do it anyway
* * * * * * * * * *
Bobbie didn't get to sleep until the early hours of the morning and was rudely awakened by Tim calling out, "Bobbie, you there?" His voice sounded weak.
Reluctantly she got out of bed and made her way to the kitchen. She started to make coffee and poured some orange juice. She had been in this situation before.
She made her way to his bedroom to be confronted by a white faced Tim. With a groan he gulped down the orange juice and then cautiously started to drink the hot, strong coffee.
Sitting up in bed, the bedclothes bunched up at his feet, he looked like a small boy again. The problem for Bobbie was that he wasn't a small boy, but a full grown man.
"God I feel terrible," he moaned.
"Too much to drink does that to you; you should know that better than anyone," she gently chided him
Drinking the last of the coffee Tim said contritely, "I have no clue why this works, but it does," referring to the coffee and the juice. "I'm feeling a bit better."
Bobbie grinned again and rose and went to the kitchen to make breakfast.
"You'll need to drive me home," Bobbie yelled from the kitchen as Tim gingerly made his way to the bathroom.
"Sure," he yelled back, regretting it immediately.
He felt his head ache worsen as his voice rose.
He turned the shower on and stepped into the warm spray. He stood under the shower for a long time, and soon began feeling less like a zombie and more like a human being. When he was done, he dried off and slipped into jeans and a T-shirt.
The smell of waffles lured him into the kitchen.
"It smells so good," he said as he walked in. Bobbie smiled and retorted, "You're the only person I know who can actually feel hungry after a hangover."
"You know me," Tim said and took out two plates.
Bobbie served up the waffles and they ate in companionable silence.
After they were done, Tim took his keys and about to drive Bobbie to her place he opened the door. He was shocked to see Vivian standing there, her hand poised to knock.
A pleased smile spread over Vivian's face, but it fled the instant she spied Bobbie who was standing just behind Tim. "What's she doing here?" Vivian demanded shrilly.
"I stayed over. I came in Tim's car and it was too late to walk back," Bobbie explained gently; she hated Vivian, but she didn't want to be the cause a fight between Tim and Vivian.
Vivian shot her a dirty look and turned to Tim.
"She's stayed here before and I've told you I don't like it; and I don't like it when you go to see her. In fact I just don't like her. Why can't you respect my feelings for once? I begged you to not bring her to the club yesterday, but you did. Don't my wishes mean anything to you?"
"Vivian," Tim said placatingly, taking her hand to try and mollify her.
She snatched her hand away and snapped, "She's just waiting for a chance to jump into your bed; I bet she probably has. Was it a nice fuck Tim, did you like his fat cock in you Bobbie?"
Tim recoiled and stepped back from her. Vivian was shaking, her angry gaze fixed on Bobbie.
"She stayed over because she didn't have her car," Tim said quietly. "Come on Viv, what else could she have done?"
"Call a taxi," Vivian suggested sarcastically, her venomous gaze on Bobbie.
"Listen, Vivian, I didn't jump into bed with him, and nor do I want to. I've slept in the second bedroom before, and that's where I slept last night. You can see if you like. Why can't you get that fact into your head?" Bobbie demanded angrily. She'd had enough of being talked about as if she wasn't even there.
"I can't get that fact into my head because while Tim doesn't say anything about it when you do stay , he goes completely ballistic if I so much as leave my underwear lying around when I stay," Vivian screamed at Bobbie.
Bobbie stood absolutely still. Did that mean that Tim actually cared for her? She took a tentative look at Tim's face now, and that thought vanished from her head.
His face was filled with a myriad of emotions she couldn't even begin to describe. But one thing seemed certain, he didn't want Vivian out of his life.
She forced herself to speak. She didn't want to cause Tim any pain.
"Nothing happened," Bobbie said. "We're just friends."
"Yeah right," Vivian snapped back, "Like you've not been in love with him since forever."
Suddenly, Bobbie felt a slap on her cheek, and she looked up in shocked surprise. Vivian had slapped her – had actually slapped her. She wondered what she should do. When Vivian raised her hand again, Bobbie knew that she would go to hell before she let this woman slap her again.
But she need not have bothered. Tim got in first, grabbing Vivian's upraised hand.
"You apologize, now," he said in a dangerous whisper, his hand holding Vivian's wrist like a vice.
"I won't," Vivian spat, struggling in his grasp. "She's in love with you Tim, and she'll do anything to steal you from me. Just look at her face now. She's probably feeling ecstatic that you and I are fighting."
"She's not; she's as upset as I am," Tim said levelly.
Vivian stopped struggling as she heard the tone of his voice. She knew what was going to happen before he even moved a muscle.
He steered her out of his apartment.
"I can't believe I thought you were a wonderful woman. You're just a spoilt child who grew into a spoilt woman, and I have no idea why I went out with you. I don't ever want to see you again. Do you understand?"
When Vivian didn't say anything, he shook her lightly. She nodded, tears streaming down her face.
"Good," Tim said.
He slammed the door shut in her face.
Wrung out, he flopped down on his couch and brooded.
Bobbie didn't say anything; she simply changed into last nights clothes and pottered around the apartment.
"She wasn't right, was she, about you being in love with me?" Tim asked after a while. Bobbie gulped when she realised what he meant.
"Of course not," she lied, turning her back to him. "You know that."
"Yeah, I do," Tim said, looking relieved. "Gosh, I'd hate it if you did. It would just complicate things."
"I agree," Bobbie said. This time, she was telling the truth.
"I wouldn't know what to do if you told me you loved me," Tim said, shaking his head. He was telling the truth. A relationship with Bobbie had crossed his mind plenty of times, but like Bobbie, he refused to even consider it. He valued their friendship too much.
"I won't tell you, so don't worry," Bobby said, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to contain tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes.
"You're great Bobbie, and I'd be lucky to have you, but you're my friend," Tim went on, not quite sure who he was convincing, himself of her. He didn't have to convince her of anything, so he supposed it was himself he was referring to.
He was right about Bobbie being great. She was the most important thing in his life. When he had first seen the thin, unkempt girl around campus, he hadn't given much attention to her. But they'd become friends, and he began to try and protect her from the life she led.
Her foster parents didn't harm her physically, but she was treated like she was a mistake, and she couldn't bear the emotional deprivation that she endured.
Tim eased her pain, and she in turn kept him rooted to the ground. His good looks and amazing skills at football could have gone to his head, but she stopped him from strutting around like a proud peacock, and he was grateful for that. Sometimes he wondered if that was why he thought he loved her. Was he merely grateful?
"That must be it," he thought to himself. "I'm just grateful. Besides, she wouldn't agree to try a relationship with me in a million years. She's too good for me."
Bobbie wondered what Tim was thinking, but she didn't ask. She got her things ready and waited for him.
"Come on, we'd better get going," Tim said after a while and went downstairs, leaving Bobbie to lock up the apartment.
In the car park Bobbie handed him the keys and got into his car.
he drive to her apartment was filled with unnatural silence. The fight with Vivian had caused a tangible rift between them.
But both of them knew that it wouldn't last for long. Tim would find someone else, and Bobbie would continue to watch and both of them would think the other was too good for them.
She stepped out of the car once they reached her flat and waved to Tim before he drove off.
She waited on the kerb as briefly Tim waved back.
Bobbie looked up at the clear blue sky, and wondered why she put herself through it all, but she already knew the answer to that. She loved him.
* * * * * * * * *
Truly, truly I've always loved you
I always, always want to continue loving you
I want to send these feelings to you
I whisper them to the blue sky
I'm so in love with you.