Songs of You Ch. 01

TW: Pushiness, violence, homophobia. Don't read if it will be triggering. It all leads to better things eventually though!

This first chapter is more of a slow burn. The two main characters will only kiss in this one, but there is a little side action. The real sex will start next chapter!

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I wasn't feeling sentimental as senior year began. I was a gay guy, trapped in a very conservative Utah, in a home with conservative Mormon parents. My father had a temper and my mother had a tendency to make excuses for the man. I didn't have a ton of hope that the year would be good, but at least my band was doing well and this was the last year before I could go across the country for school and be as gay as I wanted to be.

I looked in the mirror in my room after my shower. I didn't think I was hot, but I wasn't bad looking either. I stood at around five foot nine, and I was relatively slim with some muscles because running and working out was a way to get out of my house and out of my own head. Plus, I have to carry around gear like drums, guitars, bases, and amps on a regular basis for my band, Tormented Accord, so being able to lift things was necessary. My black hair was shaved on the sides and left long in the middle, which I had bleached and dyed a bright red, which both of my parents hated. I had darker tanned skin, deep green, oval shaped eyes, and I had a fairly handsome face that I left mostly clean shaven since I wore makeup on stage. I had studs in my ears, my nose, and a ring on my eyebrow, most of which I had pierced myself.

My style was what you would call punk goth. Mostly black, with some dark blues, purples, and reds scattered in. I wore black, ripped jeans with combat boots, a fishnet undershirt, and a red, short sleeved button up shirt with a black bowtie that had little white skulls on it. I finished off the look with black eyeliner and a studded belt to keep my pants up.

I blew out a quick breath and then took off to catch the bus. As I was walking to the bus stop, Wyatt Prince pulled up beside me in his car, with both of his sisters in the back seats. He lived down the street from me, and had been my friend since grade school. They lived with their grandmother because their parents had addiction issues, and his grandmother, Dorothy, had been letting my band use the space in their basement on one side of the house since the end of middle school for practice. There was a room and bathroom down there too that she let me use when I was fighting with my parents. It had a bed and a dresser already in it, and I spent nights there when things were bad.

Wyatt was easily one of the hottest guys in school, and extremely popular, so the opposite of me. He was a jock through and through. He played all sorts of sports, such as football, soccer, baseball, and basketball. He was an inch or two taller than me and far more muscular than I was, though he didn't go overboard with it. He has piercing blue eyes that I sometimes wanted to fall right into, with strawberry blonde hair that was cut in a fade cut and clean shaven. He was also in the National Honor Society, and he was the student body president of our school. I'd had a crush on him since middle school, as had half of the school.

He rolled down the window and smiled at me, showing off those amazing dimples of his. "Get in, Milo. I'll drive you."

I smiled at him and got into the car, in the front seat. I turned to smile at his sisters, Harper and Evelyn, who were sixteen and fifteen. Yeah, his parents popped them out one a year until Dorothy demanded one of them essentially cut off their fertility or she wasn't helping them anymore. The girls had the same blonde hair, but they both sported hazel eyes, and were just as beautiful as their older brother. Harper was in cheerleading and Evie had been jumping into things like theatre and art.

"You finally going to get a boyfriend this year?" Harper asked me.

"Maybe," I replied. "I have to find someone who likes me first. I spend most of my days with straight guys."

Wyatt looked over at me with a grin. "Well, and one bisexual guy."

"Yeah, but you're dating Amber right now," I pointed out.

He shrugged his shoulders at me and then we all rode in silence to the school, listening to the music on the radio. As soon as we got to the school, I thanked Wyatt for the ride and then went off to find my three band mates.

School was school, as always. With the bullies, and friends. With teachers trying to keep the kids from being too rowdy and getting us ready for our pending graduation. The beginning of senior year was boring and what you would expect. I spent my time at school during the day, and in the afternoon I would either help paint and design sets for the plays, or practicing with my band. We ended up playing at homecoming, which was fine since I didn't have a date and had no interest in being part of the dance itself other than playing music. The crowd seemed to love it, and we had a great time. As soon as we were done, I let my friends enjoy the end of the dance and I went home to finish some homework and sleep.

Late October came, and my birthday hit. I was finally eighteen years old, a legal adult. There were quite a few people in my grade that had birthdays around then, including Wyatt, and the vice president of the student body, Gus Smith. Varick Weber, one of my bandmates, also turned eighteen around the end of October.

It was at the beginning of November that my life started down a whirlwind path that would either destroy me or give me a home, and I couldn't have stopped it even if I had prior knowledge of it. Like destiny or fate.

It all started with detention. Why was I in detention, you ask? Because my friends and I broke into the lockers of every jock in the school, all genders, and rigged them so that when they opened, the jocks would be covered with silly string. It was a fairly harmless prank for us, but the administration made it sound like we were bullying them. I took the fall for it, on purpose. I let them think that I had done the prank alone, and thus I had detention after school for two weeks.

Gus Smith was there, the Student Body Vice President, and someone that I knew Wyatt did not get along with at all. They were cordial during meetings and events, but they both hated each other. He wasn't actually in detention. He was working with the teacher who was in charge of detention, trying to get some work done for his AP class with her in physics. He was a very smart man, and hot.

He had come out last year as bisexual, so I wasn't entirely surprised when he started taking an interest in me. I was taking physics as well, so we spent some time in detention with him helping me with some of the homework and giving me tips for memorization. After detention, we would sneak into the locker room when everyone was busy elsewhere to make out.

Gus knew I was closeted, and had to be due to my family. I was pretty sure my father would literally kill me if he found out, so we had to find other places to meet up. Sometimes it was the school, hidden away where other people weren't. Sometimes it was at his house when his parents weren't home, and other times it was at Wyatt's house in the basement. Wyatt avoided the basement entirely when Gus was over, and he generally gave me a look that said he disapproved of my choice when Gus wasn't around, but it's not like I had a ton of options at our small Utah school. It was upsetting, of course, that one of my best friends, and longest crushes, didn't approve of my choices here, but it was my life to live, not his, so I pushed it to the side when I was with Gus.

Gus and I were starting out slow, mostly with making out, though sometimes we would feel each other through our clothing. I loved straddling his hips and grinding our erections against each other, panting and moaning in each other's ears.

We would meet up after my band practiced, and after his workouts for sports and student government work. Usually my band mates would leave before he would get there. They weren't big fans of him either, and that really should have been a clue to me, but I was too enamored with making out and feeling his body against mine. I kind of figured that the guy who I saw was not who everyone else saw. That I somehow had the ability to see the real him, while everyone else just saw the tough exterior.

I was sitting down in the basement, after the guys had left, waiting until Gus was available, when Wyatt came down the stairs wearing basketball shorts and a tank top. I tried hard not to stare at him, at the way his muscles in his legs and arms worked as he came over to sit down on the couch with me. I could feel the heat from his body next to mine, and I wanted so badly to reach out and pull his body over mine, but I kept my composure.

"The guys already left?" he asked me.

I nodded my head slowly. "They like to get out of here before Gus arrives."

Wyatt narrowed his eyes at that. "I'm worried about you."

I blew out a breath. "I'll be fine, Wyatt. It's not like anyone else wants me."

He gave me a pointed look, and I couldn't quite tell what he was trying to say with it, but then he looked away. He looked sad right now, like he was carrying around the weight of the world and it was getting to be too much. I hesitantly put my hand on his shoulder and he flinched for just a moment before he relaxed his body into my touch.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"I'm just dealing with a lot right now," he explained. "Amber and I broke up. It was mutual but it still kind of sucks. Mom contacted Gramma and wanted to talk to us, and I haven't decided what I want to do now. I'm an adult so I can just ignore them for the rest of my life, you know?"

I did know. It was how I felt about my own family, knowing that as soon as I left for college, I would likely never speak to my parents again. "Do you need to talk?"

Wyatt gave me a warm smile, leaning against me for a moment. "Maybe next time, when Gus isn't coming over. I'll see you later, Milo."

I hated watching him walk away like this, and I seriously considered blowing off Gus to try and help Wyatt out. It occurred to me as I was considering that my feelings for Wyatt were probably deeper than what I liked to pretend they were. I put my head back on the back of the couch, sighing deeply and closing my eyes. I only looked up again when I heard the door to the outside open up and Gus come down the steps.

"Hey hot stuff," Gus said as he dropped his bag on the ground and came over to sit next to me. He pulled me up onto his lap as soon as he was settled, putting his arms around me. "Everything alright?" he asked as he started kissing my neck, pulling my shirt off me.

I nodded my head. "Fine. I'm glad you're here."

"I want to ravage you," he groaned into my ear as his hand slipped into my pants.

"Gus," I moaned.

"Come on," Gus groaned again. "We've been seeing each other for a little bit now. When are you going to let me get in that tight ass of yours?"

I pulled away from him for a moment. "I want to go slow. I've never had sex and I want my first time to be...I don't know, special. Important."

"Virginity is a human construct," Gus said to me.

"Well yeah but it's still important to me," I replied. "I kind of want to be able to say I love the person before I have sex, you know?"

"That's so juvenile," he said.

"Gus, come on," I said, rubbing his shoulders. "Let's start slow. We can start with oral and go from there, see how we feel."

He looked disappointed but seemed to accept it. I listened to the stairs for a moment, making sure no one would come in and find us like this, before I slipped down to my knees on the floor, unzipping his pants and pulling them down until his cock was free. He put his hand on my head, running it through my bright red mohawk as I hesitantly started licking along his length, using my tongue along his slip for a moment, tasting the salty precum before I went back down to lick and suck along his balls. He groaned and let his head fall back, and I licked back up his length and took the tip of his hard and thick cock into my mouth.

It was my first time giving a blow job, but I had watched more than enough gay porn to get the idea, and I worked on opening up my mouth and throat to take most of his length, bobbing up and down on him. I went back down, trying to put as much of him into my mouth as possible, and he groaned and dug his fingers into my scalp, pushing me down onto him. I hummed happily, glad I was doing a good job, and that seemed to make it even better for him.

He gripped my head with both hands now, thrusting in and out of my mouth as I moaned around him. I could tell his orgasm was building by the way he tensed his stomach muscles and pelvis. Gus cried out softly as he came, pumping his hot cum into the back of my throat. I swallowed as best I could, not wanting to choke, and then sucked lightly on his oversensitive head until I made sure every single drop was sucked down.

"Are you sure you haven't done that before?" he asked me.

I smiled up at him before getting up and slipping back onto his lap. "First time, but I'm a quick study."

Gus kissed me again, pulling me close to him before breaking the kiss and helping me move off of him. "I have to go. The basketball team is having a party, but I'll see you later?"

That meant Wyatt would be going too, and I silently cursed myself for not taking more time to make sure he was okay. I nodded at Gus and he gathered his things before leaving through the basement door to the outside. I waited until I heard his car leave and then slowly climbed the stairs of the basement up to where the main bedrooms were. Dorothy always told me I could come to the kitchen to eat or get a drink any time, and chill with her grandkids, so I went up to Wyatt's door and knocked.

I heard Wyatt call out to come in, so I opened the door and peeked my head in, smiling at him as he pulled on a shirt, looking amazing. He was wearing nice blue jeans and was currently buttoning up a dark blue button up shirt over a tank top. He turned to look at me and smiled.

"Did Gus already leave, or did he ditch you?" Wyatt asked.

"He left," I replied with a sigh. "Apparently you guys have some sort of basketball party or something."

Wyatt nodded his head. "That's what I'm getting ready for. If you weren't in the closet, I would tell you that you should come with us. Plenty of players will have their girlfriends there."

"I can't let that get back to my parents or sisters," I told him glumly.

"Eventually, you're going to have to make the decision to live your life for yourself and not your parents," Wyatt said with a frown.

"I know," I sighed quietly. "I can't do it while he can still kill me though. I'll just go far away for college and gay it up as much as I want."

"Wouldn't he take away funding for your school if he found out?" Wyatt asked me.

I frowned at that. "Probably, yes, but there are a lot of resources for kids in my situation, so I guess it would work out."

Wyatt looked at me with concern. It wasn't pity, because that wasn't an emotion Wyatt had ever felt for me. It was just complete and total worry about my safety and wellbeing, and my happiness, and it made my heart feel like it was being squeezed in my chest. I looked into his bright blue eyes, wanting so badly to kiss him, but I kept my head about me and smiled at him instead.

"I should let you get to your party," I said quietly and then turned to leave.

"Milo?" he said, making me turn back around when I got to the door to his room. "Just be careful about Gus. I know you think you have everything figured out, and that you know better than we do, but I've known this guy for a while, and I don't trust him."

I thought about how pushy Gus had been today and nodded once before heading back down to the basement to grab my stuff and head home. The next week or so was the same as it had been, with Gus and I meeting up to make out, and sometimes I would suck him off, and occasionally he would reciprocate. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with how pushy he was being about sex, and I was beginning to see cracks in the exterior of who I thought he was.

The more I didn't do what he wanted, the angrier he got. He was also incredibly upset that he had to hide our relationship, and while I understood why he was, I was trying to impart on him just how bad it would be if my parents found out. He didn't seem to believe me though. The few times I went to their basketball games, Gus completely ignored me, angry that I wasn't willing to just come out for him, so it was really only Wyatt that would smile at me.

"You know that you're in love with him, right?" Varick asked me from my right as we sat in the stands. They didn't like going to the games either, but they did for me.

"Gus?!" I demanded.

Varick snorted. "No. Wyatt."

I gave him a sideways look. "What makes you say that?"

"Are you kidding me?" Zach laughed.

"Dude," Nigel said with a shake of his head.

"What?" I demanded.

"All any of us have to do is see the way you look at him," Varick explained. "You've been in love with him for a long time."

"I have a crush on him," I admitted. "That's not love."

"I think you're trying to downplay how you feel about the man," Nigel said matter-of-factly. "He's single now, and you would be if you dropped that load of trash."

"Guys," I chided.

"Just do some soul searching," Varick told me. "I think Gus is just a placeholder for what you actually want, and by what I mean who."

My friends were nothing if not intuitive when it came to me. I went home that night, locking myself in my bedroom with my lights off after doing homework and thought about what they said. I spent the entire night thinking about Wyatt, and how I felt about him, and when I finally fell asleep, I had dreams about him. I awoke the next morning having to admit to myself that my friends were right.

I got dressed slowly that day, still kind of trudging along when Wyatt pulled up as I was walking to the bus stop and motioned for me to join them. This was our normal morning routine. I would walk to the bus stop, and if he didn't catch me before the bus came, then he would tell me to get in the car and he'd drive me. I smiled at him and got into the car, looking out the window trying to figure out how to have this conversation with Gus. I was already feeling like I wanted to break up anyway, but it added an extra layer of anxiety knowing that part of it was because of Wyatt.

"You okay?" Wyatt asked me.

I nodded slowly. "I'm breaking up with Gus today."

He turned to look at me in surprise before putting his eyes back on the road. "What made you decide to do that?"

"A lot of things, honestly," I replied, looking out the window at the houses passing by. "He's really pushy about sex, he doesn't take no for an answer, he's been really on my case about coming out and acting like I'm exaggerating about how bad that would be, and...honestly, I kind of like someone else."

"Is he gay?" Wyatt asked me.

I gave him a sideways glance. "He's queer, yes."

"Does he like you?" he asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Honestly, that part of the reason is the least of the reasons, though it's still important."

Wyatt nodded at me. "Well, if you need anything, like help or an ear to listen, I'm here for you. You're my best friend, you know."

I smiled at him. "I know. Thank you, Wyatt."

I went through the day kind of in a haze, paying attention to class as much as I could. We got through practice too, though my bandmates all told me that I seemed off today. I agreed with them and told them I'd be back to my normal performance by tomorrow. They just had to give me a little leeway right now.

Gus met me back at the ravine that ran through the back of Wyatt's grandmother's street. It was how his uncle irrigated all of the lawns on the street. No one had sprinklers, so once a week his uncle would go into the back near the ravine and flood all of the lawns to keep them green and healthy. They had a big garden back there with raspberries, cucumbers, tomatoes, strawberries, apple trees, and more. I was standing not far from the water, throwing pebbles into it as the water rushed by, when I heard footsteps behind me.