All Comments on 'Sophia Pt. 01'

You made the court case on page 1 such a farse I stopped reading. Why do authors feel so compeled to artificially create pain or suffering, to try to mainuplate our emotions... that is just lazy and poor writing. Take the time to make it real. The Judge just decides to fuck over this guy, because he wants to risk his years on the bench and violate the letter of the law on his gut opinion... yep, only works that way in bad movies Castlestone. Alimony, property split even child custody payments are all just real simple math forumlas... they are even posted on almost every State's websites. The only place you have this evil authoritative court that wants to fuck every husband is on this site.

Great story, love the humor. Really looking forward to the rest of it.

I love the humor. It's better than "burn the bitch", but a little revenge wouldn't hurt either ....Please keep writing

it is great, did not want to stop reading, and to the only critic, if you had kept reading you would have found out that the judge was related to the evil doers, cannot wait for barb to get hers.

this is a wonderful story and i cant wait to read part 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 and 10 KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!

This story is like THE PIE! I need more!

Please keep on writing.

Now I'm hungry.

because you tell us you may not finish the story. That is your perogative. It is my option NOT to read your story. Why would you spend so much time, work so hard on a story, and announce, in advance, that you may not finish it, or have not finished it, or may change it depending on readers reacion? You are the author, write YOUR story and allow us to read it. We should not help you write it.

Might I suggest you write the second chapter but let the readers decide if they like it or not. Although I do sympathize with you in that writing a story with chapters is difficult because you never know what the readers will like or dislike. Anyway your writing is certainly different from most writers on this site and you do pay attention to the little things that most of us don't, but then that is your style. I do hope to see a second chapter it is interesting.

I was truly enthralled with this story and it kept my attention throughout.

I'm thinking of making A CAKE now, please whatever you do, don't let this story go to waste - I've bookmarked you for anything else you produce. - How old are the daughters? How Old is Don?

MANY THANKS and I can't wait for more.

First, get an editor! They are free on this forum and you need one. So many typos and wrong words -- taking for talking, to for too, for example. Then there were dozens of commas where they should not have been, and a bunch of places where they were incorrectly omitted. These two facts just make your story difficult to read. Several times I had to re-read a sentence in order to make sense of it. <p> <p> <p>

Next, it is just tedious reading. Too many irrelevant details that do not contribute materially to the story line. I was just trudging along when I came to the end of the first chapter and saw there were 8 more chapters to go, just for part 1! So, I went to the end of chapter 9 to read the comments -- something I very, very rarely do. There I found one comment indicated you may not finish writing the story. That killed it for me. Why should I struggle through all this, only to find I may never know how it ends? If you don't care any more than that about your products -- or your readers -- then I'm out of here and glad I woke up when I did.

I loved the characters though I was starving by the time I finished reading. Hope you continue and thanks for the entertainment.

hey guy you just keep writing and enjoying yourself. thus you make some of us enjoy life also.

great fantasy! what more can i say!? next chapter please.

the writer make him look like a fool and a pussy.after that its' hard to prove him anything else as a man.his balls are cut off and his self esteem is shot.the writing is great,just long winded.

Truly wonderful. I like the detail that others seem to find boring. It adds depth to the characters. I really like these people. **** Revenge is not needed or wanted in this story. Barbara's self hate is enough. By all means, please continue to explore the pain and the therapy to deal with it. The best revenge against Barbara is the deep personal bonds and respect that develop without her. ***** Also, I want those recipies.

Hey JP: Loved the first installment of your story. It has all the makings of a great read, and who knows - could make an interesting script. Your choice to develop the characters hit a weak spot of mine, keep it up, it'll make the spice and retribution more enjoyable. Can't wait, but I sense these chapters are just around the corner.

I admit that I find the judge's behaviour a bit over the top,but unless you are a lawyer or judge there is no reason to not consider the pleasure of the read more important than be bothered a bit of fantasy. Also I do believe that all writers should write the whole story before they start posting it so that the product is their work and no one else's. Given those small objections I really loved the first dish and look forward to the rest of the menu...

title said it all finish the story please.........

One of the best stories so far. You may have spent a little too much time developing the characters and setting the scene but I can not wait for the conclusion. My only hope is you let the poor man grow some balls and become more observant. A little retribution against all his "friends" and co workers that crapped on him would be nice too. The ex should "burn through" her money and end up in the poor house at minimum wage too. Oh, well. I am a vindictive Bastard. Please submit the ending rapidly.

I really enjoyed reading the story and hope you continue. But I do agree with previous advice. If you don't intend to finish a story then don't write it. But once you do, don't tell an audience you might not finish it. You are too good a writer to do that. The detail was great, I liked the his and her version of the events. It may seem lime too much extra to some but in this case it worked well. I hope to see the next chapter very soon.

Anyone who starts putting so much food into the story had better be ready to divulge some recipes! THE CAKE, sounds pretty good, as a start...<br><P>

Now maybe I'm thick, or just missed it somehow, but, lemme see — there is Barbara, the ex-wife; there is Maria, the rich (potential) girlfriend; Kathy, Freddie, and Vanessa, Maria's cronies; and finally Megan and Robin, the daughters. Who the hell is Sophia?

Did find the Sophia reference after searching the story the second time. It went by pretty quick...LOL! Sophia Loren, eh?

This is one of the most enjoyable stories that has been posted on this site in a long while. I read each chapter twice just to savor the way the words flowed together. I felt the obvious emotions that came with this story, empathy, sympathy,outrage, sadness, happiness, joy, and a sense of finally belonging. I commend you on the fantastic relationship with Don and his daughters. In 99.9 percent of these kind of stories on this site, you do not see that kind of relationship with the children involved. Never the kind of bonding that comes from the simple things especially Don cooking for his girls. Usually, the man can only cook on the grill, you know, the almighty steak, always with a baked potato with sour cream and chives,the tossed salad, French or Bleu Cheese dressing. Here even though Don hates to cook everyday, he does it for his daughters, because he loves them. You have Don trying to teach his girls independent thought, with the music and with his choice of movies in the first page of this chapter. The difference between intelligent movies compared to the effects laden crap that is churned out today. Even though Don is still raging and in pain, he puts his demons aside and puts his daughters first, second, and third. How many other stories on this site goes to such lengths as to emphasize that kind of relationship? I have to say though, that I am dismayed, annoyed and angered that you have not finished this story before you submitted it. With the overabundance of cuckold, submissive men, creampie lovers and size queen stories on this site, I was looking forward to chapter two tomorrow, and any additional chapters within the coming days. Instead, I will be wondering if the next installment will not be until June. The notion that you are waiting for the response of the readers before continuing strikes me as cowardly, you should write for YOURSELF! Not for the same sort of comments from readers who think of this site as their own personal property, yourself! It still amazes me that even though this site is mostly FICTION, there are still commenters who still cannot understand that fiction is largely based on IMAGINATION not REAL LIFE! I want to see if Barbara's lawyer who colluded with the female judge will lose his bar license, will the judge be remove from the bench in disgrace. I want to see if the sisters will lose their marriages also, for their infidelities, especially for turning on their own flesh and blood and supporting a whore. But mostly I want you to finish with what you started, stop doing what some authors do start a excellent story(and this is an excellent story) and wait weeks, months, or years to finish a story. Again, do this for yourself!

very very good! pls continue.

What a great story, especially since no sex was involved. I can't wait until Chapter 2 comes out. Please don't keep all of your readers waiting so long.

A very enjoyable read. Love your sense of humor! Hopefully you've received enough favorable comments to finish it... please don't make us grovel! :-)

Somebody help don,how did he get part custody of the kids, he is so dumb in this story he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near them at least not alone.

I loved your story and did not find it long winded at all. The character development was perfect. I got to know and care for Don, Megan, Robin and Maria and want to know what happens next in their lives.

I also noticed that while the readers seem to love the story, the really harsh critics were other authors I have read on this site. Could that be a little of the green eyed monster showing. I do agree with what others have said, please continue with the story because you want to, not what other's think.

Excellent story. Very well written.

Don't make us wait too long for the next part of the story.

Firstly, excellent part one. Enjoyed it immensely. Have a few worries about Barbara because you already showed her regret in her actions, but I trust you'll work it all out in the end.

Normally, I don't like reading 9 pages of "Loving Wives" stories because of the dribble. Nice and short is reasonable. However, I loved this story. The character development is awesome, and I can definitely see how Don and the girls are family. It's something that I see in my kids. We all have inside jokes and stuff.

I'm concerned how Maria and her friends are going to "help" Don. But it's a minor concern. I definitely can't wait for the next bits ... I want to see Barbara suffer. I wouldn't even mind seeing Robert suffer. Plus, I want to see if the girls can keep this a secret from Barbara.

I usually hate serial or multi part stories, but this is so good I will be back for future chapters. Excellent work.

I usually hate serial or multi part stories, but this is so good I will be back for future chapters. Excellent work.

I can't wait for future chapters, Wow there is a reader out there that thinks Don shouldn't be allowed around his daughters alone. Go figure, their mother sleeps with everything that has a smooth voice and two legs, twist his family and the legal system, but a sweet, loyal dedicated family man shouldn't be exposed to his children. hmmmmmmm I with Maria, leave the friends at home and form a whole new loving family bond.

there are always a few readers that can't read a story without nitpicking. So what if the author took a few questionable liberties, made a few spelling and grammar errors, it doesn't change the overall readability of this story. Author, the continuation or completion of a story, should not be based on the public feedback. If that was the case, very few stories would get completed. As for this first chapter, your feedback has been very positive, what makes you think it won't continue? Enough said.

a really great story and I look forward to the next episodes.It is well written and has caught my interest in a very large way.

with us and cut the chapters down to maximum 4 pages. I don't care if it's 4 or 5 chapters but 9 pages is just to long.

such a good story i didnt want it to end...like with a good book...i wasnt ready to put it down.

Sure, next to no action, but hey, I liked it. Has quite a story. Hope you finish

Keep writing!!! All the potential of a great book!

Hope you continue this and I look forward to the next installments..

....story....

If it was a book, I'd say it was 'un-put-downable'.... lol

I REALLY hope you don't keep us waiting too long for the rest?

PS....

One previous comment was something like 'not much action'.... ha! DON'T be put out by people like this - if he wants 'action' he can always go back to his WWF 'wrestlin' (which no doubt is the height of Drama to this poor unfortunate benighted soul - who, by the way, probably possesses more teeth than brain cells)

Terrific character development. You have written about your characters like you genuinely care about them and it leads your readers to care about them also. The story is pretty original and holds interest. I'm really jealous of your writing skills.

Loved it! Well structured and vivid characters. Thanks.

What a delightful beginning to your story! Being a foodie, I thoroughly enjoyed your descriptive powers regarding Don's culinary talents. I also enjoyed reading your preview of what's to come. I'll be sure to follow along no matter what you have in store for Don, even though I'm hoping that he finds happiness with Maria (or Sophia) in the end. Hopefully Barbara will find someone else, or at least be hit in the face with a pie (not THE PIE though since that would be a waste).

Well developed characters. The story pulls you in slowly but skillfully. Don't even think about not finishing this story. It is too good to leave uncompleted.

Excellent waiting for the rest.

May I Please have More ?

said Dickens in the story I hope you will be writing more of this great story .

Pat

Atlanta,Ga

I love stories with characters that make you want to see what will happen to them. I hope to continue reading more about Don and the women in (or soon to be in) his life.

Love a story that depends on character as well as plot. The way you handle the smart ass dialogue is as good as a professional writer. I am impressed by that as it is hard to do. Please give us more.

I like the character development, but what I particularly like is that the characters actually have a sense of humor. It makes for a fun and enjoyable read. I look forward to the coming installments. You are quite good at this.

Super story! Please finish it.

Boyd

please finsh. I hate when stores are not completed and yours is so good. Thanks for a great store.

Very enjoyable. Please (with chocolate on top) finish it soon.

Great story, finish it soon.

You started to talk about how the wife was suffering but made no mention of anything happening to the sisters. They should suffer too lol.

I have read in a long time. I agree with the sense of humor that the characters seem to have. I love it. Your writing is amazing. Very impressed here. Can't wait for more!

I have come to like the lead characters so, please do not end up hurting them in the end. Barb and the two sisters need some punishment. Financial doom and Social disgrace would be good revenge.

Enjoying reading this story very much. Great characters and character interaction! Please continue and finish this story. Anxiously waiting for the next chapter.

I liked the story but Don is getting on my nerves. I can understand why his wife cheated on him, too fucking goody goody!

and you rarely see it in real life. That's why I hope you will continue the story and show those who have wronged him receive justice. As someone pointed out, EVERYONE who wronged him... family, friends, lawyers, judge, wife, lovers, etc.

<p>

I'm not one of those that like to see revenge, which is different from justice. In fact I prefer to see a reconciliation where there is any hope. Still, it's always nice to see the tables turned or a nice guy getting what he should have earned.

Great, GREAT job of writing, Anxiously waiting for the next chapter

I only looked at this story because I saw it was getting a lot of comments very quickly. I normally avoid this genre like the plague, but I started reading the first few paragraphs, purely out of curiosity, and I was hooked. Started off great, got a little bogged down toward the middle part, and you could use a good editor, but definitely a good story. I hope you continue with it.

author simply needs a lot of help on the techniques of story telling, along with some rudimentary help on punctuation marks. roughly 80 percent of the commas could be eliminated, and a few added to a few other places where they actually should go and the story would flow 80 percent better. <p>

the perspective angle is another thing the writer needs to work on. use first person, secondary, or third person perspective. or use an omnipotent one. but don't jump back and forth among all of them.

Though I like the general direction of the story, but often it sound like a cooking/eating class.

This is supposed to be LW catergory and yet most of the time it appear to be man slaving section.

Where is the loving from the so called wife or at least wife to be?

After saving her life, I am sure he is entittle to more than just cooking and cleaning the kitchen!

What about letting him heating up and licking up the lady's oven?

<p align="left">I really enjoyed this story! You have a true story-telling gift. Please don't let a few overly harsh critics get you down. Take the constructive ones and the extremely positive comments(like mine) and run with it...for you have tapped into an interesting world that many have had to deal with. The struggle to let something go, no matter how much someone has wronged you. And the discovery of something new and hopefully amazing. This story is very different from many works on this site, and I hope you do finish it. I'll leave you with a quote from a surprisingly good movie...Ratatouille. Yes, the cute little Disney movie. But there was a quote in the movie that really touched me. And as a fellow author on this board, I read it from time to time when I get down and doubt myself for whatever reason.--Soular

<p align="left"><p><i>In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.</p></i><p align="left">

one of the best i have seen on this site

What a wonderful tale! I can't wait to read more.

was everone else reading the same story i attempted to read??? The first part about the divorce and the sharing of assets seemed unreal to me. Admittedly i dont know much about matrimonial law in the USA but that all sounded wrong to me. After the first page i just couldnt go on. I couldnt put myself through the torture. Im sorry...

Strong build up!Very good plot!I think barbara needs a lesson!

A well written story with nicely developped and attaching characters. The humor is omnipresent. I LOVE this author's work! Bravo!

LeFrog08

OK, I'm hooked. I could all but taste THE PIE, and THE CAKE was making my mouth water... AND I DON'T DO CHOCOLATE!! This was so easy to get hooked on, so please give us more. As for which direction to take, well... How about all fo them? Just keep it going!

I loved this story - Started reading and just couldn't stop!!

Please, for the love of everything, keep writing!!

you got twice as many comments on this one story then all others combined. i think that's enough for a sequel.

Is there to be a part 2 in the near future?

And you suffer from a bad case of comma-itis.

Please, go for the sequel , thanks!

I just happened upon Sophie Pt1 and found it a great read, sure there may have been parts in the telling that could have been tighter, but when someone has a passion for the story they are telling this can be overlooked. I have paid good money for stories by "professional" story tellers/ writers that have not held my interest as well as this story.

Just one thought on the feed back, you have received so much positive feedback from so many readers by telling the story your way don't let the few negative readers worry you, if they don't like it they don't have to read it.

Keep up the great work I'm looking forward to Sophie Pt2, Pt3, Pt4, Pt5, ... ad infinitum

can't wait for more

don't leave this unfinished! Stumbled across this and can't wait for the balance.

or may the Wrath of Monti Python be apon you.

Waitin in anticipation

I'm so glad that I clicked on this story! You have a fantastic writing style. In one moment, I'm totally focused and could feel all the pain & emotions riding out through some of these characters, then in the next moment I'm cracking up laughing at something entirely different. I am really enjoying this story so far and I totally love your sense of humor.

This is an awesome story!!! I love all the little details of the interaction between people. You've made the guy just a little bit too superhuman but that moves the story along. Wonderful Story!!! Looking forward to the sequel!

-- Jim

THE STORY. Be right back, reading chapter 2.

I stopped reading after that the Judge brought in a Financial expert from the wife banks and that the Judge ruled with NO legal basis whatsoever that the husband Must of had extra money put away.

pathetically absurd story

As promised after re-reading your story I will give it a 100%. And PLEASE keep writing.

An amazing story one of the finest on literotica but why is it called Sophia? xx

I enjoyed reading the story, it seems very real to life with a bit of humor mixed with raw life. Thanks.....Rich

its not quite 75, more like 90 ish bc whats the point of the title? also, i kinda bummed at how his friends, family and coworkers acted towards him-that was fuc*ed up. very interesting story and i look forward to finishing it.

I have to admit, I think this is excellent writing. I'm also looking forward to more of this. It's refreshing and the details DO matter. Once again...excellent. You are definately a writer.

Give yourself a solid 90% rating. Your story is like THE PIE, I keep sneaking back hoping for another piece. anon jerry

I could not find any thing in it which was not palatable except maybe a few typographical errors which may easily be condoned.

A most enjoyable and mouth watering experience.

I read this awhile ago and just had to read it again.It's just as good the second time.

Your character development is captivating. I'm drawn to the next chapter.

This would make an excellant TV mini series.

Please finish this funny and heart-warming story.

but please, please learn where NOT to put commas!

Great story & I enjoyed the humor especially. Keep up the good work!

Your lack of editor kills this story, with typos and grammar fuck-ups all over the place. I don't know how so many people managed to read it and rate it so highly, as I couldn't get through the first two pages. On the other hand, its pretty high quality writing if you're an ESL writer, so props on your work. You just need a good editor or two to run your things by.

Long story short, the biggest problems are

1) I can't get through this story since the grammar is so bad

2) I can't read the next stories in the series, which seem to have a much better sense of grammar, because I need to read the first story in order to get a sense of how the series starts off.

Revising this story would fix both of these problems.

I also agree that you need to have an outside editor with real English skills do some editing on this but the does not mean that his isn't a jewel in the rough. Get it through a couple of rewrites and this could easily end up a decent bodice ripper. The humor alone makes it worthwhile.

Unreal, grammer nazzis so many CRAP stories on this site and here we have one that has balance! the nay sayers should shut up and put up or just rate and leave!