by andalite23
This story has so many flaws; I don’t have the time to list them.
If you insist on continuing to write, find an editor.
Find yourself an editor and take a bit more care if you are going to attempt another story. Also, I query as to whether this is the right section for a story like this as it is leaning towards BDSM to me.
I felt like I was reading a boring medieval fairy-tale. I am sorry if English isn't your first language, but wow this piece of refuse fails on grammar on a massist level.
Next time, make her actually need punished, don't make the brother and father look like sadistic vindictive assholes
I have know idea where you are from, but if this is part of your atmosphere, it is very sick.
Keep trying to write, you'll get better, you have a good imagination.
Brandon needs to find excuses to spank his sister, but be more gentle about it. Use his hands only. And in between "hits", gently run his hands between her legs and finger her pussy and ass. Eventually she'll be begging him to spank her for fun and excitement.
And he needs to quickly find a way to get to spank his mom! Spank her hard enough that she'll look for other ways to "pay her debts" like sucking his dick instead of getting her ass beat by her son. Maybe she even lets him fuck her instead of the spankings!
Father should have his ass whipped.
Although, how would be s good time for her brother to do some finger fucking.
What sort of assholes live in that house. It makes Cinderella and her stepmother seem like a normal family. Was their last name Trump?
This is pure fetish/fantasy of someone who wants to, or already does, discipline his wife and/or girlfriend and children via spanking.
You may like it, or not, but it certainly isn't literature of any form.
If you keep on this, dedicate more time and details in the spanking scenes and include mom in the matter ... we'd see
That is just plain child abuse. Dad needs to have his other arm broken along with both of the brothers. Sadly, one star is as low as I can go.
I couldn’t not even get through the first few paragraphs. Please, I understand that grammar seems trivial, but it really pulls your readers out of the story when your writing is constantly changing tense (please pick one, either present or past tense, but I think that past tense works better), and there are other mistakes.
I can’t comment on the content because I couldn’t get through the story. Get an editor!
Talking about now while telling a story in the past makes no sense. The do instead of did annoyed me, and the dad and brother annoyed me to no end. This story was in fact, DOG SHIT
I like this author’s stories, they are super naughty and hot. I really hope to read more like this :)
how so many actually took the time to notify the author of how bad his story is. Obvious sheep mentality.
I thought something erotic would come out of this story like brother sister sex. It's just terrible. I gave 1. STAR which will pull down the rating more than not rating it.
This isn't very well written and is also completely missing anything resembling actual erotic content, or incest, or discipline. Its not even BDSM.
This story is just straight up abuse. -1 Star.
I feel her name should be Cinderella. A spanking and then nothing? Sorry but no. I was hoping something would happen but nothing did but pure boredom.
Sorry but I could only muster 2 stars, and that was being generous. First story I've read by you but it will probably be the last. I liked nothing about this story. The only thing that would even suggest it was incest was that Brandon had a hard on when he was getting ready to spank her. Any why would a father NOT be able to use his left hand? Even for the remote or wiping his own @$$? That is really lame.
It was not that bad don't worry. You just didn't put the right tag on it. Cheer up :)
Write more!! Please, your stories are too good. Write about the mother getting spanked, both by the dad and the son. Love your stories!
BRUHHH WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS!?!? ITS GODDAMN ABUSE :( THOUGHT IT WAS GONNNA BE HELLA KINKY BUT THEN THEY WERE ABUSING OVER A DUMBASS MISTAKE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK -10 STARS DO NOT RECOMMEND PLEASE DONT READ
The scenario is acceptable but the penmanship is pathetic, an English teacher would most probably refuse to mark a story with this many errors if it was submitted by a teenage pupil.