Spellman Ch. 11

Saturday, July 27th, 2013

Riley spoke in a quiet voice, much less confident than I had ever seen her. "Hi, Ryan." She shifted uncomfortably and looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude on anything, I just...was, was that Melissa Dixon?"

"I thought I told you I wasn't ready to talk to you, Riley."

Now she looked me in the eyes. "No, you said you weren't interested in talking to me, but we need to. This isn't something that can be put off. We need to settle things between us before the school year starts and the other teachers, or even the kids, start to wonder why Miss Jackson and Mr. Dillon don't like each other."

"Well now at least one teacher is going to know. Probably two, since I assume she's going to talk to her roommate about it."

"So that was Miss Dixon, shit. Seriously Ryan, are you planning to sleep with all of the teachers at Spellman? You haven't even been here a week! What's next, you going to fuck Tori Russo too?" I must have made a face or blushed or something, because Riley's eyes immediately went wide. "Holy shit, you already did, didn't you?"

I looked away and rubbed the back of my neck, mumbling "Tori and I dated in high school." She started to speak again but I shut her down with a stern look and a raised finger. "Not that it's any of your business. First, I obviously didn't know you were a teacher at Spellman when we slept together, and if I'm remembering correctly, you were the one who instigated that."

"Now wait a second-"

"I'm not done." She shut up. "You don't actually know anything about me or who I am, not really. Part of that is my fault. There were some things I wasn't ready to share after only knowing you for a couple hours, but I was open to moving forward and doing that at an appropriate time. Maybe this was just some meaningless fling on the side from your boyfriend, whether he knew about it or not, I don't really care at this point, but it meant something to me in the moment. It really fucked me up when you ghosted me."

Melissa chose that moment to emerge from my room dressed in her clothes from the previous night, which served as a reminder that I was still standing there in the doorway in nothing but my underwear. She slid past me and out the door of the apartment. "Hey, Riley. Good to see you. Ryan, I'll...um, talk to you later?"

"Yeah, I'll call you tonight, or maybe stop by if it's okay."

"Sure, just let me know. Thanks for the, um, dinner. Bye." She beat a hasty retreat down the stairs, but was back before I could even gather my thoughts to start talking again. "I just remembered that Tori drove us over last night and I don't have my car here."

"Let me get dressed and I'll drive you home." I looked at Riley, whose eyes just kept bouncing back and forth between me and Melissa. "There's a coffee shop on the corner. If you want to talk, I'll be there in about forty-five minutes. Okay?"

Riley just nodded and turned away without another word while Melissa followed me back into my apartment. "So...what the fuck was that?"

I sighed and covered my face with my hands. "Pretty much what it looks like. Can we not talk about this right now? I'm sure Tori will want details too and I'd rather not have to go over it more than once."

"Sure, that's fine, but can I just ask one thing?"

"I guess so."

"Who gives better head?"

I laughed, releasing some of the insane tension that had built up over the last few minutes. "Definitely you." Melissa beamed. I couldn't tell her that I didn't actually have anything to compare because Riley hadn't blown me the night we hooked up, but I also had a hard time believing that anyone could suck a dick better than Melissa could. So I'd let her enjoy the win, even if it was by default. I threw on some jeans and a t-shirt before a quick trip to the bathroom to brush my teeth and spruce up my hair a bit with a little splash of water from the sink. When I came back out to the living room Melissa was furiously tapping away on her phone.

"Are you really telling Tori already?"

She had the decency to blush. "Not exactly. I just told her I had a really juicy secret and now she's trying to guess what it is."

"What has she guessed so far?"

"Her first guess was that I let you fuck my ass."

"Wow. Is that...uhhhh...something you're interested in?"

She shook her head. "Definitely not. I tried it once with my ex, and he was a lot smaller than you and I still didn't enjoy it. No way I'm letting your monster anywhere near that hole."

"I never really saw the appeal myself."

"Some people seem to really like it," she shrugged, "but no, not for me."

We made our way out to my car and I started driving Melissa home. I could tell that she was ready to burst with questions about me and Riley but she was able to restrain herself. "I promise I'll answer your questions next time we all get together. Honestly, I have a lot of questions for Riley myself."

"You really didn't seem happy to see her. Oh shit, wait! Is that why you were so pissed off after Meet the Teacher on Thursday?"

I grimaced. "Yes. That's why."

"I thought you were a bit more wound up than made sense for being annoyed at a bitchy mom, even for Ms. Carrington."

"We're starting to have more of a conversation about this than I want to get into right now."

"Right, sorry." She zipped and locked her lips, which made me smile.

"You're too damn adorable."

"Mmm mmm," she mumbled through her zipped lips.

We finished the drive back to Melissa's apartment in silence, me focused on keeping my emotions settled and Melissa tapping away on her phone, probably still texting with Tori. I stopped right at the stairs to let her out.

"Thanks for everything, Ryan. I had a really great time last night, and I wish we could have had a bit more time today. Let me know when you want to talk about all this. If you want to, it's really none of my business, even though I'm insanely curious."

"No, we'll talk about it. It's been something I've been wanting to get off my chest, and now that the secret's out, I might as well get your thoughts on it. I wish we could have have more time together this morning, too. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Sounds good." She leaned over and gave me a kiss before hopping out of the car. "Later, Ryan." I think she gave her ass a little extra shake just for me as she bounced up the stairs to her apartment.

I wasn't quite ready to head back and talk to Riley right away, so I just sat there in my car collecting my thoughts for a minute. My car door opened and someone climbed into the back seat. Confused, I turned around to find Gina—the Korean girl who lived across from Melissa and Tori—in my car, looking down at her phone.

"Uh, hi?"

She looked up in surprise. "Oh, you're not my Uber."

"I am not."

"Well then why are you idling out here in front of the stairs?"

"I just dropped Melissa off."

"Right, I saw her when I was coming out." She smirked. "She seemed quite happy. What are you doing dropping her off this morning?"

"We just got back from volunteering at the Children's Hospital."

"Oh. That's cool. So you were working with Courtney?"

"With who?" Clearly I had stumbled into a lie I was not prepared to follow-up.

"Courtney. She's the volunteer coordinator. Bigger girl, dirty blonde hair?"

"Oh yeah, totally. Courtney."

Gina started laughing. "Okay, you definitely were not volunteering at the Children's Hospital. The volunteer coordinator's name is Shannon, and she's a petite black woman."

"And you know that how?" I asked.

"Because that's where I work. I'm a nurse."

"Okay then, I guess you got me. We were not volunteering at the Children's Hospital."

"So then what were you doing?" she asked with a wink.

"Volunteering at the adult's hospital?"

"HA! Good one. It's okay, you don't have to say it, we both know."

I shrugged. "If you say so."

"You're a weird dude, Ryan." Another car pulled up. "There's my actual ride. I'm sure I'll see you around if you're going to keep 'volunteering' with Melissa."

"You probably will. Bye, Gina."

Free of my unexpected passenger, I was as ready to go as I was ever going to be. My thoughts were jumbled as I tried to figure out exactly what I wanted to say to Riley. Did I actually want answers to the many questions I'd had bouncing around in my head? Would knowing why she left—or why she hooked up with me while she already had a boyfriend—really help things, or would it just give me more reasons to be mad? Was it possible for me to just get over it and move forward as if nothing happened? Almost certainly not, at least not right away. But we started working together on Monday, so I'd have to try.

Once I parked at the coffee shop I gave one last thought to just going home instead, but now that we each knew who the other was it's not like truly ghosting her in return was really a possibility at this point. So, resigned to the confrontation, I made my way inside. It took me a few moments to spot Riley. She was sitting back in a secluded corner of the coffee shop, her nose buried in a book. I hated the way my heart still skipped a beat at the sight of her. She was too damn beautiful. My brain wanted to be mad at her but my body was screaming at me to just grab her and kiss her. Fuck, this was not going to be very easy. I took a deep breath in through my nose and then exhaled before walking over. She didn't notice me until I sat down across from her.

"Fuck!" she said, startled. "A guy your size shouldn't walk so quietly." Riley closed her book and put it away in her purse.

"I don't think I'm particularly stealthy, you just seemed pretty engrossed in your book. What are you reading?" It probably wouldn't help to start out with immediate hostility, so maybe this would settle things and bit and make the conversation flow a bit more easily once we transitioned into more difficult topics.

She pulled the book back out and placed it on the table between us. "The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman. It's good. Have you read any of his stuff?"

"Oh yeah, I've been meaning to pick that up. I like Gaiman, read a few of his books. Good Omens, American Gods, Anansi Boys. I never read Stardust but it's a great movie."

"I love Stardust, it's one of my favorite movies. Not as good as The Princess Bride, but same sort of thing." She was smiling, and I found it hard not to smile in return. There was a moment of connection between us as we looked into each other's eyes, but then she turned away and it was gone. She cleared her throat. "So, I guess we need to clear the air a bit."

"A bit." All of the warmth that had existed between us just a few seconds ago fled so quickly that I almost shivered.

"I'm not sure where to start."

"Let's start with the fact that you have a boyfriend, right?

"I do," she said, and she at least had the decency to look a bit ashamed.

"The best case scenario in my head was that you had broken up over the summer, but since that's not the case, I guess I'd like to know what you were doing on a dating app, messaging me, coming out to meet me, and then coming back to my apartment. Were you cheating on him, or did he know what you were doing?"

"Neither?" she said, not sounding entirely sure of her answer.

"I'm not following."

Riley's face scrunched up in an expression that was too fucking cute. Shit, why does she have to be so damn attractive? "It's complicated. Can I just try to explain everything from the beginning?"

"Sure, go ahead." I sat back and crossed my arms.

"So yes, I have a boyfriend. We've been together for almost seven years. A few weeks ago, he brought up the idea of 'opening up our relationship.' He said that we'd been together so long that we needed to do something to bring some fresh excitement into our lives, but really I think his new T.A. was really flirty and he wanted to act on that."

"Okay, I'm following you so far." This guy sounded like a fucking idiot. He's got a girl like Riley and he wants something different? That must be one smoking hot T.A.

"Last Friday was the night he was set to sleep with her for the first time. My roommate convinced me that if he was going to be out having sex with someone else, then I should too. When we talked about opening our relationship it was two-sided, at least in theory, but I don't think my boyfriend ever actually expected me to make use of it."

"So basically I was just a way for you to get back at your boyfriend."

Riley gave me grimace and sort of sunk into herself. "Yeah, basically."

"Great, thanks. I feel a lot better now."

"That's just why I got on the app in the first place, though! I really did like you once we met. I definitely would not have ended up sleeping with just any guy just to get back at my boyfriend. You said we had a connection that night, and you were right, we did."

I wasn't sure how to feel about that, and it still didn't explain why she had left so suddenly. "So then why did you leave in the middle of the night. You weren't cheating, technically at least, and you seemed to enjoy our time together."

"I woke up to my phone getting a bunch of calls and texts. First from my roommate, and then from my boyfriend. It turns out that he didn't end up going through it. He said that when they got back to her place, he felt too guilty and realized he couldn't sleep with someone else."

Well, at least the guy wasn't a complete idiot. Or maybe he was, since his actions led to his girlfriend having sex with me and he didn't even get anything out of it himself. "So you felt guilty and bailed as soon as you could."

"Pretty much. Ryan, I'm really sorry. I was serious when I told you I really wasn't that kind of girl. The whole situation was really confusing and I got in over my head with you."

"I get it. Well, not really, to be honest, but at least I'm starting to have a better picture of things. So now what? You admitted your indiscretion and now you and your boyfriend are back to monogamy?"

Riley gave me another pained look. "I haven't exactly told him what happened last Friday. As far as he knows I just got really drunk at home with my roommate and passed out early so I missed his calls."

"Whatever, it's your relationship. That's between you and him, I guess," I said. I sighed. "I wish you wouldn't have just completely ghosted me. A note before you left, or at least a message on the app would have been nice."

"I tried to send you a message! You never read it!"

"What? No you didn't. You even deleted your profile after I had messaged you on Saturday morning."

"I didn't want my boyfriend to see the app on my phone. But I sent you a message from my roommate's account, Tiffany."

Are you fucking kidding me? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened up the dating app. There in my inbox was an unopened message from Tiffany, the one that had made me throw my phone across the room. I tapped to open the message.

Ryan, this is Riley on my roommate's account. I'm really sorry, but I won't be able to see you again. It's not your fault. You seem like a great guy and I had an amazing time.

I started laughing. This was fucking ridiculous.

Riley seemed confused. "What's so funny?"

I gestured at my phone. "This. Everything. I spent all weekend checking my phone every few minutes like a fucking idiot hoping I'd hear something from you. When I saw I had a notification from the app I unlocked my phone like it was a damn Christmas present, but when it was a message from some girl named Tiffany instead of something from you I literally threw my phone across the room. Of course you sent me a message from your roommate's account, I should have realized. How silly of me."

Riley didn't say anything, she just stared at me with a curious look on her face for what felt like a full minute. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, whatever."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you so upset by this? I mean, I get it, it's probably not fun getting ghosted, but I figured most guys would be okay with a one-night stand and then never having to hear from the girl again."

I folded my hands together and placed them on the table in front of me. I'd been trying to formulate an answer to that question myself, and over the past week I think I had mostly figured it out. "Look, first off, like I told you that night, I'm really not that kind of guy either. Would you believe me if I told you that was my first ever one-night stand?" Riley seemed a little surprised by that, but didn't say anything. I cleared my throat. "At this point three months ago, I was engaged." She was definitely surprised by that. "The breakup, and everything around it, was a really difficult time for me. As my best friend put it, I was 'a real downer.' Getting a fresh start away from all of that is one of the reasons I moved back down here. You were the first girl I slept with after my breakup. You were the first girl I had slept with besides my fiancée, ex-fiancée, in almost seven years. I know I'm being overdramatic about this. I guess I'm still on the rebound or whatever, even though it's been a few months now, but when I met you I felt like I was finally starting to move on with my life and that maybe it was going to be possible for me to find another special person again. I know it's silly and way too many emotions invested into a hookup, but that's who I am, and it's how I felt. So yeah, that's why I'm so upset."

"Ryan, I'm so sorry. I...I had no idea."

"I know you didn't. It doesn't matter. What's done is done. I'll get over it."

"You seem to already be getting over it pretty well from what I saw with Melissa." I thought I detected a hint of jealousy in her voice, which actually bothered me. She didn't have the right.

"I'm not discussing that with you."

"Why not? The situation is pretty obvious."

I started to get up from the table. "I think I got what I needed out of this. I'm not going to pretend that you're my favorite person right now, but I think we can at least work together."

"Wait, please. Don't go yet."

"What?" I asked as I returned to my seat.

"For whatever it's worth, I just want you to know that what you were feeling that night, it wasn't fake. I know I wasn't honest with you, about both my motivations and my intentions, but that connection we had, it was real. I'm sorry it ended the way it did."

I sat there for a few moments, slowly nodding my head as I bit my upper lip and processed what she had said. "I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse." I stood back up. "Bye, Riley. I guess I'll see you at the school on Monday."

She nodded, her face tight, and I thought I saw some moisture building in her eyes before she looked away. "Yeah. See you Monday."

I left the coffee shop before either of us had the chance to say anything else. Our conversation had been a positive thing overall, I thought. At least now I had some answers to the questions that had bothering me all week. Riley wasn't a completely terrible person—she hadn't ghosted me out of pure malice or spite. I still wasn't very happy about everything, though. She had been dishonest from the start, even if her situation was complicated. I couldn't pretend that I fully understood everything going in in her relationship. I had never asked about her relationship status and just made some assumptions, but I thought they were pretty reasonable ones that she could have and should have been upfront about. She was also still hiding the fact that she had hooked up with someone from her boyfriend, which made me think that she wasn't someone I really would have wanted to be with long-term anyways. Obviously it would be a hard conversation, but in my opinion it was a necessary one, especially if she'd been with the guy for that long. Relationships were built on trust, and honesty was more than just not lying when faced with a direct question. Her attitude about everything made me doubt that Riley was the sort of person I could have been in a relationship with, so maybe the fact that all we had was that one night was a good thing. It was still probably going to make for some awkward moments at work, but that couldn't be helped at this point. I could move forward and leave all the what-ifs about Riley behind me now.