Spirits in the Material World Pt. 10

"Davey, please tell me more about your mom," Maggie requested. "You neatly skipped by discussing how her death has affected you. You hoped I'd forgotten, didn't you?"

"Honestly, Magpie, yes, I was hoping that by not answering, it would be left behind. This is really difficult for me, so please try to understand that this may come out fragmented and disjointed. Well, to let you in on a secret that even my dad doesn't know, I was the last one to speak with Mom before she passed away. I don't know if that makes it any more special, but I gave her my blessing to move on. But I didn't really mean it." He broke down, sobbing. "We used to talk about very personal things, things we never shared with anyone else. She never spoke to me of things between her and Dad, nor anything about Tom. But she would share some of her feelings with me that she said she never shared with anyone else. And she would encourage me to tell her stuff, too."

Maggie hugged David closer, kissing his temples and forehead. "It sounds a bit like she was your best friend in some ways."

"Yeah, in some ways. I still get these flashes of anger at God, and the Universe, for taking her away, for taking her from me! I never let anybody see that, though. Gotta keep it locked down, shut away. Can't share that with Dad or Tom or anybody."

"Can I try to be your best friend now?" Maggie asked, softly. "Can you tell me one secret thing that I will promise never to share with anybody?"

David kissed her cheek, and whispered, "I really wanna make love to you, Maggie. But I'm holding off until we get things sorted out. And it's driving me crazy, having to wait. Having you so close to me, having you so willing. But Mom would be so unhappy with me. I know she's hanging around. Ok. Here's the secret: she told me that when it's my time to pass on, she will be there to guide me." And he dropped his head to her shoulder and sobbed and bawled and shook with the intensity of his feelings.

* * * * *

Rose came to her senses after just a few minutes. She was alone in the bed and she heard Alan's sobs coming from his bathroom. Stiffly, tenderly, she wobbled across the bedroom floor and tapped on the frame as there was no door to the bathroom. Alan looked up from his leaning over the sink basin. His face was a mask of grief that tore at Rose's heart. She wobbled up to him which set him off again.

"Alan, darling, whatever is wrong?"

"Me. I'm what's wrong, Rose." Alan dropped to his knees at her feet, his head bowed. "I'll understand if you want to pack up and leave. I don't know how I'll explain it to the boys, though. I'm so, so sorry, Rose. Please don't prolong this. Say what you came to say. I deserve every syllable of your vitriol."

She sank to her knees and hugged him tightly to her naked body. "Wait, wait. What vitriol are you expecting from me? Do you seriously think I am in ANY way upset? Oh, no, Alan! You gave me just what I asked for, just what I wanted, maybe just what I needed. You were perfect for me. You ARE perfect for me."

"But I disrespected you. I called you a slut. I claimed you as mine."

"Yes, you called me those things, just like I asked you. You did not disrespect me. Your words were not respectful, granted, but I did not want your respect. I wanted you to let me loose and to let loose yourself and have me the way you wanted, the way I wanted. And you did." Rose reached for a hand towel to dry Alan's face, caringly, lovingly. "Come back to the bed, Alan. We can talk better if we are laying face to face. It'll be easier on our knees, too."

Once they were resettled in the bed, Rose pulled Alan close and kissed his eyelids, his nose, finally reaching his mouth. She lingered there for a solid ten minutes, and Alan could not help but return her kisses. Then she pushed herself back far enough to talk and to look into his eyes.

"Alan, sweetheart, what was it, really, that upset you so?"

"Rose, I think it came down to the hairpulling and the name-calling. That, plus your passing out on me again."

"It was all just sex play, Alan. The passing out was my body's way of dealing with the overload of pleasure you gave me. I have never passed out on anyone, sexually, before and you have caused me to do so twice this weekend! You've already written your name into my record books. I did not tell you to pull my hair, but I loved it! I asked, no, I demanded that you take control, and you did so very well."

They lay there, face to face, occasionally caressing the other's face and kissing until Alan calmed down. He rolled over to look at the clock which showed the time as 5:12 pm. He continued to roll and proceeded to roll off the bed to stand. Extending his hand to his lover, he said, "Come, Rose. We should shower briefly and then see what our children would like to do for supper." Rose rolled off her side of the bed and walked around to take his hand in hers. They cleaned each other in the shower and it was 5:40 when they emerged. Rose dressed in yoga pants and put on the "Old Goat Patrol" t-shirt Alan had lent her; Alan was in sweatpants with his "Untrainable" t-shirt. Both were barefoot as they descended to the main level.

Arriving hand in hand in the kitchen, David was headfirst in the refrigerator, looking for something for supper and finding very little from which to choose. Maggie was seated at the kitchen table, positioned to watch David's backside as he unconsciously waggled it from side to side, unintentionally teasing her.

"See anything appetizing," Rose asked. Simultaneous responses of "No, not really" and "Oh, yes indeed!" were heard from the younger members. David stood quickly, almost catching his head on the freezer door handle, and he gave Maggie a quizzical look. Maggie just shrugged her shoulders and tried to look innocent.

"Well, we had Italian last night and Mexican today for lunch. Does anybody have any suggestions?" Alan asked.

"Thai?" offered Maggie. Alan grimaced at her suggestion.

"Thai food has never sat well with my mundane palate, nor with David's. How about Chinese from Panda Express? You can get rice or noodles or both and you can get the spicier entrée just for yourselves. We're both Orange Chicken guys."

"That will be acceptable," Rose declared. "Let's place the order online and send the youngsters to go fetch it. You can see neither of us are dressed to go out in public."

That statement garnered a short of amused acceptance from Maggie. They passed the time between ordering and leaving to retrieve the food by sitting at the dining table and just talking. When it was time, David arose and extended his hand to Maggie. Surprising everyone else, she declined, stating that she needed to speak with Rose, preferably without David's ears being present. As the order had been prepaid, David went alone, slightly puzzled and deep in thought. As soon as the front door was closed behind David, Maggie took Rose's and Alan's hand in hers.

"Mom, Dad," she began, and Alan's eyes grew wide with surprise at her calling him "Dad". "There's stuff between David's ears that he really needs to unburden himself of. And I am way too logical and scientific to be of much help to him. He is still hurting, badly, from his mom's death. It's affecting his relationships, with me, with Tom, and even with you, Dad. I'm rather scared for him."

"Can you give me a concrete example, please?" Alan asked.

"He is really torn up inside because he believes he lied to Laura at the end. He told her she had his blessing to pass on. But he told me that he didn't mean it. He has never been OK with her death, and he's isolating himself from the world because of it. He is still angry with God for taking her. I feel bad about telling you this, but I could not allow it to go untold."

"Thank you for sharing your concerns, Maggie. Laura told me that she did not really believe his words and that I should consider getting him some help. By the way, he was not the last one to speak with her." Alan's tears started streaming in memory. Brokenly, he managed to say, "We were holding hands at the last and we both said, 'I love you, always' at the end, and then she closed her eyes and passed away." After a couple of minutes to compose himself, Alan continued. "Please never disabuse him of his belief that he was the last to speak with Laura. I fear that would crush him completely."

"Why does David believe he was the last?" Rose inquired.

"He thinks I had gone to the restroom to clean my face, which I had. When I came back, he was with her, so I backed down the hall a few steps and hid behind a cart of linens until he left. Then I went back in and she was still with us, for just a few more minutes. Once the nurse confirmed she was gone, I had to go back to the restroom to re-wash my face, then I met them out in the waiting room to tell them that Laura was gone."

Rose and Maggie turned to look at the wedding photo on the wall behind Alan. Both ladies signed at the losses these men had had to endure. The conversation lagged until David returned with their supper. Plates, glasses, and utensils were quickly gathered, and the four sat to eat after Alan had asked the meal's blessing.

"Kids," Rose began, "I'm still mulling over the job offer for the AgCU General Manager position. There are simply a lot of factors to consider and weigh."

"What? Why, Mom?" Maggie blurted. "What is there to consider?"

"It's funny you ask that, Mags. Many of the subsequent decisions seem to revolve around you."

"Me? How so?" Maggie's eyes narrowed as she nearly glared at her mother.

"Well, dear heart, there's the timing issue, what with your last half-year of high school to go. Do we transfer you down here? Do we remain in Centreville and I have a 200+ mile daily commute? Just hold your horses before you jump in, please," Rose intercepted Maggie's pending objections. "We could also consider allowing you to remain up there by yourself, but that simply will not happen, young lady.

"Next, assuming we move down here: where would we live?"

"Why not here with Dad, I mean Alan?" Maggie gave Alan as winning a smile as she had in her repertoire at her 'slip of the tongue'.

"Well, let's think about that out loud for a bit. Sure, I would hope Alan would share his room with me." Rose gave Alan a big wink which he returned with a broad smile. "But where would you and your stuff go? The front bedroom? Tom's room? Then where would Tom and Jules go when they were 'home' on break from school?" Rose smiled sadly as the realization of the complexities began to register with Maggie.

David had remained silent throughout the meal. He was still rather put out by Maggie's not going with him to pick up the food from Panda Express. What did she need to talk with Rose about? Having finished his meal, he gathered up his plate, glass, and silverware and headed for the kitchen. Alan watched with concern as David did not offer to take anybody else's table setting, nor any of the leftover food. "He must be wrapped up in his own thoughts, or misery," Alan mused.

Alan arose and gathered the plates and silverware to take them to the kitchen. Looking around, all he could see was David's dirty dishes in the sink; no sign of David. He deduced that his son must have gone to the basement. Alan chose to focus on cleaning up from the meal before speaking with David. Alan returned to the dining room and missed the next part of Rose's discussion with Maggie. He ferried the rest of the dinner accoutrements and the leftovers to the kitchen, then loaded up the dishwasher and started it. Putting away the leftovers into the refrigerator, he felt Rose's arms encircling his waist and her cheek against his back.

"Whatcha thinkin' about, Alan?" Rose inquired.

"I probably ought to discuss things with David and I'm just not up to doing that right now. Several closely held details have come to light today, and I think we might need some time for the dust to settle. Did he seem as lovey-dovey towards Maggie to you when he returned with the food? Maybe there are still shock waves being dealt with from this morning.

David had remembered he needed to complete his laundry before heading back to school on Sunday. After taking his plate and silverware to the kitchen sink, he descended to the laundry area. He was of a mind to keep himself apart as he tried to think through things. After all, nobody else here was going to do his laundry for him, anymore. He was convincing himself that he needed to find somewhere else to stay. His occupying his room was causing difficulties for Rose (and for Maggie). If he didn't come back, there would be plenty of room for the rest of them, including Tom and Julie. Presto! No more problem.

He got the washed clothes into the dryer and started one last load in the washer. His dried stuff was already folded, ready to go, but he wanted a bit more time for himself. So, he wandered over to his art corner and sat to consider things. He ended up in a folding chair with his head in his hands, feeling very sorry for himself.

Which is how Alan found him. He had heard David starting the washer and dryer and after about five minutes, Alan had come down to investigate. Alan did not believe himself to be very skilled with the emotional side of his sons and he had left that primarily for Laura. In her absence, he had not changed his practices, and he realized that much of David's self-isolation could be Alan's fault. Sighing, Alan pulled out a folding chair for himself and sat before David. Taking David's hands in his, Alan tipped David's face up to see a flood of tears, which Alan could scarcely make out through his own tears. Alan tugged David closer, into a hug.

"Son, what's wrong?"

"It's just so hard to continue without Mom," David sobbed.

"So, Mom's dying justifies your actions and inaction towards Rose and Maggie this evening? I don't think so. Let's sit here and carve up the elephant, shall we? Why did you just take your dinnerware to the sink and not offer to take anyone else's? Your mother and I raised you better than that."

"I was angry with Maggie for not coming with me to pick up the food. What did she tattle to you and Rose about?" David wasn't certain about that last bit but thought he'd place a shot across the bow just in case. "Besides, the three of you were going great gangbusters together. Wouldn't it simplify things for you all if I gave up my room for Maggie to occupy?"

Alan blushed slightly at David's tattling comment, and David knew it was on the mark. Another strike against Maggie.

"Maggie shared that you were quite unhappy, and she did not believe she was sufficiently skilled to help you. She wanted Rose and me to be aware of this."

"And what's this 'Dad' stuff coming out of her mouth, anyway?"

"I don't know, son. I was as surprised as you when it started. I did not think it was worth making a fuss about it, to address it seemed pointless as it hurts no one."

The two were quiet for a minute, then Alan resumed.

"The six of us here in this house worked for a couple of nights, but it's not a long-term solution. Rose had thought of trying to find a place for us all to move into and have our own spaces. And, in the long run, that's probably a great idea. New place, new traditions, new memories. Your mother's memories practically infest every corner of this house, for all of us. But I had to yank her back from heading down that path too far, too soon. My advice to her was to find a place for her and Maggie and Julie to rent for at least six months, then we can see how things work out over some more time. I'm not ready to commit to anything long-term with anybody, yet, not even Rose, despite how much I like being in her company. Your bedroom is your bedroom, David. I would not accept you giving it up."

"Thank you for that, Dad. I had been circling the drain about how it might be better for everyone if I were somewhere else. I didn't want to go there, but sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one."

"No, son! Regardless of how things work out between Rose and me, you will always have a place to come home to. On my sacred honor, I promise you that!"

The key words, 'sacred honor', sealed the deal for David. He, too, had made an oath on his sacred honor.

"Now, David, why don't you see if you or Maggie have some fences to mend with each other." Alan clapped him on the knee and put his chair away and headed back up the stairs to the kitchen.

* * * * *

David and Alan had risen from the dining table and Alan had cleared the supper remnants while Rose and Maggie had remained, per Alan's gesture. Maggie reached her hand across the table, then decided to change seats to Alan's next to her mother. A brief look of worry crossed Maggie's face.

"Mom," Maggie began, "David was very quiet during supper, don't you think?"

"I honestly wasn't paying him much attention. What's troubling you?"

"Aside from the grace before the meal, David wouldn't hold my hand during supper. And when I placed my hand on his leg, he pulled away from me."

"So, what do you think may have led to this?" Rose asked. "It does seem to be a bit of a shift in attitude on his part. What has changed? What happened?"

"I can't think of anything that changed, Mom. We seemed fine after the movie."

"And then he asked you to go with him to get the food for supper and you declined so you could tell us about your concerns ..." Rose's voice trailed off, trying to get Maggie to work through the issue herself.

"Ohhh," Maggie moaned. "Right. He's probably angry with me."

"You might just be right, little one. Who would you say is mostly at fault, you or him?"

"He is. He's responsible for his actions and reactions."

"Please note that I said 'mostly'. That would indicate that it is probable that both parties are at fault to some degree. Do you think he would be angry if you had not given him cause?"

Maggie, like most humans, did not care to have that mirror held before her face. She did not like to admit her mistakes, least of all to herself. But she had to agree with Rose that she was probably mostly at fault for the rift. Therefore, it should mostly be on her shoulders to try to mend the rift. But how?

"You sit here and think on that for a bit, Mags. I'm going to see if I can help Alan with anything."

Rose got up and headed for the kitchen where she last saw Alan heading.

After a few minutes, Maggie stood and headed to the kitchen. Rose was seated at the kitchen table, and there was a kettle of water on the stove heating, likely for tea or cocoa.

"Where did Alan go?" Maggie asked.

Rose pointed to the stairs to the basement and said, "To go talk with David. Let's give them some time."

"Ok." Maggie pulled up a chair and sat, waiting.

"Alan did not seem very enthusiastic about the prospects of us finding a new place for us all to be together," Rose noted. "He tried to justify his position by asking me how I would have taken the idea if he had proposed it."

"Maybe he's just being cautious, Mom. He's as 'into' you as you are for him, or as I am 'into' David."

"You're probably right, Maggie. He's coming from the widower perspective, and there's so much of Laura here in this house, whereas your father's presence has been negligible for well over 15 years. I'm just so ready. If Alan were to ask me tonight to marry him, I would not even think twice before saying, 'Yes!', and jumping into his arms. This is just going to require patience on all our parts. Every relationship encounters some rough water sooner or later. There's the key, sweetie. You must keep the lines of communication open. Even if he won't talk about things, you need to stay communicative from your side. Oh, sweetie, David is so 'into' you as well, have no fears."

The teakettle started to whistle just then, so Rose stood and removed it from the heat and turned off the stove.