Spontaneous Combustion!

In the first they were walking, arms around each other, at sunset on the path in front of the Sheraton, bad but not terrible. The second one showed them at a table in a dark restaurant kissing. Getting worse. The third showed them on a balcony of a room at the Sheraton, kissing again and it looked like his hand was on her breast. Pretty bad. And then finally, and this one was fuzzy, but it looked like the same room as the previous photo with two people naked behind sheer white curtains. This was bad.

I sat down on a five gallon bucket in the garage of the house. I was devastated. My wife and my best friend. I couldn't believe it. After everything I had gone through those years ago with Mia, and now it was happening again. But worse, much worse.

I was not sure how long I sat but it was over an hour, contemplating my life as I knew it ending. I didn't know what to do. Could I forgive her? Could I forgive him. The answers were, no and fuck no.

And then two things began to happen to me. One: anger started to creep into my brain. White hot anger. Two: I began getting light-headed from the oil based stain that had been applied to the cedar shingle siding.

I saw a bunch of oily rags in a heap in the corner of the garage. I recalled from one of my insurance classes the dangers of oily rags creating a spontaneous combustion. I went to move them, and then suddenly I stopped.

I carefully slipped on a pair of lightweight gloves. I gathered all the rags up and put them in a metal bucket, bunching them into a heap. I poured a little more of the oil based stain into the bucket. I moved a bundle of number one cedar shingles close to the bucket. Then I turned on a space heater near the bucket of oily rags. I then left.

I grabbed the document that Tanner wanted and drove away. Way out here in wine country there were no neighbors close. Further, I had a purpose for being there. If the combustion actually happened how could I be blamed?

I recalled the discussion on spontaneous combustion. It occurs when oily rags or cloth are slowly heated to its ignition point through oxidation. A substance will begin to release heat as it oxidizes. If this heat has no way to escape, like in a pile, the temperature will rise to a level high enough to ignite the oil and ignite the rag or cloth. The fire from this can spread quickly to other combustibles and cause great damage.

I texted Tanner telling him I had the document. Later I received a "thnx" in reply. I also started thinking about Tanner's insurance. It was now lapsed. I had texted him and emailed him about this several times earlier this week. No way I was stopping by to get it. At this moment technically he had no fire insurance.

I thought about Anna. I could not forgive her. There was no way she could know how much she hurt me. I just wish that somehow she could experience the same amount of hurt. After a few minutes an idea began to form. I called Greg Boston, my friend the builder.

We made plans to meet that evening. I told him it was important and urgent.

We met at a small restaurant. He looked at me and could tell something was wrong. He asked and I waved him off.

"Greg, you have asked me about my land several times." I told him and he nodded. "I want to sell but I have a few conditions." I told him. "The most important thing is I want the house and gardens cleared and demo-ed in the next three days."

He nearly choked at the timetable.

"Three days!" He sputtered. "That's impossible!" He told me.

I told him if not, I will find someone that could get this done.

"Hang on Max, let me think." He said.

After a moment he said he thought he could get it done. It would be tight. We discussed a price and one other major condition. We had a gentlemen's agreement. We shook hands and he told me he would start tomorrow.

"Max, as a friend I've got to ask you, what's going on?" He said.

"Greg," I said, "one day we will have that discussion, but today is not that day." I told him.

He nodded and we both departed.

That night my phone buzzed on the nightstand. Tanner. I didn't pick up. When I woke up I had urgent voicemails from Tanner to call him. I took my time. I flipped on the morning news. A four alarm fire in Yamhill county. Wine country. No injuries, the house was vacant. But it was a total loss.

I called Tanner on my way in, he answered desperately.

"Max, the house we were finishing burned down." He said. "I need that cash. When can we get a settlement?" He asked.

"Wait." I said. "What house?" I was turning into a pretty good actor.

He rambled on about the house, his cash flow, which blended into the house he was building for Weingrass on Kauai. He was panicked, jumping around from one subject to another. I was not sure I could help him if I wanted to. And I didn't want to.

"Tanner," I calmly said. "Let me get into the office and take a look at things. We can talk later. You did tell Bernadette to send the check off for the premium?" I asked.

"What!?" He sputtered. "Didn't you get it? I think I asked her. Does that matter?" He continued.

I told him I would look into it and disengaged. He was still talking as I hung up. I had no intention of following up. Our friendship was done. Now I had to deal with Anna.

For the next several days I called Anna and did my best to act normal. I think she sensed something was up but said nothing. I did get a few more pictures from Angel Reynosa. These just corroborated the earlier pictures. Anna and Tanner were screwing.

Tanner continued to call. Each voicemail sounded more desperate.

Anna was due home Monday, the day after tomorrow.

I said nothing to my parents yet. My Dad should not be subjected to any more stress. And I needed my Mom to focus on my Dad.

Greg Boston had multiple heavy equipment vehicles, graders, backhoes, tractors, prepping the land for development. I had a couple of pods delivered and I put all of Anna's personal and business stuff in one. My belongings went into the other. It was so strange to drive up to my property now. The skyline was completely different. No house or gardens.

Anna's flight got in about six PM that Monday. I picked her up and hugged her, but when she went to kiss my lips I turned and the kiss landed on my cheek. She gave me a questioning look. I ignored it and asked how her flight was.

On the way home she could tell something was wrong. We talked for a moment or two about the fire. But I changed the subject after a brief discussion. I was an OK actor, but this betrayal I could not completely camouflage. I suggested we stop at a small bar on the way home.

"Max, I've been traveling for six hours, I just want to get home." She said.

"This will just take a minute," I told her and pulled into the bar.

Once we were seated and had a beverage. She looked at me puzzled.

"What is so important that we had to stop?" She asked.

I handed her the folder with pictures Angel had sent me. I had printed them.

As she opened them she gasped. She looked from the photos to me and back to the photos.

"Max, Max this is not what it looks like," she began. "I hung out with Tanner some, but nothing really happened." She said. "You've got to believe me!"

I had withheld one photo. It showed Anna nude at night

on her balcony, Tanner was behind her cupping each of her breasts. I laid it in front of her.

"Nothing really happened?" I asked.

She was now sobbing. She told me how sorry she was. She said things got out of hand. Tanner was aggressive and persuasive. He made her feel young again. We can get through this. It won't ever happen again. Etc, etc, etc. it was just sex. I was waiting for that one.

"Anna," I said with a calm, controlled anger, "I'm not sure that you understand how deeply you have hurt me. I hope, one day, and it may be soon, you feel this same type of pain." I told her.

"Max, I am so, so sorry." She sobbed. "Can't we just go home and try to work things out?" She pleaded.

"Yes," I said. "It's time to go home." And we left.

I said nothing for the remainder of the drive. Anna sobbed and begged forgiveness. I was silent. I wondered at what point Anna would realize that things had changed. It did not take long.

"Max?" She asked as we got closer. "What, . . . . What is going on?" She saw the heavy equipment and the house flattened.

She kept looking out into the twilight as if she could not believe what she was viewing. I stayed quiet awaiting the reaction.

"Max, Max!" Her head swiveling between the altered view and looking at me. "Where is everything, the house, my office, my gardens!!?" Her voice had risen.

"I decided to develop the property. I received a nice offer for the land." With calmness I told her. "They're going to put twenty eight houses in. I got a really good price. I think it will work out fine." I told her with false enthusiasm.

"You sold our home? What about my gardens? My business?" She was becoming frantic. And then it hit her. "What about my TV show!?" She wailed.

I shrugged my shoulders, palms to the sky in an "oh well" gesture.

Anna walked through what once were her gardens. Pieces of once carefully planted shrubs and flowers mixed with the raw earth where the heavy equipment had churned it up. For several minutes she just stood still surveying the changed landscape.

"Did you do this to hurt me?" She asked. "Is this my punishment?" She screamed at me.

I stayed silent.

"Answer me. Answer me you fucking asshole!!" She shouted. And then she collapsed to a sitting position, tears streaming down her cheeks. Perhaps she was experiencing some of the pain I felt.

I had absolutely no sympathy. "Me hurt you?" I asked with exaggerated incredulity.

"We are married. And you fly off to Hawaii while I'm taking care of my sick Dad and you fuck my best friend." I said to her. "When I found that out I knew my life had changed. Permanently. With that I decided to make some other changes too."

"Your possessions are in this pod." I pointed to the closest one. "And here are your car keys." I handed her the keys. "I need to get to my folks. You may need to stay with your family." I told her and began to walk to my car.

"Max!" She yelled. "So this is it. You ruin my garden, you screw up my career plans, and now you are just leaving? Is that all our marriage is worth to you!?" She asked.

I turned to her and stared. "Don't you dare question MY commitment to our marriage." I told her. "We will talk about things, but not tonight." And I left.

In the office the next morning I told Yasmin all that had happened. She knew most of it. I also told her that Tanner would be calling and to act as my gatekeeper. Yasmin also confirmed that we had never received the premium check from Tanner or Texas-Pacific. Their insurance was lapsed officially last Monday. Three days before the fire at the home in wine country.

Mid morning I received a visit from the Yamhill County fire inspector. Somehow, probably through Tanner, he had been told that I had been at the house on Thursday, the day of the fire.

I told him, yes, I had been there. I was retrieving documents at Tanner's request. He asked if I had observed anything, smelled anything or did anything look out of place? I told him I had only been to the house once before, months ago, so I did not have much to compare to. But no, I observed nothing unusual.

I then asked if they had determined the cause of the fire.

"Nothing official yet, but," he said, "it could have been spontaneous combustion." He told me.

I knitted my brow and looked at him with a confused expression on my face. "Spontaneous . . . what?" I asked.

He went on to explain the properties of spontaneous combustion. I nodded, asked a few inquiring questions, and then he was gone. That was the last I heard from the fire department.

I asked Yasmin to handle Tanner's claim with Guarantor, the company we represent for property and liability insurance. I did not want to be involved with this claim. My anger at Anna was only eclipsed by my anger at Tanner.

Tanner continued to try and call me on both my cell phone and our office line. I ignored the cell phone and Yasmin deflected the office calls. Sounded like he was getting more and more desperate. Yasmin had begun the claims process through Guarantor for Tanner. But, if I knew how insurance companies worked, with a payment in arrears, it might be difficult to collect on the claim.

After multiple attempts I finally accepted Anna's phone call early one afternoon.

"Max," She said. "We need to talk. I am so sorry. I love you so much. I need you." She went on.

I decided this meeting was inevitable. I was still numb from her betrayal, but I wanted to understand it. That she would screw Tanner on what was supposed to be our second honeymoon, was far more than unacceptable.

"Okay," I agreed. "Let's meet at the Koffee Klatch in old town at four PM." I said, I was hanging up as she was agreeing to the meeting.

We met, no hugs or any physical interaction. She kept looking at me, as if to judge my mental state. Angry, sad, forgiving, she wanted to gauge where I was coming from.

I decided to begin.

"Anna," I began. "When we first got together you knew, more than anyone, how damaged I had been from my relationship with Mia in high school . . . . . . "

"I know, and I felt so bad I . . ." She interrupted.

I held up my hand. "Anna, I said." Calmly but exasperated. "Allow me to finish. You will get your turn, but I think it's important for you to hear where I'm coming from."

She was silently nodding her head in the affirmative.

"After Mia," I went on, "I had pretty much decided to live life as a confirmed bachelor. I would date, but nothing serious. But then you came along. You encouraged me. I thought you understood. I trusted you. I felt like I had healed. And now this. Not only did you cheat on me, but with your old boyfriend, my best friend. I would be very curious to understand why." I told her.

She blathered on for several minutes how sorry she was and what a big mistake it all was. I was stone faced looking at her as she tried to seek some level of forgiveness.

Then she gave me the story.

She was excited about going to Hawaii even though I wasn't there. She said that the sounds, sights, and smells reminded her of the great time we had on our honeymoon. She was in a good mood.

Tanner picked her up at the small airport in Lihue. On the way to Koloa he took her by the job site. She said she was surprised at how little had been done. Nonetheless Tanner was still upbeat about the progress.

They arrived at the Sheraton and Tanner insisted on taking her out to dinner that night. He picked her up at seven o'clock and they went to a local place, Keoki's Paradise. She was in a good mood, he was in a good mood and apparently the tropical drinks were flowing.

Tanner began talking about old times. After dinner they walked along the beach in front of the Sheraton, shoes off. Tanner continued to reminisce about their past relationship. Anna said she was tipsy, happy and discussing her high school days with Tanner made her feel young.

Tanner insisted on a nightcap and asked to see her room. That night he fucked her.

Anna said she knew it was so wrong, but she also thought that since I would never know, it would just be a fling. She would get it out of her system and it would not be spoken of again.

In her words, they continued to be intimate while she was on Kauai.

"Max, please don't throw away our life over something so insignificant as sex. It meant nothing to me, Tanner means nothing to me. I will do whatever you want. Please, l beg of you. Please, please at least think about it!" She begged.

I agreed to think about it. The next day I had her served with a petition for divorce.

The fact was that night after leaving Anna at the Koffee Klatch I did think about it. And the more I thought about it the madder I became. Ultimately I knew, no matter what, I would never be able to completely trust her again. I couldn't live like that.

She called me, texted me and finally came to the office when I would not respond.

She stormed in, angry at me for having had her served. She told me I had promised to think about it. Why was I giving up on our marriage? Don't I have any compassion? Hadn't I ever made a mistake? On and on.

I barely spoke.

Then she talked about me ruining her business opportunity at KPAL. Sounds like without her gardens they were re-evaluating "in the garden with Anna". The gardens were supposed to be the backdrop. Without them the show's appeal had diminished. My silence seemed to anger her. She then told me that she was entitled to half of our assets including the house and land.

"Anna, that land is in a family trust. My Aunt Helen set it up that way." I told her. "And even so, I was caretaker of the property before you and I got together. I checked with my lawyer. You have no claim whatsoever on the property or anything within the trust." I told her.

"Now, if you don't mind I have a bit more work to finish." And with that I tilted my computer screen towards me and began working. She sat for a minute, stood, walked out, and slammed the door as she left.

It was only three days later that Tanner showed up at my office. I thought he was still in Hawaii. I heard a commotion out in the front office where Yasmin sat. Before I had a chance to investigate, Tanner stormed into my office.

"Get out." I told him pointing towards the exit.

"Max, give me a minute. I deserve that. I need to talk to you, not to . . . ," and he pointed with his thumb back towards where Yasmin was now standing.

I was pissed off, but I was also curious about what he might say concerning both his financial situation and his sexual encounters with Anna.

"I need you to push this claim through," he told me, with a desperation I had never seen before from Max. "I'm up against the clock on the Hawaii property. I need the cash from the wine country house to finish the beach house." He was rambling on.

I thought about what he was saying. It sounded like he collateralized the wine country house to buy the Kauai lot. Then took his deposit from Weingrass to finish the wine country house. He then collateralized the Kauai lot to get the materials to start building the beachfront house. Or something like that.

The upshot was he was heavily leveraged and he owed Sidney Weingrass a beach house.

"First off," I told him. "Instead of spending your time in Hawaii fucking my wife, you should have paid your insurance premium. Second, I have no control over the claims. Guarantor decides whether the claim is warrantable. Not me. I'm only the agent. Third, I doubt you will collect on the claim. Your policy was voided because of lack of payment. Finally, get out of here. I never want to see you again." I told him.

"Max," he began and really turned on the charm. "Look, the deal with Anna, that was nothing. It was just for old times. It didn't mean anything. She loves you man, you're all she ever talks about." He was really pouring it on.

I interrupted him. "GET OUT." I bellowed.

Finally he left. I thought about what he had done. I still couldn't follow all the loans and collateralizations, but I did know one thing. He was in deep shit with Sidney Weingrass. Not someone I would want to be on the wrong side of.

Life for the next week or two went on. Greg Boston was turning Aunt Helen's old property into what would at some point be a neighborhood. My Dad was actually getting better too.

Anna had gotten a lawyer and our lawyers were sorting the assets, steadily disentangling the financial parts of our marriage. The emotional part was like a dark cloud that engulfed me.

Around others I tried to stay upbeat and positive. It was the alone time that really was difficult. I had some real dark thoughts, mostly focused on Tanner and Anna.