All Comments on 'Spring Break Surprise'

John, this was brilliant. Read like a novel and it read fast. Loved the playfulness of Libby at the same time being assertive in 'new' situations that brought up new opportunities. Would absolutely love to see how their week turned out.

Wow! Read it all the way to the end! So hot! Thank you!

Instant 5 Stars, just like the canoe trip. Amazing pacing, detail, and sex.

Outstanding story and pace, totally worth the read, thank you!

Sensational!

Five stars for sure. Outstanding story start to finish. I love your writing and hope you keep it up. Your characters and scenarios are believable and well developed. Fell in love with Libby and hope their adventures continue.

Incredible pacing and character development. I thought JohnBergin was going to be a one hit wonder with Canoe Trip, but he has done it again. These 45k word stories are incredible, and worth the wait, but I'd love to read more from this author even if it meant shorter stories.

I enjoyed this story very much, just as I did the canoe trip, however, I thought it was a bit long. In my humble opinion, you could have cut it down by several pages without losing anything.

Worth 10 stars. A gripping read, kept wondering what would happen but a brilliant realistic happy end

I have read a lot. Whole libraries. This is, by far, the most enjoyable writing I have encountered here, or on any other site! I hope you continue to write more! If I could, I would have given you 10 stars..Thank you for the effort you put into this story. I can think of nothing that could have improved it.

Thanks for the thoughtful comments.

@tablelandswriter- I agree that sometimes shorter would be better, particularly for the tastes of readers on this site. I'm just not good at keeping stories short. Believe it or not, I trimmed quite a bit from the original version of this story to get it down to this size.

Superb, though longer than most for this competition, this is by far the best written. Lots of very careful buildup and a hot finish. Please do another chapter as it deserves a ending, in the same style.

Wonderful story. Thank you so much for sharing!

@charlie4858- I've been thinking about taking the portion I chopped off to make it tolerably short (hopefully) for this contest and posting it as a second part. Maybe I'll modify it a bit and then do that. Thanks for the suggestion.

One of my favorite writers and another amazing story! It was a long read but honestly it was well worth the time. You have a style that is unlike others…keep doing it your way. We’ll all be looking forward to the next one.

Great story, great build up and action.

Slightly turned off by the smoking but not enough to reduce my rating.

One tiny correction, Liv Tyler was Arwen and Cate Blanchett Galadriel.

@anonymous- Thanks for the correction. I guess my LOTR facts are a bit shaky. A corrected version has been submitted. BTW- Agree on the smoking thing -- not sexy. It just fit the story.

Maybe a bit long, but a lot of fun!

Spent the better part of a Sunday afternoon reading it, not on one go, of course. Where can I meet Libby, please? The story is long, maybe too long, but we are introduced to intrigueing characters early on. While some tame naughtyness happens early, the real action only happens towards the end. Savour page 13, because page 14 only consists of one line!

Loved it !111

Excellent story and excellently written as well. My initial thought as I read was that perhaps there was a tiny bit too much detail and side information. That lasted for part of one page, and then I was engulfed in all that was going on. Sometimes I'm not overly fond of too much description of the characters (in my own stories I usually allow the reader to form their own picture), but in the case of Libby, it was needed and carefully done -- I don't think I would have created a picture of the perfection you described. Early on, I felt I knew where it was headed, at least the physical part, but as I read on I was pulled in a different direction, afraid (haha) that they would share the evening, exchange a few kisses, and then return to their "normal" lives. You handled that part very cleverly with the invitation to "break some rules" followed by the secluded "blind" Libby created. Good luck in the contest although I think your writing talent may preclude the need for luck.

loved the story and would love to see what happens the next day.

We need the rest of the story.

If the rest of your work is that strong,

I'll be following your work around like hungry dog after a rare steak.

Loved it, Worthy of 10 stars! I wouldn't change a thing. I was anxious to read the end and felt like a crash had occurred when it ended. Give u.s one more chapter to finish

I've already said this for "Canoe trip" [sic] but after reading this story, I need to be emphatic: you should be a well-known (mainstream) author. Two, albeit longish, stories is not enough.

I've been an editor (retired now) and some of the dross that passed my desk from supposed professional writers at times almost made me despair. In your two stories (at time of writing) you've demonstrated a handling of character and story development that some authors never manage. So I reiterate, If you have not done so already, get published!

Or if for some reason that's not an option, post on here more often. Please.

Loved it and hope there is more to follow

Best Literotica story ever. All seem to be like real people, probably due to the extensive Effort to describe the feelings and attitudes of most of the characters. Didn't just jump into the sex scenes. Like to read more about the exploits of these characters. AGAIN GREAT STORY_BEST EVER

This was nothing short of fantastic and I’m a picky fuckin reader. The flow was great, the pacing kept me interested, and the characters were very believable.

This was a slow burn that kept things at a delicious simmer.

Thank you.

Positively brilliant characters, story, and descriptions of everything. You should get published! I was disappointed to let them go at the end. I could read volumes of your stuff.

What an amazing story! Starting like a college party movie and engrossing in a fantastic erotic love story. 10/10, would watch the movie.

Need more!

Need an ending!

Need finding actual love and a continuation of togetherness!

Thanks for an inspiring story and a great start for chapter 2.

well done and not over the top in fantasy as so many stories are. Juust low key enough that I could actually picture myself in the situation. Need a part 2 (or more) as follow up.

A very nice titillating read. I know the guy was trying to show respect and gallantry to his new lady friend and all, but I was amazed at how long it took the doofus to actually kiss this epitome of feminine charm.

Great story, well told. More Brian and Libby please. Do they share a college for graduate work? Does she focus on Law that supports his engineering (future) business? Do they join the AANR (American Association for Nude Recreation)? Does she get piercings to help show off the 'girls'? More, more, more please!

Nothing short of masterful.

A gripping read, truly erotic, believable and the perfect balance of respect, adventure and relationship development between the key players.

Really hoping that this, an exceptionally well written and properly described novel, might continue. There is surely so much more to learn about and from this beautiful couple.

Thank you

Great attention to the "minor" details - just enough background details to provide a full story without feeling forced. Very well done!

Just fantastic! I loved your canoe story and this even better, if possible! Everything everyone else said below and more; leaves us craving more! Well done!

Awesome story.

Thank you very much.

Have you planned to let Libby and Brian return?

Fabulous!!

Really fantastic! Love your style. Well written and very sexy.

Much too much verbiage - tedious

It's quite a nice story, but for me the language seemed over-complex for the situation.

Absolutely fantastic. You have to commit to it but boy is it worth it. Brian is a great character (delighted to see the gentleman in him handsomely rewarded!) and Libby is the ultimate sexy dreamgirl from start to finish. Twelvety stars!

Great story!

Excellently written. Leaves you wondering what happens next.

Couldn’t get past the intro. Brian is an engineering major AND played football in college? He’s nerdy, kind, smart, ans 6’3”? Libby is a business major who just on a whim got into law school and is still weighing out her options? Seems like you tried to fit the best of so many worlds in each person’s character that it’s just unrealistic. Also Brian does not talk or act like someone who is 6’3” and built like a line backer. He talks and thinks like someone who is 5’7”, nerdy, and sweet… probably chubby. You don’t have to have all the characteristics of all humans in a story to make it a good story but now it just seems like you’re trying too hard to be impressive. I didn’t rate your story because that would’ve been unfair as I couldn’t get past the intro.

Moved to the top of my favorite authors list. Hope you will have time to provide more works of art like this. 👍

Generally speaking, what's missing in 98% of Literotica stories is decent writing. This is one of those rare Literotica tales where the author can actually write. A good editor might have cut substantially from the story's second half, which would have improved it even further. That, plus some careful rewriting of some of the closing sexual

romps, is all that stands in the way excellence. Still, this guy is a hell of a writer. Congratulations are in order.

@Anonymous- All the main characters in my stories are based on people I've actually known. Their trait combinations may be rare, but they aren't at all unbelievable. I'm a big guy who played college football and majored in engineering, myself. Not everyone fits a narrow stereotype.

I love this story, which explains why I just read it again for the third time over the past few months. Well written, carefully edited, supremely hot and sexy, its vivid imagery pulls me right into every moment and keeps me engaged and invested. I really want these two to continue together, and hope you do too. Thank you for a satisfying and sexy read.

Thanks for a great story.

Excellent story. Loved it.

A great yarn!

Spring Break in the US sense is not something that Australians share - our closest analogue is "Schoolies" - the annual end-of-highschool event where there is certainly lots of booze and sex - but given that most participants are only 18, it's not as hedonistic.

That, coupled with the fact that I'm too old for those shenanigans means I don't have memories like those of Brian and Libby - but your writing makes me feel as if I have :-)

Best story ever!

Great story, well done!

Good story, well written, and worthy use of enough supporting words / comments to paint a decent picture of the action.

Excellent writing, careful, editing, and a refreshingly firm grasp on basic grammar. I did not mind the length per se, but I did find that after such a long and careful build up the eventual sex – although well written – was slightly anticlimactic and abrupt.

The only complaint I have regarding the narrative is the smoking scene, which was a major turn off and inconsistent with the characters. You could have explored so many fabulous options for her final full nudity, rather than standing around with a bunch of losers smoking in a crowded gazebo.

I think this is one of the best stories I’ve read in a long time. It was well presented with just the right amount of buildup. As always when there is a great story I think a follow up is warranted. I hope so, please.