All Comments on 'St. Clair Ch. 02: Witch'

Great job, Todd!

You had me fooled, but without misdirection. You actually dropped clues that made things fairly obvious in hindsight.

I don't quite buy Angie's threat to Swede about the baby. The threat would have carried more weight if the was going to let the baby go into the system. Since the baby was going to Tammi and TJ anyway, he was going to be in his baby's life whether or not his name was on the birth certificate.

I'm simply in awe of this author's imagination .

His stories are certainly a gift to us who peruse this site ( and SOL ). I certainly am in awe of his talent , and I thank him for sharing it with the rest of us !

5 *' s

Hi, big brother,

You haven't posted for a while. This just might be your best story yet. It's definitely the best written. I chilling tale, in many ways, but very, very entertaining and kept me reading. Very nice. Fascinating, in it's own way. Thanks.

Thanks for sharing another great story!

I went back and reread the first part before I started this part. I'm glad I did. I couldn't put this down until I finished it. Not much for sex, but a fantastic story! I'm looking forward for the next part.

SB

Very well done and well written! A strange twist of fate, well done! Thank you!

Let's see....

The early reveal nailed the twist down for me - made the story tension a bit anticlimactic. I'd suggest less forshadowing... but the other posts do not seem to find the same issue I did. I think the very ending bits about mystic evil to be... problematic. There wasn't a history to bring in the mythic elements, and so it seemed a bit forced. You have left the Angie character in main undefined... and so we have the fear of the unknown, rather than something like the fear of ... what we all know.

This then is the second series with an element of brain injury leading to wildly unusual behavior - I suspect you noticed. I'm not sure what to say further - if it is going to be an ongoing theme, then I'd put a lot of energy into sorting what you want the resolution to be. I engaged in a bit of a chat with FD45 about evil as a character... and he hasn't written nearly as much since. Coincidence, of course... but evil is an interesting topic, if you can keep the boundaries vague to put off the tendency for stereotypical imagery and plot flow.

As before - you write em, I'll read em.

Green-something

All,

I appreciate the feedback - its how I know what's working and what isn't. This story was a blast to write - I was trying to follow classic mystery rules in pulp noir.

Lil' Sister: I'm trying to slow down a bit and develop stories a little more thoroughly fewer, but longer stories. Problem is I am developing a backlog of stories in my head that want to be written.

Warning Spoilers:

Green: Not sure which part you viewed as the early reveal, but I followed classic "fair play" mystery rules - make sure the readers have the same clues as TJ. I could have waited to reveal Angela as the killer until the truck scene at the dam rather than over the radio, but it wouldn't have been in character for a former Staff Sergeant to do it any other way. If she couldn't reach Tammi and had to choose between Swede and a dozen guys at the dig site, she'd have turned the truck around to the site. Staff Sergeants make those decisions every day in combat. it sucks, but the cold logic is drilled in.

As to the nature of Evil, I've had my inoculation of philosophy classes, I'm immune. Angie is an addict - an addict to something horrible, but that's not truly Evil. And monster is certainly not Evil - He's simply the application of the cold equations of combat where they don't necessarily belong. He's a tiger just being a tiger, without a veneer of civilization. I'll hang on to more comments about the nature of Evil and on brain damage until I finish "Angel"; there's more to come there.

Thanks,

Todd

This was even better than the first one, I never would have suspected Angie as being the one, I wish I could give it more than 5 stars hope there is more to come

I fell in love with TJ and Tami and their supporting cast in Ch. 1, then lost track while you were submitting the "Monster" et.al series. I like the Swede-Jenny tangent. Who else might have a story? Sheriff Shannon? Is your stuff available in any other format for sale? It's such great stuff, l'd love to download and have it in my library. I look forward to the rest of this series and more. As always, thanks for sharing.

but nowhere is saying there is no truth, only unproven incidents down thru the centuries, TK U MLJ LV NV

I've been thoroughly enjoying the exploits of TJ and supporting characters and am hoping to read more. I love the story lines, both of which kept my interest from start too finish, my only complaint would be that from a story on this site i would generally expect there to be more eroticism built into the mix. That said, an entertaining and well written read none the less.

Keep them coming.

This is really good. You should be proud of yourself. You did good.

Have you considered doing this as a graphic novel? I fell your style would lend itself to a great mainstream novelization.

@Nightymstories: I actually get that question a lot - Monster and SHAMELESS especially. Lil Sister described my writing style as "a series of comic panels written by someone on acid". Still my favorite critique ever. I've looked into it; it's tougher than it sounds. I queried a few successful graphic novel artists and cartoonist and have gotten a lot of great advice. Most of it pretty daunting. I'm still looking into it, but it's a long slow process similar to the mating habits of porcupines. Not something you do carelessly.

Great to see yet another gripping addition to this otherwise amazing series. Truth be told, I've been waiting for the sequel ever since St. Clair was first published and this truly exceeded all my expectations. Please continue with this wonderful trip; I need my literary ketamine to keep going.

And just because this piece is so riveting, who is under the old, twisted oak?

WARNING SPOILERS

They believe Buck, Angie's old High School boyfriend - "who took off", is buried under the old oak. Serial killers tend to be aggressively protective of thier first kill, which would explain why they think her reaction confirms that. They are making a lot of assumptions, some that will prove true, some that will not. Glad you like the series - I am working on the third installment : "Angel". But this series is a slow process, since I am working with characters I care about in a less familiar setting. The world of The Shack is much more closely aligned with my experience than rural policing. So it is coming a bit slower than I wanted. And other stories keep trying to claw their way out as well. Thanks again for the support. Todd172

This is first class writing! I should know cos I'm an avid reader for the last 45 years. Your prose, pacing and characterisation are just spot on. I always get emotionally attached to your characters, even the 'monsters'. You should look at writing professionally if you are not already doing so.

Nancy

An excrement of a diseased mind !! Get help psycho. Soon.

Well worth reading, like the interaction between characters and how relationships have developed. Thank you, really enjoyed the series.

Angie could give Creepy Lessons to Hannibal Lechter. Good job!

What a bizarre plot. But you made it work. Congratulations.

Interesting plot, didn't see what was going on right up until the end. As an aside, have to feel empathy for Swede. No matter how close he is with Tammi or TJ, he IS being blackmailed to give up his parental rights. It doesn't make it clear to what extent he is giving them up but I would certainly want to see what a real good lawyer would think of it.

Very well written and paced. But kinda chilling too.

I think I could have done with out that last sentence. Good story, keep it up.

This is a page turner. We had people over tonight and I started reading this late last night and then got to it early this morning, but had to keep stopping and doing little clean up 'Honey Do's" for the better half - getting ready for friends coming over. So I read it piecemeal but eventually finished now that everyone's left.

I might have to go back and read it again a little later.

Great story.

very ´´noir’, indeed...nicely done, too.

Was almost going to switch stories but then you got me again, what's going on here?

Excellent story and dialogue a little love and a whole lot of understanding. Interesting ending.

Chartreuse is yellow green. If you think that isn't EVERYWHERE in Autumn in the Ozarks, you haven't been in the Ozarks in Autumn, bro.

Another good story

I have read every one of your stories, several times, about once a year. This is one of your very best. Thank you for what you do.

Very, very well done. Certainly worth 5 stars. You've created wonderful characters in TJ and Tammi and a whole ensemble of glorious St. Clair townsfolk. To me it's reminiscent of the old tv show "Northern Exposure," which I used to love. I look forward to the rest of the St. Clair series and then we'll see about the Shack. Final note: I love your good humor; much of the dialog and some of the scenes are marvelously smile-worthy.

Hard to find superlatives that haven’t been used. Quality work. Humor, character development, plot line. Got it all.

I'm loving this series. Love the characters. Would be a fun tv series. 5*

Riveting story!

5

GOD, wicked belivable story.

Outstanding. Sadly believable.

Locked me in, start to finish.......

Amazing. Edge of seat all the way.

There were times in this story you absolutely captured “lightning in a bottle”, no wasted sentences, nobody in it that wasn’t part of the story, written and edited just right. Thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz.

I'm the only one who apparently doesn't get it but what's the thing buried near the tree and where has Angie's baby been all this time?

Vry good story with some interesting twists 5 stars of course. To the Anon who doesn'e get it. Angie is pregnant, hasn't had the baby yet. Some guy Angie loved or worshipped is buried onde the tree, I think. Remember Angie's a witch because of the tumor in her brain, but who knowsmVoodoo arts have been around a long time.

Thank you Todd172, I had read some of your works through the years but had uncomfortable boy part surgery last Monday and was rereading a Shack story and just continued until I had read everything (though some of the dark/weird writings weren't my favorites). My favorites did have Delaney in them, don't hesitate to enthrall us with her and team's antics. If you notice that the overall 5 ratings took a bump up, you're welcome.

Anyway, thanks, because of your distraction from my 'uncomfortableness' I didn't take any of the prescription oxy, hence none of those side effects. Elbow bump from Iowa.

Wonder if we'll ever find out what is in the sunken spot by the oak tree? Maybe not what, but who?

Great that TJ got on as a patrol officer, probably makes the story a lot more interesting than just being a dispatcher.

It's nice that the Sheriff and Deputies aren't portrayed as backwards small town hicks, even though they are small town, they are caring and taking care of the people. Five stars, thanks

Very well done. I know that on some level my brain noticed clues that pointed to Angie, but I wasn't looking at it as a whodunnit so I just went with the flow.

I'd twigged Angie having cancer from the migraines, but I honestly thought it was Jenny somekind of alcohol induced split personality. The 53 Sugarskulls is a terrifying thought. xD

The proper chemistry to remove skunk spray is 4 L water, 1 L of hydrogen peroxide, 100 g baking soda and a tablespoon of dish detergent to help things interact; use a sponge to scrub affected area or, if small enough, submerge in the container for 30 seconds at a time.

Tomato juice just covers the smell and turns your dog (or girlfriend) red. The oils in the skunk spray are resistant to acids, so the acids in tomato juice or the vinegar in the clothes wash just prevented things from getting cleaned properly. The senior naturists at the state park would know about this formula and should have told Tammi when they found out she got sprayed.

Otherwise a great story continues.

Creepy man just creepy. Thanks.

Never gave 4 stars so begrudgingly but the tale deserved that many even if I wished as hard as ever that I hadn’t read it.

Bill S.

Glad the only black character didn't end up being the stereotype

An amazing adventure noise. What a unique plot. Truly creative writing as compared to 'tales of the Shack. Thank you and the Mrs. Please continue your passionate writing. It's a treasure.

Sincerely, Derick Shimatsu, an appreciative fan.