All Comments on 'Star-Crossed Lovers'

great story. Yours has something not always found here, a story that includes sex, not sex that includs a story.

...but so beautiful. Now this is what I call true love. Seeing past the surface to beneath. Beauty is only skin deep. What matters is the heart.

I would have given you the three thumbs up sign if I have another artificial thumb but since I don't have one you have to be satisfied with my two.

Great literary skill HLD

What a very nice change - a story that has love as well as nice sex scenes. Also I happen to adore Sci-Fi so am very happy :-)

why did you leave the story hanging

like that it was so unfair of you to

leave it like that there should have been

an ending i was so upset if you do another

story please leave it with a ending

First, I am a SciFi nut. Second I appreciate what the military goes thru. Ok, now that is out of the way...I am really hoping that this was not left hanging with no intention of continuing it. You have so many options to take, what happens to her, to him, the war, how it ends. You did well to this point, so don't give it up. You could make this a novel, starting before the posted story, ending after.

Look forward to reading more.

Dave

Hi, guys. Thanks for your comments.

I do have a sequel in the works, so have no fear; the story will go on (probably in three parts). No promises as to when the next parts post, but I do have a couple of story arcs in the works.

This was an excellent, though bittersweet love story set in the background of an interstellar war. It was more than worth the time it took to read 4 Lit pages of writing. One can certainly identify with Burke, despite the fact that he is braver than most people. I give this a 5 without reservation. I was particularly pleased with him providing a glossary at the end and a suspenseful teaser for another chapter. It was quite a tale. It lived up to its name. I also enjoyed the fact that he didn't expect physical perfection from the woman.

I almost never read it in Lit. because, frankly, most are not ambitious enough to entice me. This is probably the 2nd or 3rd sci-fi I've attempted to read. And it's only because of the author's name.

I mean, there are a lot of good writers here. But most don't want to spend too much time on serious stories: you can write a fairly decent "Loving Wives" stories within 2 to 4 pages (some even do it in 1-2 Lit. pages, which are longer than normal pages); but in Sci-Fi, it's a bit more difficult.

While you can pick a REAL LIFE like bar scene and started talking about how you pick up some woman or guy and take them to the local motel and have BELIEVABLE orgies that last 3 days, until you have to return to your loving spouse who's none the wiser due to your increble charm and love, etc. ----- in Sci-Fi you must slowly CONVINCE the reader a future place, a future time, and future events that can not be easily visualized like that cheap bar and cheap motel room.

Those "facts" make me almost never wanting to read the so-called science fiction (most of which are more "fantasy" than hard-core sci-fi anyway) here in Lit.; but again, I've read at least 2 now (the other one was a novel length, and rather well written, too, so I have chosen carefully) and I've not regretted having read them.

One thing I like to mention, though, is: don't make war the supersedingly important thing in Sci-Fi. Chances are, if humans get to truly become a space faring species, it would NOT be because we've build the most awesome weapon systems in the galaxy. No, it'd be because we've somehow managed to contain our blood-thirst, REPTILIAN brains and the impulses to kill.

Focus, therefore, should be more about interpesonal relationship and TECHNOLOGY and how humans are able to evolve to become LESS war-like. But when you set up a story in such a way, like this, that the impending thing on all the characters mind is that they breath and live and die because of some perpetual war ---- this is too cliche.

More focus should be spent explaining the BRAINS which went into the developing of star-drive, FTL communication and travel, the advancement of computerization and cybernautics --- the integration of man and machine and information technology, etc., and LESS on how many kills the heroes did the day before he was cut maimed, etc.

should be bulked up & sent to a publisher;absolutely enjoyed it.rickprince1949

I too am a SF reader, who enjoys the talent that Literotica writers share with us non-writers online. I eagerly await the promised sequel! I'm also checking the rest of your submissions, even if they're not SF :-)

I can't believe your story made me cry. I mean really cry... I've been reading here for many years, and it's rare to read a story with the depth and texture you've brought to this one. A lovely complete short story. have you considered publishing?

Well, it's time to leave for work but I just finished this chapter and no way am I going to work until I finish the story. Guess I'll tell the boss I have the HLD flu.

A very well put together story. Thank you first for the time it took you to right it and second thank you for sharing it. Like it so much I gave it 5 stars. I would have given a higher rating if possible. I wish you success in your future writings as well as your life in general.

I almost never give 5 stars. but even tho there were a couple typos, this story was SOOOO well written that it deserves the highest rating! Very well developed characters, and an imaginative but still very believable story!

Good romance story: character development, setting, and tension are all spot-on. Your only trouble is with homophones--words that are pronounced alike but spelled differently. Not many, but they are a bit jarring to a grammar nazi like me. ^^

Looking forward to reading the other two chapters.

Very surprisingly pleased. I usually don't read scifi stories on here because they seem cheesy and end up disappointing but you...you impressed me again.

Is it just me or does this feel like an Honor Harrington David Weber? Btw, that's HIGH praise, at least from me it is.

Joe Haldeman would be proud. I loved the story so far and while it does read close to Weber's Honor Harrington it (in some places)reads like the scene on the planet Haven right out of "The Forever War" by Joe Haldeman. but I still loved reading it and now on to chapter 2. I give it a 4 Budweiser Scale***

Budweiser Scale = str3tchy@yahoo.com***

Not overly vulgar, perfectly sweet love story. It could be the start of a great scifi series I hope you explain what the war is about and maybe some cultural details about this future society.

This was a better plot than many available Ebooks! The Storyline took me in a surprising direction from the get-go, explaining why the injured could not get re-grown (or as some say, vat-grown) limbs.

The dialogue was quick, and technical data seamlessly supplied. We experience the awkwardness of wounded hiding their scars. Great scenes!

Considering the few typos can be cleaned up quickly, it could be a commercial success. I would pay to have this for Kindle.

The ending was as I expected. Although a different one would have nice.

But this was war. People die and lives are torn apart. Those lucky enough to find love will find its embrace fleeting. Eric and Maylene found love, some happiness, and the inevitable presence of war. We never forgot there was a war going on, I felt sorry for Maylene, Eric seemed always ready for combat, almost a need for it. To Maylene it seemed a duty. You have drawn your characters very well and shown us how your characters lived.

Your ending was wrenching, and as a romantic “love conquers all” you always wish for the best. But are star crossed lover’s always doomed? I hope not.