Star Trek Enterprise Bk. 02 - Inherit Ch. 09

Dr. Phlox followed Archer as they entered the mess hall just in time to see the door to the captain's dining room close. On the floor about a foot away from the door lay Danaë's 24th century PADD where she had apparently dropped it. He picked it up and turned it over to find it open to a video of her dancing with her father to ' Dream a Little Dream with Me'. They were dressed in attire from the ancient nineteen-forties with her father sporting a tuxedo that had a white jacket and her decked out in a gown of silver silk and looking very young. He remembered her telling him about this future captain and how he would encounter creatures that would control him and strip him of all he was. This had to be what she was thinking of. Yet if she was recalling this memory then Archer hoped that she would also remember how her father had been rescued and would eventually defeat the very enemy that had once hurt him.

Archer turned off the PADD the way he had seen her do it a thousand times before, then asked Dr. Phlox for the hypospray. Of the two of them, the captain felt he had a better chance of getting close enough to her to use it, but he still wanted the doctor close by, just in case. The small dining room was dark when they entered and Archer couldn't make out a thing. He started to turn on the light only to stop when he heard her desperate voice beg him not to.

After his earlier talk with Dr. Phlox, the captain knew the lieutenant was in a fragile state and wisely left the lights as they were. Instead, he allowed his eyes to begin adjusting to the darkness. At first all he could make out was the soft glow of two small white lights above a larger red one and a series of green bars across the top. In this faint illumination he could see that they were attached to an object that she was holding in her hand. He didn't know what it was, but it looked like an arched handle that formed into a squared cone shape reminiscent of a cobras head. As his eyes adjusted more he was able to see the silhouette of Danaë curled up on the floor beneath one of the windows. Looking at the object, Archer suspected it came from her time rather than his and a feeling in his gut told him that he needed to get it away from her.

"Lieutenant, why aren't you in sickbay?" he asked, but she didn't answer. Her face was turned to the window looking out at the stars. "Danaë... Dani"

"I wanted to see the stars."

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what you're holding." He started to take a step towards her and in response she placed the tip of the device just beneath her chin causing him to stop.

"It's a phaser. I carried this one and another just like from one end of the earth to the other. It has a stun setting just like a phase pistol as well as a kill setting. The difference is, when you set this one to maximum... it will vaporize you instantly. It's like you never even existed." A tear slid from her eye and she lowered her phaser. "Do you suppose it hurts to be dead forever? I know it hurts to be alive."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, though he suspected he knew the answer.

"I don't want to think. It hurts to think." Danaë closed her eyes trying to push away the demons she could feel surrounding her. "I am in more pain than I have ever felt in my entire life."

"Let Dr. Phlox help you."

"Help me?... help me?" she barely whispered as she pressed her palms against her temples for a moment in an attempt to silence the thunder in her head.

"Dani..." he started to stay, but she quickly pulled her hands from her head and changed the subject, afraid that he might dissuade her from what she was thinking about.

"Did I ever tell you that I was an accomplished horsewoman?"

"Yes you did," he smiled gently.

"My father taught me to ride on the holodeck of his ship. He was so proud when I finally beat him." She wiped away a couple of stray tears and momentarily stiffened from the pain. "Once, while I was in Victoria Australia I got to go rock climbing and the guide wanted me to use the pre-placed bolts, but I refused. I was determined to make it there with as little assistance as possible." Danaë closed her eyes and rested the back of her head against the wall. "Another time I got to go deep sea diving at a place called 'The Blue Hole' on the coast of the Red Sea in Dahab, Egypt. A lot of divers never made it out of there, but I did." Archer used the opportunity to slowly move forward.

"You'll be able to do all of those things again."

"Will I?" she cried. " I barely made it this far." she stopped as her body stiffened up in agony.

"It'll just take time. Dr. Phlox has assured me that there are a lot of techniques and therapies to help you with the pain and give you back your full range of motion again." He wanted her to see that things weren't as bleak as they appeared, but instead he was met with the sound of her sobs.

"I-I can't remember my mother's face. I had so little memory of her anyway and now it's all gone. I had to play footage from my sixteenth birthday so I could recall my father's voice."

"Your memories will come back. You just have to be patient," he assured her.

"Dr. Phlox can't guarantee that I'll ever be what I was, nor can you," she cried, turning her gaze back to the stars. " Oh God, it's so hard to think through the pain." Danaë put her hands on either side of her head and squeezed her eyes shut as desperately tried to make her physical suffering stop. Softly she whispered sadly, "I just want it to go away."

"It will, but you have to fight. That's who you are. You've never been afraid of anything in your life. You don't run from storms, you shake your fist and scream curses at it. Remember? Chaotic normalcy, that's what you called it. Draw the line here! No further! Stand your ground and don't you dare blink."

"I-I can't..."

"Yes you can. I know it feels like it, but you're not alone. You have friends who care about you, Trip, Malcolm, Dr. Phlox and... and me. I care about you." Fresh sobs poured from her as she shook her head in disbelief. "If you have to, then lean on me and we'll get through this together." He took another step and for a moment he was sure she noticed, but she didn't move. "There is still so much you can still do. Let me help you."

"How can I ever trust myself again?" She turned her head and looked at him. His eyes had fully adjusted to the darkness and he could see the anguish on her face and the tears freely flowing from her eyes. "How can I possibly expect anyone else to trust me?"

"You can't blame yourself for what the Xindi or that 'thing' did." At this Danaë bowed her head in utter heartbreak and shame. Seeing his chance he took two more steps forward.

"That's where you're wrong. I am to blame. I knew everything that was going on. I was completely aware and completely helpless to stop it. Maybe if I had been stronger or fought harder, but it didn't matter. It used my knowledge of the NX-01 's interworking to try and sabotage the ship and the mission. When my father was assimilated into Locutus of Borg those cybernetic creatures stole all he knew and used it to destroy thirty-nine ships and thousands of lives. He never completely got over it. If I had not been stopped by Lt. Reed then those numbers would have paled in comparison to the destruction I would have caused."

"No, the yamanu would have caused it, or the Xindi, but it would not have been you,"

"I wish I could believe that." She rolled her head on the wall and once more faced Archer. "It violated my thoughts, my memories and my emotions..." She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to push back the onslaught of emotional pain then once more opened them when it didn't work. "And it used them as a path straight to you." She looked at his side where he had been wounded and remembered the feeling of that blade cutting into his muscle. "It used my hand to..."

"But it failed." Archer carefully knelt down. He was within a foot or so of her and the weapon was within reach. Unfortunately she needed less than a second to fire it, so his timing would have to be perfect. He looked at her, how small she seemed and so lost inside of herself. There had to be a way to find her and bring her back. "You are still strong and you can still fight it. Beat it by living and stopping the Xindi weapon and the Sphere Builders." He held out his hand hoping that she would hand him the weapon, but she didn't.

"Let me go, Jonathan."

"I can't let you go. I need you here, fighting with the rest of us. You told me once not to let the Xindi's fear and hatred change who I am. Don't let it change you either." She started to raise the phaser and close her eyes.

"President Archer, the pioneer, the diplomat, the adventurer. I look at you and I see the most amazing future right at your fingertips." she gave a slight smirk remembering her days at the Starfleet Academy learning all about Jonathan Archer. "For me there is only darkness."

"That's not true. You told me that you have your father's vision. You said that when you looked up at the stars you imagined what could be. Behind every one of those shining lights is the promise of a new discovery. You and I have the same dreams and we can make those discoveries together."

"You and I... we can't even allow ourselves a friendly conversation. When we do..." She reached out and brushed his cheek with her fingertips then softly whispered, "I wish..."

"I know," he agreed.

"Oh God, it hurts so much," Danaë tensed up and wrapped her arms around herself as though she were trying to hold all the broken parts of herself together. "I can't do this. Please let me stop the pain. You have so many good crewmen who care about you, Jonathan, you don't need me."

"Danaë, listen to me. I have always needed you. When I lost hope you showed me where to find it." He scooted closer to her as she looked at him. He had her attention and he knew it. "I can't do this without you. Use my strength if you have to, but don't you dare leave me. You are everything to me." Perhaps it was only a useful distraction, or because his heart could no longer hold back the raw emotions that were running through him, but in a swift motion Archer brought her lips to his. It was soft, it was sweet. All the emotions they were never able to admit to each other were laid bare in that kiss. As she clung to him for life, he carefully clasped her wrist bones and squeezed. Given the amount of physical pain she was already in, it took very little pressure before she gave a loud, excruciating cry and dropped the phaser. Swiftly he took the hypospray from his pocket and injected it into her neck causing her to fall asleep.

Relief swept through him as he continued to hold her and whisper promises that he would never ever let her go. Cradling her, Captain Archer began to wonder how much more pain this crew would have to endure, before they could finally go home. How many would be hurt or die trying to find this weapon? His thoughts were suddenly interrupted as Dr. Phlox gently reminded him that she needed to be returned to sickbay. He had forgotten about the doctor in all of this and realized that he had heard and witnessed everything.

"Doctor... about the lieutenant and I..." the captain hesitated, not sure what to say or how to explain everything to the doctor. There was no doubt given the look on Phlox's face that he now knew their secret. "When we were captive on Dyfed..."

"Whatever the relationship is, it's between you two, I assure you, captain, that it shall go no further than these four walls. The fates, for whatever reason, have placed you both in each other's path. She seems to have helped you traverse this storm we're fighting when you needed it and now you'll do the same for her. Anything else is of no concern to me."

"Thank you." Leaning her against him, he carefully picked up the phaser and, noticing that the controls were similar to phase pistols, he managed to shut it off. Sticking it in his pocket he then carefully lifted Danaë up and carried her back to sickbay.

Though the captain and doctor might have felt relieved that she was safe, Danaë's mind was far from easy. By all appearances she seemed peaceful as she laid on the exam table, but her dreams were tormented. She found herself in a room surrounded by mirrors with images of herself staring back at her, but they weren't her. These faces were the yamanu smiling at her in smug fashion, taunting her. No matter which way she turned the mirrors were there reflecting back a twisted version of herself.

"You'll never be free," the reflections all said in unison.

"You can't keep me a prisoner inside myself. The others will know the difference. They'll see the truth and free me!"

"The truth? It was your mind that hacked the system so the Xindi virus could take hold and destroy the ship. It could have killed them all. It was your hand that wielded the knife that tried to kill the captain... your mate." The myriad of faces sneered at her. "Could any of them ever trust you again? When they look at you they'll always wonder if it's really you... or me?"

"I will be free of you... even if I have to die... I will be free," she returned defiantly.

" I am the way into the city of woe," said the first reflection

" I am the way into eternal pain," continued the second.

" I am the way to go among the lost," echoed the third. Danaë covered her ears and shook her head trying to make it stop. From somewhere far away she heard a voice. At first she didn't recognize it, but then gradually it came to her.

"Danaë, you have to be strong. You can't give up. Whatever happens... don't ever stop fighting."

"Pa-pa," she called out desperately. "that thing... It tried to use me to kill and destroy and I couldn't stop it. I should have been able to stop it. I tried... I tried so hard. But I wasn't strong enough! I wasn't good enough! I should have been able to stop it, I should have, I should..."

"So my child is human after-all," she heard him say gently.

"How did you do it?" she asked. "When the Borg used you to kill and assimilate all those people, how did you ever live again?"

"Just live, child, just live," he answered. "This will be with you a long time, Danaë, a long time. You have to learn to live with it." She started to call out to him only to be interrupted by the reflections.

" Justice caused my high architect to move, Divine omnipotence created me," the fourth mirror uttered softly.

" The highest wisdom, and the primal love," professed the fifth.

"Stop," cried Danaë.

" Before me there were no created things, but those that last forever--as do I," the sixth reflection affirmed. Whatever strength she had was beginning to wane and she collapsed to the ground.

"It's too hard. I just want to let go," she said softly.

"I can't let you go." She knew Archer's voice without hesitation. "I need you here, fighting with the rest of us."

"Jonathan, I'm not strong enough."

"Use my strength if you have to, but don't you dare leave me. You mean everything to me." At this a calmness went through her. She looked up expecting to see Archer's face but instead she saw only her own distorted image.

" Abandon all hope ye who enter here," declared the seventh mirror.

"NO!" she screamed.

"You will never be free of me," mocked the last image. Summoning every ounce of strength she had she stood and lashed out, kicking and punching each pane of glass until there was nothing but shards at her feet. She stood there bloodied and cut up, but victorious.

"You're wrong. I am free of you."

Suddenly Danaë awoke to see the face of Captain Archer as he looked down on her. He smiled pleasantly in an attempt to try and lift her spirits, but though she was glad to see him, she couldn't quite muster even a hint of a smile. She looked better then she had the previous night, but she was still quite pale and dark circles were under her eyes.

"We've been waiting for you to wake up. I even tried talking to you in hopes that you would hear me. How are you feeling?"

"My head is pounding," she answered softly.

"I have given her all I can for her pain right now as well as some strong antidepressants," Dr. Phlox explained as he came into the room from his office. "What she really needs is a great deal of rest. When her stress levels go down, then her hormone imbalance will change and her discomfort will lessen. She will need to return here for physical therapy at least once a week and I would also suggest she talk to T'Pol about neuro-pressure sessions and meditation. The neuro-pressure alone can do a lot to reduce her discomfort."

"I am not going to do that... it's a little more personal then I would like to be with T'Pol. She also doesn't need to teach me how to meditate. I already know how. I would prefer it if I could help in the engine room or assist in the command center. I can't fight the Xindi sitting in my quarters staring at the ceiling," she responded.

"You won't be of any use to Trip or T'Pol if you can't do your job either," Archer told her. He was glad to see her fight was back, but he still wasn't going to risk her relapsing "Is she okay to get something to eat?" he asked Dr. Phlox.

"Of course. I wouldn't get too exotic with her diet just yet, but I'm sure the chef can make her a broth or something." Captain Archer offered his arm to Danaë who carefully took it.

Their steps were slow but steady as they started walking down the corridor. Her grip on his arm was not very strong, but he was optimistic that it would improve. Neither spoke for several minutes, but the captain could tell that something was on her mind. After a moment she stopped and looked up at him a bit anxiously.

"Can we talk privately for a moment?" she asked. He looked around then led her into one of the cargo holds nearby. She nervously looked at the floor before summoning the courage to speak. "I wanted to thank you for what you did last night. If you had not intervened..." She stopped for a moment, finding it difficult to speak of the suicide she had been ready to attempt the night before. "My fingertips are numb, and my legs are a bit stiff and weak making it hard to get around without assistance. I'm still hurting both physically and...``Again she hesitated, but she took a deep breath and managed to continue. "The depression is still very real in me and I don't know that it will ever go away, but I will keep fighting. I will see this mission to its end, but I may need you to give me a swift kick in the ass to keep going from time to time."

"I can do that, but you should know that I have a heavy set of boots," he responded, lightly teasing her. The truth of the matter was that he was prepared to help her learn how to live again, just as she had always managed to somehow keep him going no matter what this mission threw at him.

"I'm counting on it," she returned, then forgetting all protocol she laid her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. There was little strength in her arms, but still she clung to him as though he was her only anchor in a storm tossed sea. Carefully he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him. She could rely on his strength as much as she needed to. "There is something else..." she said, stepping back and once more diverting her gaze. There was another issue that weighed heavily on her mind that they needed to discuss. At the time neither had ever really talked about what happened between them on Dyfed. Because of protocol, rank and the critical importance of the mission they had agreed to keep things as they had been. When the creature had taken possession of Danaë, it had brought things to the surface that could not be ignored. "That 'thing'... in my head... it told you a lot of things..."

"It would have told me whatever it needed to, to get close to me," he assured her. This act of discretion was a complete relief to Danaë and she quickly returned the favor.