Star Trek Enterprise Bk. 03 - The War Ch 10

Each crew member could see and feel displeasure radiating from the captain and couldn't help giving sideways glances at Danaë as they filed out of the room. They whispered among themselves about how much trouble the lieutenant might be in for presumably side-stepping the captain and basic protocol, if indeed she had and there was some question among them about that. The last one to leave was Ensign Sato and she couldn't help but look up nervously at Archer then glance back at Lt. D'Arcy before the door closed behind her.

Once alone, neither spoke. They didn't need to. They just stared at each other with the full length of the table between them. Danaë already knew why he was upset and couldn't blame him. How many dangerous missions had she watched him go on and all she could do was hope for his safe return? What she was not going to do was back down from this fight. This mission, however dangerous, was their best hope. No matter how nauseated the antiseptic smell of hand sanitizer was making her, she would have to stand strong and show no sign of weakness. There could be no excuse for him to cancel the mission or remove her from it.

"What the Hell were you thinking?" Archer finally said. His voice was low and his demeanor calm, but the storm in his eyes was raging. "What you are suggesting is impossible."

"Things are only impossible until they aren't." The lieutenant had heard her father say these words at least a million times growing up and never doubted them.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked, far from taken in by what seemed an elementary attempt at wisdom. "That's something you would say to encourage a child when they fail to catch the ball during a little league game. It's hardly an appropriate mantra when lives are on the line." Lt. D'Arcy started to open her mouth to object, but he gave her no chance. "There is a reason they call it impossible odds, lieutenant. All or most will fail at it, no not just fail, but die. Eventually someone will come along, maybe you, maybe someone else, and by the skin of their teeth they will manage to finally succeed. Meanwhile there are countless bodies still cooling off on the ground all around them, but hey, congratulations on it no longer being impossible."

Danaë stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. All her life she had heard nothing but respect and admiration for the things her father said. For the first time someone had dared to shred apart a Picardism and she didn't know how to handle it. She couldn't have been more surprised if she had witnessed someone poking holes in Confucious' words of wisdom. She would have to sell the idea to Archer without catchy phrases and the plan did have merit. For four years he had been searching for a break and if he wanted it then he would have to take risks whether he liked it or not.

"I am offering a solution to Starfleet's very big problem. If you recall, I told you years ago that you couldn't let your personal feelings get in the way of sending me on dangerous assignments."

"Assignment? You're committing suicide!" he shouted.

"I find that funny coming from you." The lieutenant answered. "Do you remember when I warned you that you couldn't beat the Borg and yet you still boarded their vessel with Malcolm Reed? How easily could you have been assimilated? Weren't you the one who insisted on piloting the Xindi insectoid shuttle on what was supposed to be a kamikaze mission? I believe you stayed behind on the Xindi weapon to ensure its destruction after everyone else got off. Are you the only one allowed to take risks?"

"Yes!"

"Why?" she challenged him.

"Because I am the captain and part of my job is to protect my crew and if that means sacrificing myself then so be it."

"The captain is responsible for every aspect of the voyage and vessel. They set course and speed, direct crew members, and ensure that proper procedures are followed, keeping logs and records of the ship's movements and cargo, and supervising the loading and unloading of cargo and passengers. During war time they coordinate military operations from battalion level down to companies and platoons. Tactical duties and responsibilities focus on tracking operations in the battlefield, relaying information, assessing results and helping plan new operations. NOT STICKING HIS BLOODY NECK OUT SO IT CAN BE CHOPPED OFF AND LEAVING HIS SHIP IN THE LURCH."

"I was never leaving it in the lurch, lieutenant! T'Pol is very..."

"The sub-commander is strong and intelligent, but tends to buckle under pressure and before you bring up Commander Tucker I will be the first to say no one is more knowledgeable with engines, but he can't put his emotions aside to take command of a ship," she argued.

"You are out of line, lieutenant!"

"Of course," she responded with a roll of her eyes. "When all else fails, pull rank."

She wasn't really surprised that Archer had resorted to that. She had grown up with a captain as a father and that particular position had a way of quickly ingraining itself into the person and was nearly impossible to set aside. His only response was to sigh in frustration. This was not about rank or even the validity of her plan. If he were leading the mission then the risk would be worth it, but he never liked seeing any of his crew put in such a position, least of all her. He also knew that she had a weakness that she had yet to reckon with and could easily be a liability on such a dangerous mission. For six years she had stubbornly refused to speak of it, even with him, but it was there and he would make her face it now.

"And if, while you are on this mission, you start having flashbacks, anxiety attacks, heart palpitations, headaches or nausea? I can't have an officer under my command freeze up, start shaking and find herself unable to breath at a critical moment and get everyone killed including herself." He hated himself for what he was saying to her, but this was a very real problem and one she needed to understand. So far she had been strong and the trauma very seldom interfered with her abilities, but there had been moments.

"You damn son of a bitch..." she growled.

"Maybe so," he snapped back. His concern was not without precedent. He still remembered the day The Vissian's had come to help with repairs on their ship. She was supposed to assist them with the computer core, but she started shaking violently and hyperventilating. Her mind had replayed the memory of the yamanu forcing her to upload a virus into the system in an attempt to destroy the ship and everyone on it. She had not told him of course, but he knew what had triggered it. On this mission there would be no one to catch her or give assistance if things went bad or she struggled. "At best what you're looking at is a delay getting into the tunnels or on the surface, at worst, you're standing before Cethin and you start shaking, giving yourself away and all of you end up imprisoned, tortured and killed. Sorry if this is hard for you to swallow, Dani, but there is a reason I don't send you on missions. I don't want to have to explain to families why I knowingly allowed their loved ones to go on a mission led by someone with known stability issues. Issues, I might add, whose triggers we can't readily predict."

Danaë stared at him without speaking. The captain fully expected her to lash out, scream and throw something at him, but she only stared at him with a numb expression. Perhaps he had gone too far, but if it kept her safe on the ship then it was worth it. Surely someone else could be taught to use the tricorder and he would willingly tell Admiral Gardner that she was simply ill and couldn't do it. He would even explain as politely as possible and with all the discretion he could muster, that the lieutenant had PTSD. He would handle it delicately for her sake. Now he wanted her to just say something besides giving him that hurt, empty stare.

He took a couple of steps toward her and her gaze went to the screen on the wall that still showed the dossier on the Romulan known as Cethin. Her hazel eyes moved over the screen, once again taking in all the known information about the man. Archer wondered what she was thinking, but was afraid to ask. The truth was, she knew he was right. Even now she was feeling a tad nauseated for reasons she couldn't explain, but she had promised him a long time ago that she would fight it. The only question was how could she be strong if he truly believed she was incapable?

"I heard a joke once." she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes were still fixed on the screen before her. " A man goes to the doctor and says he's depressed. He says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says the treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.' The man bursts into tears. Says, 'But doctor...I am Pagliacci'."

Yes, he had gone too far. He knew damn well that she would never compromise the life of any crewmember under her command, nor would she suggest such an assignment unless she fully believed herself capable of pulling it off. He just didn't want to lose anyone else, especially so close to him personally. Erica and Carlos had been hard enough and he wasn't sure he could handle another. Danaë had become his life support back during the Xindi conflict and if he lost her he might as well have his heart removed.

If you would have told him back when he first left the space dock that he would find the other half of his soul on a Suliban ship born two-hundred years in the future, he wouldn't have believed it. Yet, here she was and Archer did not for a second believe that the salvation of the Coalition of Planets was worth her sacrifice. Diplomats, it seemed, were fickle creatures. Who was to say they wouldn't desert Earth again the next time the chips were down? Right now, he didn't want to fight with her, there was far too much of that in their lives right now as it was.

"What about us, Dani?" he asked, his voice much calmer now. "You and I have discussed a lot of plans for the future." Yes they had and Danaë hung her head at the reminder. "All it's going to take is a single misstep, a mistranslated word, a touch of make-up out of place and you and your team are dead."

"I know, Jon," she responded solemnly. "I also know that those things that we talked about are still going to happen. It may be that you are destined to have it with someone else, but... but that's okay. I can accept it if it means you still get all I want for you."

"Who says I want it without you?"

"From my experience, we don't get to decide our fates and timelines are never really fixed."

"I can't spend the rest of my life searching every Suliban ship hoping to find you again." Archer said this partly in jest, but not entirely. One cannot capture lightning in a bottle and if the worst happened, he had no desire for another relationship. Danaë walked over to the captain and took his hand in hers and held it against her chest above her heart.

"I swear to you that I will come back. You'll always find me, remember, 'by the clock'." she said this, reminding him of their code phrase and of their favorite rendezvous place at the old San Francisco ferry clock tower.

"By the clock," he echoed, then claimed her lips with his.

He held her wanting to feel her against him, but their time was all too brief and the concern that someone might walk in and catch them quickly took over. Without another word, Archer left the command center still tasting her kiss on his lips. For a moment he softly traced the line of his mouth with the tip of his tongue in an attempt to get one more taste, but it was gone and he didn't know when he would ever get to do that again. The lieutenant, on the other hand, found her knees beginning to buckle as soon as the door was closed. She had managed to stay strong and put on a show of health but she had started to feel dizzy as soon as things had changed to the discussion of their future together. She had managed to stop her fall by catching a chair with her hand and silently berated herself. This was not like her at all and she wanted to start feeling better like the others, but it seemed to be taking longer. This had to stop, she thought to herself, then as if on cue the nausea she had been fighting since stepping into the room forced her to make a hasty dash for the nearest trash can.

When whatever bits of lunch she had eaten were evacuated from her stomach she felt one hundred percent normal again. She got up from the floor then walked to the door. The lieutenant knew she had to report back to engineering but first decided it would be wise to go by her quarters and clean up then get herself a cup of Earl Grey tea. That always made her feel better. She was definitely NOT going to mention this to Archer.

Unhappy, Captain Archer went down to the mess hall for a cup of coffee. He tried to tell himself that surely things would get better, but he found it difficult to believe. At least the aroma of black coffee was good as it filled the cup. This late into his shift he really didn't need any caffeine to keep him awake the rest of the night, but one thing he had learned in the few years since this war had started: sleep was overrated and functional-exhaustion did in fact exist.

He was just about to take his first sip when he heard a familiar and, for Archer at least, a grating voice behind him. He turned and sure enough, there was Major Forrest talking with another MACO, a Sergeant Merlot. What the subject was that they were discussing, he was unsure about, but he did hear something about Lt. D'Arcy's and how she could handle Archer. That was enough for him to set his jaw, especially when it was followed by a smile and a hint of laughter.

"Major Forrest!" Archer called out just loud enough to ensure both MACO's attention. Both looked up and saw the less than pleasant look on the captain's face.

"Yes, Captain?" he answered.

"I would like to have a private word with you for a moment," he punctuated this by gesturing towards his private dining room. Nathan glanced at the sergeant then replied with a 'yes sir' before heading in that direction with Archer close behind.

Once inside Major Forrest immediately stood at attention and awaited the dressing-down he was expecting for taking the lieutenant's side back in the control room. When the door had closed Archer's face was inches from Nathan's and there was nothing but hostility in his eyes.

"I normally don't make a habit of listening in on private conversations, but you and the sergeant were close enough and loud enough that I couldn't help overhearing. Perhaps you'll enlighten me on how Lt. D'Arcy is going to handle me?"

Given what he had surmised about their relationship years ago, at least a dozen off-color innuendos went through his head, but he was not fool enough to actually say them out loud. Even if he didn't care how he addressed the captain, he had too much respect for the lieutenant and would not jeopardize their friendship in such a manner. Cooly he looked at Archer before asking if he had permission to speak freely. Curious to hear what was on the major's mind, he gave him permission. Nathan turned and stood eye to eye with the captain.

"I think she'll remind you that there is no place for favoritism on a starship in a time of war and just how vital this mission is for Earth's success. With all due respect, I believe you are letting your feelings interfere with your judgment."

"Favoritism... my feelings?" Archer responded, insulted by the suggestion. He had always been a fair captain, never putting the needs of one crew member before another. "I do not now, nor have I ever, played favorites."

"The two of you hide it well, but I figured out a long time ago that there was something between you two. The rest of the crew might think it's animosity and you don't get along, but I know it's because you get along too well and one might even say you're in love with each other."

"I told you once before that whether or not the lieutenant and I get along was of no concern of yours..."

"It is when it interferes with the operation of this ship and the success of the mission!" Nathan interjected, raising his voice over Archer's. The two stared daggers at each other almost daring the other to throw the first punch. Both were certainly tempted. After a few tense moments the captain chose to change tactics that had nothing to do with his feelings for the lieutenant.

"There are a lot of variables that you know nothing about that directly affect the outcome of this mission. Things... things of a very private and personal nature that could put you all in danger and I won't be able to stop it."

"Risk is always a part of it." Nathan pointed out.

"Not like this." Archer sighed.

"Enlighten me then."

Seeing he would have to confide in someone, Archer sighed and sat down in a chair contemplating the best way to explain it without completely breaking Danaë's confidence. After a few moments he finally decided to tell at least a more glossed over, sanitized version of the lieutenant's shell shock and hope he understood. If the major did then it would at least allow for someone to be looking out for her and maybe even pull her at the first sign of trouble.

"What I'm telling you does not leave this room are we clear?"

"Of course."

"During the Xindi Conflict, Lt. D'Arcy went through... a lot of things. We all did. Now and then things..." Here he carefully chose his words, "resurface. It's rare, but it could jeopardize not just the plan, but the lives of the entire team. While you, the admiral and the Ambassador all seem to think the idea is a good one, I'm having a hard time agreeing with you."

"Captain," Major Forrest understood what Archer was trying so delicately to say and why he had reservations, but there were other things far greater that needed to be considered. "Why did you ever start trying to broker peace between the Andorians and the Vulcans?"

"I was tired of being drawn into their battles and both sides were too arrogant and too pig-headed to take that first step and try talking to each other," he explained, thinking back to that first introduction to their bitter fighting while visiting the Monastery on P'Jem.

aZS

"And the conflict between Andoria and Tellar?" Nathan continued.

"It went hand in hand with the other."

"Peace is a noble cause. My father believed in what you were building so much that he gave his life to save Ambassador Soval and keep that peace." Hearing this Archer looked up at the Major a touch surprised. He remembered Admiral Forrest fondly. He had been a good friend and his staunchest supporter. His sacrifice had been a painful loss for Starfleet and for himself personally. Even so he had not looked any deeper than to see a man protecting a fellow colleague. "On those occasions when I have talked with Lt. D'Arcy, she tells me very little about her past. What she does speak of is how all of this pain, fighting and sacrifice is building something far greater for future generations. I don't know if we are or not, but something about the look in her eye tells me she knows and that she is right. She believes in it so much she is willing to give the last full measure and make it happen. Let her make this happen. She's the only one who can." Archer sat back in his chair, his shoulders slightly hunching forward and his brow furrowed. He couldn't argue with anything Nathan had said no matter how badly he wanted to. "You have my word that I will look out for her and I will make sure she gets back to this ship and you."

The captain nodded, giving in to the inevitable. He would have to give her up whether he liked it or not. The one thing he was certain of was that Major Forrest was a very capable soldier and if anyone could get her out of danger, he could. Softly he told Nathan he was free to return to duty then watched silently as he left. Quietly he turned towards the windows and watched the stars going by. As he closed his eyes as he remembered a conversation they had shared the second night she was on board the ship. At the time she had been a mere guest rather than part of the crew. Her words were so clear in his mind