Staring at the Sun Ch. 08

Lisa was sitting on the terrace and called out as I passed. "Want a coffee with me? There's plenty left."

I hesitated but she looked so sad that I didn't have the heart to refuse. Sitting opposite her as she poured from the pot, I noticed she was looking tired too. Was Rob right about what he said? Was the strain of their relationship making her look so sad and unhappy?

"How are you?" she asked and I felt like crying when I saw the look of concern on her face. "Mike told me about last night. He said you were upset."

Another thud of my heart, but she must have noticed the look of alarm on my face. "Sorry. He told me what Jake said to you. Was he drunk, do you think?"

I nodded. "He was so crude. I'm not a prude but it was so unexpected coming from him. I never imagined he would say those things to me at dinner."

"You don't know Jake. He's not the nice man he likes to portray himself as."

"What do you mean?"

"He's ruthless, Louise. He'll do anything he can to be top dog and I'm amazed that Mike's still friends with him."

"I thought that. Do they go back a long way?"

"They were friends as children. I suppose that's the sort of bond that's not easily broken."

We sat in silence and I gazed out at the view. Lisa seemed preoccupied this morning and my imagination was running riot. Suppose she had woken last night and glimpsed Mike and me through the trees?

"We're going out today. I need to get away for a few hours and Mike's driving me to St Cirq Lapopie."

"Where?"

Lisa laughed. "It's a beautiful village not far away. It's perched on a cliff and is a real old mediaeval town."

"Sounds lovely. I could do with getting away from here too."

"Come with us then. Richard won't mind surely?"

I shook my head. "No, we need to spend some time talking today. We've had a few ups and downs just lately and all we do is argue. I'm going to ask if we can go home tomorrow. We need to sort things out and this holiday is just making things worse."

She reached out and touched my hand. "I had a feeling things were not well between you. I can tell, Louise, because I'm in the same position..."

She looked up as Mike appeared in the doorway and withdrew her hand. "Don't forget, we'd love you to come with us..."

I shook my head again. "I want to go home, Lisa. One more day here and then maybe we'll be on our way tomorrow."

She got up and smiled at me. "If he refuses, I may just have a plan that could work. It would benefit both of us."

I looked at her in surprise. What did she mean? But how could I accept her kindness when all I could think about was making love with her fiancé?

*

I'd told Lisa I wanted to go home, but thoughts of Mike were filling my mind and I realised that by leaving France it would be unlikely I would ever see him again. But maybe that was a good thing. By putting distance between us, the temptation to start an affair would disappear, and despite my intention to leave Richard, I knew it was a serious step to take when the children were so young.

Sighing heavily I opened the door to our room and dialled the business number, hoping that my mother would answer and at least allay some of my fears. But it was my father's voice on the line and he sounded delighted to hear from me.

"How are things? Going well?"

I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth and made the usual comments about the weather, the food and the kindness of our hosts.

"Do you know Jake Harper, Dad?"

He hesitated for a moment and then said no. "Is that who you're staying with?"

"Yes. Jake and Jilly Harper. Richard knew him at university. Has he ever mentioned them to you?"

"Not that I remember, but you know what my memory's like sweetheart!"

I laughed and felt a dull ache at how much I missed my parents. "Are the children OK?"

"They're fine. I took them to school this morning while your mother tidied the house. The mess they make!"

I laughed again and gripped the phone tightly. "How's the business, Dad? I haven't really spoken to you about it, have I?"

"Oh, Louise, now's not the time. Just relax and enjoy your holiday."

"I can't. Richard's so tense all the time and we're arguing about every little thing. I wish I'd known about this before we went. I would never have gone."

"Louise! Relax! I'm sure that Richard will sort it all out when you get back. He's never let us down before and he hinted that he had something up his sleeve before he went. Have faith in him."

I sighed, feeling the frustration welling up inside me. How could I tell my father that my husband was planning to take control away from him? Even if it did mean saving the business?

*

The rest of the morning was spent sunbathing by the pool and I studiously ignored both my husband and my hosts. Rob and Diana disappeared as well and the indolent atmosphere went a little way to relaxing me and softening the tension I could feel in my neck and shoulders. I caught up with my lost sleep, read my novel and drank bottle after bottle of water. By lunchtime I was feeling more like myself and when I returned to the room to have a shower, I came across Richard on our small terrace, an unopened book by his side and an empty glass of beer on the table.

"Not drinking again? I've got some water here if you're thirsty."

He looked up at me and I felt a twinge of guilt at the sadness on his face. "No, I've just had the one. I still feel terrible."

I sat down next to him and put my hand on his arm. "We need to talk today, Richard. On our own and without shouting at each other. There's so much we need to sort out."

He nodded. "What about lunch out? There's a little bar in the next village. I'm sure they do food."

I stood up and glanced at my watch. "I'll have a shower and then we'll go. Just give me a few minutes."

Half an hour later we pulled up at a pretty vine-covered bar with tables set outside in the sun. Finding a quiet spot in the shade we sat facing each other and my insides twisted at what revelations I would learn from my husband. He looked nervous and played with a napkin, twisting it around in his hands and avoiding my gaze.

"Jake was in a very funny mood last night, Richard. I wish you'd been there with me. I felt so completely alone."

"But I heard Jilly had invited one of her friends. What was her name?"

"I can't remember. Sophie something. What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, you weren't the only one on your own."

"I needed you there, Richard! Jake behaved like a tomcat on heat. I don't suppose he's told you what he said to me, has he?"

My husband shook his head and took a sip of the beer that a young village girl had just placed on the table. I stared into my own glass, examining the golden depths that shone in the sunlight. Memories of other holidays floated into my mind, other bars where instead of talking and arguing, we'd laughed and loved, been relaxed and happy.

I looked at him. "Do you care what he said?"

His eyes met mine and I detected a hint of guilt there. Surely my own husband hadn't set me up with Jake? For what purpose?

Putting my glass down carefully I spoke low and quietly to my husband. "The other day, and even this morning, you warned me off Mike. The mere mention of him and I together set you off into a rage, Richard. What is it about Jake that you don't object to?"

"I trust Jake, Louise. We've been friends for ages. I don't trust Mike."

"You've been friends for ages? OK, I'll grant you that but you've hardly ever mentioned him to me. And you never told me about meeting him in April, did you? Why not?"

My questions hung in the air between us and Richard fidgeted some more with his napkin. "It wasn't important."

"What wasn't? The fact that my parent's business was about to go under?"

He shrugged and took a long swallow of beer. "I was in charge of the business, Louise. That was what we'd all agreed."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "So you never thought to tell us that buying another company had been a mistake?"

"I thought I could get us out of it."

"With the help of Jake and Jilly?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "They offered to help. Financially and personally."

"How did they know that the business was in trouble though? Or do I add telepathy to their list of skills?"

Richard ignored my sarcasm and motioned to the waitress for another beer. "I phoned Jake in March as I'd heard he was open to investing in small companies. He works in the City and his company specialises in investments."

"And what return was he expecting?"

This time my husband had the grace to look embarrassed. "A stake in the company obviously."

My hands started to tremble as I looked at him. "What sort of stake?"

Richard took my hand and held it tightly. "Louise, this was never meant to happen. Our house was at risk and the thought of losing it all made me desperate. Can you understand that?"

"Richard...what have you done?"

He let go of my hand and looked down at the table. "Nothing yet. But it's only a matter of time. I had no choice."

I could feel the tears start at the back of my eyes, an awful stinging sensation that filled me with despair, but I willed myself not to cry. A group of loud British tourists had descended on the bar and the men, dressed in too-tight shorts and colourful shirts, were arguing amongst themselves about whose round it was.

Richard glanced over at them and I could see the panic in his eyes as he noticed the despair and sadness on my face. "Don't cry, Louise. This'll all be sorted over the weekend and we can relax."

"Relax? How the hell can I relax knowing those two snakes have their hands on my parent's business?"

"It's only until we can pay them back. It should only take a couple of years and then we'll be free of them."

"Was our whole trip planned around this weekend, Richard? As a way of softening me up and making me agreeable to them?"

"I'd planned on dropping in to see Jake here, yes. But only for a couple of days. The meeting in Dover was pure coincidence. He said that he could help if I called in to see him and Jilly."

"Why? Why here? What's wrong with sorting it all out at home?"

Richard ran his fingers through his hair again. "I don't know. He was insistent and I imagined it would be a great way to relax for a few days and save some money."

I sat back in my chair and gazed at my husband in contempt. "Why didn't you just tell me the truth? All this..." I waved my hand around the garden, "was a plan to save your own skin, wasn't it?"

He took my hands again, but this time roughly and I winced as I felt his nails dig into my soft skin. "Shut up, Louise! You don't have a fucking clue what you're dealing with here. All this, as you say, was to save your parent's business, do you understand? A business that should have gone under years ago!"

*

I opened my eyes and winced as the evening sunlight filtered through the curtains. Looking at my watch I realised I had slept for almost two hours but the nap hadn't done me any good. Closing my eyes, I groaned when I remembered back to the conversation with Richard.

His revelation had reduced me to tears and we'd left the bar at once, his face angry and hard while I cried all the way back to the farmhouse. Richard hadn't gone into details about the investment Jake was prepared to make but I knew that it would be substantial and his stake in the business was bound to be a controlling one. All I knew for certain was that my parents would no longer be able to call their company their own.

The thought of seeing their face when they learnt of this news was heartbreaking. My father had always hoped that our children would take over eventually and keep the family name. But that hope had been quashed forever now and I wondered if I could ever forgive Richard for taking away that dream.

Why hadn't he told me? Or confided in my parents? Spoken to the bank even? I would have sold the house, reluctantly I had to admit, if it meant we could save the business but now our future was uncertain even if Jake and Jilly had saved it. What would stop them from getting rid of us as well?

Unable to bear these thoughts any longer I got up and went to the window. Outside the sun was low in the sky and I glanced over to the bench were I had made love with Mike last night. I could still feel his lips on my skin, the feel of his fingers gently opening me up for his tongue to explore my inner depths and I felt the ache begin again. But what if Rob had spoken the truth and Mike was just after me for sex? Was I another challenge to him? Who on earth could I trust?

A knock at the door startled me and I went to open it and it was a pleasant surprise to see Lisa standing there, a small gift-wrapped box in her hands.

"This is for you," she said, holding it out to me. "A little souvenir."

I opened the door wide to let her in and took the box from her. "Oh, Lisa...that's lovely. Thank you. You've come at just the right time as well."

She noticed my tear-stained face and put her arms around me, hugging me tightly. A wave of guilt washed over me when I remembered back to last night and how I had behaved with her fiancé.

"What's up? I've just seen Richard by the pool and he looks furious."

"Oh, just another day in Paradise." I managed a smile. "We talked today and I heard things I didn't really want to hear."

"Look, Louise, about my plan...I spoke to Mike today about going home and he's agreed. He knows I'm fed up here and I'm not sure how much more I can take of Jilly. Why don't you come with us?"

"With Richard? He'd never agree."

"No, just you on your own, Louise. Just for the weekend. Drive back here on Monday, pick Richard up and then go back to the UK. What do you think?"

I gazed at her flushed excited face and wanted so badly to do what she said. A weekend in their company and time with Mike was a wonderful prospect, but how could I? How could I leave Richard here alone to hatch even more plans with Jake? But more importantly how could I justify going with Mike and Lisa knowing that it would end in an affair between him and me? Somehow we would find a way of being together and then we would make love for real. I just couldn't do it.

I shook my head. "I'm so sorry, Lisa. I can't. It's impossible."

Her face fell and I could see the disappointment in her large brown eyes. "Please, Louise. It'll give us a chance to talk. We've plenty of room as well. You'd be so welcome."

She was almost pleading with me now, but the thought of what would happen if I did, was more than I could bear. Last night was a mistake and it had happened. But if I were to go with them, the chance of Mike and I having an affair and wrecking our relationships was a foregone conclusion.

"No, Lisa, please don't force me to do this. I can't leave Richard here alone, I don't trust him. Do you understand?"

We looked at each other for what seemed like ages, but then she shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressurise you. I just wanted to spend some time with you and get to know you. I think we can be friends."

I reached out and took her hand. "I know. I'm sorry."

She turned around to leave, but then stopped. "This has nothing to do with Mike has it?"

I felt my heart quicken at her words and I paused before answering. "No, why should it?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. You seem very close."

"He's a great friend, Lisa. You're lucky to have him."

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at me. "That's just it, Louise. I don't have him, do I?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's been gone so long. We have nothing left any more." She started crying and I went to put my arms around her. "I don't love him, Louise. I haven't for ages but what can I do? Where can I go? I've put so much money into the vineyard with Mike I have no savings left to buy a place of my own."

Holding her tight, I felt her sobs shake her slender frame. "Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry."

She stopped crying briefly. "Please come with me this weekend. Just two days, that's all. I really need someone to talk to and Mike just gets upset when I'm like this. The strain of hiding how I feel from Jilly and Diana has been too hard this time."

I closed my eyes and thought of just getting in the car and going. Not with Lisa and Mike but away on my own. Somewhere quiet and peaceful where nobody wanted anything from me, where I could sit in solitude and just straighten out my thoughts.

Lisa sniffed and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I know this isn't fair on you. We've only just met but I feel I can talk to you about anything."

I pulled away and looked at her. "I need to talk to Richard about this. He may be totally against me going, Lisa so don't hold out any hope. But it'll just be for the weekend, OK?"

If I could keep out of Mike's way all weekend I would be fine. I'd make sure we weren't alone together, stay with Lisa and just hope that Mike would be too busy with the vines to be with us much.

"You'll talk to Richard?"

I nodded. Selfishly, the thought of being away from my husband was a pleasant one and the long journey back to the Dordogne on Monday, on my own, filled me with pleasure. Suddenly I began to warm to the idea, even if my reservations over Mike still troubled me.

I watched Lisa go back to her room and felt my spirits lift. Perhaps a day or two away from Richard would be a good idea. A chance for us both to cool down after our heated argument about the business. But I would need his word that he wouldn't make any decisions until Monday. There was no way I was going to give in to Jake easily. He would have a fight on his hands.

*

My plan, as expected, did not go down well with Richard who put up all sorts of objections to me leaving the farmhouse. But he could see I was adamant; the prospect of a few days away from each other seemed to appeal to him as well and it would give us a much-needed breathing space to try and reach a decision about the business.

I had to trust that he wouldn't do anything stupid while I was away and he certainly knew now how I felt about the Harpers taking over the business. He realised that the state of our fragile marriage was resting on the next few day's talks and the potential devastation it would cause if we were to split had finally seemed to occur to him.

"If you're that determined to go, I can't stop you," he had said, giving me the keys to the BMW. "But remember what I said about Mike, Louise. Don't add to the problems that Lisa already has."

I felt the colour on my face deepen at his words and he looked at me closely. "Well, this weekend I'll find out the truth, won't I?" I said "It'll give me a chance to prove that Rob just likes to stir up trouble."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Their relationship is private. Don't meddle in other people's affairs."

At the mention of the word "affair" I jumped but Richard was already on his way to the door. "Are you having dinner here first?"

I shook my head. "We'll probably stop on the way. Lisa wants to go as soon as possible."

"It's a long drive. Are you sure you want to go tonight?"

"It'll be cooler driving at night. Lisa and Mike's car doesn't have air-conditioning."

"OK, it's up to you. Just go careful."

I went over to him and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Thanks Richard. I'll be back on Monday evening. Let's hope this'll give us both time to clear our heads and try and sort this mess out."

"I had it sorted," Richard replied. "But I agree, we need to make a decision."

I watched him walk back over to the house and then I went to tell Lisa that our plans were a success before returning to my packing. I was only taking one of our small holdalls and the feeling of excitement intensified as I thought of a few days away from this claustrophobic farmhouse and its hated occupants.