All Comments on 'Stars Go Off Ch. 01'

timescourier you just wrote a time warp story. Confucious say "longest journey begin with smallest step". Not write story with no steps. Best of luck with Ch. 02.

Thanks for the feedback, Anonymous. I feel like wandering thoughts often don't have transitions - but that fiction needs structure. I'll work on adding some transitions so people can place events better in time.

sometimes I'll read a piece that painfully grinds and bumps along. This one had a real slick beat.

ditto on anonymous about the rhythm. problem is this one is too short! also more description of erin. i think i know what i want her to look like, but can't quite picture what you think she looks like. same with brooke. keep up the good writing and psyched for the next chapter!

Please go on...fantastic story!!!!