All Comments on 'Starstruck Ch. 01-03'

This is a great start. You have allowed for a multitude of possibilities. Just one request, finish it.

Your story has been mentioned on the New Story Review Thread found at Literotica's Bulletin Board under the Author's Hangout forum. ~ Thanks Red

For not living in the US you did a pretty good job with the culture. You did make one small mistake that made me think you didn't live here before reading your Bio when you put "Los Angeles, America" at the start. A native would have just put Los Angeles. If they did put anything else it would have been California or USA. but most likely wouldn't have bothered. While we may call our self Americans it's really not right (That title should really include Canadians, also all Central and South Americans) and we don't often extend that mistake to geographical names. You've introduced two characters that I already want to know more about. If I have one small problem it's that the introduction of Sam seemed a bit dry. It was more like reading a biography and I'd have rather have heard it from her. But it did get the job done and I do look forward to reading the rest.

good start - loved the possibilities inherent in the characters. looking forward to more

start...look forward to reading on. respectfully fan in Texas naynay

Both your narrative and dialogue flow smoothly. The characters come out clearly; I hope they will develop. One thing you need to develop is punctuation. Those commas, apostrophes, hyphens, brackets, etc. are very useful tools to make written text as clear as spoken text.

Keep up the good work.