Stevie 01

Stevie 01

Well, for the previous week, the news reports had us down here in Middleton with a 1% chance of seeing any of the aurora borealis lights in the sky from the big geomagnetic solar storms, but then last night, there were a few swashes of colorful wavey lights in the sky towards the north, so, for tonight, there seems to be a 6% chance of viewing more. And to me, that means there is a 17% chance of me meeting a few new people since we have a great viewing spot down at Coven's Cove and if I can reduce my normal of being 100% weird, things might work out for me.

Or being that weird will work in my favor since that's how I made to just under 21 as it is in the first place.

Anyways, hey there people, I'm Stevie and I turned left on weird street a long time ago, my eyebrows are weirdly thick, but they define my face and I'm actually pretty excited to see more of what they call the northern lights tonight, even if there is a better chance of not seeing all that much. Especially since it's weird that the natural light show in the sky would make it this far south because this might be a sign that I had better get into my first real relationship before the aurora borealis turns out to be our doom. I mean, we're pretty far south down here and it's not weird to wonder what's going on with that.

But I am happy for the opportunity to witness mother nature's display at whatever level we get down here and nope, nope, nope, I will not be the one down at Coven's Cove wearing an aluminum foil hat. That would be Jarrod, tee he. But I will be the one in weirdly modest Denim shorts and I don't even know why.

However, everything has to wait until I get off of work, which will still leave plenty of darkness for me to get out there and use a couple of gimmicks to meet a few new people.

[The Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Well, um, hey Steve, um, Stevie, um, listen, I know that you think that we abandoned you a couple of years ago, but we really didn't, so, listen, um, it's good to see you again and um, if you want to park your truck near us tonight down at the cove, I mean, as long as you don't make it weird or anything, I mean, it's been a while, so, um, hey, Stevie."

Oh, they so abandoned me!

"Well, I do declare, Paul, that was an awfully weird way of you to offer half of an apology and you guys totally abandoned me, but let's talk about how I would make it weird tonight, shall we, because I'm getting the feeling that you guys think I missed the mark as Stevie, so. And by the way, Paul, there are a few people who think I smacked the target dead square center, so?"

"Oh, no, no, Stevie, we don't think that all, it's just that since we grew up with you as Steve and then this, I mean, um, OMG, Stevie, it's the northern lights making us all crazy and we're innocent!"

Hmm, so, one weekend of wavey lights had anything to do with the last two years, right? Hah!

But I appreciated Paul's seemingly sincere acceptance. I didn't trust some of the other guys so much, yet, but at least Paul put forth a little effort, so, um, after work, maybe. But probably not since I hadn't actually heard the truth yet.

[Assumes stare down pose #11, just say it true if you want my foot to stop tapping]

"Fine, Stevie, we've dissected, deciphered and decoded your social media postings on Chang and we know that you're planning to empty your frosty treat machines tonight for give aways down at the Coven's Cove viewers and we would like to know, that as old good friends, that there will be at least six cups in reserve for us, so?"

"Six? Did you get more friends, Paul? And just say it true, Paul, if the other three are for girlfriends because trust me, I don't care, so, spill it and spill it true, Paul. And trust me again when I say that I may or may not have dissected, deciphered and decoded your guys' social media over the past couple of years and a busty anime babe is not a girlfriend! Which even I think is weird since you're paying a monthly subscription to have Isabella, Protector of the Realm, come into your dreams, so, hah!"

"Oh yeah, Stevie, well, hah, back at you because hah, how weird is it that you always hand select bananas at the grocery store so there are a couple of bent ones and a couple of straighter ones, huh?"

[LOL, all of the sudden, the firm faced tell the truth toe-tapping turns into it's a tie and let's move on]

"Anyways, Stevie, I broke up with Isabella, Protector of the Realm, because I was going broke, but my new thing is legit, so?"

LOL, hold onto your dictionaries, folks, because "legit" is about to get redefined. And never mind about my selection of bananas because we already moved on.

"Well, then, Paul, what three girls waved at you guys once over the past two years, which clearly means they want you bad, so bad, that you're convinced that you'll get lucky tonight if you save the weird sky lights viewing party by having them a frosty treat in reserve, hmm?"

"Oh, well, they waved at us twice over the past two years, I'll have you know, Stevie, but they are Bindi, Cindi and Mindi, so??

"OMFG, Paul, the witches? Are you sure their eyes glances and waves weren't spells for "die, die, die" rather than "ooh, yeah, take me, baby" like you guys are thinking, hmm?"

Don't get me wrong, folks, Bindi, Cindi and Mindi are hot as hell witches and they own Coven's Cove, but still, right? Also, since they own Coven's Cove, I already had plans to make them three tasty beverages because, you know, they own the own the circular grassy spot.

"Stevie, just shut it and help us out because that's what old friends, who abandoned, but then came back, do!"

LOL, for you readers, yeah, grab a red gel ink pen and start making updates in your dictionaries by yourselves.

"And it wouldn't be weird at all if you wore your backless brown work apron tonight, Stevie, so?"

"OMG, Paul, now you're cheating on the witches who will spell you evil and making this weird by checking out my booty in my backless brown work apron, hmm? Also, I never even thought of that before for myself and since all work aprons are backless, um, I'll just ignore that for now, so, this conversation can be over, the end."

Nope, I never thought about that view before, but since I mostly wear Denim shorts that are modest, plus one, plus one more, I'm not worried about that.

[The Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Hello, welcome to the Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop, I'm Stevie, so, how can I help you and do you think that my brown work apron has wrinkles in it because I have a some deliveries to make later tonight and I want to look sharp and crisp, so?"

"Well, that was a weird thing for you to ask right up front, but anyways, I'll have a blue, blue, green whip and I would need to see the entire apron to make such a judgement call about being wrinkled, so, give me a twirl then, um, Stevie, so?"

"Well, that's what would be weird then because my apron is backless and there is nothing much to be wrinkled in the rear, so, don't make this weird, sir."

"But that's the treat, right? A mini skirt type appearance from the front and a club scene appearance in the back, right?"

"I'll have your twirled blue, blue, green tasty treat right away then, so, um, okay then."

Well then, once I officially turn 21 soon, I'll have to visit a couple of the nightclubs here in Middleton to check that fashion statement out for myself, won't I, folks?

But he got his look because that's the view as I'm filling a tasty frosty cup from the machine. And I would have chosen different Denim shorts over the past six months if I would have thought about that part before. Which I would have thought of if I weren't so weird.

"So, um, I'd fuck you, so?"

And the weirdness just continues.

"Of course, you would, sir, here you go [plop down and slide the cup], one twirled blue, blue, green tasty treat, minus one quick fuck on the side, so?"

"[Snatches cup] well, you're the one flashing it around [slurp], so?"

"I'm wearing a backless work apron, sir!"

"[Slurp] you shook your booty at me while you were filling my cup!"

"I had a hip twitch, sir! Two or three times, so?"

"[Slurp] that's it! Give me a complaint card that has a box to check that says the service Boi is a little evil meany cock tease! And, and, and, give me a compliant card that has a box to check that says you're a prude too!"

Well, a small rectangular complaint card, a ninja throwing star, it's all the same thing.

[Back handed flick, twirl, swirl, twirl, swirl, swirl, swirl, whop and sticks just under the eye!]

"Ouch! Now what am I suppose to tell my wife when she asks why I can't see, huh?"

"Well, that's your problem, sir, but I'm sure the lovely wife will say "nothing to see here but the same old wrinkles" because you're at least 15 years too old for me, so, get, get out of here, sir because I have things to do!"

Yeah, my job at the Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop gets a little weird sometimes.

[The Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Sammy! I'll have your pink, pink, pink with a splash of green to protect your masculinity Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze coming right up! And if I ever shook my booty at you while making your tasty treats in the past, it was an accident, a mistake and strictly by coincidence, so?"

"LOL, so says the one who used to use the monkey bars way back in the day to practice pole dancing!"

Well, I was weird way back in the day too.

"Hah, so says the guy who twice lifted me up sideways while I gripped the half spherical monkey bars! And I only added the exclamation point because for how you spread my legs and then closed my legs and then spread my legs and then closed them again and how for you got applauded because it looked like you were working out and I got shamed for giggling (giggles)!"

"(Giggles back) Ahh, those were the days, Stevie."

"Anyways, Sammy, come around the counter and make me a bunch of larger than large carrying box top carrier things because I have to make a delivery down at the Coven's Cove after the shop closes, okay?"

"The Coven's Cove? In those proper garden tea party shorts? Are you trying to get shamed again, Stevie, but for the other way, huh?"

Rule 1, never take fashion advice from a guy who thinks cargo pants come next after sliced bread.

"I always have a backpack with extra clothing in it in my truck, Sammy, so, um, tee he, it's pack with other proper garden tea party shorts as well, so, OMG, weird ball shaming is in my future, again!"

Well, I rolled and rolled and rolled up the legs of the best Denim shorts that I had with me. And then I texted a couple of shops located along the Strip for backup because OMG, proper garden tea party shorts?

[Ping, your order from the Non-Garden Tea Party Shorts Shop has been received]

[Ping, your order from the Red Bag Shop has been received]

[Ping, man, your order from the Dispensary Shop has been received, man]

Well, while I was ordering and all and I dare any of you to tell me that you can stop once you press the first "buy now" button, so, I needed a few more things, so what?

"OMG, Sammy, all of these carrying cardboard things are perfect!"

"Well, all I had to do was to grab a few box tops, flip them over and add the normal funky shaped cup holders to them, so, yay for me then, I guess."

Well, it's always good to have a handy guy around anyways, so.

"Anyways, Stevie, thanks for the pink, pink, pink with a splash of green to protect my masculinity Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze and good luck with your night out later tonight, so, bye."

Hmm, a night out, hmm? I never said it was a night out. I only said it was a delivery. And I had to get busy with filling cups because my tasty treat give-away delivery was also a night out!

[The Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Excuse me, but I have a delivery from the Non-Garden Tea Party Shorts Shop, two doors up the Strip, um, shorts, black Denim, modest style, minus one, minus one more and plus one back, so?"

Well, Andi from the Non-Garden Tea Party Shorts Shop may have suggested them before, so.

[The Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Excuse me, but I have a delivery from the Red Bag Shop, three doors south down the Strip and I'm stretching my luck by asking if there is room for one more where ever this party is, so?"

"[Snatches the three Red Bag Shop bags] sorry delivery guy, but it's an evil witches and goofy nerds private party in a public place, so, good bye."

[The Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Excuse me, man [puff, puff], but I have a [puff, puff] delivery, oh wow man, am I in a space ship, man?"

Well, the owner of the Frosty Frozen Swirled Twirled Freeze Shop made it look fancy and colorful, so.

"Oh, man, you are in a space ship and the only way to become un-abducted, man, is to hand over three perfectly rolled blunts in black rolling paper, man, so?"

"Oh wow, man, because that's exactly what I have in this bag, man! Beam me out, man!"

Boyfriend material, right? Not.

And I don't whistle while I work because I hum.

"Hum, Dee, Dum, three black cherry, purple frosty treats and Hum Dee Dum, a bazillion blue, red, white frosty treats and Hum Dee Dum, one cola, coffee frosty treat for me, Hum Dee Dum, done!"

And I stumble when carrying such a large and full carrying box top things, especially while carrying the other three red bags from the Red Bag Shop, not to mention the little black bag from the Dispensary Shop, so what? You should have been there to catch me because most stumbling people are caught with arms around the back. And from way, way above, I'm looking and the doomsday northern lights are a coming quick!

And I can be had. By the right person.

[Slow rolls into the Coven's Cove circular area, backs it in so the tasty give away frosty treats are visible from the rear of the truck bed and gets to work wasting time looking up like everyone else for the spooky and possible doomsday wavey light rays]

Well, my thick canvas backless work apron is not a frilly service maid apron, so, I wasn't there to serve the tasty beverages.

Except for the hot witches, who are not bitches, but still at a distance for fear that even my thick canvas apron would only deflect so much of their witch ray eye glares. I mean, I didn't dare speak with the clan first. I'd rather speak with a guy first then those alluring, yet spell casting witches.

[Plops down three red bags, one beverage carrying thingy with three black cherry, purple drinks and the little black bag from a short distance]

[Slow strolls over towards some known people]

"You're wearing your brown work apron tonight, Stevie?"

Folks, what do they call it when a person asks a question that has more than an obvious answer?

"And you stopped over there by the hot witches before walking over here by us?"

It must have a name, right people?

"I'm only half ignoring you, Kenneth, for asking the obvious, so, grab a frosty treat and stick a bendy straw in your mouth so you shut it while you're half ahead of the obvious game."

"But why are they shuffling around with their capes and flashing you the peace sign because that's not obvious at all, so, what's going on here, Stevie, huh?"

"Well, I suppose they are shuffling around with their capes for privacy because the peace sign probably means that they like the lace teddy deep V babydoll sheer mini body suits for northern lights viewing undies for under their capes that were in the red bags, so?"

"And what does that mean in English, Stevie, huh?"

"Oh, it means that if you were that lucky, Kenneth, then you would have a good idea of their personal grooming habits because the deep V is that deep, so? And extremely sexy."

"Well then, now that's a language that I like! So, what's my best move then, Stevie because I've always said that "V" is my favorite letter, so?"

You know, folks, Kenneth would actually be boyfriend material if he weren't so creepy. I mean, he's not creepy, creepy, creepy, but some of the things that he says sometimes, right? Especially when everyone knows that his favorite letter is "L" by a long shot.

"Holy witches brew, Steve, um, Stevie? Is that you hiding behind that brown work apron, huh?"

"Brick? What are you doing lurking around the Coven's Cove on a night of a quarter moon and on the night when the aurora borealis lights might turn us all into sand while we all look up and try to avoid being spelled from the spell casting circle at the same time, hmm?"

"Duh, I'm lurking, Stevie. What are doing delivering beverages to these guys, huh?"

"No, no, no, no, Brick, I just filled the back of my truck with the remains from the machines and it's a help yourself, self-serve from here because my backless brown work apron is clearly not a frilly card game serving apron, so, let's not say anything else about that, Brick, okay?"

"Well, that was a weird way to draw attention to your backless brown work apron, Stevie, but if you just left the door open for a card game service, um, the front door will be unlocked, so?"

Oh, I did not draw attention to my backless brown work apron! I just turned my back to Brick while I reached for a tasty treat for him from the bed of my truck, that's all. And since we were all mere hours away from being disintegrated into sand piles by weird and wavey green and red rays from the sky, so what?

"Well, Brick, my work is done here, um, in case you wanted us to sit together in your SUV and watch ourselves become one with the earth, so, um, did you want to do something like that, Brick, hmm?"

Guys named Brick, right? Just hint if they want a blow job and it's all "let's hurry before my balls are turned into sand pebbles" because nobody wants a dry blow like that! And maybe that's all guys and not just guys named Brick.

And that's right, he backed his SUV more into the bushes for a little privacy and that's right, I kept my backless brown work apron on and that's right, I proved that I was such a total rookie at that and that's right, LOL, guys don't care about that!

Also, this may not be true, but I'd rather swallow sand. I think. Ask me again in a couple of hours once the natural light show has kicked in.

End Stevie 01