All Comments on 'Stones of Incienda Ch. 01 Pt. 01'

"What is it Inari?" Inaya asked the black hair, darkly tanned skin teen."

Your editor should know that names must have a comma either after them or in front of them. I notice this is rarely done. That sentence is terribly awkward. It could read something like this:

"What is it (comma) Inari?" Inaya asked the deeply-tanned, dark-haired teen.

Editor should also know that numbers must be written out:

"That was 5 years ago." Should be, "That was five years ago." These are very basic rules.

Starting a story with a huge list of facts and place names isn't the best way to draw people in. I hope this is helpful to you!

Yeah, I realize that a draw back of this tale is giving too much This first part might go a little fast but I do try to slow things down. I know this could very well be not one of my best stories due to all the information, but I still love it and I do want people to enjoy it. Grammar wise, I'll try to keep those things in mind. Personally I'd rather see a numerical number than it's spelled out version because it's easier to identify and read. But when I think about it, I don't think any of the professional writers I read ever use the actual numbers. So yeah I'll let my editor know of these things.

Still Anon, I do hope you like some parts of it so far. I've seen a few other authors manage huge cast lists in their series and I know I can manage this one.

All carictures but not much story.