All Comments on 'Stormwatch - A Date Which Will Live'

Very enjoyable

You need to do some editing to what was a nice story but got lost in a blur of past and present tense issues in the same sentences and paragraphs. Also there is a difference between “hurtle” as evokes uncontrollable speed, and “hurdle” which is something you have to climb over. So you don’t hurdle down a hill. Ok, I’ll quit nitpicking, it is a nice story but you should have perhaps prefaced it as a second part of something else so the beginning would have made more sense.

Great! More barbershop, please!

5*

Tc

Read this story a couple of days after the first chapter, really good, very engaging characters with completely believable three dimensional personalities, the scenery is very real as written and for people like me that aren’t likely to visit the area gives a vivid, living picture of life there. I also love your dialogue, it isn’t forced or cliched and your pacing of the story for the ages and types of characters involved is bang on for me.

As to what I’d like to see further down the line for these two, I’d like to see them managing an ongoing relationship back in a work environment, resolving the “whose house to live in as a couple” along with the territorial issues that will crop up, I’d also like to see them visiting his roots/family in Georgia and her adjusting to societal differences there.

Liking this story a lot despite my initial disquiet about the “Blizzard cliche”, please continue writing and posting and thanks for what you’ve put up so far, cheers Ppfzz.

“They guessed that the crew would take two hours to clear the parking lot, but these guys were fast, they'll be done much sooner than that.”

Agree with AnotherChapter. This is an example, one of many, where you mix tenses even within the same sentence. Interesting story but painful to read due to grammatical errors. Strongly recommend an editor before you release any more stories.

Aside from the tenses, a couple of nitpicks...

I don't think AC-130 guys would say they are in a "fighter squadron" (mentioned about his Korea unit), rather just Special Ops...which has quite the reputation in the Air Force.

Real nitpick..

The new (since 2018) Jeep Gladiator pickup has removable plastic roof panels.

The old Gladiator, a pickup version of the old Wagoneer, and built from 1962-88, had a fixed hardtop.

If he has an old one, you need to say it.

They are pretty basic and probably not the best daily drivers. A new Gladiator would make more sense for the character since he already has another old Jeep at his cabin.

If his other Jeep is a 1949 Willys, it would be one of the last year CJ-2As (basically a civilian WWII Jeep) or a first year CJ-3A (slightly more modernized).

I only mention these because you seem to enjoy getting the details correct.

Once again you hit a winner. Your travel loge of the Buffalo area was excellent. You explained the uniqueness of each spot. On the military side of story, Josh has a clister of battle ribbons and a Silver Star.will Nica looking into them unlock secrets that Josh wants to remain hidden. Thank you for your reply to first story. A note that I’m feeling that Nica has long history of being used as escort/whore in earlier years from her modeling days, I believe that this will cause tension in later time. Don’t know how long a time frame you have written. Must get thru holidays a do we make it till spring? Would like to see them take a cruise or long holiday to NYC. Don’t let the grammar minions get you down. Waiting on next chapter.

Hmm - I do have to respond to nit-picks, As for mixing tenses I stand corrected and I apologize. I did change several portions of the story trying to get a believable timeline and missed a few tenses here and there. As for getting an editor, Anonymous sounds well equipped, please reach out to me. Use the contact tab on my profile

As for info on the '49 Willies CJ-2A, I'll give anyone 3 guesses on how gained my knowledge of that little sweetie. (Here's a hint, I HATE the vacuum operated windshield wipers)

I don't mind most nitpicks, in fact I look forward to them, I learn to write better stories and you get to read those stories, it's win-win for both of us but PLEASE pic your nits with a bit of knowledge in your tool kit.

- Did you know that the AFSC (MOS) of gun crews was 462X0 until 1993 when it changed to 2W1X0?

- Did you know that both AFSC's were the same "Job" - Aircraft Armament Systems Specialists

- - The guns on AC-130 (And AC-47s, and AC-119's) are (were) loaded, maintained, troubleshot, repaired, and maintained/reloaded in flight by airmen with 462X0/2W1X0 AFSC's

- Kunsan has two squadrons of F-16s,

- - the weapons systems on them are loaded, maintained, troubleshot, and repaired by 2W1X0's

It is not unusual at all to get promoted out of the gunship and end up running a back shop in Kunsan and you get 3 guesses on how I know that

(Extra credit: Guess how I know that If you crush several vertebrae loading a gun on an F-4C you don't qualify for flight duty on an AC-130, but you can still load nukes on a B-52)

Five stars, but I'm not sure the bondage fits the characters this early in their relationship. Seemed a bit premature for two people who unit a few days before were pretty much strangers.

If both were such kinky types, you'd expect them to be in relationships (even if casual) instead of being long time celibate.

I noticed the Jeep top thing too. Glad there are other detail nerds out there.

Finally, will you tell us why she left everything on her desk then went out to her car...(and also how she got in it without keys).

This is a fantastic storyline and I hope that you continue with this couple. The bondage thing did throw me off from what I think is fundamentally a very romantic story. I look forward to reading more of your stories!

Good story, but the tense switching was distracting, and the turn towards bondage in a Romance story was jarring.

Fantastic story can't wait for the next one. I'm also from WNY and loved all the references. Amazing job

Couldn’t get into Veronica’s character… she seems to have spent her entire adult life fucking and sucking any and all comers and spends a lot of time thinking about what she did for them, comparing it to when she’s with Josh. With that kind of promiscuous past she’s going to struggle to remain faithful, and doesn’t deserve/hasn’t earned someone of Josh’s caliber.

Excellent!

5

I have a feeling that you may be (or have been) a barbershopper. Your description of the quartet and their antics rang very true to a 27 year quartetter.

Great story, enjoyed reading your adventures

Great stories!! Plenty of sex. But good character development and these could be people I’ve met!!

I'm reading this series again. You see because of a disability my memory is not perfect. The Andi's dream series and this one are my favorites. Like you I've fallen in love with the characters. I can't wait for more chapters. I would like to see Veronica and Josh have a baby, more on Terry and Mateo, more about Mike and Audrey. Just keep going. Thank you

It keeps getting better and better. Nice the way Paul and Andi poked into the story. I keep wondering how and where Josh received the experience of giving such pleasure. Also when Nica will spill the beans about her past and how will Josh receive it. So much territory to cover. On to part three.

Great story and an easy read. Well written. Worthy of 10 stars.

I would appreciate it if you could number there stories in the sequence that would make for the most coherent timeline.