All Comments on 'Stranger is the Sail Ch. 02'

great story of a life falling apart and of all the relevant characters

keep writing, waiting for more

Somewhat above the average!

Your characters are alive and vibrant. The world they are living in at the moment is a slice of Hades. Makes me so angry and frustrated. Where did I put my pills?? This is a trendous piece of fiction.

Hands down the best I've ever read on this site.

<P>

JB

Doesnt get any better than this. Don't know what Sir Topas does for a living, but this is DQS/Renquist/Ohio/etc at their best. Hope you are making a living writing, if not, you should turn this into a novel.

and totally believable. Thus far, my favorite story of yours and one of my top faves on this site. Am anxious for more.

"something above average." JUST KIDDING> Something exceptional. Something well above average.One of the best stories I have ever read in Literotica. It will reverberate in my memory for a very long time.

But.....please....please...I beg you....more of this story!!!!!A denouement....PLEASE.

I love the writing and I hate the story, reality is like that.

what a tangled web we humans weave.....

Suberbly written and told. I thought the "solution" offered by Adrian to Laura was excellent. Give up her love child after birth for adoption and then adopt a child of thier own so she would have to deal with a similar pain of loss. I hope there will be a part three.

Great job can't wait for the next chapter

Well Well DONE.

This story is like a train wreck you cannot take your eyes off. No good solutions, no neat options, just good writing!

Bloody hell, somehow I had missed part 1 of this story. I read the comments of this one, and went back to read the first chapter.

Emotionally painful, I would describe this story. EXCELLENT.

So Laura's parents were going to pass off Victor's kid as Adrian's? Worse, Laura went to see Victor?!

Right now, I really don't care what Laura's mother said at the end of chapter 1, Laura DESERVES a lifetime of punishment. She's made her bed, and she's gotta lie in it...

Eagerly waiting for chapter 3!

Incredible story! I won't repeat how the others have praised but I do wish to share how I love your turn of phrase.

Anyone can throw words down into a page. Those that are better at it can paint a picture. Your ability to turn a phrase adds living color to the picture you are painting.

Story-wow. The sense of estrangement--of everyone, not just of Adrien from himself and others. He may have the head injury, but his accident and Laura's betrayal have set in place the makings of a thoroughly "enjoyable" tragedy, that continues to rip the fabric of the social connections of this family. It will be interesting to see what will actually survive this--though, rent fabrics have the ability to survive, and be restitched. And some mending can be very beautiful indeed.

As a question--what of Victor? I see that the story is told from the family's POV, but Victor comes across here as even more of an one dimensional messenger of fate, rather than as a real person. I don't mean to say--let us have Victor's POV, but rather, that he be part of the conversation, at some critical point in time. At the moment, he feels like a "plot device" rather than an organic part of the story--an instigator that is external to the motivations of the story.

It is my hope that the complexity is maintained--no easy endings. I have the sense of real people, people one would be interested in speaking with. I am interested in them and concerned for them. Good luck on the next (final?) act of this tragedy. And thank you for sharing.

Written so very well that I felt compelled to read, even through the pain of knowing his life was screwed. Wow! Such a powerful emotional impact.

Be proud of yourself for writing such a well crafted story.

Thank you.

I sure the heck hope you work it out so that Adrian can come out of this okay. He should have just dumped the woman when she left to be with Victor. Please give him healing and allow him to get his abilities back and to get the heck away from Laura. It's bad enough that this crap does happen in real life, I can't possibly believe that you will infict this upon the poor character that you have made Adrian to be.

Congratulations on a most intriguing piece of writing. It holds the readers spell bound and leaves then in suspense as you end this chapter. You possess a skill that few writers here display so clearly as you do. To this point you also don't foreshadow the the future with subtle clues in any way. Hopefully the next few installments of this piece have been drafted and will appear soon so that your readers may follow along more fully. I'm sure that like I look forward to see what you have planned and where it will lead.

However, I did note though that you may wish to use an editor to assist you. This chapter had several minor errors of wrong words being used which a spell checker will not discover or correct which the first chapter did not. The errors were similar to this one below which I had spotted after several others and had then decided to share them with you to make you aware of this issue. Below is a sample error and the correction needed when Adrian was speaking.

"I don't need someone to help me cook my dinner, or do do the dishes."

You of course meant to type the following:

"I don't need someone to help me cook my dinner, or to do the dishes."

If you do your own proofreading, this type of error is easily overlooked. As the author you know what you want to say and oft times misread what is typed mentally making the changed even though your eyes see the error. Errors of this type are more readily caught by an editor because they are not as readily familiar with the the plot and thus read each word as written and discover them and correct them more easily than the author. It's more a mental thing and like you I often have a hard time finding similar errors in my own writing. Reading it out loud has helped some times but not always. Giving it to someone else with a competent knowledge of the English language has always helped. Please consider this a friendly suggestion rather than a deep seated criticism.

Take care and again thank you for sharing your excellent talent here. I'm looking forward to future chapters in this excellent tale! Hopefully they are not too long in coming.

I'll accept nothing less than Ch.03 - the whole "acceptable scenario" part was really inspired.

At first the pace was a little off-putting (no doubt due to my left coastiness) but now adapted,I just let roll on like a midwestern sunset.

Great story telling ST.

Anything, and everything, I may have made as a derogatory comment on the first chapter is hereby retracted. (Okay, there are some homonym or near-homonym issues, but nothing uncommon.) This story is awesome. Please post ch.03 as soon as possible.

...this is GOOD!!!

This is really good.

I should probably have added this comment to chapter 1, but since chapter 2 is out now anyway, I'll do it here.

It's the ending of chapter 1, more specifically, Amanda Dole's POV.

Does it say anywhere in chapter 1 (or 2) that it was a "momentary lapse of character"? Wasn't Laura going to be fucking that Victor guy for WEEKS on that so-called business trip? If she hasn't already before that? That's not a momentary lapse...

And second, if I understand correctly what Amanda is saying...

Wife cheats, hurts husband. Wife feels guilty and unhappy. Wife doesn't want to be unhappy and since it's her husband who makes her unhappy, she blames him. It's his fault.

That's just...If women really think that way, if their own guilt makes them blame other people so it's their fault, uuuurgh....

I'm really liking the story so far - I just hope that you will have an ending to this story & not leave it hanging...

This is absolutely wonderful. Will be watching for next chapter. You have raised the level of Literotica immensely.

There are really no words to describe how amazingly good this story is. I am stunned. Almost speechless. wow.... holy crap... fabulous....

The ONLY thing that coesm close to this are stories by Josephus Longhorn07 and Jake 60.

Brilliant to move through several POVs while Adrian is in a coma and starting to recover, and then Adrian's POV for the awakening into the stark reality of a world that is his worst nightmare. Brilliant!

What I wonder most -- how could Laura ever have believed she could get away with her affair without hurting Adrian emotionally as terribly as she did? Everyone else knew right away where she really was, with who, and that the Tampa office had been closed. Her characterization so far does not present her as being that stupid.

So well-written, so complex, so seemingly improbable - just like real life. I think that I have come to emotional involvement with the characters quicker here than anything I ever remember reading before. Don't you just want to strangle Laura?

SirThopas, I will echo the other commenters - please give us the rest of this. This is really engaging stuff. And you do need an editor - hey, all the NYT best seller list authors have editors. Its no shame. And also, you really are a good enough yarn-spinner to go pro & be on the NYT best seller list with them.

One last little comment - I really do not like reading unhappy stuff. I have enough of that in real life. Escapist adventure with happy sex and drugs and Rock & Roll is my choice. But I stumbled onto this story and it grabbed me. I anticipate the next chapter with morbid fascination; like passing a gruesome wreck. You've just got to look.

Thanks for the read.

It as all been said in the comments. All I can do is agree with them in being able to read a truely remarkable story that shows so much feeling in the characters portrayed and thank you for sharing this story with us.

It's like an echo, but this is the most compelling story I've read on this site. Congratulations & thank you.

Sir T,

Exhausting emotional reading. Good exercise for the soul.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Just found this story and the pure angst truly captures the reader. I find myself celebrating Adrian's victories and my heart breaking when he was talking about how he should have died.

A very clever bit of writing. Really enjoyed it.

Sick and inept. One of the worst. "1" !

I am hoping that the kid turns out to be Adrian's and not the fucker's. It is exciting to see Adrian's recovery. He is loved by his wife's family but it hurts more that they are trying to pull a lie past him. They are trying to spare him the pain but causing more. Laura is hard to justify. She didn't want to have a child by her loving husband and now wants to keep the bastard by her lover.

Please write more. This site has so little of value anymore.

Are you the retarded brother of duna? Product of generations of inbreeding is my guess.

Can you write. As good or better than anything I've read do far.

Big respect,

M

What type of fuck'd up degenerate family did this poor bastard married into? How can her family actually sit there & try to talk him into raising his slut wife's bastard kid? They claimed they all loved poor Adrian--shit if that's their definition of love , I'd hate to see how they'd treat him if they hated him. They loved him so much that they tried to pass off another mans kid as his own. What the fuck is wrong with these people? They should be ashamed of themselves, they raised a slutty daughter why the hell are they trying to manipulate Adrian into working on a marriage that almost killed him? She spent 3 days fucking up a storm while her fucking husband laid there with his head cracked open. Again the slut & her parents are only thinking of themselves because if they had Adrian's best interest at heart they wouldn't have lied to him & they definitely wouldn't tried to have him believe that he's going to be a daddy. If it wasn't for their whorish daughter Adrian would've been healthy & happy. I don't know who I'm more irritated by, the slut or her parents. I hope Adrian dumps the skank

Pommy hubby is not happy unless wife brings home strangers creampie. That is why 9.6% of children born in marriages in Britain are bastards. (recent study)

This is such a heart wrenching story. Five stars.

It's disturbing that the author thinks husbands are entitled to behave stupidly if the wife cheats. First the husband in the story got himself mangled by not paying attention to the road, now he overdoses on prescription pills, and everything he does is charged to the wife's account. By the end of chapter 2, the husband is yet to be held accountable for causing the accident. What about the people that he endangered on the road, or the driver who lost his job and may have suffered mental trauma because of the accident. The whole story smells like it's written by an immature adult with no sense of where personal responsibility begins and ends.

When someone chooses to deceive, they never know how far the ripples will extend, do they ?

...impressive, the way you have worked out the psychological interactions.It takes a lot to be able to do this, - you have definately got it.

Olease do write more. 5*

I was awed at the way the author made argument about raising another mans child. We always hear from women being a dad is the raising of the child, playing catch, wiping their nose and chasing the monsters out of the closet. Then he turns it around on her and of course the normal response is "its a part of me" not thinking that it isn't a part of her husband. Just wow great job !!

Masterful dialogue with a rich storyline.

Yes, you can raise another's child and love that child just like your own. But only if it is your choice can you live with it. I agree, that's the best description of why to have your own children, genetically, I have ever seen. Again, the mom and his wife are such arrogant bitches that someone should slap the shit out of them. When someone talks like that they just sound stupid. I can't believe that you had the FIL agree with them though. Seems like he wasn't putting up with their shit and now he backs them. I know this is an old story so nothing can be changed and that's a shame. Still and all, great writing on this piece.

This is a great story; wonderful characters, fantastic dialogue, interesting twists - it's got it all. So sad to see that such a great writer has stopped contributing, maybe we'll see some more stories at another time?

You are a phenomenal writer. I hate Laura and her mother right now, but I am totally hooked on your story. Now I will have to read your other work too.

I REALLY hate the parents now.

It's one thing to LIE to heal this poor man. But raising another man's child....dishonesty....it's horrible. It's terrible. It's their morality.

FUCK THEM. Make Bill a cuckold, see if he'll agree to raise another man's child from someone his wife fucked. I doubt he'll agree.....maybe they could NOT tell him.

"NO! I will gladly 'be the father,'" he sneers again, and its even uglier this time, "of a child that isn't of my blood so long as Laura will 'be the mother' of one that isn't of hers. Can you do that for me, Laura? Is that an acceptable scenario?"

That is the closest description I have ever seen, in any story, to what paternity fraud means for the victim. And to think it would come from a mentally disabled character...

Damn, you are a great writer!

Yeah, sure raise the bastard child of your wife's lover. Is Laura and her parents fucking NUTS? Would Laura agree to raise Adrian's bastard child wife if he'd been the one to have an affair and sire a a son or daughter? I think NOT. Great story but not too many sympathetic characters. Hope Adrian is able to OD and put an end to this sham of a life that's been forced upon him by an unkind wife and God. Poor bastard's already in hell.

what 26thnc said. Im still remembering that victor needs some tending too. I liked the mom smacking the cunt for thinking "the stud had a right to know", like he gives a fuck. hes no better than the niggers(blk and white) that fuck anything that moves, brags about all the babies hes contributed semen to but done nothing else to help care for. XX someone pointed out that she didnt want a baby w/ hubby but is now planning to keep the bastid kid, shows her evilness, must have been making hubby wear condoms but took victor bareback? or was on birth control and went off it long enuf ago to be fecund when fucking w/ victor? That needs some 'splainin. rk

Rotten wife, dumb as fuck parents who just go along with whatever Laura wants so long as they don't have to feel anything

Extremely realistic. Might be the most realistic story on here.

Wow dramatic!

not enjoying the way the story is told, and the wife and what she's done and continues to do (simply with her presence) is truly horrible.

Wow. So well written but so freaking sad for Adrian. Laura's self centered actions just ruined his life beyond anything. Why wouldn't she be on the pill? Yes she was screwing Victor for weeks before Forida and for a week down there. But really no birth control? Maybe it was an accident. Doesn't matter. Her betrayal is epic. The parents claim to love Adrian as a son but it is all hogwash. They just want to cover for their daughter. Both sad and glad he remembered.

Even though i do think the writer has excellent talent in writing but I also this is novella is a nightmare to read. The writer is capable to exolicitly describe the horribkeness of Adrian's situation. Great writer but honestly I don't think I can go on reading this series it is like watching someone gerring tortured slowly.