Striking the Match

Once he started it seemed hard to stop, and the words came tumbling out. They surprised even himself and he wanted Noah to stop him, interrupt the word vomit pouring out of him. But Noah didn't stop him, he just watched and listened. He slowly and carefully placed his hand on top of Charlie's, and Charlie gasped slightly at the feeling of his warm touch, his fingers lightly stroking the back of his hand.

He watched the movement as if transfixed, an almost electric buzz coursing from his hand to his entire body, energising him. When he finally managed to wrench his eyes from his hand he looked up to find Noah watching him intently.

"I can't stop thinking about you either. I saw you, several times, but I didn't believe-" he laughed, "I've been seeing you everywhere for weeks, I thought my mind was just playing tricks on me."

They gazed at each other, brown eyes into silvery blue. Charlie marvelled at the many shimmering colours in Noah's eyes, each of the various shades of blue and gold and even green blending together to make a bright silver blue. He found he couldn't look away.

"How is your meal gentlemen?" The server asked approaching them cheerfully, they both jumped, startled out of the trance and Charlie felt a slight disappointment as Noah moved his hand away.

"Another round of drinks if you don't mind, same again."

The server nodded, returning shortly with their drinks. They both continued their meals in silence, drinking and occasionally catching eye contact and sharing a small smile.

When they reached the end of the night, they split the bill, despite Noah attempting to pay for it himself but relenting under Charlie's insistence. They walked out into the street and there was a moment of awkwardness as Charlie, quite tipsy at this point wondered if it was time to call a taxi. But Noah looked around with an almost child like wonder.

"Look at the lights," he said. The lights had come on for Christmas, and the streets were lit with small white fairy lights and LED golden bells with red ribbons. "I love Christmas, it's the best time of year. All good things happen around Christmas. Come on," he said, grabbing him by the hand as if he had done it a million times before and leading him down the street.

"Where are we going?" Charlie laughed, feeling the cool wind bite at his nose, but barely caring as he half walked half ran after Noah who dragged him along with long purposeful strides.

"It's somewhere around here, I saw it being set up, it should be... just... around- ah ha!"

Noah stopped triumphantly as they turned the corner around a stone building, looking up at the grand Christmas tree. It was spangled with hundreds of golden lights and shining silver stars. And Charlie couldn't help but smile at the delighted expression on Noah's face.

He turned towards him, and his face was half lit by the light, his eyes appearing almost gold with the reflection of the lights. He still held his hand, and Charlie felt as Noah squeezed it gently, reaching for his other hand so that he held both. Charlie suddenly felt very aware of the wall behind him as he leaned against it, transfixed by those eyes, that half smile, the bubble of the laugh that still caught in his throat, his heart beat so fast it sounded like it was going to take off. But he didn't pull away as Noah leaned in, his body so close now, his own pressed flat against the cold wall behind him, stuck between the cold hard stone and the flaming heat of Noah's supermodel body. He was so close that he could practically hear Noah's heartbeat, their noses millimetres from each other.

He waited, one last second, one last opportunity for Charlie to pull away, it seemed to last forever. And then Noah closed his eyes, and Charlie did too as he felt the warmth of his lips press against his. If felt like his whole body melted and exploded all at once, every nerve ending fired off random signals to his brain but all he could focus on was the kiss. It was firm, deliberate and yet gentle, the slight scratch of his stubble was not as unpleasant as he had expected, his masculine scent dizzying.

He felt as Noah let go of one of his hands and lifted it to his face, holding it lightly, his thumb brushing gently along his jawline, his fingertips burying themselves in his hair.

When the kiss finally ended they both were breathless, Noah pressed his forehead into Charlie's and laughed softly.

"Well that was..."

"Incredible."

"I never quite believed the Matched couples when they talked about how it felt. But they weren't lying, if anything they downplayed it."

"Agreed," Charlie breathed, his body still singing, his mind clear for the first time in weeks.

"Good first date?" Noah grinned, grabbing Charlie's free hand again and holding them both tightly, swinging his arms outwards playfully.

"We never said this was a date," Charlie said but smiled, "but if it was, I guess you could say it was ok?"

Noah made a mock burned expression and grinned broader still, "just ok? I thought you just said my kiss was... what was it?" He leaned in close again, whispering the word into his neck, his lips making his skin tickle and shudder "Incredible?"

He began kissing up his neck again and Charlie couldn't hold back the noise of pleasure.

"Hmm I did didn't I... huh, ok I guess it was a pretty damn good date then," the laugh he made was like no sound he had made before. It was giddy and breathless.

"You bet it was," Noah said pulling away from his neck to look at him, and Charlie laughed at the wide smile, his cheerfulness was infectious. How had he ever thought that smile was arrogant?

"I should probably be getting home.." he said, remembering that he still had work tomorrow.

"You could come back with me? I promise not to take advantage of you, but I don't promise I won't kiss you again," Noah said, and almost to prove his point leaned down to kiss his lips again. It was a few minutes until Charlie managed to break away, and he felt his own reluctance strongly. His desire to go back with Noah, or to let this magical moment stretch out for as long as he could were screaming in his mind.

"Not tonight, next time," he promised and Noah nodded, satisfied with his answer.

"Saturday? Dinner at mine?"

"Sure."

Eventually Charlie was able to tear himself away from the wall, slowly letting go of Noah's hands. He watched his arm fall limply at his side, and then reflexively lift to the strap of his bag at his shoulder. He gave Charlie a longing look that made his face redden again.

"See you Saturday then Charlie," he said, looking up briefly at the lights above them, "it's like I said, good things always happen around Christmas."

With one last smile and turned to walk in the opposite direction. He could see by the tilt of his head that he was looking up at the twinkling lights above him as he walked. Charlie turned too, walking in the direction of home, a smile glued to his face. The further he walked away from Noah the more his doubts creeped back into his thoughts. The all consuming emotion that came with his presence died and his smile began to feel false on his lips. What was he doing? He thought back on their kiss and scrunched up his nose in disgust at himself. He was with Lydia. He wasn't the type to cheat... was he? That wasn't him, surely? He would never just give himself over like that. Not just that, but to a man? And yet, something in his chest jumped in excitement despite himself when he thought about Saturday.

Wanting a distraction from the confusing war between mind and body, he checked his phone and was surprised by the flurry of notifications. They were mostly texts and 3 miscalls from Lydia.

Lydia: Hey Charlie have you been held up at work? ..we were going to meet up tonight?xx

Lydia: Where are you? Are you on your way? :) Xx

Lydia: Charlie? Xx

Lydia: Charlie are you bailing on me?! Could have at least sent me a text...????? :(

Lydia: I'm getting worried now please just tell me you're ok!

Ben: Hey man, Lydia called looking for you, you ok bud? Call me.

Lydia: You're with him aren't you?

The last text made his blood run cold. How had she guessed? And what could he tell her? That his world was turned upside down? That he had had the most incredible kiss of his life and yet felt terrified of what that meant? That his mind and body were being torn apart, and that his muscles and brain ached from the pain of it?

She picked up on the first ring.

"Charlie?"

"Hey Lyds, I'm sorry I just got your messages I wasn't looking at my phone. I'm fine. I'm sorry I missed our thing, I completely forgot."

"For fucks sake Charlie do you know how worried I was? You haven't been replying for hours. It's nearly midnight. I thought... you might have been hurt or.. where were you?"

Was it? Fuck. Where had the time gone?

"I went for dinner... with a friend," he said vaguely. The silence at the end of the line suggested that she knew who the friend was.

"Come over," she whispered. He felt guilt spread through him.

"I think I should just go to Ben's tonight. It's late."

"Tomorrow then?" She said, her voice was sad and hopeful. He relented.

"Ok," he said.

"I love you," she whispered.

"Love you too Lyds. Goodnight."

*

He spent the following night with Lydia. She was trying her hardest to be positive and despite Charlie having practiced his defence if the conversation of Noah arose, she didn't ask about him once.

They slept together and Lydia was enthusiastic in her love making, and Charlie responded, trying to ignore the invading thoughts of what Noah would look like naked. When she moaned, he imagined what his moans would sound like. When she smiled, he saw only his smile. Her dark blue eyes looked boring compared to the silvery blue of his.

He laid in bed for a long time after Lydia had fallen asleep thinking over what he was supposed to do. He loved a girl, but his heart belonged to someone else. But how was he supposed to leave her again? And was he sure he wanted to? Wasn't this the life he had longed for? Was he going to throw it all away for some wild romance? Was he ready to accept his sexuality?

But, a small voice thought, he isn't just a wild romance. Science says that he is your soulmate, therefore you will never ever be able to stop thinking... what if.

The next morning when he awoke Lydia had gone. He had slept late, it was nearly noon. She had left a note saying she had gone to the gym and then was meeting a friend for lunch.

He got up, showered and ate some food. He looked at his phone and saw a text from an unsaved number. Noah. His heart skipped a beat.

'Hi, you never said where I should pick you up later. Shall we say 6pm? Can't wait. N'

He began to text back the address then hesitated. Noah knew this was Lydia's address. They had met here. Wouldn't it be a bit of a sour start to have him picked up at his girlfriends house? He pressed undo and retyped Ben's address. Then added '6 is perfect. I'm looking forward to it too.' he toyed with the idea of adding a kiss and then decided against it. He sent the message and almost immediately Noah replied, 'Great, see u soon Charlie ;) x'

Charlie felt at once embarrassed and amused by his response, but felt his cheeks lift into a reluctant smile despite himself. He tidied up after himself at the flat and then made his way to Ben's. Before he knew it, it was a few minutes to 6. He stood looking at himself in the mirror and wondered what Noah or Lydia even saw in him. He was tall, six foot, but Noah was taller. His hair was dark brown and dull, his eyes the same shade, his face was thin and he hadn't seen the inside of a gym in a long time. He tried hopelessly to fluff some life into his hair, but it limply fell back into its usual haystack look.

Whilst he tried to look presentable be heard the doorbell. He began to move casually towards it but then suddenly heard Ben's footsteps, much closer to the door coming from the kitchen. He hadn't heard him leave his room. He sped up, hoping he could reach the door before him. But instead had to watch as he opened the door, in only his boxers, clutching a sharing bag of Doritos.

Noah stood at the door dressed in a smart casual look, unbuttoned creamy shirt and jacket. He smiled from Ben to Charlie and an amused expression cracked across his face.

"Am I interrupting something?" He smirked and Charlie gritted his teeth against the burn in his cheeks.

"Huh?" Ben said, his mouth still full of crisps. "What'd ya want?" He asked, but it sounded more like "Whabyuwhab?"

"Ben, this is Noah," Charlie put in quickly. Ben turned to look at him then back at Noah. He swallowed his crisps and licked his lips, slowly his eyes narrowed.

"...Noah... why do I-" his eyes suddenly went wide, "oh shit, that Noah?!"

"Right! Thanks Ben, I gotta go," Charlie said cursing his friends lack of tact, speaking over Noah who had opened his mouth to say something, not trusting the sparkle of humour in his eyes. "Don't wait up."

He pushed past Ben and grabbed Noah by the arm, ignoring his cheerful wave at Ben as he was dragged down the hallway.

"Don't wait up huh? That sounds fun," he teased.

"I just didn't want him hanging around all evening. He does that. He doesn't have many friends see, well actually I think I might be his only friend."

"Maybe he needs to get out more, preferably wearing more clothes."

"Preferably."

Once out of the building they walked to Noah's black sleek car. He slipped into the drivers seat and Charlie walked around the front of the car to sit in the passenger seat, feeling Noah's eyes on him as he waited for an oncoming car to pass. Once in the car and belted, Noah started the engine. The car purred softly beneath them.

"Nice car," Charlie said, admiring the spotless interior. Noah turned the wheel out onto the road and smiled.

"Thanks," he said, and as he did so he extended his free hand that was not on the steering wheel palm up towards him. An invitation. Charlie sucked in a breath, hesitant to the reaction he knew physical contact seemed to have on his body, and yet at the same time already craving it. Gently he took his hand, lacing his fingers through Noah's and felt the warmth of him creep from his hand, to his arm, to his chest, and then his head, making him feel lightheaded.

"I missed you yesterday, I kept checking the cafe to see if you were there."

"No, I was seeing a friend," he said, the same excuse he had given Lydia when the reverse had happened. It sounded just as lame to Noah than it had to her.

"Fair enough, did you have a good time?"

"Yeah thanks," a short silence. "How's work going?"

He crinkled his nose, "long, busy, frustrating. Let's not talk about that."

"Then what do you want to talk about?"

"Tell me something about you," he said cheerfully.

"I'm not that interesting," Charlie laughed.

"I disagree whole heartedly. I find you extremely interesting."

They pulled up to a set of traffic lights, and Noah brought Charlie's hand to his lips and kissed it lightly. Such a smooth and casual action that sent butterflies through his every nerve.

The rest of the drive was spent by Charlie revealing any vaguely interesting fact about himself he could think of. But however small Noah would react with enthusiasm, laughing or asking all the right questions. It's hard to fake such genuine interest, and slowly Charlie relaxed into his company.

They pulled up to the house about 15 minutes later. It had a simple exterior, but in London the fact that he had his own parking space was an impressive feat. He stepped out of the car and followed Noah up the short paved path to his front door. He began to feel his anxiety return, and almost like he could sense it Noah turned as he opened the door and smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, I live on my own, and I have no expectations from tonight other than spending time with you and sharing a meal."

His voice was like a calming tonic. It was wild that he could be so affected by him, like a radio finding it's perfect frequency. He wondered if Noah felt similar sensations around him, he wished he was confident enough to ask. Instead he just nodded, and smiled back.

Noah seemed to realise this was the best he was going to get at this point and turned back towards the house, leading Charlie into his home. The front of the house had seemed simple, but inside was a modern open floor kitchen and living area, it was a mix of warm tones, and clean white countertops. He had already laid the table for dinner, and Charlie could smell a gorgeous mix of scents wafting from the quietly humming oven.

"Dinner will be about 20 minutes, can I get you a drink?"

Charlie sipped his drink whilst Noah busied himself in the kitchen. He walked slowly along the wall looking at the pictures and photos displayed there. One that looked like a graduation photo with an early twenties Noah and some other men around the same age, uni friends Charlie guessed. Then another which featured a boy of about eight with his family on the beach, parents mid laugh, candid and relaxed, a girl about four who was scowling at the camera, sat before a sand castle. The boy had a mischievous grin on his face brandishing a child's surfboard and dripping water on his sisters head, likely not by accident. The image made Charlie smile, he still hadn't lost that grin.

There were paintings, and bookshelves featuring heavy bound books on law, some classic fiction and a selection of cookbooks all carefully ordered and organised. A door was ajar off the living room and he peaked in to see a small well lit study, and a desk pilled high with paperwork.

He turned back into the living room and leaned over the kitchen island, watching Noah as he cut the vegetables to accompany their meal.

"You have a beautiful home," he said and Noah looked around as if he hadn't noticed.

"Yeah.. it's alright isn't it? Bit big for just me on my own at times," he added, pouring his vegetables into the pan to simmer and turning to the oven.

He watched as Noah plated their dinner, it was a gorgeous meal, lamb shanks that seemed to sizzle and glisten in the gravy, roast potatoes crisped to a golden crust and Charlie felt his stomach grumble in anticipation. Noah added the steamed vegetables and took the two dishes to the table.

"This is amazing Noah, thank you," he said, savouring the rich flavours he had created.

"It's no problem, I wanted to make you feel welcome," he raised his glass and it chinked as he met it with his own.

They exchanged small talk over the table and after finishing dinner moved onto the sofa where Noah poured them both another drink. He put his arm along the back of the sofa, it brushed the back of Charlie's back. As they talked, Charlie felt them move towards each other, slowly, as if pulled by gravity. Soon their legs were touching lightly. Charlie glanced down, faltering mid sentence, his eyes flicking back up to Noah's who's lips lifted slightly.

Noah's hand lifted from the back of the sofa and stroked the back of Charlie's hair gently. It felt comforting and electrifying at once.

"I like you a lot Charlie," he said softly.

Charlie laughed softly, "I have no idea why."

"Are you kidding?" Noah chuckled. He leaned down to the table placing his glass on the coaster, and put his free hand on Charlie's arm. Both his hands on him this way, Charlie felt his heart begin to race.

"You are... attractive," he ran his finger up his arm slowly as he spoke, so gentle the hairs on his arms rose and goose pimples emerged. "interesting, thoughtful, funny," by this point his finger was at Charlie's shoulder.

He laughed nervously, "I'm definitely not funny, you're clearly insane."