by Sean Renaud
Great beginning, I enjoyed reading it. I hope you will continue writing more of this story.
Your stories are amongst the most difficult to read because you have so many mistakes in them that it takes away from any pleasure that one gets from reading them. For instance, when describing Jessica's hair, you tell the reader that HIS hair was dirty blonde. Unless Jessica is a transgender, we are all assuming that Jessica is a "she" and that you were really referring to HER hair.
That was just one of many mistakes; some of the word usage makes no sense at all and your story ending made it seem like you were as bored with your story as your readers are. If you sent this to an editor, then Literotica needs a screening process for its editors. If you didn't, then I think I should just avoid your stories all together.