Summer of an Older Woman Pt. 04

So, you now know that Linda and I worked things out and ended up married with twin 2-year-old boys, Evan and Bennett and Linda has her other children, Michael and Sandy. Six years after that amazing summer, we're married 4 years; we got married just after I graduated from college. But I have to tell you how we got to that point. And maybe beyond it as well.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I drove back up to school at State University of New York (SUNY), Albany, that Thursday, September 6, 1985, and I was in misery. Linda backed out of having dinner with me and my family the night before; maybe it was the right thing to do, but it didn't feel like it then. In fact, it felt like Hell surrounded me. I had no doubt Linda was feeling much the same. I don't know if it would have been better had she joined us, but the fact that she backed out left me feeling even more heartbroken than I already was, and my family was hurting for me.

I got back to school by 11AM, and my roommate, Lee, was there already. As I mentioned, we got along fine, we respected each other's privacy, but we weren't great friends. So when we talked about how our summer's went, I did tell him I had a girlfriend over those two months, but I didn't give much in the way of details. I told him her name was Linda, but never mentioned our age difference. It wasn't important. It wasn't relevant to how deeply we felt about each other.

I saw other dorm friends from the past two years, we met some new people, mostly Freshmen new to college, and also some of my female friends I'd made over time. That night,g there was a big welcome back party, with kegs of beer and bowls of spiked punch, people got drunk but we tried to cut off anyone who was out of control or on the verge of passing out. People hooked up, mostly very casual encounters. I could have done so. This very cute Freshman, Dana, lots of curves and long blond hair, was clearly interested, but there was no way I was hooking up with her or anyone else that night. In fact, I doubted I would end up with any girl that semester. I was missing Linda way too much, right from the start, and sleeping with some girl I didn't even know would have felt cheap. I would have felt like I was cheating.

For the first month and a half, I avoided going to bed with any girl. I had no desire, no interest, though some were very attracted and a few weren't exactly subtle in their availability towards me be known. My heart belonged to Linda, and the fact that we agreed not to talk until I went home for Thanksgiving wasn't making the ache I felt from her absence ease off at all. I wanted to call her almost every single day. And it was even worse on the weekends, with the extra time on my hands.. But we had a deal and I kept to it. Linda didn't even have my phone number up there, so she couldn't call me if she wanted. I guess if there was some urgent reason, she could have gotten my number from my parents.

I kept my good grades going (I had a 3.87 average and was on track to pull straight A's that first semester of my Junior year) and, after a few consultations with my faculty advisor, I was thinking of changing my major from Education (I planned to be a high school Social Studies teacher) to English/Creative Writing. She said she saw I had a flair for it, especially editorial writing. I was very good at taking a position and defending it with facts and with a sense of style. It was something to consider.

I called home or the family called me at least once a week, and my mom always made sure she asked me how I was doing, meaning how I was without Linda. I told her honestly that I was all right overall, doing well in school and having fun with friends, but I missed Linda terribly. It couldn't be helped; I was still in love with her and I didn't see that going away any time soon. Then I'd talk to my dad, who had a more quiet way of offering his support, and last, my brother, who would just break my balls in the way the two of us had, and that always cheered me up. He had a way of keeping me from getting too down in the dumps or taking myself too seriously.

October 18 was my birthday, a Friday, and my buddies wanted to throw me a party. Actually, it was right before midterms and we really just needed an excuse to blow off steam, like pretty much everyone else on campus. Instead of heading to a bar and spending a lot of money, not to mention driving drunk and all the risks associated with that, we chipped in, bought a couple of kegs and some bottles, set them up in the common room on our floor, and charged anyone who wanted to join in 2 bucks each. A very fair price, even for the mid-80s. We weren't looking to make money; we weren't even concerned with breaking even. It was a hell of a blast and we all got drunk to varying degrees. For me, that meant a nice buzz. I've never been a big drinker.

About 11 or so, this girl, Liz Park and I started talking, and I found myself having a good time with her. She was also just buzzed a little, enough to have fun without getting sick or stupid, and to be in control enough for her to know what she was doing. She was a Sophomore, and I knew her slightly from the previous year, the kind of thing where we'd say 'hi' in the halls when we passed each other, but we didn't know each other more than that. Not before that night. She was really cute, adorable, even, Korean-American, with a very pretty face, long jet-black hair, petite (about 5'2") with nice curves. And she was vivacious, a fun personality. She dragged me to the middle of the room, where there was a small area set aside for dancing. We moved to a real variety of music, like Ramones, Phil Collins, A-ha, John Mellencamp. A real mixed bag.

I was having a good time with a girl for the first time since Linda and I broke up. Not like a conversation; I had a few female friends for that. This was fun like I hadn't had in months. We got off the dance floor to grab another couple of beers and I was debating in my mind whether I should make a move, when Liz decided for me by grabbing my head in her hands and giving me a tonsillectomy. I mean, it was a fucking hot kiss, with her tongue exploring my mouth. When we broke the kiss (and got a few hands of applause), Liz said, just loud enough so I could hear her over the music, "My roommate is at her boyfriends for the night." The rest didn't need to be said. She took my hand and led me to the elevator up to her room on the 8th floor.

We were in the elevator with another couple that were also making out, as well as a couple of singles. College is like that, not a hell of a lot of privacy, but people rarely make a big deal about what others are doing. Liz and I kissed a few times, but I had a couple of minutes to consider what I was doing. I hadn't seen nor spoken to Linda since the 5th of September, about 6 weeks before, and it would be about another 5 until I spoke to her again. Did I owe her fidelity? I didn't know if she was seeing anyone. For all I knew, she was dating again. Besides, it was my birthday, and I was just looking for a good time. Liz and I walked hand in hand down the hall to her room as I decided fuck it. This wasn't any sort of commitment. It was just fun.

We got into her room, where Liz had little Christmas type lights strung up around the walls, with some posters and a lithograph of a Dali painting, The Persistence of Memory, with the melting clocks. Only those little lights were on, and the room seemed cozy, and got more so when Liz sat down with me on her bed.

We kissed some more, getting comfortable with each other. We had good chemistry, fitting together well as our kisses got hotter and we twisted around so she was on her back and I was on top of her. I had my hand up her shirt, massaging her left breast over her bra, which felt a little satiny, while she was cradling my cock and balls over my jeans. It was a signal that all but guaranteed where things were heading. I moaned as she gave my balls a gentle squeeze.

I pulled her short-sleeve sweater over her head, and her white bra was mostly satin with some lace at the edges. She kissed my neck as I helped her get my Grateful Dead shirt off, then I undid her bra. I have to admit, she had great tits. A very firm C-cup with light pink areolas and nipples, which were not that long but were very hard. I let her nipples slide between the length of my fingers and Liz started whimpering. Her head tilted back and her chest thrust up, inviting me to keep applying pressure to her pink pebbles.

I started sucking them, going back and forth between the left and the right, as I unbuttoned, then unzipped her tight jeans. Liz pulled my face back up to hers and we were kissing harder, our tongues going back and forth, mine in her mouth, then hers in mine. I helped her shimmy out of her pants, leaving her just in a pair of leopard patterned, very tiny panties. She was so damned sexy, my cock was at full staff. I got up on my knees facing her, and she let out a nervous laugh as she unbuttoned my pants and then pulled the zipper down. I pulled them down and I was left in a pair of black cotton boxers. Then I fell back on top of her and we were all over each other, rolling back and forth on her small bed.

We were touching each other inside our underwear, my fingers rubbing her pussy vigorously while Liz had a firm grip on my dick, pulling it up and down. Her hand was soft but her technique was a little lacking. It was certainly not unpleasant. I was leaking small amounts of lubrication, and Liz was doing the same. Her pussy was nice and wet, making it easy for my fingers to glide along her lips. We were both moaning, and Liz kissed my ear, licked it, then whispered, in a hungry tone, "Finger me, Dennis. Put one inside." Her thighs were clamped tight around my hand, which told me how needy she really was.

I kissed her a few times and was just about to ease one finger inside her when Linda's face came to me. In a span of about 2 seconds I thought about what she might be doing that Friday night, who she might be with...if they were doing what I was doing. If she was, it would have been a like a knife in my heart. I knew I couldn't go through with this. It would hurt Liz, like a cruel insult. But I couldn't have sex with her, or with any other girl, while my situation with Linda was unresolved.

Liz looked at me expectantly, with a real need to me to keep going. "Liz, I know this is going to look very bad, and I don't want to insult you, but I can't do this. I'm really sorry."

She looked confused at first, then, as I took my hand from her panties, Liz got angry. "What the hell, Dennis? You get me all worked up, so bad I need to get fucked, and then you stop? What's wrong with you? Are you some kind of fag?" I could see she was furious, and her language was ugly. I hated that word.

"Look, I'm not Gay. But I was in a very heavy relationship over the summer with a woman, and we left things kind of up in the air when I came back to school. I intended to keep faithful to her until Thanksgiving or Christmas, when we were going to see where we stand, but then this party came along, I got buzzed, it's my birthday..."

"Happy fucking birthday" Liz said with a mix of frustration and anger.

"Thanks" I responded with my own sarcastic tone. "Anyways, then you came and we talked, and you were so damn nice, and you're really lovely." Shit, I was rambling. "And for a time, I said fuck it. I wanted you, very much, but then Linda came to me, in my head. I didn't want to use you, Liz. It wouldn't be right to just use you like this."

"Why not? I wasn't looking for anything more than tonight. I haven't done one night stands all that often, but tonight that's just what I was looking for. Just sex. And now I'm going to end up frustrated" she said, bitterly. "There's no way I would sleep with you now, if you changed your mind."

"I'm not changing my mind, Liz. I should have been honest with you. I should have been a friend tonight. It's not you, Liz, not at all. I wasn't honest with you or with myself. You deserve better."

"You're damn right I do! Just get your clothes on and get out. Don't be my friend, Dennis. Don't say hi to me when you run into me. Don't worry, I won't embarrass either of us by telling anyone about this. But you need to get out of here."

I dressed in silence while she did the same, and I got out of there and went downstairs to my room, down the hall from where the party was still going. I wasn't in the mood for sex, and I wasn't in the mood for a party. It was almost 2:30 in the morning and I didn't think I could sleep either.

I washed up and got into bed; the party was dying down but I wasn't feeling like I could sleep. I was laying there, tossing and turning, and Thanksgiving suddenly felt like it was 5 months instead of 5 weeks away. I wanted to talk to Linda, more than anything. And I couldn't. I just fucking couldn't.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning, after I went to breakfast with a bunch of friends, I checked my mail. The day before I got cards from my parents and my brother (and a nice check for my birthday from my parents), so I wasn't expecting anything other than the usual junk mail and bills. But, to my surprise there was a card there, and it was from Linda. I knew by the return address. I stared at it for I don't know how many seconds at the mailboxes, but it had to be more than a few, as one of my neighbors had to clear his throat to get me to move along.

I went into my room, where Lee was reading. I sat on my bed, turned on a small lamp, and tore the envelope open. My hands shook a little as I pulled the card out, a humorous card with a double entendre, and I smiled, not just because of the humor, but because Linda had to be interested in me still. On the inside, on the blank part, there was a handwritten message.

"Dearest Dennis,

"Happy Birthday, Baby! I hope you're having a good time! I thought about whether to send this or not, but I decided it couldn't hurt. I miss you, very much, and can't wait to hear from you over Thanksgiving. Tell your mom I'd love to come with my kids for the holiday. We will have some things to talk about when we have time alone. Running out of room! Be well, and be good! Love Always, Linda"

It was like an arrow, Cupid's Arrow, right to my heart. She didn't say it outright, but the signs were there that not only did she still love me, but that she still wanted us to be together. The logistics would have to be worked out, but that was secondary. She missed me like I missed her! I was very glad I didn't sleep with Liz the night before.

The next five weeks, from midterms to Thanksgiving, dragged by. It was like torture to have to wait to talk to Linda, and to see her. I wanted desperately to call her, but we still had our agreement. The next time I spoke to my family, I let my mom know there would be three more for Thanksgiving, and she could hear the smile in my voice. And even better, I could hear the relief in her voice. She was happy for me, coming to accept my unusual, but very loving, relationship. I appreciated her more than I had for a long time.

Finally, it was the week of Thanksgiving. I left school Tuesday night instead of Wednesday; I only had an Art History class in the morning and my 2PM class on German History was cancelled because the professor had to leave town early. So I hit the road at 4 on Tuesday and gave a friend a ride down to Yonkers on the way. I liked having the company and it was only about 15 minutes out of my way. I got home a little after 7:40, and, after my family made a big deal over me and mom fed me some heated up pasta with sausage and peppers, I excused myself a little before 9. I had a phone call to make.

I called Linda, and she picked up on the second ring. "Hello?" That voice. I felt a rush of love in my chest.

"Hi, Honey. Do you recognize my voice?" I teased.

"Hmmm. Is it Tom Cruise? Harrison Ford? John Travolta?"

"Yes, all three in one!" We laughed together and whatever nervousness I had faded off quickly. "How are you, Honey?"

"Much better now that I hear your voice. I've missed you terribly, Baby."

"I've missed you calling me 'Baby'. I love you, Linda. Just as much as ever."

"I love you too, Baby. I was afraid I'd never hear those words from you again."

"Look, I'm home tonight, and I guess your kids are not going to Dave's tomorrow night, or you wouldn't have them on Thursday, right? Could I come over and see you tomorrow night?"

"I was about to invite you to dinner. I'm not ready to have you sleep over with my kids at home, not yet, but you could stay a few hours after they go to sleep, if you want to." Her voice was so hopeful.

"Honey, you'll have to throw me out. Though I will go without a fight. Just one question: have you gone out with anyone? Have you...been with anyone?" She knew what I meant.

"I went on one date. It was a blind date through a friend from work. He was a nice guy, not bad looking. But he wasn't you, Baby. I couldn't help but compare him to you, and it really was no comparison at all. What about you? Anyone in your life? Have YOU been with anyone?"

"Almost. It was on my birthday. But I didn't go through with it. I'll tell you about it tomorrow when we're alone. I can tell you almost nothing happened. I thought of you, my Honey, and I couldn't."

Linda absorbed that for a few seconds. "You desired me more than some 20-year-old hottie?" She chuckled as she said it.

"As you said, it was no comparison. We'll talk about it tomorrow after your kids go to bed."

"I doubt it. Once they go down for the night, we're going to be very, very busy."

"Hey, even at 20, I need some time to recover!"

"We'll see, big fella. Seriously, Dennis. It's so good to have you home. Though I think we have a lot to figure out. I love you, Baby. With all my heart."

"I love you too, Honey. You're my world. Well, you and my family."

"I know how you feel. Come over at 5 tomorrow? We'll eat after the kids go to bed, a fashionably late dinner. We'll bring in something, something kind of fancy. We'll make a real night of it. `It will give us more time to spend together. My sweet Baby."

We talked a while more, with some sexy flirting but not going any further. My family were all awake, though I would have loved for us to talk dirty to each other for 15 minutes or so. Could have been fun. A LOT of fun.

The next afternoon, I got to Linda's a little early (after I helped my mom with the last-minute shopping and after I promised to help her in the kitchen Thursday morning. I did have some cooking skills, as I've said). I also stopped off on the way to get her roses, a dozen pink, her favorite color. When I knocked on her door, I was nervous. What if, despite our talk the previous evening, Linda didn't really want me after all? I know, I was probably being silly, but that's how my mind works sometimes.

She opened the door, and I was glad I was wearing a pair of black slacks and a sky-blue men's dress shirt. I looked good, but Linda looked outstanding. She had on a dark green cocktail dress which fit her figure in a clingy style. She had matching hose and green pumps. We were supposed to be staying in, but Linda looked like she was ready to go out all night long. I didn't think about that, and without saying anything, we hugged inside her door. And we hugged and we hugged. We were both silently crying. I hadn't even handed her the roses because neither of us was eager to let go.

After a minute or so, Sandy helped move things along. I felt a small tug on my pants leg, and there she was, looking for her own hello. "Hey, Sandy! How are you, sweetie pie? Did you miss me?"

"Of course I did! You were gone such a long time!" Linda let me go and took the flowers from me, and she gave me a huge kiss.

"Hi, Baby! You look great! A little skinny. Is there a problem with the food there?"