All Comments on 'Summertime'

This is really a sex scene story. It's a great first draft, but needs some filling in and expansion. Generally you can skip the 'what I/he looks like' so many put at the start of the story, but a more detailed description is essential for a sex scene.

The story is told from the girl's point of view, so what did his equipment look like. Grooming down there? What did it smell like? Think about the positions they would take, and tell us about them. We're reading a stroke story and don't want generalities. How did his cock feel? Did he push through the vaginal opening with a pop?

Read rha spike's stuff, or josephus.

You made a good start, but pulled up short.

Thanks for the critique, Anonymous. I appreciate it! I knew the story was lacking, but couldn't decide what.

Just keep those thoughts flowing - better out than in they say *smiles*

You are almost there . . . but you have already stated that you felt there was a little missing, so I have nothing negative to add at all. Eagerly waiting for the next story!!