Surefoot 87: Art of Being Broken

Her combadge chirped, as Lt Arik's voice touched the air. "Counselor, that transmission you requested has opened now."

"Thank you, Lieutenant, I'll take it in my office." She tapped the combadge to close the channel, looking to Peter. "Go on in, but if Urad gets too upset, end the reunion and we'll schedule later."

The young man nodded in understanding, though Astrid noted, "We're scheduled to take a runabout back to rendezvous with the Surefoot this afternoon, Counselor."

Kami waved off the concerns. "You let me worry about that, Ensign."

*

Deck 5, Chief Counselor's Office - 0942 Hrs:

The Vulcan woman on the screen offered Kami an animated frown. "This is not the most convenient time for us to be without our Chief Helmsman or our Assistant Chief Engineer. In fact, it's damn inconvenient!"

Kami blinked, leaning back in her chair as if to distance herself from her friend and colleague but otherwise not reacting or making note of it. "I know it was very magnanimous of you to let them come and visit their former squadmate, T'Varik. I'm just asking for a little more time. "

The current Captain of the Surefoot grunted. "You always ask for 'a little more'. It is your most vexing trait."

"Oh, I doubt that. I'm sure Esek has a long, long list of things that are far annoying about me."

Then T'Varik visibly composed herself. "Ensigns Emoto and Michel will be temporarily assigned to Commander Haluk and the Academy Annex, to provide appropriate instructions in their respective fields; such duties will benefit their overall performance records, while still allowing them time to assist in Ensign Kaldron's recovery."

Kami nodded. "An eminently logical suggestion, Captain. You are an inspiration to us all."

T'Varik offered another, more graphic suggestion.

Kami remained nonchalant, folding her paws onto her lap. "Maybe when I was younger, and more limber. Now, let's talk about what's been affecting you. Is it C'Rash?"

The Vulcan swallowed, her composure returning again. "My wife has in fact been most supportive. It is my nephew."

"Srithik? What's he doing to get you worked up?"

"He has entered pon farr a year earlier than expected. Vulcans his age who are not bonded to a mate manage the time either through medications, strenuous solitary physical activity, or telepathic support from relations. As his guardian I have decided the last is the quickest, most efficacious means. He has stabilised now... but I have forgotten how intense Vulcan adolescence can be."

Kami nodded in understanding... then smiled. "'Strenuous solitary physical activity'? Are we talking about-"

"Yes." She paused and added, "I have been compelled to move him out of our quarters and further away into guest quarters, to allow us to get to sleep."

Kami laughed out loud.

"It is not amusing, Counselor."

Kami laughed even more.

*

Deck 12 Starboard, Hangar Bay 1 - 1006 Hrs:

The enclosure, reaching up several decks, was dominated by the huge Sabre-class starship parked within, undergoing repairs. Despite the crews and the mechanised drones and devices milling around the vessel like insects around the carcass of a great beast, it was cold in here, the thinner walls of the hangar bay doors less protection than the main spaceframe of the rest of the station.

Kami ignored her breath ghosting before her as she strode from the lifts, seeking her target, catching the scent of the Roylan Captain moving about, angrily pointing at his ship as he barked orders at Chief Sakai's and his own crew, looking to complete repairs on the Katana. "Do not make me come up there and show you how to use that phaser welder!"

"I'm sure she already knows," Kami quipped. "You can tell from the Engineering Gold she's wearing."

Weynik looked in her direction, the diminutive male's beady black eyes fixed on her, an animated contrast to the ossified, lime-green lionfish-like face surrounding it. "Oh, did Esek send you down here to sort me out?"

"No, but it's simply adorable that you'd suggest even in jest that my husband can 'send' me anywhere. Shall we talk somewhere in private, or shall we set up a washing line here to hang out your proverbial dirty laundry in public?"

"I offer a third option: get back to the therapy room and get in touch with your feelings." He turned his back to her.

She stayed where she was.

Finally he turned around again, saw her again, and harrumphed as he stomped away towards the Hangar Bay's Mission Ready Room, continuing into the far corner of the room before turning around and snapping, "Bloody Hemra, I'm trying to get my ship repaired out there! Why can't you just let me the Hell alone to get away from here, you nosy, interfering bitch?"

Kami stared at him, eyes wide, her snout quivering as tears welled up. "How- How can you treat me like this- after all our years together? I- I- I only wanted to help you-" She brought her paws up to her face as she turned away, sobbing.

He remained unmoved. "Are you done?"

She dropped her act and turned around again. "I've only just begun, Captain. What's happened between you and Esek? Has he taken your ball and won't give it back?"

"He won't-" He stopped, scowling, pointing a finger at her, before lowering it again. "I asked for a transfer."

She nodded, expecting it. "Asked, or demanded?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Asked no parent, ever." She saw his reaction, and leaned against the wall, her tail swishing against the surface as she crossed her arms, having expected this, after getting the report from Vestri. "After the battle with that other ship, you were fine... until you returned here, and were reunited with your children, and were reminded of how easily they could have been left without you, and the Anger part of your PTSD surfaced.

Now, when Esek called you in for tactical support to deal with the latest crisis, and the notion of heading back out there suddenly resurfaced, you demanded the transfer, and pissed my husband off for doing that when he needed your input."

Weynik glared at him. "Do you have Ops wired for sound?"

"Do you really think I need help knowing when the two of you are having a lovers' spat?"

He glared at her, as if expecting more. When nothing more was forthcoming, he demanded, "What?"

"What, what?"

"Aren't you going to do something?"

"What do you want? A sexy dance, an arm wrestling challenge, a singalong-"

"Isn't this the point where you dispense some wisdom to me?"

She stared at him. "What do you need, that you haven't already worked out for yourself? Everything you've felt and done since that battle out there - the nightmares, the fear, the anger, the denial, the desire to get yourself and your family away from anger, however futile and pointless such an attempt is - is perfectly natural.

All you really needed is the chance to stop, take a breath, and recognise it yourself." She turned and departed, leaving him with, "You're welcome."

What he retorted with was best left in the room.

*

Deck 5, Recovery Room 1 - 1032 Hrs:

Kami entered the room, noting the alerts regarding the hypergravity field around the bed, as part of the occupant's scheduled therapy for recovery for a Heavyworlder, and being careful for her not to get too close - physically, anyway. "Good morning, Urad. You'll understand if I don't come up and give you a hug, but I'd rather not suddenly weigh 240 kilos. Bad on the posture."

On the large, low bed, a huge figure lay on his side, draped in loose-fitting hospital clothes, his massive muzzle resting deep into his pillow. His skin was grey and thick and mottled, back to what it was before the Dragon. His round ears, protruding behind his eyes, flicked occasionally. His eyes, big and dark, stared at the wall, not at her.

She took a seat. "It was quite pleasing to see your Alpha Squad together again. Tori and Astrid have really grown into their roles. In fact, I don't think Tori even swore once when I was around. Of course, she might have been saving it all up for her best friend. Well?"

"No."

"Even more impressive. I'm sorry to hear you ended the visit so soon, but don't worry, I've arranged for Tori, Astrid and the others to remain available to you when you're ready for company again."

"No."

She looked over at the breakfast tray, saw what had been eaten and drank, and what hadn't, and knew why. "You're still having trouble with fine motor coordination. Haven't you been doing the finger exercises?"

"No."

"The room sensors tell me you've risen and used the lavatory twice since I last saw you: well done. Maybe you could try getting up for a shower next time? Not right now, though, I'm not a voyeur."

"No."

She rose again, moving herself back into his eyeline once more. "Your family is almost here. 350 light years is a long way to come to just get one-word answers from their youngest son... especially if he looks and smells as bad as you do right now. It's going to make us look like we're not taking care of you."

Nothing now.

"Sit up, Ensign. That's an order. And I know you well enough to know how important following orders is for you, both as an individual and a member of the Hroch."

Now Urad slowly, reluctantly, sat up, staring ahead and pulling the sheets up to his throat as if cold and vulnerable.

Vulnerable, certainly... "That's better. Urad... we have talked about what happened to you. Whatever we can do to help with your body, we can't help with your mind and spirit without your cooperation. We have healed your body. But only you can start the healing of your mind and spirit. I can't spend the rest of my life just ordering you about."

"No."

"See? We're in agreement now."

He kept avoiding her gaze. "No, Comrade Counselor. I mean you will not have to do that, because I will not be in Starfleet any longer. I cannot hold a fork, much less a phaser. I cannot walk out of this room without my fear twisting me into knots.

I am broken. If Suditi, the Celestial Assayer of all my people's qualities, was real and not just a myth, then She would judge me Weak.

No one can help me. Not even myself."

Kami stared at him for a moment, before approaching the gravimetric perimeter line. Not stopping. Closer. Closer. She felt her fur stand up from the wall of gravitons that would seriously injure her should she even partially enter it.

Urad ignored her, but she saw that he perceived her approaching.

Then he finally reacted with alarm, holding up a massive hand to her. "NO! You'll be hurt!"

Kami stopped, secretly grateful for the right response from him. "You're not that broken, young man."

*

Deck 5, Starjammers Cafe - 1105 Hrs:

Kami entered, only partly surprised to find only Sasha waiting for her at a quiet table, partially secluded from the rest of Broadway by foliage. "Oh, should I order a medical team to check on Mru?"

The young human smirked. "I'm not merciless; I left him an icepack and some hydration juice." She picked up the menu PADD as Kami sat down opposite her, and keyed in her order. "No, with Weynik spending time with his family, Mru's taking up some command duties following the repairs to the Katana."

Kami took the menu PADD from her and entered her own order. "Well, then, I guess it's just us two girls." She set it down again. "Is it 'us' or 'we'?"

"'We'."

"Are you sure? It doesn't sound right."

"Trust me, Mama, I have oral skills."

Kami smirked. "I'm not taking the bait on that line." She reached out with her paw and squeezed Kami's hand. "It was an impressive move on your part, saving Mru the way you did."

Sasha blushed, made a show of laughing it off. "All in a day's work."

"Jumping out of your ship into deep space without a spacesuit to save someone else is not in anyone's day's work."

Now the girl shrugged. "Dad would have done it."

"Yes," Kami conceded, sitting back as their order arrived, and the snacks and coffee were set down on the table. "And I would have kicked his tail to the Motherworld and back for it. For you, however, I will only ask what you were thinking when you took such a risk."

Sasha lifted up her coffee cup, stared into the black contents, let it swirl slightly in her hand as she considered her answer. "He'd been out there for half a minute at least before I even located him, probably didn't have time to prepare himself when he was blown out of that breach on the Katana bridge. It would have taken me another minute to suit up and get out to him, and the subspace interference around us prevented me from just beaming him in. And I had prior experience surviving in a vacuum, so I could prepare for it."

She drank, smacked her lips. "And I promise you, there was nothing grandiose or heroic about what I did. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I was scared shitless every single second of it, and afterwards. No Hellcat Hrelle mishegas."

Kami lifted up her own mug and blew on it, studying the young woman she had bonded to since first meeting her, the woman who had grown and matured into the brave, loyal, capable and complicated individual... and believed her. "I'm very pleased to hear that. You have far too much to live for."

"I agree." She picked at her ham and cheese croissant, before continuing, "Can I ask your opinion on something? Something that'll stay just between us?"

"Of course."

Sasha stuck out her chin, as if considering her subsequent words, though Kami suspected she had replayed this conversation a hundred times already in her head. "I want to propose to Mru. It only came to me when we returned to my flyer and I got him on life support, after almost losing him. I thought it might have just been an impulsive idea that would disappear in the cold light of day, but the more I think about it, the more I want it. Marriage... and cubs." She drank again. "Sheesh, that's the first time I said it aloud to someone else. Probably sounds stupid. Do you think it's a stupid idea? That I'm too young to be thinking about that sort of thing?"

Kami smiled. "No, to both questions. You're a mature individual, you and Mru seem to complement each other very well, I can tell his Caitian bonding had been triggered... and I was younger than you are now when I met and married my first husband, and had my first cub." She left it at that.

Prompting Sasha to follow up on it, if she chose. "But...?"

Kami drank again, her maternal delight at the young woman's announcement tempered by her professional instincts. "Sasha, you've just discovered and acknowledged your issues with an addictive personality. You have done magnificently in proving that you can keep your addictions at bay... so far."

"'So far'? What do you-"

Kami held up a paw to cut her off, her voice gentle but controlling. "But you're still in the early stages of your recovery. I know your history, of course, and I know the pressures of your job as First Officer. Taking on the additional pressures of a permanent relationship - and the possibility of a cub as well, on top of that - can potentially be the straw that breaks the shuris' back. That's why conventional wisdom suggest recovering addicts leave such life-altering life events for at least a year."

"A year? I've managed battles with Klingons, the Dominion, the Ferasans-"

"Short-term events. Marriage and pregnancy are not. Sweetheart, I'm not saying that you're not capable, or that you should never do it." She offered a smile. "I would certainly not deny your father a chance to walk his daughter down the aisle, or be the first to hold any cub you're blessed with. Just give yourself time. Okay?"

Sasha's face was taut, as was her voice. "Yeah. Yeah, forget I brought it up, okay? It was a stupid idea."

"No, Sash, it's not, not in the least-"

But she rose. "I have to go, check up on Mru, I shouldn't have left him to do all the work-"

Kami rose as well. "No, wait, Sasha-"

"I'll be by for dinner tonight."

She was ready to protest further, but accepted that the younger woman needed time to process her disappointment at Kami's response... and that Kami needed time to process her guilt at delivering that response.

*

"Security Alert to Deck 4, Airlock 1!"

Kami was returning to her office, forcing back a belch from her snack and from the outcome of her talk with Sasha, when she heard the alert, and quickened her pace to her destination, hearing the sounds of panic and rage ahead of her, while dodging around the civilians and non-essential personnel who also heard the intercom alert and followed protocol. Technically, she should have also responded to the alert by reporting to her station in the Hospital, but she had already guessed the reason for the alert, and knew she would be needed.

She emerged into the open area, a hub that offered access to the Arboretum, the Commissary, the Salon - and the Classroom and Creche where her cubs were, she reminded herself with alarm - but she pushed aside her maternal instincts to assess the situation: a station Security team, phasers drawn, trying to surround but still getting too close to three huge pachydermoid Hroch soldiers in identical body armour, massive hands balled into fists, their muzzles open wide to reveal thick blunt tusks. The newcomers took up a triangular defensive position, roaring defiantly at the Starfleet team.

Kami felt her hackles rise, and focused on the crewman nearest her: Gresh, a young Tellarite male who was apparently the senior member of the team, from the way he had a hoof raised in the direction of the newcomers, his gruff voice loud and commanding as much as he could muster. "No! Weapons are forbidden onboard Salem One without prior authorisation! Stand down and relinquish your arms, and then-"

The largest of the Hroch roared at him, silencing Gresh and making him step back as it announced, "STAND ASIDE, SCOUNDREL, OR WE WILL STEP ON YOU AND THE REST OF THESE BUGS!"

Gresh, shaken but struggling to maintain his composure, tapped his combadge. "Lt Cmdr Salvo, we need reinforcements! Heavy weapons-"

Now Kami tapped her own combadge, stating calmly, "Counselor Hrelle to Salvo: belay that order from Crewman Gresh. I'm handling it."

She ignored the reaction of disbelief from Gresh, and could almost scent the ambivalence over the comlink from the Security Chief, before the latter replied, her crisp Nova Roman accent short and sharp as a blade. "Be it on your own head, Counselor."

Kami made a sound - Salvo must be getting soft in her middle age - her gaze now fixed on the lead Hroch as the Caitian motioned for Gresh to step aside, before steadfastly approaching the newcomer. The Hroch focused back on her now, leaning up, raising mammoth arms, able to crush Kami with no effort. "OH, SO YOU WISH TO BE THE FIRST TO FALL, DO YOU-"

Swiftly Kami swung out and slapped the Hroch across the front of their muzzle.

Physically, it was as if she had punched a wall, and she felt the impact from her paw up along her arm.

But it had the effect of the Hroch drawing back as if hit by a missile, looking stunned.

Kami took advantage of it, crossing her arms and glaring with disapproval at the much larger figure. "Nanda Kaldron, I presume?"

The Hroch straightened up formally, slapping her fist against the centre of her chest. "Battle Major Nanda Kaldron, Ninth Squadron, Mondas Sector."

Kami nodded. "And, more importantly, Urad's mother?"

At the mention of her son's name, she stiffened, lowering her fist. "Yes."

"I'm Counselor Kami Hrelle. And as a mother myself, I have been in the unenviable position of being informed when my cub has been hurt. I remember dropping everything and rushing to him, no matter how far away he was, wanting nothing more than to hold him in my arms and assure him that I was there and would not let anything else hurt him, and woe betide anyone who might stand in my way of doing that.