All Comments on 'Surprise Fuck at a Roadside Stop'

Dont use second person pov, that shit is confusing as fuck.

I agree, 2nd person is hard to use and can be confusing, it also makes character development harder, but like I say in my profile, I am using Literotica as a learning place. As you are aware, none of us get paid for this time we spend creating stories for other people to freely read, so bear with me as I learn, thanks for comments anyway.

To the 'anonymouse' commenter who used vile language aimed personally at someone they do not know (me), your comment deleted and I can only hope that the hate and darkness you have in your heart is reserved for online only. My fear is that you are probably an abusive person, may you one day know peace in your life, love Alex xxx

. . . I dislike the second person point of view.

Think what it does to the reader: the man is continually referring to his female partner as “you,” but the reader is male. That’s an image which many can’t follow, and just isn’t a writing technique I’ve ever found done well.

I had no objections to the story itself, but it was just hard to read. This is the first time I’ e even finished a second person story; I usually don’t get beyond two paragraphs.

Thanks for persevering, I agree, and I probably will not use it again. I was going to delete it and reread it, but I thought better to get some helpful comments like yours, thanks again :) alex xxx

Keep doing your thing Alex. Learn as you go as many others have. As for the "mice". They live in the darkness and wouldn't know a real woman if she slapped them. I am sure it's been done over and over. Delete them or go to your options and turn off Anonymous feedback. They'll sit and whine to themselves because they can't bully you.

5*'s for doing your own thing!!! Go Girl!

I thought about turning off 'anon comments', but to be honest, some of the unsolicited bile that these people spew out is very telling. Nobody ever wanted to be the village idiot, so it is kind of quaint to see all these abusers applying for the position.

There are many good people who have left feedback that I have no idea how to respond to, but their comments, and yours are welcome :)

I almost didn't comment because Reed Richards said everything I was going to say, so I won't go into the "second person" aspect of the story any more than to say I couldn't relate because I'm a guy. I don't have vagina lips, breasts, or a clitoris, so when you made references to these parts as being mine, it felt strange and took me completely out of the story. Because of that, I can't really judge on whether or not this was a good story or not because I can't read it without that weird feeling taking over.

You want to write a story that you are happy with. Most of the time, you have to ignore your audience's wishes (to an extent). They will all have their own way that your story should end, and you can't please them all. So, you just have to please yourself, and hope that some of them are pleased too.

That said, you still have to remember them in a sense, especially if you are choosing second person. Most of us are men. Maybe this style would work better in romance (probably a more even mixture of men and women, I'm guessing). We still have to be able to relate in a way. Even if a person is angry at your story, they are angry because a part of them got into it. If your audience leaves feeling nothing because they couldn't put themselves in it, the story is lost.

Other than that, keep writing and don't let people get to you. In my opinion, you want to get to a place that deleting the comments of the trolls becomes so bothersome that you simply start to become desensitized to them. You find that you don't have the energy to even respond to them by deleting them, so you just snicker and focus on the people who actually leave insightful comments that you can learn from. The trolls aren't going anywhere, no matter how many times you delete them. They won't get discouraged and stop. Just accept it.

But, in all of that, don't forget to have fun! Don't forget, this is a hobby. Good luck.

Thanks, all great points, really helpful. I think because it was a story told to me by one gender, that I then wrote as a different gender made it interesting. I am exploring, and comments like yours and others help me in my quest xx

Nice job Alex. I couldn't agree more than I do with Jaymor and Anon. Write your stories, learn and go with your gut feelings. This is about your story and your feelings.

Be conscious of the readers perspective, but above all be true to yourself.

You're right about all the comments. I, myself, got tired of the wannabe critics in the basement as someone had called them and neutered them completely since I never really came to collect comments or ratings. I personally shut it all off yesterday and will keep posting for me and those who are enjoying my recollections.

Keep writing, keep growing as a writer, and as part of your relationship. :o)

LOL, previous posters didn't say it but I will and give Ms Novak a 5* to counter your limp, scared 1*.

if you are a registered writer and post comments anonymously, you are flat out a coward. And I'm glad you aren't my significant other.

Annie

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

I also found the perspective a bit confusing, but was able to get the hang of it after a while. Unfortunately the delay diminished the enjoyment of the story some. I would humbly suggest that, if you had spent just a bit more time establishing who the speakers are right away, perhaps with a short bit of background before the dialog starts it would help. Something like: "The weekend was over, the bags packed in the car, and we were back on the motorway, the three lanes stretched out before us, glistening and shimmering in the late afternoon sun. My wife and I had spent a wonderful day ......" This would establish the speaker immediately so the reader isn't trying to figure out who's perspective they were joining for several rounds of dialog.

Anyway, just a thought. Very interesting and again thank you kindly for sharing your creativity.

a good well written short story just enough information for a quickie ,no long needless descriptions just basic facts and hot sex ........though others may think we needed to mention Costa or something i think this tale does it all .

Very hot. Don’t agree at all with the jackass who did not like. What a flammer.

Keep writing more stories. Let them build a bit more, and you are in good shape.

for the great comments and constructive words, even now I can feel a focusing on the next story, taking into account your advices, you really help, so big thanks and love, more to come xxx

Oh too have been able to devour both loads of cum directly from her. Mmmmmm

Why do negative commentators struggle so much with spelling and grammar?

"Why do negative commentators struggle so much with spelling and grammar?"

If they have time to proofread and then retype their comments, and then it makes them review it... just imagine an actual conversation. One would need a spittle shield and a translation App.

I was going to comment on problems with 2nd person, but others have it covered. ReedRichards, javmor79 , and a few others have done a good job with the comments. I rarely disagree with javmore79, but in this case I have a different perspective on the Anon Trolls who haunt these pages.

Not being a person who suffers fools lightly, I solved the problem by disabling anonymous comments, and have been satisfied I didn’t miss out on but few helpful comments. I did a little research on random stories, (not scientific by any means) and discovered about 80% of anon comments are pure bile. Personally I think this site should follow the example of some others, and require an ID for both voting and commenting. They allow you to read for free.

In the spirit of full disclosure, the stories on the two sites I stumbled upon requiring that, do not compare favorably with Literotica, but it ain’t the Anonymous comment that accounts for it.

You show talent, so keep writing. Study stories by javmore79 and ReedRichards, JustPlainBob and others who score above 3.5. I would say above 4, but given the effort mounted by the Anons, you won’t see many of those here on LW.

Good Luck. cd

I enjoyed your story it was very hot, and well wrote. My wife and I had a very close experience as you, only het was an older guy well hung. Being over horny my wife asked him to join us. Him and I took turns fucking her in the Woods all afternoon.

Is it really your opinion that women are ours to be shared? Does the wife have no say in this?

Most certainly not, but in the story there are a few indicators that she was open to this..."Hey babe, I was that turned on he could have fucked me over that table in the woods." being the main one.

So as I was writing I had her as fully consensual, and it actually arose out of a real conversation with my partner....but I do not think women, or men for that matter, are the property of anyone else, except in a story, where the characters belong to the author I suppose :)

@CarolinaDreamer - Bravo!! Your could not have been said more eloquently in any words.

@TwentySeven - women are NOT ours to be shared. Pleasure for both partners is THEIRS to share between each other, with each other. In the case of Roni and I, it was through a both a LOT of communication AND trust.

@Alex - you have handled all of your responses with maturity. Bravo!

I really enjoyed your story. And let's face it, had she looked up and saw the fellow standing there, she would have gladly let him do what he did anyway. Not only that, but I'd say there's a good chance she knew it wasn't you when he was doing it. Keep up the good work!

nothing gets me hotter than having the wife let me help her flash a truck driver on the road when safe even got her hot like this sexy lady and she pulled her panties off while a driver was watching. she got a toot of his horn that time.

A good short story with two happy endings.

Obviously I neglected to have the strangers pov too.. A nice switch to his feelings entering her

Any weak premise works for a cuckold author.

I ask...You said - HATE THE WAY IT IS WRITTEN

This makes no sense. Why would he do nothing as another man fucks his wife? Why is that guy not dead, or at least injured in such a way to guarantee he would never have sex again? What kind of voyeuristic, disease craving creep is the MC?

Atrociously written, with pov switching between characters on every sentence or two! Very difficult to read.