All Comments on 'Surviving in the Old West'

Very well done and believable. It's hard to understand how something like this did not happen in reality, Not only in the old west but throughout history. Again well done.

A gun in a woman's hand makes her just as deadly as any man. She can successfully fight back without the handicap of smaller size, slower speed and less muscle.

The Cloud family of Wiltshire arrived on our shores with Willie Penn and some spread across the land. Sadly, even though they were lawyers, we lost two cousins at the Alamo. A couple of other of our cousins were also not 'turn the other cheek' types, Doc Holiday and John Wesley Hardin. Makes me think of the signs at the zoo. "Don't tease the animals!"

Thanks for the story. Luv historical trivia like about the rifle.

One of the best stories I've read on here, and the first one on which I've ever left a comment.

My ONLY criticism is that a lot of the quotation marks are misplaced (i.e. "Wow, he said, that's great!" Instead it should be "wow," he said, "that's great!")

I know it's a small thing to nitpick but I think it'll definitely take your writing to the next level. I hope you write more stories! I'd love to read more about Martha and Mat or other historical fiction (Victorian, etc).

I really wanted to get into your storyline, but I'm also a pedantic asshole about history.

It's just that, well,  considering this is the FRONTIER west, the idea of most of the women there being puritanical innocent wives and darlings is laughable.

If you look it up, you'll see that for a long time the frontier west was made mostly of men at what were essentially work camps and very little women except maybe the bosses wife. That is UNTIL some very adventurous women looking for independence,  and not minding to sell their body to get it, were the first people to really start making these work camps into real towns. It was quite often that town would begin as just one brothel, and everything would spread out from that. These independant women were making so much momey that they brought demands for other goods and services that would make civilization a thing.

As a result, women of the old west (on average) were less puritanical and far more worldly, though for sure as civilization builds, you get more different sorts of people. But this is a fictional story, and I'm a pedantic asshole.

I mean, most cowboy stories are actually re-dressed samurai plotlines, and in reality were not really like that at all, so historical inaccuracy in the old west is nothing new or jarring for most people.

You'd better divide your story in two parts, the first in non-con category, the second in another.

Perfect. I want and need a story like this. Please keep writing. Beautiful. Sexy. White. Rough. Passionate. Raw. Wet. I love it!

It was a great story. It felt a little rushed, though. (We're all victims to rushing our writing from time to time!) Take the time to re-read your works at least 3 times before publishing. Once silently, and then twice out loud to yourself. This helps to catch errors.

The other thing that needs a bit of adjustment is your dialogue. Let's look at this for example:

"Jesus Martha, you didn't did you? he exclaimed, can you get pregnant getting it in that way? you ain't gonna get poisoned like that are you?"

You don't have enough quotation marks. The whole sentence /is/ the statement, with the way you've written it. If you were talking outloud, you wouldn't finish your sentence with "he said" when talking about yourself, would you? Here is how the dialogue should look when you split it:

"Jesus Martha, you didn't did you?" He exclaimed, "Can you get pregnant getting it in that way? You ain't gonna get poisoned like that are you?"

Dear author, talk about women's empowerment! Wow. What a unique story line and

character building. Truly enjoyed your story and will read more of your works soon.

Thank you for your effort. jntiques

Overall I enjoyed your story. Never understand why puritanical men must have little dicks and be lousy at sex. Anyway...cordite, that many writers mistakenly refer to instead of gunpowder or smokeless powder, was used from about 1889 to 1945. So, no cordite in 1840's Wild West. Keep up the good work!!!

Solid idea. Some things are not period specific. IOW, not right.