All Comments on 'Surviving Retirement'

Started out really good, but then went into the sex driven story mode. You can have a story with sex in it where the story comes first and then you can have the opposite, where the main focus is on sex and the story just sort of gives it a place to happen. The fact is that for me once a story loses touch with reality, as defined by the genre, I lose interest in the story. Not everyone shares that perspective and I can fully understand why many people will love this story. But it was just not for me. Super rich people are walking targets for everything from kidnapping to extortion. No way would they risk everything by acting like these characters unless they were stupid, and these characters were not written as being stupid people.

Good story for most readers, just not for me.

God you're writing is so boring. Page one was like reading McDonald's menu, I just gave up and went towards the end. More menu.

To the other commenters - if all you REALLY want is a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am story, then just fuck off and find yourselves one that caters to early adolescence.

This story was long, yeah, but the detail and development contained therein was staggering.

A good story, perhaps a tad light on the hot and messy sex, but still a good read. The only people bitching about it were obviously looking for wank-fodder.

well written and I think your format really worked well

5 stars and I loved it, thank you for making my day

The format worked well for this story. It was a unique story with likable characters and a great story line. Good work! Your stories never seem to disappoint.

TxFB, i want to express how much i enjoyed this story. the way you structured it and yet allowed your characters to continuously develop kept my interest from start to finish.

along with all the fascinating details that fleshed out this storyline. (sorry, couldn't resist butt frankly a surfeit of mindless rutting is boring!)

thinking back, i do not believe that you have posted a disappointing story. you are a craftsman at the art of writing.

i was wondering if you were considering writing a story based on the details of Ellen's experiences during the year of separation? i would suggest that the erotic potential alone could have literary merit.

A good, interesting read, a bit light on actual sex but none the worse for it. A few spelling and grammatical errors but they did not spoil it. I recently retired and am having some problems settling into a non working routine so it rang some bells!

Thanks again, enjoyed it very much.

Has a more tedious story been written?

Try a rewrite. Cut around 10 pages. Then resubmit.

With the readers who say this was monumentally boring. I just couldn't force myself to give a crap about any of the characters.

Here's a tip: a story where everybody is a Mary Sue (look it up) can't have any dramatic tension

I enjoyed reading all the way through!

Waaaaaaaaaaa!

should have their heads examined.

two people who love each other, have worked together well enough to build and sell a successful company, should not be sent out into the world alone to "find each other".

set up a foundation. travel. create a new business in a new field. have a family. learn to sail and circumnavigate the world. go fishing. teach others how to do what they did. share the wealth with deserving and eager students. or any one of so many other options.

Enjoyed it very good job

I must say I enjoyed the story very much. Your character development was good, and your detail and keeping the story line straight was commendable. I would have liked to have given you 5 stars, but I did not vote because I did not feel what you presented us was worth 5 stars, and I didn't want to knock your score down.

Please let me explain my reasoning, and please accept it in the vein in which I am giving it. 1) You need a good editor. There are a number of places that had grammatical errors that were grating. Perhaps the casual reader would not notice them, but other writers do. 2) You need a good proof-reader. Frequently there were errors that a good proof-reader would have caught, but because you wrote the story and are too close to it you don't notice. It's kind of like the deal where words are intentionally misspelled, but the first and last letters are correct. Your brain allows you to read it anyway. Because you are too close to the story this happens to you.

Please don't take this as criticism, but as a critique. You have talent as a writer, and you have a good mental eye for a story. Develop them and keep on. I will be looking for your work in the future. Oh, and how I know about the two needs you have. I know about them because I did the same thing when I was new to writing. :-) I got in too big of a hurry to post the story and I didn't take the time to get help. I learned, and I hope you do, too.

I am doing this anonymously, which is dangerous, but I don't want to cause any hard feelings. You have talent. Keep it up.

jlc

TxFB your stories have always entertained me, I might not occasionally agree on the subject matter but your skill in weaving an engaging tale has always kept me reading to the end.

So I make my plee again. Why o why won't you please finish 'New Beginnings: Bob and Jolynn'. It's been 2 years we've been waiting for chapter 2. It stop dead leaving us hanging. If you have no intention to finish it at least put me out of my misery.

Andy

except the go out and fuck others then come home like nothing happened,the story was great.most people go to councilors to get over affairs not be told to go have them.if they could have just traveled together and met abby then all the better instead you have him build a life with her then bring his legal wife back and want her to pretend to be a widow for the sake of appearances.

Great read a follow up using Ellen as the lead would be good

left this story when they each said there are no restrictions on cheating. I could not leave my wife undefended or unsupported. Both these kids are rich and naive, easy targets in a mean uncaring world. In our marriage we are not equals but like this marriage we compliment each other, my wife would be devastated if I suggested this approach and I wouldn't last a week without screwing someone. Sounds ok in a story but in real life it would be a disaster. TK

Two highly intelligent, motivated people suddenly find themselves bored and can't think of a thing to do? They have wealth, youth, and imagination, and their answer is to seek advice from people who would be laughed out of business in the real world? Joined at the hip for almost their entire adult lives, with no serious issues with each other, yet they still think it's a good idea to live apart for a year and sleep with others, and hope it doesn't destroy their marriage. You're a pretty decent writer, but your story was so far out there it wasn't even good fantasy. I think I'll pull a few more of your stories up, see what they're like. Best of luck.

Q

Nice little story, but a just a bit too brief--nothing another 2 million words can't cure.

It starts with an Orwellian premise, that the way to find themselves is to lose each other. Then we have to trudge through page after page of random and irrelevant events, endless and pointless details, none of which tell us anything substantive about what was supposedly the whole point of the story, how this separation and these events was impacting and changing Joe and Ellen. Yeah, we know Joe found cocksman nirvana, giving short shrift to 15 years of marriage, while Ellen got left as a footnote till the very end. Where we find out that, yeah, she fucked about some, but it wasn't that great or that meaningful, so let's go collect Abby so I can at least still have some portion of my husband back. Cause he's God's gift to, well, everyone! Just stupid, contrived, insulting to women, insulting to marriage, and insulting to anyone of intelligence.

What we have here is a celebration of casual sex, tepid marriage commitment, and a contrived relationship to promote polyamory and homosexuality. I have to give you credit for one thing. You made it so continuously stupider and more outrageous, that I kept reading it just to see if somewhere, somehow, you could pull this altogether and make some sense of it. You didn't. I just hope you didn't waste as much time writing it as I spent reading it. I'm just glad it over.

Keep telling your tales. Thanks for a fine story.

TX Farm Boy, seriously. It was long and amusing.

Factual? Probably not. A cash buy-out wouldn't happen, so it would have been 20% cash, balance in shares of an ever-diminishing stock, due to mismanagement and cheapening of the brand. Eventually, JoEllen would bankrupt, and rather than a few hundred million in profit, Joe and Ellen would have squandered all the cash in this year-plus of largess. At age 40, they'd be working as non-tenured positions on campus, and possibly starting a consulting firm. Bankrupt or not, the "perpetual non-compete" signed upon the sale of their company would be vigorously prosecuted by the purchaser of the name "JoEllen" still marketed to $1 stores from 4th world sweatshops.

Was the story at all plausible? Here and there.

I do know geeks who are wizard at all that they do. 200% effective at work, 0% effective in Life Skills 101. I could see the "now what do we do" question being posed. Hey, the company was sold. Pack up, leave your Troglodyte cube, and go home, your stock futures in lieu of cash just paid large.

So a few thousand hours of internet gaming in the dark later... they're in the hospital for malnutrition, obesity, and terminal masturbation.

"Good thing your Pizza Guy noticed you never collected 6 days of automatic Large Hawaiian delivery, or you could have died."

Off to do meaningful things... I broke the read into 4 segments.

as usual. Interesting thoughts on the psychology of relationships. Fun stuff. Thanks for sharing.

i enjoyed the story immensely , i thought the writing to be of a very high standard & the way the story was told i found to be interesting , engaging , entertaining & in parts intriguing ....

delightfully fleshed out protagonists & cast

wonderful mix of dialogue & Narration

A worthy 5 stars .

boring and stupid as fuck.

Why put a strong marriage at risk? Yeah he made out like a bandit in the end by having two wives. I don't understand. There was no reason why they couldn't go through their journeys together.

The author has talent and did a good job of character development and put a good story line together. The couple was likeable, energetic and had a lot of captivating traits. They were close to being twins with the ability to know what each other thought, felt and needed. Why break up this set for a 70s "finding yourself" BS. It was obvious as soon as they were separated what the plot and outcome was.

What a disappointment especially for a writer with talent.

Very well done, very readable, it gets a little confusing near the end as to who is who and what their relationship is to each other, buy an enjoyable story.

I also recommend reading 'Will and Eric Make a 'B' Movie by qhml1' as it is a similar and very enjoyable romp.

JAUNTYOLDONE

Good story with erotic elements, not just f*ck fest

Thank you for your effort, and sharing

NorthPacific

I also can't see them splitting up to 'find themselves'. Plus, not a big fan of the 'threesome marriage', if that's even a thing. Gave it 3*

Loved the characters and the plot

Dissolving a good marriage to go “find themselves” sounds like some millennial clap-trap. If there was really a loving relationship built over 15 years, they could have done the travel search thing together. The “happy three way marriage” at the end is sophomorphic crap.

I liked the story. The idea of separating after the concentrated intensity of working together, basically making up for a lost early 20's freedom, makes sense. People love - the way and people they love does not always to conform to the institutional assumptions of government or religions.

Well written — except for one of my pet peeves , the error of using "X and I" as an object instead of "X and me". ("X and I did" and "done by X and me" are the correct forms.)

Loved it. Keep on writing

I'd rather read her story.

To long of a story.

I liked the story, but it was too long, I guess all is well that ends well and in the end Ellen, Abby and Joe had their 4 kids and lived happily ever after. Well done 4 stars.

Amazing story. Just the right length. Entertaining, engaging, well written, characters you root for.

Wonderful story.Thank you very much.

A very beautiful and full story. The flow from start to finish is flawless, and the character development is top notch.

Loved this storey, you do a great job of developing your characters. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

An epic journey, to be certain. Well developed and written.