Surviving Retirement

I have never felt so alive at that moment. I had seen a need and developed an idea. Now I was going to bring it to life. I couldn't wait until March to see the results. But I went home and tonight, I ravished Abby with the passion she had shown me on several previous occasions.

The next two weeks were a blur. We posted the audition notice for South Pacific both on the campus and also in town. We said that we were looking for three or four older people and two children from the town and were anxious to see who turned out. Abby was mostly concerned about finding the children and Emile DeBecque. She felt that she could find all of the others on campus if necessary. We scheduled three nights of auditions and a night for call backs during the first week of February. She wanted to start rehearsals in mid-February.

February 5, Week 38, At the college

We held the three auditions and Abby was totally pleased. The students were strong and the town people were also great. Most importantly, she found her two children in a pair of mixed race kids that would need no makeup to perform. They also read exceedingly well. We talked and cast the entire show except for Emile and Bloody Mary. There were two strong townspeople for Emile and we had to choose between a student and a town woman for Bloody Mary. She was concerned about Lieutenant Cable until he literally walked in the door on the third night. He came in a full lieutenant's uniform. He was 28 and had just gotten out of the Army and loved to sing. His real name was Bill Cabel, but from then on, everyone called him Lt. Cable. He intended to enroll in the university the next year and study singing. Even the local students listened in awe when he sang. He was a no brainer. The most difficult decision was about Cindi. She sang wonderfully for the role of Nellie, but she looked wrong for the part. One of the other students was taller and had that fresh off the farm look. Abby was concerned when she talked to Cindi earlier tonight and offered her the role of Liat. Cindi replied, "If I get to work with that hunk of Lt. Cable, I'll take that role. I'll have him in bed before the third week of rehearsals." That settled that issue.

We held the call backs and finally decided on a local man for Emile and she decided on the student for Bloody Mary. I felt really good about the cast as a whole and the men in particular. The read through and walk around would be this next week at our house on Thursday night since there was a recital scheduled in the theater

We went over the technical needs and I started bringing in people to start the development process again. This time, I worked out the concession and out front stuff along with the other.

I was really pleased to see how Cindi had come back from Christmas. Whatever had happened on her home front, she was now focused on her future with confidence rather than the vulnerability she had shown before.

I guess that I missed a couple of weeks somewhere. I just checked the calendar and discovered that May 1 is 11 weeks away. Time flies when you are having fun, I guess.

We got into the rehearsal routine quickly. The read through was great and I held a special session with the men except for Emile. Our Lt. Cable talked about being in a war zone and not knowing if the last meal you had was going to be your last. He pointed out that under those circumstances; you did funky things just to keep your sanity. The dance they did at the start of the second act was a perfect example. As bizarre as it might feel, you would do something like that simply to reduce the stress. I told them to keep that in mind throughout the rehearsal cycle. This was a romantic love story, but that it took place during some of the darkest days of the war.

Cindi had been wrong; she was sleeping with Lt. Cable before the end of the second week. They made a cute couple and came to every Sunday and he got to meet and get to know many of the other singing students.

March 1, Week 44, At the college

The rehearsal cycle has started in earnest and it is going well. I have decided that I love the process of building a play. It is much more satisfying than waiting for a business to develop. I'm still a little uncomfortable thinking like a director, but Abby said that I will learn and to just be patient. There was one of my favorite words again.

The additional work I had assumed actually didn't take much time. I usually started each week with a calendar for the next two weeks and confirmed that the details for this week were taken care of and then moved on to arrange the details for the next week. One of the details that I decided was important was to focus on keeping the attendees of our events happy. For the recitals, I started having light refreshments available before and after the program. I arranged for two girls to be dressed nicely to act as hostesses. When the weather was cool, I had hot teas available along with cookies; when the weather was warmer, I switched it to iced tea and lemonade along with fruit slices.

The first time I did this, the reception from the visitors was very positive. The girls told me that several people commented that when they had come to earlier recitals, they felt alone and ignored. That told me everything I needed to know. If there was no scheduled intermission, they were there at the start and end. If there was an intermission, we changed the fare to something different, but let the drinks stay the same. The other thing I started was a unified program. I had a design student create a program to use for all music department events. Inside was the program, of course, as well as a short biography of the student and a brief commentary on the music being performed since some of it was not familiar to many people. It looked very professional and gave people more information than they normally got. We typically printed about twenty more than the expected audience and gave the student the extras afterwards. We would start doing a similar thing when the art show season began.

March 15, Week 46, At the college

I now am discovering how much I like working with a group of people. The men are bonding and have been coming to our Sunday afternoon as a group. I felt that they were beginning to feel a sense of pride in what they were doing. This began to show up when the choreographer began working with them on the coconut dance number. The guy we had cast as Billis was a fairly serious and hard working student, but as he got into the role, he blossomed into a real ham during that number. Abby laughed heartily when she first saw them do the number on stage. Then she praised them for their work.

I had an interesting conversation this week that has kept me thinking and I want to talk to Abby more about it. I was having lunch in the Faculty Dining Room one day when one of the instructors from the Business School that I had talked to a couple of time joined me. He said that he had a couple of students who were interested in Arts Management rather than the traditional corporate stuff. He wondered if there was a way to offer a class in that or integrate their interest into the Arts Program. We talked about a couple of easy things and I said that I would get back to him after the play was over.

Tim came in for the Board meeting and showed them his design and layout for the Performance Hall and Gallery. All they had been told by the President was that there would be a discussion about a major new donation to the school. When it turned out to be a beautiful new building that fit with the architecture of the existing buildings, but was also a focal point of the Arts area, they were floored. When they asked how much it would cost the school, the President said nothing except the ground that had already been ear marked for similar use. There wasn't much left, but to accept the donation and ask who it would be named after. Tim responded that the donor had not made up his mind on that yet, but would submit it for approval soon.

Tim and the President came to see me after the meeting to show me the drawings. I really liked the unique way that Tim had utilized the space and built in flexibility. There were two recital halls with separate entrances on the side and a third section in between them that would normally be closed off by dual walls. These walls could be moved out of the way creating a large stage and more seating for orchestra performances or special events. The art gallery would totally surround the performance halls on three sides in a wide hallway with a number of niches and open areas. I took one look at it and told Tim to get on with it. Then the subject of naming it came up. I said that I would tell them by the first of June.

March 29, Week 48, At the college

I have been thinking about trying to integrate Arts Management and Operations into our program in conjunction with the business school. Then it dawned on me that this was something that needed to be done in the future and I was still locked into the present and a look at the calendar reminded me that my present would last only one more month. That has gotten me thinking about what I wanted to do after May 1. I mean that has never been far from my mind, but now that moment to make a decision was right around the corner. I won't say that I have receded, but Abby has noticed a subtle change also.

Last night in bed, she rolled over and bluntly asked me, "Honey, we haven't talked about this in quite awhile, but now is the time. Do you know what you are going to do after this play is over?"

"Abby, I love you as much as I possibly can and I have never lied to you. Right now, I know exactly what I want to do and that is to be here and with you. But I still have the complication of Ellen and I don't know how that is going to play out. I will go to Dallas on May 1^st and I will find out. I will promise you that I will be back and I will finish out the summer at a minimum. Then I can tell you exactly what is going to happen."

"I have loved you with every ounce I have inside me and I don't want this to end. But I told you up front that if I could only have you for a year, I could live with that. As hard as it is to say, I will still stand by that. You go and do what you need to do. I will accept the results. I have two things to tell you. The President called me into his office today and told me that I will be fulltime starting in the fall. That is what I worked for and I am thrilled. I know that I can build a great program here. I am also going to Denver for the first week in May to audition for a summer tour. I won't know until mid May if I get the job. If you come back to me, I won't accept the tour. If not, I will do that to keep busy during the summer. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do. So now we need to get South Pacific done and then we will do what we need to do. I do love you more than I can say in words."

"You have shown that to me in so many ways, I don't doubt that for a minute. Now make love with me."

I don't know if I feel good about the talk I had with Abby or not. We have both prepared ourselves for whatever might happen, but that also feels unsatisfying. There has to be a better way to do this.

April 13, Week 50, At the college

We open South Pacific this week and from the advance ticket sales, we should have big audiences every night. I am thrilled, but I am still in turmoil about how to deal with my first meeting with Ellen. I got a notice today to pick up a package from you tomorrow at the campus post office. I don't know what it is, but I look forward to seeing it. I have reservations to fly to Dallas on the morning of May 1.Can we schedule the meeting for two or later that day?

April 20, Week 51, At the college

I read Ellen's journal that you sent me and I assume that you sent her mine. I don't know how she will respond, but I am totally thrilled for her. I am surprised at how similar our journeys have been and I am excited to see her and talk with her about them. I won't write again as it would be pointless. Thank you for showing me and Ellen a way to find ourselves. I can honestly say that I know what I want to do next. Now Ellen and I have to find a way to continue to work together or to each pursue our new dreams. I'll see you in ten days.

I meant what I wrote. I read Ellen's journal and realized that it was totally Ellen and that we had each found a new passion. Hers was in art while mine was in theater. She had also traveled around for several weeks before she met a group of art students at an Arts and Craft fair. They were showing their work for the first time and she took an interest in them. When that show was over she went to their school to see more of their work and fell in love with the campus except for the inadequate art facilities.

She rented a house and bought ten acres and had three portable building brought in so that they could have more room to work. She acted as a mother hen for her babies as she called them. She had sex with two of the guys because they were both virgins and she wanted to show them the proper way to treat a woman. A long the way, she met a married man who she was attracted to and they went out to dinner and then spent the weekend in his hotel room with him. He came to two every two weeks and she stayed with him each time. He turned out to be married, so she broke it off with him in January. While working with the students, she posed nude for them a number of times and cooked for them. The group had grown into about twenty students and I could tell that she was fascinated by working with the students, but also her growing interest in art itself. I felt sure that this was going to be her future passion.

If there was a surprise, which when I thought about it shouldn't have been a surprise, it would have to be that she and a woman art student became lovers after she broke up with the married guy. They lived together in her house for most of the spring. Ellen had always written less than I had and perhaps hadn't talked as much about her feelings. But I could read between the lines that she did write. In March, Ellen began writing less and less. So I had a strong idea of what she wanted to focus on now, but I wasn't sure about her most recent feelings.

I knew that I could face her with a clear conscience because we had both had lovers and sex with others and that we had found new passions in our lives. Now it was time to work out the details. On the afternoon of April 30^th, I made love with Abby and wished her luck at her auditions and then I drove to Seattle to catch my plane early the next morning.

Chapter 6

I arrived at Susan and Harold's shortly before two and took a deep breath as I walked in the door. The receptionist smiled and led me directly into the room. Susan and Harold were sitting in the same places they always had and Ellen was sitting on the couch. The only difference in her was that she had her hair cut differently. She stood up and smiled up at me as I entered. Susan started to say something, but I put my hand up to say stop.

I walked up to Ellen and put my arms around her and kissed her. "Welcome back."

"You remembered. I knew that you would. I love you."

"I love you too. Now, let's get on with what we need to do." We kissed again and sat down next to each other. I put my arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into my arm.

Susan then said, "I take it that a year apart has been a blessing for you both based on your journals. Harold and I have read them intensely and tried to figure out how this was going to go. Honestly, we don't have a clue what to expect. From this greeting, I guess that the love is still there between you."

I replied, "Susan, I don't know if I can explain this very well, but love is too simple a word to describe how I feel towards Ellen. It is love for sure, but the truth is that she is part of me just like my arm is. And whatever happens next, she will always be part of me. I can't see that ever changing."

Ellen added, "I totally agree. When I read his journal I was so impressed with what he was experiencing, but I was also very aware of being part of his life and heart all of the time. Like he said, I don't know what will happen next, but I know what I want."

Susan seemed a little surprised at how this was going, but she said, "Then let's skip some other questions and go to that. What do you want, Ellen?"

"I have two parts. I will tell the first part and then I want to hear Joe before I say the second part. The one thing for certain is that I want to have Joe's baby. We talked about it before, but postponed it until later. Now is later. This is the only thing that we haven't shared with each other and whatever else happens, I want to share our child with him. That will be permanent. Joe, what do you want?"

"It is no secret that I have found a whole new way to bring things to life for me and I want to continue that process there or wherever Ellen wants to go. I have some basic roots set in Washington and I think that Ellen would like it there too, but that is a decision that we have to address. It isn't the business work; that is just like brushing my teeth in the morning. I want to take some directing classes and direct more plays. I want to create those moments and do it again and again. That is what I want to do."

Before either of them could say anything, Ellen spoke up again, "That is what I wanted to hear. I want to go where Joe is and take art classes. I mean I want to take art history classes. I tried making some art and I don't have the patience or the talent to do that. I want to be part of building a program like Joe is. I want to go with Joe if he still wants me and I want to meet Cindi and Megan and especially Abby. If we are going to share him, we have some things to work out."

It was my turn, "What about the art students and things in Virginia?"

"Honey, I did what I did there and there isn't much more I can do. The instructors are great and have already built a good program. All they need is a building that I want to build on the ten acres. The hold-up is the administration. They want to build a new football stadium before they will even talk about an art facility. Some of the art teachers are talking about leaving and setting up their own institute."

Before she could say anything else, I pulled out my phone and called Tim. "Hi Tim, how did that meeting go?" I listened to him and then replied, "Listen, drop the low bidder and the high bidder. Dicker with the other three and go with the one that can give you exactly what you specify. I don't give a damn whether it is $15 million or $25 million. I want it to be first class and I want it to be good. Now listen, are you still packed, I am going to put Ellen on. She has ten acres in Virginia that needs a first class art building and gallery to be built on it. Same thing as I just said. Get with the art faculty and give them what they need to build a good program. Here is Ellen."

I handed the phone to Ellen. "Hi Tim; how are Marty and the kids?"

She then spent five minutes telling him that she wanted studio space for the students and a gallery for their work and for the community to enjoy. As she talked I looked at Susan and Harold and they seemed lost. I knew that when we started up again, we needed to address their concerns.

When Ellen handed me the phone back, I turned to Susan and said, "I think we told you about what is next for us. We have a lot of details to work out, but that is what we always were successful at in business. Now what else do you want to know?"