All Comments on 'Susan Ch. 04'

so far so good! will be interesting on how this turns out

Thanks.

Please, do some (or some more) editing on your story because every mistake knocks the reader out of the immersion, instead of "their", there are "there", just to name one most common one. I think using word AI to read it out loud for you is a quite good method of spotting such mistakes. Otherwise, just read it slowly and carefully, whatever you prefer. Other than that, your story is a solid 4/5, with great plot but weird characters (shame and shock isnt that effective in subdoing anybody as far as I know, also, shame, shock, drugs, hypnosis, mind altering, now nano stuff, I think you might be hitting too many spots for no good reason, where just drugs would do). Keep up the work, this is the only reason I wrote this pile of sheep (oh, my editing failed) is to help you become a better writer, you have good ideas, just improve your basic writing abilities