All Comments on 'Sushi: The Woman on His Desk'

Other than some minor editing errors, it was a well written adventure. Good build up of anticipation without over emphasizing any one single act of the characters. Long enough to not feel rushed and short enough to not want to put down. I look forward to see more from this author Kawwoody

Well done!

Since this is a first story, I am torn between encouraging the author, and pointing out areas for improvement. I can suggest multiple proof readers - no editor catches all typos and inappropriate words. Many readers don't care, but many others find that errors are like bird droppings on a freshly washed and waxed show car.

I found that putting Sushi's internal thoughts in quotation marks to be quite confusing. There is nothing to distinguish what Sushi thinks from what Sushi says out loud. Many times I said to myself something like "how could she say that?", then realized that she didn't say it, but she thought it.

Much is made of Sushi's physical beauty. But physical beauty is not a good foundation for a relationship. I would have found the story more compelling if Sushi were plain rather than beautiful, but had a personality that meshed with that of her lover and made it inevitable that they would get married.

Well built and written. Keep writing.

Outstanding writing! Thank you for sharing this beautiful story!

Very good, especially for a first story. I found the “m’lady” and knight of the realm jargon strange and if I had been in a bar and heard such “chivalrous speech” I would seriously wonder about the speaker.

Otherwise a very good start. I think it would have been more plausible if the dating timeframe was spread over a longer period. We find he has a four year old picture on his desk and are not to believe he is obsessed nor is he a stalker.

Enjoyed your story and will read future posts. Thanks for writing.

I generally like your punctuation and interjection of Suschi's thought process is well done. It's clearly notable to me that the single quotes are silent thinking, and traditional double quotes are vocal expression. I think this is very clear punctuation and far superior to an alternate syntax of adding, 'she thought' or "she said" to every sentence. There are a few misplaced quotation mark typos also, but that is undoubtedly part of the author's effort to provide a little something for everything including the typo critics.

I think this was a great story, be it “first”, “last” or whatever. The ‘medieval’ pickup line in the bar threw me a little, I really thought it was a kind of hokey. But the story progressed into what may be some of the hottest foreplay scenes I’ve ever read. And the actual sex scenes were smoking hot too. The whole timeline thing did seem somewhat rushed. I mean, he proposed marriage just two weeks after they first met. That’s fast. But I guess sometimes if things just seem to click, maybe going with it might not be so wrong. Loved the story. A sequel set a few years down the road would be appreciated by me.

Is dotted, ts crossed, complete sentences, etc. But, the plot to sex ratio was too low. Nothing to engage the reader except for one over detailed sex scene after another. Could have been a 2 pager.

This is kind of a Prince Charming finds his Cinderella, sorry if the characters are a little mixed together, story book romance. It's the perfect couple that finds everything to be rainbows and unicorns. Given all that, I still liked the story and enjoyed it to the end. Like one other commenter said, the "M Lady" stuff was a little off putting and a little hard to take. Even for a first time it's way better than I could have ever done. Hats off to you for posting, thanks.

"Hello, I'm Jack. May I offer M' Lady a few minutes of sanctuary at my lowly table, until thine friends arrive?"

I quit reading here. The only people who unironically talk like this have neckbeards and wear fedoras.

I loved the way she handled the proposal, but I felt the writing was too rushed!

My wife is Chinese and wears the cheongsam to perfection.

We've been married over 20 years, and I often say things like "M'Lady" & "Is that satisfactory Madam?" (I usually prepare breakfast for my wife)

Some catty remarks from women about her being naked on stage would have been very appropriate -- especially if the woman had had her advance on him spurned!

Yes, more could be said about the non-sexual interaction and thoughts of the characters. It would have been good to have some significant mention of his failed relationships were he wound women to interested in his money (even if he had never taken them to bed) -- especially if Sushie saw it. Having a woman, or three, actively trying to flirt with him, would add useful tension. (In my own style of writing, I have work hard to add drama and tension, as it does not come naturally to me.)

It is certainly of a higher quality than the first story I wrote with an adult theme -- and probably better than most of my current writing. None published as of yet!

I really enjoyed your writing and the whole story. Loved the ending, especially. Thank you for sharing this with us. Five stars for sure.

Great...loved the buildup! I thought it was a very good story and much to the way I like them, First time commenting, after 10 years of sideline reading, it was that good.

As usual, great story! Well written, with humor. Keep the stories coming please. Thank you.

Great story - I could see Susan in my mind - she looks amazing.

Sorry for those that thought the pickup line was hokey. It wasn't the start of the night, but the end for me and my (future wife). A kiss to the back of the hand, and a courtly goodnight, with permission to call. She was captivated.

Wasn’t crazy about some of the goofy languaging , but a wonderful story nonetheless. 5 stars

Again, a great story! Thank you!!

VERY good 👍

Not sure this was truly a Romance. More like 1 1/2 page romance wrapped in 4 1/2 pages of Erotic Coupling.

Everything was superb!!! Well plotted, well written, lovable characters, etc.. etc. etc.

But one think is still needed: discerning readers who can give it more fives as it currently stands on the threshold of the Hall of Fame. Hope you can help!

THC