All Comments on 'Sweat'

... I found it very difficult to follow the story because the point of view was distorted. Sometimes it was "you" and sometimes it was "I".

Try telling the story as a narrator and don't try and make the reader be involved.

I liked the point of veiw here, needs some touring up here and there but other than that, good job.

Mmm, hot story!

that was pretty hot ..of course it helps to be speaking to a subject that drives me nuts ...sweaty hot women with odours and natural essence that drives an olfactory guy like me totally bonkers ...the natural scent of a woman ...fully aroused ..fully exercised or exerted ...the pheromones and the rest just take me over the top ...i suppose all this because my first artificial stimulus was the dirty panties of the women in my life ...oh well ...love the real thing ...keep writing ...xoxo

Narrative voice was perfect - ignore the comment by anon. Hot, sweet, really well written. Good dialogue, great painting of a relationship that felt real.

This is hot! I don't understand why it's not rated higher - maybe because it's short? Perfect length as far as I'm concerned. A little gem.

Zoe, I loved this, wicked and visceral, jumping between tenderness and fierceness.

"...your voice sing songs to me..." - brilliant!

Keep writing, please.

It takes a special skill to write short erotica, and you've got it!

And while I've got the floor, I think it would behoove the powers that be at Literotica to add a subcategory for short and/or flash stories to each main category. FiveWolves is right; shorts don't score nearly as well in voting as longer stories do. Readers who expect or prefer longer stories tend to drag short-story scores down, no matter how well-written they may be.

The anon that asked you to just narrate your story and not involve the reader couldn't be more misguided. As an author of stories on this site I strive diligently to involve the reader in my story. It's the holy grail of erotic writing. I don't want you to intellectually understand fingers sliding into your pussy, I want you to feel it. I want to make you wet and close your eyes and be with my characters.

Of all the comments and emails I receive the ones that tell me they felt like they were in the room with my characters are the ones I value most. If all you want is mental masturbation, read a philosophy book.

The whole point of erotica, I think, is to completely involve the reader, to bring them totally and completely into your story, to make them think, "God, I want that person to be me," to seduce them, to entrance them.

Anon seems to want some distant, clinical description of something. Oh wait, that's porn...

vive la difference

I thinkn Anon's inability to folow the story has to do with his inability to relate to it frim a more experientiallly feminine perspective. Luckily, some men are a bit more evolved & are able to differentiate porn from erotica & even understand that not all sex is binary/missionary from a man's pov.

Your story was gorgeous, sexy, & vivid. It drew me in & immersed me. It was wonderful. Certainly 5 star material . Like the straight guys keep saying, "size doesn't matter, it's how you do it..."

So so so so hot!!!!!!!! short sweet and sexy!!!! I LOVED IT!!!!!!! I love your work!!! Keep writing! thats all. 😍

Very well written, but the "you" format makes a story very exclusive as to who will enjoy reading it. I'm not a lesbian and can't help thinking, "No, I did NOT do that, nor do I want to."

The scent of a woman! Sweat and lesbians an elixer made in heaven. Thank you for your submission.