All Comments on 'Sweet Lizzy'

Very erotic. A little too long but the payoff was worth it. Please write more stories like this.

Good story, but the ending was a bit abrupt. With pregnancy being Alicia's main bugbear, the father deliberately knocking up Lizzy should have been a focal point of the story, especially as he only got Alicia pregnant by accident.

On a technical note, you need to add commas to dialogue in front of a name. For example:

"Of course Daddy."

Should be:

"Of course, Daddy."

I liked the premise of the story, it might just be me but you have a lot of long paragraphs and my eyes get lost in the amount of lines.

Something to help break them up is that each time someone says something you create a new paragraph. Or when the action moves to somewhere else, a new paragraph to separate the two things

But keep going, first person stories always do well on here so I'm sure this one will

Huh, well it wasn't bad. I found it quite good actually, sure this was your first story?.

I have to say that the length and pacing of this was perfect in my opinion, I would like to see a second part of this story

The father's resistance to his daughter's charms was well done, and at times, very amusing. Not sure what atheistic shorts are, though.

A common mistake is where the hymen is. It's at the front. If the cock is 3-4 inches in, you're way past it. There are the outer lips, the inner lips, and then the hymen. That's a quarter to half an inch, tops, depending upon the size of the nether lips. If the entire cock head is inside, you're past the hymen. A basic anatomy picture on the internet will show you where it is. You're a good writer and only had a few mistakes. When you write, do your research; it can often turn a good story into a better one.

Thanks for sharing. 5* Slainté

Kuddos on submitting your first story, but it took you five pages to say what could have been said in less than three. This theme has been done time and again, maybe go a different direction with your next story, don't be in a hurry, it isn't about how many stories you submit, it's about how they're received, which shows up in the scoring.

Better luck on the next one.

Very hot for a first story!

A girl who is 5'7" and barely 100 pounds is a fucking twig.

Sorry, this story was really good. But I have to admit that I died laughing when Emory said "Huh" the first time. Story itself was really good. I'm fine with it being 5 pages, because the story called for it. It wasn't a quick "jerk and to" type of read, but rather a story that had a lot of depth to it. My only critique is that, Alicia ended up kind of being right. Maybe not a slut for everyone but still a slut. Still not a gripe though, as it helps to paint the picture. 5 stars.

For your first time writing I think you did a great job, it's nice to see a well paced out non rushed wam bam thank you mame fucking . This was slow build up which made the story more believable as most fathers would want to take their time and not hurt their baby girl . Hopefully there will be more follow up of these 2

I really enjoyed this story. You weave a wonderful story about love and erotic sex between two very believable characters. Keep up the good work.

off to a barn buster of a start! Great story, looking forward to more from you!

I bet they weren't atheistic after they banged the living hell out of each other LOL

All rather juvenile and immature. The writing style is terrible, so many mistakes and your knowledge of the female anatomy is lacking. Try again when you're old enough to have had some real sexual experience.

It was definitely a first story for me so I’m glad it was mostly well received. I honestly didn’t see the ‘athletic shorts’ typo but now I know to keep a closer watch on those things. I’ve already been playing around with a chapter 2, I’ve also been working on a different story so I’m not sure which one I’ll finish first, but I really appreciate the feedback. You guys are very kind and I thank you for that!

But for realism sake going forward, if a girl is 5”7” and weighed 100 pounds she’d be classified as type severe anorexic. Which is not attractive or healthy

You had a hell of a lot of character build-up and lead-in to the story but... it just seemed like you were writing a novel then went "fuck it" at the end and just threw in a quick screw and it was over.

Good onya!

You joined Literotca and submitted a five-star story within a week. Your fan base is gonna grow. We're looking for more.

Your dialog totally rocks! Really fun story. Thanks,and “ keep it up “

Consensual sex is good and well and the kids might feel good and intimate for the purpose of story, though, kids having health conditions or dying due to it isn’t fun times - lifelong closeness and fuckbuddy if done right would be enticing and perhaps even a good thing over current hook up culture… harm from it definitely not.

Wish I could give it more than 5 stars

EMORY WAS STUPID CUCK FOR STAYING SO LONG IN A LOVELESS ABUSIVE MARRIAGE WITH A SKANK WIFE WHO HAS BEEN ABUSIVE TO THE DAUGHTER FOR MANY YEARS!! HE IS A STUPID SCARED CUCK WHO COULD NOT EVEN DIVORCE THE SKANK EARLY ON

WHAT A STUPID FOOLISH WIMPU MC!! HE AND HIS BITCH WHORE WIFE DIDN'T HAVE SEX IN OVER 13 YRS, HE KNEW SHE WAS CHEATING YET ALLOWED THE SKANK TO BE ABUSIVE TO HIS DAUGHTER IN ALL THOSE YEARS.

THE MC IS NOT A MAN, JUST A CUNT AND A CUCK

Lizzy's father is a CUCK, and a weak wimp who accepted his cheating skank wife!! He is no man! Poor Lizzy needs a real man

This was fantastic! Loved it and both MCs