All Comments on 'SWIB 01: We Need to Talk'

This is a hot mess. It's all over the place. The dialogue doesn't make sense doesn't reference preceeding events in a natural logical manner. The action is so over the top to be farcical without intention. That's a major problem for any writer. It's an indication of either poor outline or "organic" writing without the necessary self control required to weave a believable story.

As much as I believe DTiverson has a problem with women, he writes organically and has enough control to write believable stories with just enough fantastical plot to keep things interesting. Study him.

I think you have an interesting concept, but your dialog is a mess and I'm almost positive you were getting characters mixed up

Contrary to many commenters, I found the story held my interest, was cogent and reasonably plausible.

Good thing it’s not me. Great believer in frontier justice and have the training to back. Dickie would have been dead within minutes of the original overhearing and Junior would have shortly followed. Save the prison system some money. The story is all other the place and you seem to confuse and U seem to mis identify your characters on a regular basis

Good stuff. It was entertaining, held my attention, and, if a bit over the top, it was still close enough to reality that I could imagine... yeah, maybe it could happen that way. Glad the good guys won. 5 stars, thanks for posting.

I guess I'm at odds with some of the commentators here. I found the story we'll put together and easily followed.

Wonderful and most entertaining. Very well written.

I’ve looked at a couple of comments, and I don’t see it as plausible at all. Everything fell into place for him at the end. A complete reversal of fortune. The attorney for his nemesis is disbarred.

Lawyers are rarely disbarred. Just 2,872 attorneys out of 1.3 million nationwide were disbarred in 2018. That’s 0.023 percent.

His evil enemy constantly makes errors that are fatal to his cause, allowing our hero to climb out of a cesspool clean and dry and smelling like a perfumery.

His loving wife surprises him by being deeply evil. She’d have to be amazingly brilliant to have fooled him for sooo long. Then she’s stupid and picks a moron to hook up with.

Having lived a fairly long life, I can confidently state that some things go well, some things go badly, and EVERYTHING going your way just doesn’t happen.

It’s an unusual mix of humor and heinous crime in the service of Femsom agitprop. Everything is so weird, it’s a little hard to follow, like running in Flatland.

Good stuff. Very entertaining and that's why we all read, right? 5 stars. Well done.

What a waste of space

Good story. 5 stars

This was well done, and earned a follow and 5 stats to see where you go from here in this series as well as your other work.

Second time loved it

Now 5/5

Did we ever learn what Marie's story was? How it started, why it continued, what went wrong with her character and personality? How and why did she become a monster, to both her husband and child? The most interesting part of the story was left untold here.

I admit I found it rather confusing halfway through, but it all came nicely together at the end.

5*.

very fast paced, maybe too fast but it was an interesting intriguing story w/ who the winner wld be up in the air till the last furlong, thats brit for about a quarter mile? good job, thanks for sharing. rk

Shame you rushed it, especially the ending and skipped the real epilogue. Also his boss was an asshole. He could of done it in a nicer way, but he didn't, more like he enjoyed it so some revenge is to come on him.

Would of been nice to have Junior be visited by Bob for a final confrontation.

"At this very moment your son is violently raped at both ends. With a few minutes he will be beaten to a pulp and then put down like the rabid monster he is. You can even see it on this here smartphone."

He watched as Junior slipped into despair and deep anguish at what he was seeing.

"You should know that all the men there are either friends or relatives of you and your sons victims, in some cases the victims themselves. Yep, you've ruined A LOT of families and now it's time to pay."

He watched as his son was tortured, beaten and violently raped. His teeth were pulled out so that he had nothing to bite with, his eyes were swollen shut from the multiple fists and feet to his face. His rectum was bleeding and his genitals was in taters. He was weeping, begging for respite but none came.

He watched as his sons life was edging towards the end, powerless to stop it. Be saw the shivs come out and heard him yell for mercy as the knives dug into his flesh in many places, watching as the end of his sons life was marred by some of the most violent acts possible.

Bob took the phone back.

"You know, with the added income i was able to gather a lot of information on you and your misdeeds. I was able to find what you have done in the past and who you used to get it.

Boy oh boy are there going to be some unhappy people tomorrow. Well, not all of course, those closest to the monsters will die soon and their torture kept to a minimum, the monsters themselves, well, they'll live a long and torturous life. Especially the lawyers.

By the way, i have two bits of news for you. Your end is coming soon, as in after this conversation soon. It's already been arranged. Spoiler alert: it will be so much worse than what Dickie got. He was a fuck up, but you, you were fully aware of what was going on and heaped pain onto others so those others are here for you. They have come to return your pain with interest.

The second bit, i've found your daughter. Not many people knew of her, but now i, and some very nasty people do.

I heard that where she's being sent to most people kill themselves in a few weeks. She won't get that chance, she'll be forced to live being made aware that her pain is due to your actions.

Did you know she was a virgin? It was a fun night.

Anyway, time to see your son bitch boy."

You had to walk completely away from reality to make through this one.

F brillopads - keep up the great work.

Dam, when will people remember this is fiction, it's not a documentary. I thought the story was great, guy gets blindsided and falls into a shit pile, but with help and luck justice wins out. It's always nice to see when the bad guys get their due, unlike in real life where some things are only settled up at the Pearly Gates, so to speak. Good BTB and revenge combined.

It makes for a great story when everything falls into place and the bad guys and cheating bitch burn together. This great Fictional story is one of those good ones.

Well, that was some shit storm fo our MC and with a wife like he had it brings mind they should test women for competency before having children.Not a bad story but I got bogged down with all the double speak lawyer talk it was just a bit much. The happy ending was much appreciated after almost destroying our poor MC. But our author kind of redeemed himself by sending Jr., his son and our MC's wife off to prison.

Excellent, even the 2nd time reading this

Very cynical story, but then again, I do love a cynical story. 5-stars even without any violence to enjoy.

10 Big Blazing Stars for a very interesting Story! "Dear, we have to talk" stories are my favorite. I love them, This one story had all the worst parts of everyone that I have ever read before. Husband lost everything, but we had a "Happy Ending" in the end of which I liked. I always like a Happy ending. It could have been happier if Sally had a stripper sister that needed someplace to live and wanted to change her life around. HA! But there is a second chapter, so there is always hope! Hoping for either a busty Stripper or a Call Girl/ Prostitute next chapter for our hero. LOL I am hoping for one or the other. Thanks, for the effort. Buster2U

Long time since I have read this chuckle-a-minute. Great style.

I'll up Buster2U's "10 Big Blazing Stars" with a couple of dozen Supernovas.

I agree with the negative comments, however the core theme is ok and in the hands of a more competent author could make a good story.

City Attorneys

This is probably the only story on Literotica in which a "young city attorney" is a hero. I appreciate this keenly, as I was a young city attorney before I became a middle-aged city attorney, and then an older city attorney.

@ForensicFossil - sorry to be a cynic. We are so fortunate to have mostly great public officials. They, unfortunately rarely make news or the pages of these stories

This is a great story. It showed that the bad guy with money can push but a few honest people can win if they don't care to deal with some grief.

That was undoubtedly one of the weirdest stories I ever had the pleasure to enjoy. Your comical use of the three stooges shorts that showed those lawyer names and a few other silly things was a wonderful tip of the hat to some olde tyme comedy slapstick that still lives to this day. The characters were so over the top that it made everything that much more enjoyable. Thanks for taking the time and putting in the effort and talent to create a story that will be read over and over throughout the years while be using as a legal mood enhancer.

Lexx

Some really squirrely writing.

Interesting story, but the wife's perspective was not at all clear.