All Comments on 'SWIB 01: We Need to Talk'

No one is interested in your acronym and the intro was so long and boring I stopped reading.

The story is !!!!

Let me get this straight. The husband knows that there's a vast or powerful family businessman in conspiracy how to destroy him and in several months into this nightmare he STILL has not switched his cell phone?

Thanks for sharing.

Nice effort, with some good ideas. The ending was to abrupt for my taste.

Too long and boring....so just 3*

Disjointed, confusing, abrupt. Some, but not all of the adjectives that can be used by a common adult to describe this piece of trash.

Wow, 1☆, only because 0 is not an option.

Had good bones but it was a little jumbled in spots and I agree too abrupt at the end. You created a number of arcs and a lot went unresolved or vaguely resolved. Could have received some style editing/beta reading. But I enjoyed it.

Thanks for your effort

~Enkidu

Holy shit, 5 pages? I couldn't get half way through the first. Man oh man, this covid bullshit has certainly brought out the worst in would be writers. Do everyone a favor, go back to work.

I should have known the story would be long winded, convoluted rubbish after the long winded intro. You also NEED to lose the comma key sometimes. You use far too many in the wrong places. 1*

Take no notice of some of the negative responses below. The story was well written and very different to the others on here.

If I had to offer advice I would agree with the comment below that the ending was to swift for me.

I liked it and am off to read more of the story's you have written.

Keep at it.

I switched to skimming so I could find out the ending, which felt a trifle abrupt. It was just becoming too hard to slog through reading in detail. The problem I had was that things were too farfetched. Harry identified one such, but there were many.

As a bit of constructive advice, I would suggest you work with a proofreader and a beta reader. The former will help with the typos, the completely weird and inconsistent use of italics and bold, etc. The latter will help with the plot holes and stilted dialog.

Sort of a boring story with way too much legalese and not enough between husband and wife.

I started questioning the story's competency when the lawyers told the husband they would keep his phone and he was to get another one just like it. How would the sim cards be changed so that he would still receive his phone calls?

umm is ed and sally BEN AND NANCY?

It seems rather awkward. Native speakers don't talk that way. And the plot seemed to rely on awkward coincidences, blind spots, and stupidity in people who are supposed to be intelligent.

I applaud making the effort but it might help to get some people to pre-read who you can trust to give honest feedback.

PS-I totally don't get the intention of the italic sections on the first page. At first I thought they were internal thoughts but you didn't continue italicizing those. Then I thought they might be asides to the reader but ditto. The bold on the second seems to be a mistaken failure of a closing tag. You might want to consider using the preview feature before you hit Submit.

The acronym was silly but the story was good. 5*s for making it interesting and the good guy winning in the end.

Pretty convoluted. For example: the jerk, who was screwing his wife is both an idiot and a skilled lover. Not a likely combo.

Ruining the lives of the husband’s his conquests? Men with ruined lives don’t go quietly. With nothing to lose, one of them would have sent Dumbo to meet his maker.

what portnoyish said. ed and sally ben and nancy and then there was sue that name mix up was so blatant what happened there lol

The commas reminded me of StangStar’s stories. I thought, overall, it was a pretty good story.

It's 9:16 in Omaha and I am sitting here totally confused. For the most part, it was a god story, but you drug it out a little to far. When he witnessed his son being drugged and the flew to his house, getting there just in time to watch Dickie and Marie be put in police cars, and Bobby being put into the ambulance you left out the other major player in the story, Claire. Was she drugged also? Did she get left at the house by her self? Did Child Services take her away? Will all of this be revealed in chapter two? Too many questions left unanswered.

One last question, did they have the movie screen back up when you wrote this?

I enjoyed it, but you could make it more readable if you are more careful to not use the wrong persons name (Marie, Sally).

Liked the characters.

Liked the plot.

It was however a rough read.

Sorry but the story is too badly written. It's boring, already read a hundred times, and actions are inconsistent with your characters job/personality (legal advises from the lawyers are bullshit, Ruthless Junior appears a coward, ...)

Ugh too long too detailed about incorrect legal battles Bob was too lucky his friends were too smart and bad guys and bad wife too dumb.

Story did not develop wife character to know why or even care.

5 stars

This was just difficult for me to read and follow. The dialog just didn't feel right to me. Interesting story but again difficult to follow to the point I just started skimming.

Really enjoyed it. A little complicated with lots of changing plots and that was what kept my interest. At first I thought he was going to make a mistake meeting Junior bur as I thought about it who takes 20 minutes to brush there teeth and clean up to meet his enemy? Answer, someone stalling for time so back up can get in place. Well done. 5 Stars from me.

Have to agree with the other commenters that the ending was too abrupt, but thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Your dry sense of humor came thru to me, but obviously not to the nimrods who read here. I found it was a very interesting look into the twisted minds of lawyers.

Loved it five stars

Nope. Not even all your pre empty warnings were of any help. The story sucks. The continuous mumble jumble became so ridiculous that I gave up. I just scrolled through the pages and whenever I stopped to read, I just was forced to continue scrolling.

2**

Long intro but I enjoyed it. 5 stars for a well written story. The legal actions to delay and make the lawyers rich no mater the outcomes speaks of either experience or you were/are a lawyer. Keep writing.

they seem to be copying each others analysis and style. Hard to do with the site moderating the comments - unless the comments were from a single person, likely submitted at about the same time.

Anyway, I thought the legal procedural aspect of the writing made the bitter taste of a BTB a bit easier to take - as well as taking the onus of evil behavior off the protagonist. I followed it - my reading skills were capable, I did not have to skip bits.

At bit like RichardGerald in flavor, I think.

The wife's motivation seems to be drugs and kinky sex - but the first could be masking the intent in the second.

The drugging the child did force a rapid resolution - child endangerment isn't likely to be let stand for long, once powerful people have knowledge and interest.

Good set up for the interest by the city attorney, the wire at the end was kind of deus ex machina.

The portrayal of the emotional response of the protagonist would have been better if the protagonist showed some juice rather than going all Job... I suppose that is why authors tend to do the "we met back in high school..." thing.

I will look forward to you future writing.

Green-something

Enjoyed the tale. It's your world and I am glad you share.

I enjoyed this. Hubris and over reach, a heady and dangerous combination. 5* story.

I'm going for the "duck" approach to this story. You know, as in, "If it quacks...". Hell, as a reader who likes GOOD and REALISTIC fiction, this story was GREAT. Yes, the flow was hectic, the plot bounced around, but that ADDED to the realism. If you've ever dealt with a bunch of crooked lawyers (Redundancy Alert!), that's how negotiations and lawsuits proceed!

.

Thanks for this great, well-written and highly imaginative story!!!

First page was so stupid and caused such a headache that my neighbor got part of it. Poor guy didnt even read a word of this.

Maybe it got better but when the stupid slaps you in the face that quickly, the next 4 1/2 pages are going to be the same as shoving a hedgehog up my butt.

Some things seemed ... Off. Like a dad who is called JR. Or some of the dialog with Ed and Sally. Also the ex wife checked out quite early on in the story. Not sure what made this a fit for the story category either. Maybe your next chapter will fix some of that.

nothing but word salad. dialogue bloated and confusing. I skipped to the end when i could no longer take the author's condescending attitude toward the reader by continuous use of high-brow verbiage intended to be seen as first rate dialogue. it isn't. and this story isn't much. no more from this author. green117 and others wre easily played.

What Happen to the girl at the end... Did I miss her going away or ???

"We have two children. Claire, our oldest is 7, Bob, Jr., Bobby, is 18 months."

So he started out with 2 kids and only had college for ONE, the boy!!!!

I forgot to keep reading when he forgot his phone on the dining room table.

LWlurker

Still more of the story to tell. I'll have to wait. I did enjoy it. LP

I enjoyed this rarity - a Loving Wives story written by someone who has actual knowledge of legal practices and the law!

Still pathetic

You did a lot of work here.

A bit too convoluted and too long for my tastes. Two stars.

Good fiction should push along the edges of reality, along the edges. This shot , stabbed, raped , and parked reality under a bus under a building 200 miles at sea. Fantasy would be a better category.

Not enough info in your extremely short ending after a verbose main story.

Great story, especially for a first effort. You came up with another stone bitch cheating wife, and an especially slimy bastard of a lover. They had him on the ropes until they got caught drugging the child. Setting up Junior was a great piece of imagination. I thought he had caved for the money, and you caught me looking. You left me wanting more of the story, and that's good.

too tooo tooo verbose. too meandering..never felt connected to this story

I couldn't understand any of it or who was talking to whom.

The legalese was so meandering and convoluter, I forgot I was supposed to be reading erotica.

Not a fan of this story. There was no emotional charge. Just a couple of sociopaths and a lot of words. The point of these stories, in my opinion, is the emotional interplay between the couple. The wife in this story has none. The pay off for these stories is for the cheater to have the epiphany that what they did was Terrible and they have ruined a happy life for cheap thrills and the victim is on in paradise banging 20 yr olds

This story was dry, unemotional, wordy with no payoff.

For me anyway.

This is a damn fine story!

I kind of liked it. It was a different take on the usual cuckold story found in Loving Wives. It bordered on the edge of reality, and fantasy. The going after his dad for racketeering was something I hadn't planned, but was happy to see (showed having money couldn't buy freedom), and a different take. Yes, drugging of a child will get most law enforcement to do the right thing. I have to agree with the commenters, in that there was way too much legaleeze going on, and that made it hard for the average reader to understand.

That was painful to read.

I would imagine it's what swimming through treacle would be like.

The dialog was terrible, the protagonist was as interesting as a wet fart and the pointless legal drivel added nothing.

Low stars.

Excellent

Definetly sociopaths involved here. I love that the Three Stooges attorneys were involved here. Cunt got what she deserved. Cheating asshole lover got what he deserved and dirt bag pop got what he deserved. Won't get better than this.

Five Stars and a new favorite author.

You left way too many questions. Your ending was far too abrupt for a long story like this. Work on only including information, character development, exposition etc that relates only to where you want the story to go. When a writer becomes too descriptive and adds too many elements and points of conflict, unresolved questions are inevitable. Keep writing. You will get better.

Tired old btb misogyny...but well constructed

I got it. I loved it. 5 Stars.

Very good. You thought of most things, and made the story logically sensical, which isn't always true on this platform. The two minor ones was that his disconnected cell phone could have been connected to a wifi and he would have still had internet access, just like a computer which the cell phone is. Also, hard to think that the nanny cam wasn't gotten rid of by Marie.

The legal stuff was pretty much right on. I had the misfortune of my business being sued by a competitor using an employee I had fired to get to me. The super aggressive law firm they hired the main attorney would send my attorney interrogatories every Friday or every other Friday to fuck up my weekend. He would add questions to prior questions, but sometimes change the order a bit so I had to look the whole thing over every time. The list got into questions well over 100 towards the end.

But I got the last laugh. When deposing one of the competitor's employees I told my attorney to ask a specific question that had nothing to do with my case, but was a regulatory question. The dumbfuck quickly answered yes to something that was a major regulatory no-no before the attorney or the company representative could stop him. In addition, in email I had provoked the other side to admit that they churn their client base (I owned an investment brokerage and so did the bad guys). Plus, I found out that they were hiding the true ownership of one of their more aggressive subsidiaries to protect themselves. I sent all those documents over to an attorney I used for regulatory reasons who was well connected with the regulators.

Long story short, they had regulatory auditors camped in their main offices for two weeks going through everything. I found out later that they had wanted to shut them down for a long while, but didn't have enough on them to do it. The next thing I know their firm was shut down completely, and they were barred from holding licenses in the industry again. It cost me well into the 6 figures in legal fees, stress, and distraction from my business, and being sued for tens of millions of dollars is stressful even if you know they have no case. But they lost a very lucrative firm, and the partners that owned it lost making 7 figure annual income, which was sweet.

I also fucked with their lead attorney. I hated him as much as I hated the owners of the other company. So, I made him lose his shit when he was deposing one of my employees (won't go into how), but he was screaming and I was calmly laughing at him which pissed him off more that I wasn't being intimidated to settling the case. Many months after the case started we sat down to what was supposed to be an informal mediation in a public place in the courthouse full of other lawyers and clients at different tables all over a large hall (they had their own cases unrelated to mine). We sat down with a retired judge acting as a mediator. Their attorney went on a long list about supposed facts of the case, and what they want, and my lawyer and I sat there quietly. I had already instructed my lawyer what I wanted to do. So, the judge turns to my lawyer, and asked for his counter, and my attorney simply told him that I had no interest in settling, plus we are countersuing and I intend to fully to take them to court. Their attorney lost his shit. The dumbfuck being greedy had taken the case on contingency. He started screaming loudly in the room, and my attorney and I were laughing at him. The judge said well I guess there isn't anything else to do here and left. My attorney followed their attorney to his car to talk to him and tell him how unprofessional he was being. My attorney told me later that he was screaming the whole way to his car. You see he was assigned this case while working at a large aggressive law firm, and thinking he had a big money winner he left that firm to open his own law firm thinking he had a huge money winner.

I wish I got that attorney disbarred, like this story, and I tried to figure out a way to do it but couldn't. But he didn't make a penny working all those hours coming after me (plus all the expense he paid for out of pocket), and my ex-employee and the partners of the other firm fucking with me all lost their license permanently, and their brokerage. Looking back it was fun. During, not so much.

A lot of nuclear reaction for something that is just a bullshit gain. A "superrich" guy in Omaha spends his energy to destroy small potatoes because his idiot son wants to connect with their wives? Okay, it might not be as preposterous as that "February Sucks" bullshit that everybody and their dog is pooping on but it is not far behind either.

1 star - I hate it - a convoluted horrid legal FANTASY story and a waste of time trying to figure it out.

Too many double negatives.

Interesting cadence to the story, kind of herky-jerky. More of a legal extravaganza than a loving wives story. We really get no idea why the wife is so odd. There are some funny moments I liked; I don’t care for lawyers but the husband and wire team was a treat.

Reasonable idea but laboriously delivered

Kind of?😵

interesting story. it would have been much better if you'd actually shown the reader, instead of being like just about every story on literotica, gratuitously telling the reader. (seriously, it's like the majority of the authors haven't picked up a good book in ages.)

one thing i've noticed that every, and i do mean every, story i've come across on literotica so far is the near complete lack of rising tension and climax (not sexual).

why am i being more critical here than usual? because the story had a lot of potential.

Gave it 4 stars. Liked it, but although some commenters said the legal stuff was mostly realistic, I have my doubts.

Anyway, the law firm name that could have been "Ben Dover and N. Joyette" was the highlight of the story for me.

A little to wordy but good.

What the hell is up with you BTB people? you feel the need to have the cheating wife go to jail, the last LW story I read had the wife commit suicide, did all of you cheating husbands get screwed that badly in your divorces, and this is your way to make yourself feel better? KS

It is a good thing our hero had friends who were good lawyers, because he was stupid as a stump.

Story is as smart as a box of rocks, total bull shit

5 BIG stars! I wanted to give it 25, just for burning the cheating whore but 5 is good enough. Good story!

I couldn't finish this story as it is so stupid.

I enjoy a good adventure, so I read on. Parts were unbelievable, but it would be a novel if you wrote them out in detail. This was gold:

"They don't go so far as to say it is true, just it might not be a lie."

Holy crap, I read this story just for that part.

Nice work 012Say. Now I need to see what else you've written.

And for the annony who apparently can't read, she didn't go to jail for cheating, she went to jail to perjury, obstruction of justice, and child abuse. Do you have a problem with that ?

I liked it a lot. The irregular pace rang true to me -- real life has moments of frenetic activity, and plenty of "hurry up and wait" times as well. There are times when you are on top of the world, only to be pushed off and fall. Life keeps you guessing.

I can believe in Junior spending a lot of time, money, and effort bailing out his dip-shit son. The offspring can reflect on the parent, and if Junior wanted to stay rich, important SOB, keeping his son from going to jail by cleaning up his messes was not impossible to believe.

Looking forward to more.

Very well done. Cheers! 5 stars.

Lawyers. All lawyers are parasitic scum. Therefore, all lawyer stories get a 1.

scary, very

mrbill

5sss

Interesting story, with a great ending.

The gang that gets glossed over in these kinds of stories is, wifey willingly becoming a slut. Micro dicky could not have seduced her, without her cooperation. I am al, for cheating bastard that go after married women, get their comeuppance. But let’s not forget, the wheels get greased, by the lube from some sluts pussy. May she rot, in prison. 5 stars!

Good work. 5.

Well played.

It was worth getting through five pages to see Junior and Dickhead get nailed in the end. Somehow he should have made them suffer more than he did. If Junior had all that money why didn't he ask for more? Are the bad guys the only ones who can get greedy??

Worth the slow pace to reach the ending resolution. They all got off way to easy. The settlement was way to low for a start. But, since the MC was an accountant with a bent toward uselessness in being aware of what was happening in his life. I can see where the 2 attorneys had to take over and run his life for a while.

That being said, up until the drugging of his son. I could see playing the long game and putting up with the bullshit until releasing the hounds of war on them. As soon as my would have been put in danger and I became aware of it. No amount of money or protection would have saved any of the people involved in juniors group. Every single one of them, starting with Dickhead and Junior would have had terrible accidents that were final in their resolution. You rich assholes that think you can buy anything and get away anything better take a fresh look at your futures. No amount of leverage or threats or money. Would stop me from removing you from the world if you fuck with my family. As far as the cunt is concerned.......she could rot in hell with the rest.

The first two pages were gripping. I was intent on learning how the plot would unfold. Character development was good. Dialogue realistic. The plot unfolded smoothly and I didn’t perceive any obvious holes in the storyline.

The MC was getting hammered every time he turned around. His attorneys, though competent struggled to ascertain Marie’s, Dickie’s and Junior’s true intentions. About page 4, the story started to drag. But the ending came swift and sure and the villains their just desserts.

Very good.

BTB cubed!!!

No cuck or RAC!

wow, what an engrossing tale.

Liked the story. The lead up to finally having tables turning was brutal to wade through. LOL! it definitely reinforced my thoughts that most lawyers are the spawn of Satan.

I was going back and forth between 4 and 5 score, but ultimately gave it full marks. Well done.

Beautifully done. Well-crafted with some minor flaws in verb tense, pronouns and a confusion where Sally's name is used instead of Marie's. I wish life worked more like fiction. 5 stars.

"What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?"

"A good start."

Interesting to find out if Dickie or Junior manage to survive a year in prison. I mean Junior might be able to pay to keep himself safe but what can you pay a lifer who is offended by child abuse to stop them killing you?

Glad this story ended well.

The MC is an imbecile. So many of his actions are so idiotic it defies belief.

Marie hiding the phone and lying about it is obstruction of justice given the charge she brought. Just so much wrong in to many places.

This, for me, ruined what otherwise a good story.

Disjointed conviluted and hard to read.

Not as good as the other SWIBs

Total load of mixed up bollocks

FUCK THE BITCH! 5 stars.

I think that the reason a lot of us like the BTB stories is because in the real world the husband usually gets screwed over and there's no legal recourse because the laws and courts are stacked to favor the woman. IMO alimony is the biggest crock of shit. The former spouse should be compensated so they can keep the lifestyle that they have crown accustomed to? What a complete crock of shit. Before the divorce the man was used to a loving respectful wife. The lifestyle comes with the guy working his ass off to provide it.

Now we have no fault states to ensure that no matter how reprehensible the behavior of the wife is, she will STILL get to completely fuck over the guy in the divorce. Women always get dibs on keeping the kids, and as a result, the house as well. That too is utter bullshit.

These are the reasons why so many of us like the BTB stories. In real life the guy more often than not gets fucked over by a legal system that believe in "women's lib when it's convenient." Don't get me wrong, I'm not some misogynistic asshole. I am WELL aware that men cheat more often than women do. I believe that infidelity should mean something when it comes to divorce, but thanks to this "no fault" BULLSHIT we now have, it doesn't matter.

To balding gray guy: the idea that men cheat more is old thinking. Dna data bases now prove, as to many other studies that profound changes have resulted over the last three decades. The score is even now, and even tipping slightly toward more women cheating. In all your other comments you are dead on. Marriage remains the only contract in which the person at fault is rewarded, with no retribution. For all the fems crying so much, 90percent of all awarded alimony is still paid by husband to ex wife.

Weak.

Good story

Weak. To cliche.

2nd time I read this story and I still like the drama, intrigue. As others have commented it's almost always the Husband that gets screwed when a Wife wants to divorce, for whatever reason(s).