All Comments on 'SWIB 03: The Truth'

a pile of nonsense

It's like an episode of law and order that was written by mental retard

Far too wordy and a very convoluted tale. The ending is staggeringly weak and Sue will clearly trash Dave when it suits her. Can't score less than one star though, can we?

was no better than molly as she pushed her into the affiar

Fantastic, five-star series! One quibble... please consider that when writing fast-moving dialogue, especially with more than two speakers, every so often, you need to identify who the speaker is. You know when writing, and it's clear to you, but a reader must continually reset in his/her mind who is speaking. It can be occasional, just to recalibrate the conversation.

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My favorite thing about your style is that you keep everything in the middle of the road, right where real life occurs. No Navy SEALS on rocket sleds or fry-cooks who used to run Club Metropole on Tu Do Street in Saigon. No, everyday, real life, but they are thrown into extreme circumstances.

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Well-done!!! 5++++/5!!!

I hated this for one simple reason: rebound romance isn’t love.

You want to convince me that he would be madly in love with Molly and then less than 12 months later, completely replaced her with Sue…who connived her way into destroying a marriage.

So you had a little story to tell. You told it in one POV, then you retell it over and over from other POVs. Bad, bad, writing.

Good story, nice twists. Molly's turnabout from being so completely submissive to aggressor was a bit odd, especially when she really didn't present it much earlier.. While Harrison did time he also came out of the deal much richer; his karmic return should have been worse. Maybe the hero takes the cash in a civil suit, or Atherton defaults on the payments somehow.

Twisty. I didn't care for it but gave a four for a very twisty effort.

I thought that this was a really well written story that would have been diminished if it had been told in a couple of pages. However, having decided to use my time reading this I was truly disappointed with the ending. His wife was a really cruel, untrustworthy, lying, cheat and didn't deserve to get away with her behaviour. In the end she got what she wanted. I would have preferred to hear that 5 years later she was sick and riddled with disease after being shunned by all her friends. She could have asked for a divorce before beginning her cheating. At least that would have been honest.

story winds up then just fades out. So many unexplained issues and no real justice in for those perpetrating such ghastly treatments of others. It might have deserved a 4 or even a 5 but as it ends with a whimper, it gets a 3.

Pardon me. Was there a story here? It seemed like no more than page after page of non-sensical ramblings. Learn to punctuate, it would have been nice to know who was supposedly speaking. Unfortunately there is no score beneath a one.

First part was great , second part " Jumped the Shark " .

At least it wasn't like the Cuck Shit Storm that has inundated LW these last few weeks .

Excellent. Great concept about the truth. Every high profile case in the news shows that there is perception of the truth and the real truth may never be known. 5*s

Not bad. I confess that the various switches in viewpoint were a little confusing. And, given the introductory stuff, it seemed inevitable that Dave would end up with Sue. Still, it was interesting how it got there. Poor Dave, it seems that everyone manipulates him and he's unaware.

I liked it.

Of course, some of the courtroom stuff was nonsense, but that's often the case in stories, shows and movies.

4 stars. I wouldn't have taken a point away just for the defence attorney getting a 2nd crack at a witness after the prosecutor's questions on re-direct, nor the overruling the hearsay objection, nor such trial procedure matters, but some small plot matters concerning Molly's behaviour that I wondered about how they could be justified and, more importantly, the perjury acquittal are worth a point off.

Gave you 5⭐'s.

Very creative writing of an old LW plot.

Got a little convoluted in part two. Still very entertaining a very satisfying story.

Thanks very much 012Say....

That Harry makes the funniest comment 🤣.

I'm

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AMerryman

Molly was a monster.

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Dave was what the DA to.d him he was….a naive dipshit.

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Great writing. But only 4 stars for allowing Molly to get away with it.

maybe too many convolutions and sometimes hard to follow as to what time frame we were in, but generally well-written.

That was terrible!! I'm so sorry I'm not messed up enough to comprehend this sorry tale. 1*

why is this trope so prevalent? Namely that two cheated upon ex-spouses hook up and end up marrying each other a year later? Are they so broken that the only person they think can be trusted again is someone that was also cheated on?

Didn't really enjoy this. Didn't seem to flow very well to me and the multiple POV's really didn't help your story.

I liked it, although I never really understood Dave. I had trouble identifying who was speaking in the dialogue. -4-

"Truth is a common word, but something that doesn't really exist." If the author were smarter and more thoughtful he would be embarrassed to have written this. Perhaps if a thug were holding a knife to his neck he might admit that the statement "The man is holding a knife to my neck." is true. Would numbnuts step in front of a speeding bus on the ground that that might be "someone else's truth" but not his? Stupid, stupid, stupid. Getting to the truth can be hard, but there is a truth of the matter whether we find it or not.

It never amazes me how readers can rate a story simply on how their version and the author's were different, never realizing their very comments cements the achievement of the author. This is a 5* tale, plain and simple. Anyone reading this story is going to get drawn into the writer's universe and taken on a journey. If the author can do that, it's at least 4*, possibly 5*. If it had any fault, and this was pointed out by some, you rushed the ending. It was too convenient for Dave to transition women with essentially no overlap. The last page disrupted the flow and cadence you had established throughout the story. If you feel really guilty about a 10 page story, break it into parts. Don't create a lesser product for fear of ridicule over length. Well done - detailed, complex plot lines; good character development; and story was 90% plausible in real life. 5*

Great story telling.

I like this "SWIB" series a lot. This third installment is a very nice story, full of twists and turns. Nothing is like it seems, kind of situation. When I read the prolog I expected something like "Rashomon", but the story was something different. My main issue with the story is why in this world would Sue carry any information from Molly to Dave revealing her "final" reason why she lied under oath, suggesting Molly did it out of love for David, knowing he would never be happy with her due to her infidelity demons and if she lied in the trial, Dave would not be able to forgive her, and would divorce her. It doesn't benefit Sue at all to improve the image of Molly to Dave. Molly is the biggest liar of those involved in the trial. She's a cheater, a liar, a manipulator, a submissive, a narcissist, and even a sociopath. Glad Dave is away from her, cost him a serious beating and a set of cuckold's horns to realize who she is. Thanks for the story, the effort and the time to write it.

I think the first part of the story was a 4 maybe a 5. It had a nice flow and all the trouble lie beneath the story surface. Than with the various trials it all changed. Dirt and lies began seeping out almost in every sentence. The story became quite boring and stayed that way until the end.

What happened? Even after being "retold" 50 times I still don't know or care !!!!! Minus 5 stars!

A good story, but quirky. It’s not the shifting POV, but the factual way each position is told. None of the characters showed any emotion. A man beaten into coma; a man facing life behind bars; a lying, cheating wife who supposedly poisoned her own marriage deliberately; and a woman who’s always loved the hero/victim. How can none of them show emotion?

I want to thank all who comment, positively or negatively. Getting through and commenting on a story one doesn't like shows great tenacity; if not time management. I apologize, I have been told to better identify who is speaking, and shall endeavor to do so. Interesting comment that the multiple POVs all are too matter of fact - the only serious (discounting just telling me it is garbage) comments with which I disagree - marginally - is it would be better if ... I acknowledge the story might be better AND certainly the commenter would have enjoyed it more; but, to me, the best revenge is living well. Molly might end up well or not - the protagonist does not care. I don't believe he is better off one way or the other, as a consequence, neither does he.

Convoluted without a feeling that it ‘paid off’ in the end

What the fuck does this mess have to do with "truth"?????? Apparently "truth" is in the eye of the beholder.

I like how the story was told. There are three sides to every story. You actually covered them all. 5*

About the best I can say is at least it wasn't a cuck story. Way too much jumping around POV's.

Poor stupid, gullible idiot surrounded by and guided by cold, calculating, manipulative women. It’s a sad reflection on how 21st century men are so pathetic their lives are at the whim of narcissistic bitches.

If Sue loved Dave and always had why would she want to continue a friendship with Molky and how would she juggle that friendship with a woman who cheated lied and deliberately hurt and humiliated the man she lives? You know they friendship spells doom for her marriage to Dave. The logic of the ‘fairer sex’

Not a bad story. Constructive criticisms...Too long and complicated. The dialog did not feel natural to me. I hope to see more of your stories.

As a bear of little brain, I found myself not keeping the twists and the lawyers in focus. So I think I understand how this all ended, with everybody still in the same jobs and the couple We-The-Readers knew from the start were going to be happily married!

So, which lawyer was which is moot … as is how long Ray will stay a dom in prison … except that WTR know he is very unlikely to benefit from Greg’s donations.

4*

Twenty-one years ago I was introduced to the D/s community by a female neighbour. I began lurking in places like literotica in an attempt to understand. I will likely join the online community soon. The ending of this story has put into words the fear I have,and have had, as a vanilla. That a submissive person will allow a dominant person to harm a vanilla the submissive cares about. That love can not override obedience. Before suffering the slings of outrage, I am not saying this is solely in this lifestyle. It was a fantastic story and I am grateful someone has been able to put my 20 year nightmare into words

Started off good

Nice story telling, to little emotion,but a well written story none the less.

What a totally fucked up story. Did not like this one at all. Everyone except poor ole Dave was too smart by half for the story to make any realistic sense.

Scores 1/5

Just finished page 4. I’m angry enough at that slut that this story is a 2* IF she ISNT burned!!!

Not really, but the story does invoke that kind of emotion at that stage of the story. ;0)

A very ambitious plot and execution. Bravo, for the effort. The success? Not so much. The plot device of the bisexual wife is getting old, and has no substance. No, I'm not talking about a woman who enjoys hetero and homo sex. I'm talking about the fantasy of the wife who wants loving and gentle compassionate sex from her husband, but craves violent demeaning perverse sex with someone, anyone, other than her husband. That kind of bisexual. If such a woman exists then she is a sociopath, mentally dysfunctional. And if your plot involves the behavior of a mentally ill person then there is no suspense, no human drama, since you can't predict nor criticize the behavior of a crazy person.

Molly did what she did for no good reason, no normal human emotion or sexual drive. Her character is a contrivance to drive a plot that is silly, self destructive, and approaches a cartoon. So Molly just wants to be this sex monster, this queen of dominance and submission, a slave to her lust and orgasms? Do you really think that little of women, or just not know any real women? Molly is otherwise intelligent, healthy, ambitious, and has family and marriage ambitions. Well, before she got all twisted around with kinky perverted sex? Just cause she got bored, or stupid, or forgot that women age like cheese, and their prime years are their time to create a future with spouse and children? Oh, that's right, she was a whore in college, until she met Dave. Then she became the loving loyal intelligent wife. Then she reverted to being a whore again, because she had the opportunity and thought she could get away with it? Spare us the sequel where we find Molly knitting sweaters for her children and leading a Girl Scout troop. Again, those drastic changes in personality and character are not the behavior of a mentally sound person. So Molly is crazy, let the wild story unfold. Nice try. The only thing dumber and more contrived is the violent asshole agreeing to go to prison and believing that someone is going to throw a bunch of money his way for making the sacrifice. So we have two crazy people propping up this plot.

Yes, it was a very ambitious effort. Thanks for the effort.

Ironically I should have stopped at page 4. :0/

All fiction deserves some creative license but when her husband gave up the $50,000 house fund for her defense, please! I mean she turned into a full on whore and he was clueless, fake best friend encouraged it

Love your stuff but you out thought yourself on this one

Way too long, I got bored and skimmed to the end. Also you need to edit or get someone to do it for you to catch things like the below:

'"My objection remains your honor. This guy wanders in here when the defense has failed to make its case and has who knows what to offer. It is irrelevant, untimely, inappropriate, and the defense strongly objects."

Didn't you mean prosecution?

Why you didn't make more of this good story remains a mystery. You could have saved the whole court babble as well as the ending. I didn't notice where a BTB took place here. This story is very poorly designed. Your writing style is okay, but your content is terrible!

I don't like Sue either.

Well, silly me. I thought the 3 "SWIB" tales would somehow be related. Clearly, not. Each is a stand alone. The good news is that each one is a 5. Since I waited till finishing this one to comment, I'm going to briefly discuss each of them. The first one ("SWIB 01: We Need To Talk") reprises the abuse of power theme that's been done well in several stories - most recently in "The Talk Leads To Explosive End" by Legio_Patria_Nostra (maybe the similarities in titles is on purpose?). Sure hope Bob Watson gets to recover soon with someone nice. The shortest of the three is "SWIB 02: And She Got It" and like the first one, leaves the MMC still in recovery mode. Hope that Ralph Wilson, like Bob Watson, can love again, this time with someone normal. As for the third one, this one, the various viewpoints and schemes remind me of "Living With The Lie" by the great StangStar06. Very happy that Dave Smith and Sue Dobson (nee Redmond) have become Dave and Sue Smith. 012Say has a pretty good batting average so far (though you can't lose attaching yourself to "Spring" and "February Sucks"). What he's done with this "SWIB" series is by far his most ambitious effort yet, and he pulled it off. Whoopee!

So they guy who left his wife, not for being a cheating whore, but for lying to him, upon discoving his new girfreind lied to him for even longer and manipulated his wife causeing all his problems in the first place decided to stay with her?

fun!

Well he still didn’t really get the truth, no uncovering of the cheating with Greg, all brushed under the carpet, you know ‘no harm no foul’.

It was too long, practically the literary equivalent of verbal diarrhoea. Lots of detail that turned out to be irrelevant.

Still this author can write (I can’t) so good for you.

Keep the submissions coming.

More Complicated stuff. In the infamous words of Jack Nicholson, "TRUTH! You can't handle the TRUTH!"

Too long and complicated. The entiree section about Molly heing charged, and her trial was superfluous. 4 stars

Molly is nothing but a whore, but says she loves Dave and doesn't want to hurt him. If that's her version of love, I'd hate to see her version of hate. Greg should have his nuts cut out and Ray Harrison should be slowly and painfully beaten to death.John Dobson is a useless whoremaster. That leaves Sue and Dave. It was said she set Molly and Ray up, but that's not true. Molly should end up a penniless street whore and Sue and Dave should finally get married and have a family. They truly love each other...

Your wretched life is so defined in your writing at least you should have the decency to let a slimy greg atherton punished.

5+ stars! It was a little lengthy but the journey was worth it. It is refreshing to see good writing with grammar and spelling checked!

That was ridiculous. Far too many words saying nothing.

19000 words is way too long for this story.

As with all too many stories of this type the guy's N absolute idiot he turns blind eyed it was wife's treachery and tries to do the right thing by her how stupid can you get.

Writers such as you need to understand that willing suspension of disbelief has limits and you abuse them.

A too long waste of digital medium and the readers’ time.

This was a long confusing mess. Why so long?

Way too long and unsatisfying for it's length.

It was a good tale

I liked it

I thought it was interesting

3 *** , Here also. Very hard to follow. Nice try, though.

much to hard for my simple mind to follow.

The initial idea was novel, but, it became too convoluted, with too many points of view and we really didnt care about any of the cast by the end.

The author stated that he was going to show how different people perceived the same facts. But that was not the story -- the the story did not show different perceptions of the facts, but kept adding facts, and kept adding to the point that the plot was too convoluted for most people to follow.

Verbose. 4*

What a confusing mess. The POV changed so often that it was very difficult to keep track of whose words I was reading. Much of the time I wasn't completely sure of whose viewpoint was being related, and eventually I stopped caring.

Nevertheless, I kept reading until the end, only to discover that there really wasn't one.

A total waste of time! 2 stars

Well written, long drawn out mess with only two redeeming characters. Amazing how you can negotiate with your character and morals and some how think it is for the best.

This whole story is drawn out picture of what is ruining this country. Everyone has a price and no fear of any repercussions.

Fuck the legal system and their cancerous members, JUSTICE is what needs to be applied with the use of commonsense. Just a matter of time before these morons ruining this country cause it to split. The repercussions from the population that don’t deal with bullshit and take action when lied to and about, or used for a self serving agenda is going to be epic and final. There will be none of this “you don’t understand”, “I didn’t have a choice”, “ no one really got hurt”, “”I can’t be held responsible for what happened””, “didn’t follow this bullshit procedure or I have rights you can’t use the evidence because it wasn’t obtained in the exact proper way.............!

FUCK ALL THAT!!! Justice is just that justice and a price will be exacted for these actions.

Your best bet is to crawl in a hole a cover yourself up, there is no escaping the penalties for you actions.

i loved the different point of view, each with their half-truths, but the whole court thing was quite difficult to follow. I'm guessing it wasnt all that complicated, but more like trying to read an episode o Law & Order, instead of watching it on TV.

Interesting story kept me reading until the end, thanks. However, Molly had her own selfish reasons when she confessed to Sue about “The public humiliation I gave David, meant he is now safe from me." What she didn’t confess was that she didn’t want children and David had been pressuring her to get her pregnant.

You write so well in your other stories one I even gave 5 stars. This one was not even worth 1 star.

way to long especially the epilogues

Wow! Well-written for such a long piece. Well thought-out. Lovingly crafted.

NOT WORTH 5 STARS. I GRUDGINGLY gave 4 stars, because 3 wouldn't be fair.

There were so many missed opportunities with this story! The endings for so many of the characters were unsatisfying. Giving the wife 50K for her legal defense? Bullshit. She continues her happy life with her sub, unfettered by her loving, STUPID husband.

It's times like these that I take solace in the fact that this is only fiction. None of this was real. And if the author can't be vested in his characters, why should I be? I need to read something else to get this bad taste out of my imagination.

Very well-woven take off each person's truth. Shows that real life isn't always black and white. Would have liked a bit more follow up of what happened to each, but 5 *

Molly got off lightly for such a loathsome liar backstabber. Sue being friendly with her means Dave is better off away from both of them .

Molly is sick individual. I wonder if she is even human. Without much effort I can visualize here as decaying female vampire whore.

Her husband? Giving her $50 K under the circumstances is absurd. You are far to good a writer to make that sort of blunder.

I note below another reviewer noted this.

Very good idea looking at the issue from each person's perspective.

Honestly, Molly got off too easy. I cannot imagine Sue being anything other than business cordial with Molly at work and nothing else. Based on the story, Molly will become the new Mrs. Atherton and be lucky if one of her side relationships doesn't end up killing her by accident.

What fun Of course Dave could have been what Molly needed. But how do you keep the signals straight? She needed tender loving and she needed to be humiliated and forced to be a submissive slut. But when? Break and then comfort her. Pure submissives can become boring - crawl to me, rim me, atm, and ..... And complex knot theory and bondage techniques. If you take it too far? Danger and pain? Wax too hot - damn, sorry about the blisters. No safe word - you sure? Ahhhhhhhhh. They're coming to take me away hee, hee ho ho, ha ha.. Really liked the story.

It reads as if Akira Kurosawa and the Marquis de Sade decided to collaborate on a remake of Rashomon. A stellar work, Sir Say.

The story became too cumbersome. Three stars.

Just a jumbled up load of shit, Dave is a complete useless fucking wanker and the bitch he married would be better off dead

Ok. I read to the page where the lying whore got acquitted, and skipped to here. It was obvious from video evidence, the wife had lied, under oath, about her husband throwing the first punch. It was also very clear that she stood by, and did nothing to stop it. No way, she gets acquitted. Also, the husband would have filed civil suits against everyone involved, for his cruel and inhuman suffering. This author has written stores, that are much better. No way I believe this, cause it wouldn’t have went down this way. One star.

It was going really well until you wrote Sue's section. That part was utterly ridiculous. Molly pushing Dave away, Sue knowing about Greg, pushing Molly to Ray, etc was utterly ridiculous. I went from 5 to 3 stars as a result.

good concept but way too many pages and words

Im sorry. But come on

Thank you, 012Say, for a very interesting and ambitious story. For some commenters it is too long, others see it as too short, in a way - that is, too short of emotion. I agree with the latter view, but came to read and enjoy it as a somewhat elaborate outline of a script for a modern tv series. As such it is mostly very good, but with a rather weak ending, more like a fizzling out than a real end. Well, the weakness is shared by most of those modern productions, so that is not a real point of criticism, relatively speaking. Given the complex plot ideas, it would take a full blown novel by an experienced author to flesh out the story in sufficient emotional detail, prepare for a real dramatical point of culmination, and wrap it all up in a proper ending.

Thanks again - I had great fun!

Truth is about what actually happened from a particular point of view. Truth is not objectively “real”, as witnesses will disagree on what they actually saw. Even a camera can only “testify” as to what it recorded from its position.

There may be “objective “ reality, but it is only partially knowable to any one of us. Truth can only be personal for each of us. We can try to approximate the “truth” of an event or situation, but we will never achieve complete consensus over what it is.

Truth hasn’t got anything to do with opinions held by multitudes. Testifying in court, the best you can ever achieve is to convey what you think you remember about what you think you saw.

Sorry. Didn’t like this story. Husband gets beat within an inch of his life, while the wife just watches. Then the beater gets a slap in the wrist, and wifey goes free. The husband should have sued her in civil court, for perjuring herself, and standing by while he was beaten. I also agree with some of the other commenters it was too long. Not sure where this story should show up, but loving wives seems to be the wrong category.

Just not good. I don’t like anyone at all and truthfully it was way too long for what it ended up being. Sorry.

I gave it a 2. It was way too wordy for my taste with way too much background info that I simply skipped.

I like the truth post. But as so many recent politicians have proven, truth is as fluid as water and its whatever you get poorly educated people to believe.

Great writing but sort of long and light on the justice.

You just got lost in this tale.

This story has me feeling kind of like a pretzel with all the twisting around. I'm not sure what I got out of reading this chapter besides being very confused. Seems like I'm not alone either after reading a bunch of the comments left by other readers. Feels like I need to go back and reread some of the parts so I can get them straight in my head. At least with Perry Mason you knew who the bad guy was and who would win the case, lol.

10 Big Blazing Stars for writing one of the longest stories that I have ever read. Well edited, very few errors! My only problem is there are NO strippers or ex-hookers to root for and save there hero buried in her cleavage. LOL

But seriously, great writing and note, that it is perfect for the Romance Channel. LOL Thks, Buster2U