All Comments on 'Take A Chance!'

find a proof reader. seriously. this is horridly written, not the story itself - couldn't tell you about that, it is so poorly written I stopped even trying to read it a couple paragraphs in.

Women REALLY need to just fucking say what they want and stop trying to fuck with our heads. Nothing makes me drop a girl quicker then mind games. I always give them fair warning the first time. Repeat = Down-the-road motors.

Anyways, this story was definately full of mind games for the doof hero.

Critically, I don't think the "spoken narrative" jumping from person to person really worked well. It was definately difficult to read because of the shifting narrative, but more importantly, the repeated narrative. I got the impression you wanted to explore the inner thoughts of the three characters and chose this narrative style to allow that. Although those inner thoughts were interesting, I don't think this style works.

A solid 3.5 stars, rounded to 4.

I got the impression that this was a kind of a Holden Caufield effort - stream of consciousness driven. It's a hard way to write, and unless done perfectly, it's pretty hard to follow.

A worthy try.

A nice romance. I really liked it. Write what you like and fuck the comments.

that can'tbuymy is the biggest fucking idiot on this site, as far as the story goes hard to follow and the main character in real life would not have gotten out of grade six.

Our hero, as drawn is a little too stupid to be doing that well in banking, but then again IQ and hard work does not guarantee a lot of street smarts and common sense. Contrary to some others, I really liked the story. Telling it from the various characters point of view gave a good insight into how they viewed the world in general allowed you to tell the story in fewer words without a lot of sometimes confusing dialog.

You captured some of the typical small town characters very well and wove them into the story in a constructive way. The only thing unexpected was that he never caught on to his wife's affair which kind of fit with his lack of common sense. In any case the story had a great ending like a real romance should. The only thing you didn't add was that they lived happily ever after and that would have just ruined it (LOL).

There were some issues in the style of switching between character perspectives, but I could follow it. Mostly, I want to encourage you to keep at it with the writing, and to do above all else, what feels right for you. This story worked. Could it have been better? Well may be, but every rung on the ladder is an important step to reaching the top. I'll also add that I think you really did an excellent job of capturing a small town feel, and your minor characters were perfectly fleshed out to do their jobs in the story. To improve this tale specifically? May be more time with Susan and Cal leading up to their breakup, may be a little more drama involving his discovery of her betrayal. However, adding these details may have made the story too long overall, but removing some of the passages describing the small town atmosphere would have diminished the portrait of existance you successfully painted. Hard choices, to be sure. Time, practice, and experience will help on future endeavors, and I for one, will certainly keep reading. Thanks!

One of the Best stories I've read on this site in a very long time. Enjoyed every sentence. I didn't know whether I wanted the story to just go on and on (enjoyed reading it so much) or wanted it to end, so that I could savor the coming resolution. Well, it ended finally at just the right moment, and I certainly was delighted by the perfect way the story was resolved. (a 5 with not even the smallest reservation.)

Being from a small town in Maryland, this story just seemed to hit home.Cal and Arlene were just a few of my friends from school. Keep up the really good writing. I enjoyed it very much.

Things like "I threw up on the counter." makes this really strange. It was in quotes, so he told someone this? Quotes start and/or end a lot of narrative paragraphs in this story. Why?. The POV jumps were not good. Three or four people telling a story tells me that you are unsure how to deliver it. I kind of gave up by the end.

No advice this time although it's always a good idea to listen to Harddaysnight.

Just keep writing. It's work. That's why must people don't do it. But it's how you learn.

There was never a loving wife in the story.... I have to agree with HDK about the rough spots but still it was a lot of fun.

The story was good by the end. I'm not a fan of the rambling narrative but as the story went on the "conversations" with the reader stopped and the story continued. I believe you inferred that Cal knew of or suspected Susan's affair but as much as they were apparently going after it I can't imagine he didn't know it. My chief concern is Arlene's attitude. She wants Cal but does some of the stupidest shit when he finally wakes up to the reality of her son. In the small town they would have known she was seeing other guys so I don't think Cal would have been as condemned for running off, probably more likely Arlene would have even more austracized for running him off more than being an unwed mother. How did Arlene go about breaking up a marriage? There just seems to be a couple hints to your plot that didn't show up or play out.

Sorry, after the first 3-4 paragraphs, I just couldn't take it anymore, you were rambling all over the place, back and forth, back and forth. JUST TELL THE STORY. I finally just clicked to the end, and made my comment.

right from pulp mags in the 50's, where there is no life after high school. You needed to add a dozen more characters to bulk up the story, give it more ramble, add fifty more pages. As it is, not a single thing happened the reader can remember 30 seconds later.

...little story - telegraphed as all hell but it was romantic and had a decent enough happy ending.

I had to knock points off for the pov and punctuation goofs but I give it 4 for the effort and intention.

Thanks

I liked it a lot. The road to true love isn't always smooth. One of the things I loved the most is the fact that there were as you said in the beginning a lot of different people all of whom had their own motivations. Cal's wife did cheat on him. She was the closest thing in the story to being a villain. If she didn't want to be with Cal, she shouldn't have married him. Even devin wasn't as bad as she was. He was just looking for sex. True he knew that she was married, but he didn't know Cal and hadn't promised him anything. Cal and Arlene were simply too young and too immature when they first got together. They loved each other but had no idea of what they wanted or what they were doing. All in all a very good story. Great job.

I had to give it 2 stars. The beginning was far too disjointed, but getting through that you got to a pretty good story. My problem was Arlene. It seemed she never grew up. How can you make the same mistake with the same guy 3 different times and not have the guy give up on you? Maybe my problem should be with Calvin instead. That just seems like too much of a stretch, especially the third time with Sam. That would have just finished me.

And while you kind of hinted at the fact that Arlene and others had been dropping hints that Susan was cheating, why didn't someone just tell him outright? Or better yet, get some proof?

Like I said, I wanted to like this, but the ending felt too rushed and the 2 main characters just felt like they did stuff but didn't really react to anything.

(Sorry this is anonymous, I just don't like logging in).

Keep on writing, that's the bottom line. But I think you misunderstand the story telling art. You have at hand a nice, folksy voice you use sometimes. You do not yet have a feminine voice to write in--your women sound like men even when their behavior is correctly feminine.

The switching of narrative voice is not yet within your range as a writer--this story came across like a loosely stitched together quilt rather than a tightly integrated whole.

Start with your folksy voice, tell a nice story either in the 3rd or 1st person, but stick with one narrator for at least the next half dozen stories. Once you've mastered that, then move onto more complex narrative structures.

Just tell a nice story from beginning to end, aim for 2 pages (web pages, not letter-sized pages), and I promise you'll see the results immediately.

I liked the story, enough said on that:

1. As people have pointed out, and should not be taken personally, there are issues with your story. Many authors have these problems - it's not easy to catch things proofreading your stories, and having a second set of eyes help. You're a good enough author that you can probably find an editor among your feedback or on Literotica. Things like "I threw up on the counter", a phrase clearly meant to be narrative and written accidentally as dialogue are more easily caught.

2. Rambling - People mention this, but aren't very specific: the rambling seems to be a result of how you switch POVs between characters. This doesn't translate well in narrative because you're essentially flipping back and forth between the omniscient narrator (you) and the character, as if they're all in one big room having a therapy session or journal-style discussion. That's a little weird and appears to ramble.

It's very disjointed, and you'd be better off using some sort of s line break punctuation like ------ and then "Susan" as the new sub-chapter heading. Look around the LW category for authors that do stories with multiple POVs, you'll see what I'm talking about.

3. Reconciliation - You do this very well, and it's a key element that stems from having a balance of characters. As a reader I notice the very clear hypocrisy about Arlene and Cal doing the exact same thing, sleeping with others. Yet she's a "whore like the other girls in town" while he's "sowing his wild oats". It's these little hypocrisies that make characters more human, and makes reconciliation eventually make sense. A lot of GOOD authors in LW really don't get that. You have to have a balance between the man and woman in failings and human foibles because there's absolutely no sane reason for Saint Jesus to reconcile with the Whore of Babylon.

Keep this aspect of your stories - keep giving your characters flaws, be they man or woman. Straight good man/evil wife tales can be fun, but ultimately get boring, because they constitute the bulk of LW.

4. Genre. I've seen a couple comments along these lines, that you should put these kinds of stories (this and Pussy Whipped) in Romance instead of LW. Quite frankly, the LW category needs a shot of positive, and wives who actually live up to the "Loving Wife" archetype without being Lady Saint Jesusetta, the Second Coming of the Wife. You could get away with either category, but Romance fans will generally be less assholish to you than LW where the readers can be vicious.

5. LW Reader-base: Building up a thick skin by subjecting yourself to the rigors and abusiveness of many LW readers is not necessarily a bad thing. It DOES help you deal with harsh critiquing better, and learn to identify constructive criticism, because the real rage-hards (HarryVa for example) keep on spouting the same hate lines thinly draped in constructiveness over and over. Triumph over adversity, and if you ever manage to get an LW story out that has some of the people that usually hate on you going "hey cool" then you know you've achieved something great.

Keep on writing - your stories have an element absolutely critical to an engaging story, creativity and stepping outside the box. Probably the best thing you did with this story was to write a story that had a cheating wife without the cheating wife being central to what the story is about.

~ $0.02+

Carvohi... take his (or her) comments to heart. Calling it a quilt was generous when, in fact, it was more like a first draft.

I liked the writing better than the story. The story better than the character development. The character development better than the required suspension of disbelief. And that better than the editing.

I held myself aloof of high school drama when I was in high school. The stupidity and immaturity annoyed, then bored, me. These characters all acted like so many high school idiots. The October break-up over nothing and the revenge sex that followed (how is it revenge again? what is the revenge for, exactly?) was bad enough. They were, after all just 18 and just out of high school. But, they continued to play their silly games 4 or 5 years later.....and with a kid to think about, no less. I know these people and I don't want anything to do with these people.

The wife was absurdly evil and self-deluded. And, kind of pointless. I never hated her lover particularly, he was at least the most self-actualized of the characters, even if he was a major-league piece of shit. What was the point of the affair? To give the hubby an out for getting involved with his baby-momma? It didn't work, cause he never even knew about it until sprung on him like a fait a compli.

Baby-momma decides she is going to "break up a marriage," and then does nothing...except get engaged to a guy she has no real intention of marrying. Just a jealousy game. Again, immature. The device could have been good-she could have shown her babby-daddy what a cheating bitch his wife was....but no, that is never developed. So, why waste the time with that plot development?

The story could have been much tighter, much more logical and realistic in terms of how adults actually act. Instead, it was a sweet reconciliation story between two people with the combined intellectual age of about 30.

Still, I enjoyed the actual writing (despite the editing) and the story was pretty good in conception. The author should have let it sit for a week and then re-read it and then done some serious content and story-line editing and it could have been much better. Has the feel of a story written in one sitting. Might have been fun to write, but a little more work would have made it much more fun to read.

The least favorite of your four LW stories so far for me. I still gave it a grudging 4 stars, since it is better than most of the crap we get.

Dont worry so much about the negative criticisms, take them with a grain of salt and try to improve.

But i Love your style of romance and reconciliation.

My 2 cents worth though is i felt u needed to develop more the characters of Susan and Devin. They didn't evoke any emotion for me. You could try to make this a little longer, even some kinda novella if you be a little more patient. One of the coments said, I never wanted it to end....thats howe I felt too.

Thanks Car.

OK, but could use some polish and shine.

One pet peeve:

To - toward, e.g., to the bank

Too - also, e.g. You like to suck my cock? Well, I like that, too!

Labial lips- labia is Latin for lip or lips, "labial lips" then becomes "lippy lips". Think about it.

Otherwise a pretty good idea, just needs more effort invested in making folks more realistic. I must contend with another commenter about character development. I live in a small town, on the other site of the dateline, but you pegged the small town "style" and interaction. Clipped, succinct,and often bordering on brutally honest. Also the gossiping commentary had an eerily familiar ring to it.

The cheater's dialogs and the self-talking of most of the characters were brusque, shallow and badly understated. To make the story richer, make the dialogs and self-talk more natural-sounding. Fill it out a little. Really do you know anyone, including yourself that processes anything as a single three sentence idea? Nope, only in moments of near panic does the internal prattle narrow to short sentences and abbreviated thought. That's when you get the proverbial, "Oh, shit!".

Finally, to make your characters more real, make,their reactions a little exaggerated.

Carl's reaction to Susan's blatant, stupid affair and the town's silence against one of their own were impossibly out of character for the situation. And Call should have kicked some ass or at least responded to Susan's behavior as soon as he suspected something. At the least you owe it to the reader to explain why not, if he isn't going to act. In my mind, as soon as he got a hint of Susan's infidelity, he should have been bee lining it to clean up the dead rubbish and get with his true love, post haste. It's abnormal for people not to act with so many compelling forces at play, unless there is some overriding, compulsive preventive force at play (deep despair, loss of an important figure, like a parent, close sibling or child...) you already get it, if you'll just give it some thought and connect those behavioral dots....

A good effort and an intriguing storyline! 4 because it is a little rough but seminaly that good, not 5 because in spite of that, you keep fouling up the easy grammar.

An enjoyable read I thought.

As for the plot in the story.

If Cal was looking for a way outbid his marriage with Suzan. Then the small town gossip mill has done all his jard for him. A tip off, a few photos in the post regarding the meeting at the motel and he could have had her served at her next meeting with her lover.

Another twist would be for Suzan to dumped by her lover and got pregnant.

Then there would be a side plot of who was the father. Her lover could have then got in trouble with his law firm and perhaps disbarred.

So a good attempt with possibilities for expansion in the future.

Lets review what Arlene did to Calvin. First the fall in love in High school. Then Cal goes a way 1 week for Summer family vacation and she dumps him. OK ..it happens.

THEN Cal takes her back... WHY? from the story

...."Come to find out when school started back up in September, David, the Parochial School boy, and Arlene never hit it off. Arlene and I got back together. Honestly, I never really trusted Arlene after that summer, and all that fall, winter, and spring of our senior year I didn't know if she wanted to date me because she loved me or because I had a car. Her breaking up with me sort of gnawed at me all that year...

...makes NO sense.

THEN... in college she gets pregnant from CAL.. and decides NOT to tell him.

shortly after Cal gets REALLY sick with some sort of serious virus. Arlene's reaction ?

she SHITS all over him a 3RD TIME !!!! and decides to go out and fuck other men

WAIT WAIT WAIT it gets worse....

when cal finally figures out the truth and confront Arlene she AGAIN shits on CAL yet again by denying the truth and keeping the bot away from his father. !???

but Wait there is More. Then Arlene decides to marry Sam the wife beater???!??

NOT the actual father but the wife beater ????

oh my god ... Where can I find a fair rational level headed SELFLESS cunt whore bitch like this?

yeah good for you Calvin this marriage to Arlene has a great chance of working out. NO red flags or Character flaws here...

Thanks for the story

I do not always agree with your comments but - I think? _ you try to stay in the same story when you do it -

They did not really go together in college they went separate ways to college and she give it to him Before college. The confrontation at Halloween (October 6 weeks after school started??) was where she said they should date around - she never cheated on him - nor did he cheat on her - no morals issue.

She never denied he was the father - she said the boy was her child not his when he acted possessive - that was not about parenthood it was about parentING - she acknowledged he was the donor. During all follow up conversations she accepted and acknowledged she bore his child -

As for the marriage to Sam that was stupid but not a betrayal of any sort she never intended to marry him just use the ring to wake the guy up - it sorta worked - unfair to Sam - well yeah tough shit he was an asshat.

Yes she was manipulative but in the open to accomplish the one thing she remained true to all through out - her love for him and desire to marry him and only him!!??

Setting the story to time into the banking crisis we really had and all remember is a great device nice work thanks -

Mumbo-Jumbo BS

So many make comment that it doesn't make sense Hell people don't make sense.I found myself pulling for Cal and Arlene early on and was happy at the end of the story,What more could I ask for?

This was amazing! A truly enjoyable read. Five stars. Engaging storyline that kept me hanging til the very end. Could be one of the best on this site. A true love story.

Likeable characters except Susan and the perp of course. Should have been posted in romance. Five stars.

A lot of stop and go in the beginning, but it smoothed out. A bit different for this mode but it worked. Enjoyed it. Cheers!

You put a big smile on my face!

Ain't it great when a plan comes together!

5*

by using scenes instead of notes. TK U MLJ LV NV

Hard to read. No writing skill whatsoever ! 1* !

But I didn't like the disjointed way it jumped around, from character to character. Just my preference. I also didn't like Arlene, at least, the way you laid her out. Always doing the wrong thing to get back at Cal, right up to the very end when she led Sam on. That could have led to a fight or even a killing.

I know small town America because I live in it. Our town is less than 100 people, we get groceries in the big town down the road of 600 people. When we go to the big city, its a town of 5,000 people, so I really know small town America.

Even if it stormed and a tornado came by LOL

great story of life in small town America. Very believable but some of Arlene's actions didn't cast her in the best light. And how come Cal never suspected being the father from the start?

Wait a minute – YOU say you’re going to see other boys, so he says that he’ll also see other girls then. So you’re going to get EVEN? I thought his seeing other girls was HIM getting even!

“Arlene knew she had him, well a little, she thought she'd play with him.”

What’s her problem? Why is she trying to push away the guy she loves, the father of her son? Yes, he’s married, but that’s HIS problem, why make him think that she’s not worth his trouble?

She knows about Susan and Devin, instead of playing hard-to-get with Cal, she should be telling him where he can find his wife!

"Yeah, I think I got engaged last night."

I thought she was going to break up Cal’s marriage so she could marry him, what’s she doing getting engaged(or even pretend-engaged, as it turned out) to Sam who she hates?

"OK Cal. If you want to do it I'll let you, but you've got promise you won't hurt me."

I can’t believe that she’s still so naïve that she doesn’t know that her prior attempts at intercourse were painful due to inexperience.

I had no problems with the "dis-jointed narrative". It was plainly labeled who was talking and when time was passing.

I'll just 2nd everything KarenE says. Arlene was a best manipulative, but in a manner designed it seems to cause Cal pain, and not much else.

sure knows how to fuck up peoples lifes. TK U MLJ LV NV

Just because town people are a bit conservative that doesn't mean they don't know how to enjoy sex.I mean I have seen a lot of authors do this,if they are a bit religious/bit old school/small town people paint them illiterates when it comes to sex.

Thanks for the offering.

Is it just me, or was Arlene kinda a bitch throughout most of the story? First deciding that Cal was boring, breaking up with him to see someone else, that first breakup created some pretty strong cracks in their relationship, leading up to the second time she broke up with him and then having sex with someone else out of spite.

and then not wanting Cal to know about his son, even denying at first that he had any right to be a part of his son's life.

Not to mention her plan to break up the marriage was apparently just to date other men and make Cal jealous, perhaps ensuring that he learned about his wife's infidelity would have been a better plan.

Third time's the charm when it comes to screwing with Cal: Wearing Sam's ring was just cruel especially since she knew that his life had taken a downturn, and his marriage was dead in the water.

She broke up with him. Got back together with him.

Fucked an idiot to get back at him because she broke up with him?

Denies him his child.

Continues to fuck with him by letting Sam date her a little and even where his ring.

That bitch would have been toast no matter what I felt for her.

What a colossal moron.

5 to offset this fool's 1 vote

The story is a cute and clever tongue in cheek bit of romantic humor.

Actually quite a delightful little read

Why some of the commenters get so wound up and apply BTB attitudes to a ''bit of fun'' story like this one so obviously is, I have no idea.

Myself, I smiled, chuckled and was entirely amused and delightfully entertained.

Arlene is the dictionary definition of a "stupid bitch". She heaped problem after problem on poor Calvin with no real solid reasons for doing so. She caused so much havoc in his life. But the final straw was dating Big Sam and accepting his ring. And she thought this would provoke Cal into making a move to reunite with her. In real life, the odor you smell is his car burning rubber as he leaves town, never to be heard from again. But still an entertaining read. I'm giving it a 5-Star rating for two reasons...first, it deserves it; and second, to piss off those who gave it just one!

Have to give it a 5 if for no other reason than to offset the morons that gave it a 1 or 2. Hell it was a fun read that's all that's maters.

I enjoyed this story immensely, well written, 5 stars👍🏻

Definitely 5*

I enjoyed it a lot. I only had one problem with it, and that's probably more just a personal predilection than any fault of the author's. I just don't like these first-person narratives that skip back and forth from one character to the next. To me they seem tedious, overly wordy. Just give me a third person narrative with the who, what, when, where and why and I am a happy camper. As I said, it's just a personal preference. Still a great story.

So that was a tough 8 years of recovery from depression , what did he do for work and did they have more babies etc.

Very enjoyable read.

another cocksucking WIMP posting DUMB cuck SHIT.

That's an ending! You have My Endorsement! Thanks @★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

what is with those separation things +++++++++ that u do, ur separating paragraphs that dont need any separation and not separating the ones that do, and all that "ok back to the story" that detracts from the story, stay in the story, over explanations, let ppl use their imagination and get an editor, not that theres any good ones on this site

Other than the quick wrap-up at the end, it flowed nicely. The protagonists are likable flawed humans. Like most of us. They do stupid stuff for stupid reasons and look back with regret. And sometimes, if they're really lucky, they get a do-over.

One weird story!... You either love it or hate it...I'm on the fence! ★★★☆ WOOF!

She dumps him to date someone else cause his family took him on a vacation in high school

She threatens to fuck other guys when he goes back to school becuase she is mad at him that he got so sick he couldnt take her on dates when home from his first break in college

She cheats on him

She brags about cheating on him

She lets him think she got pregnant by someone else

She steal FOUR YEARS of his sons life from him

She steals four years of his life from her son

She refuses to tell him his wife is a cheating slut

She torments him by accepting the proposal of a man who beats his girlfriends and rubbing it in his face

How in the fuck can anyone think this psychotic sadist loves him?

It is a good story but for the near-end where she took SAM's ring to create crisis. Did she not learn anything form the Gary part of her life - she still had to play games - is this a woman thing to do? She would play the jealousy game using a known man that had anger problems and she thought only good would come of it??? Per the story she just reverted back to being a high school tease. What if Sam went after Cal and serious beat CAl - it would have been all her fault. Playing men for a 'forever life' is never a good thing. Since there is no sequel all I can say is she is very very lucky and still never learned anything.

And this is why this story teetered on being only a 4*.

I enjoyed the story but it was so well done I wanted a epilogue. Two people meant to be together find a way to make it happen.

Great story and I'm a big sap for a happy ending.

So simple, straight forward, and predictable it was scary. I was waiting for the unpredictable twist........Beautiful. More good story and manageable loving sex rolled into just a couple paragraphs than I've read in quite a while.

Well done!

Every Now and then I Like a Story with a Happy Ending ..

This story is like a giant quilt on a cold day.

5 stars. Very feel good story.

Another great story thank you

This, from the first page:

"I guess you could say it all started with the Local Volunteer Fire Company dinner.

. . .

"OK, back to the story.

. . .

"I guess I have to back up a little here.

. . .

"Let me get to that. I mean how we got started

. . .

"Well back to the story.

. . .

***and then:

I'm Arlene, and now I get to go:

Hell with the writing errors & Predictable outcome.

Loved it !

Felt for Cal & Arlene

5* for the sheer sweetness and feel good tale.

Certainly a lot of people have differing opinions of the story. I will say mine is just person likes and dislikes. I disliked bouncing around in different times and so many different people. I prefer a story that goes from A to B. Others love it and that is fine too.

The story was so jumping around and confusing that I eventually just stopped reading.

Also, stories that have guys puking because they hear surprising or bad news makes me barf -- come-on -- I ha ve never seen a guy barf because he heard some news. That is just a cheap ploy by authors who cannot explain emotions in a more realistic way.

Love it. I am sucker for a happy ending. Young love is the best.

This was like if a ADHD penguin and a monkey high on meth had offspring. That's how bad this was.

I feel like Carvohi wrote two stories, then merged them. He took the evil, sociopathic villainess from some weird BDSM or psychological horror story, and dropped her into romance story. About half the readers realized this. Those are the ones who hate the Arlene character. What shocks me is that half the readers don't realize Arlene is evil. They actually find both her and the story to be sweet. It makes me question humanity. So here's a test. Can you tell the woman in the following story I just wrote is evil? If you can, then the odds are you disliked Carvohi's tale. If you think the following story is romantic, then you probably like Carvohi's story. And, you really need some help.

----------

Cameron looked at the love of his life as she burned him with boiling water. After years apart, caused by her killing his dog, they had bumped carts in the grocery store. They laughed gaily. Picking a box of spaghetti off the shelf, made him remember the wonderful pasta dinner she cooked for him during their engagement when she poisoned him with arsenic. "Come to dinner," she suggested. He had agreed happily.

He smiled at the memories, picking the spaghetti out of his hair, as she swung the now empty, but still hot pan against his face, flattening his nose. Flailing backward, he beamed with happiness as she rushed at him, sinking a knife into his chest. "Ah, love at last," he thought as as the world grew dim. All his dreams had now come true.

Not a format I enjoy, it was all over the place and I never understand why people end up together with someone who cheated on them... Just because a bit of time passed?

This has to be the saddest ending one can imagine. Being stuck with Arlene after she's shown her true colours three times would be horrid.

Really boring

Usually I give unfinished stories a 3, max.

This time, I'll give it 4 because both of these brainlets really do deserve each other.

Badly written RAAC crap.

Not sure what the point of this convoluted, boring mess was?

I don't give a crap what the others say, I enjoyed this story. It's so small town that I had to laugh, kept thinking of Mayberry USA. The format was different but not objectionable. Don't think Susan got the deal she wanted from the divorce, but then she already had money. Sometimes the stars just don't line up the way we want and then sometimes they do. Nice to have a happy ending.

Nice one. Five stars

I read the comment about people not liking your stories. Ignore those trolls. I've read many of your stories and I truly enjoy your writing style. I look forward to each new story you write. You really know how to present the idea of what true love is. Thanks! K

I really don't like when mothers hide children. And her deception about Sam was cruel.