All Comments on 'Take a Chance Ch. 01'

Nice start, even if the ending seems a bit OTT. Already has five candidates for future girlfriend (or friend with benefits) - not bad for the first day. It's stories like this which make me regret going to a boys-only high school. :-)

Great start well written and very clean without an editor. I'll be interested to see where you go with this as you have opened up many possibilities.

A great sexy beginning - and I wonder if Mia is the girl Ben is most interested in? When she asked to see his chest, and he was bold enough to show her, did she see any young man's chest hair growing there? Ben seems like a mature young man who might have a bit of chest hair around his pecs and in the center of his chest. And she seems like just the girl who would be intrigued to see a bit of hair on his masculine chest! What a turn on for Mia! Too bad he didn't show her his cum-covered stomach!

I kind of expected some background information about our protagonist, but it is all first person, present tense narrative. Anyway, it seems likely to be a good story.

I want to see where this goes - I don't mind who he continues with.

Timeline at the start was a bit strange - Up at 5:00am - 30min run 10 min cool down and stretch - shower - fills water bottle and grabs some snacks then goes to school - what time do they start there?

Not a big deal just caught my eye though.

Great story. But I believe you can slow down even more. As a reader I want things to happen, but make me wait a bit more. The ending is too rushed. But very exiting!

Great start, looking forward to more! (Not too long hopefull)

Mia’s a cutie. Personally, I would not have Ben come on that strong during the FaceTime scene. He was being portrayed as being cautious and a little anxious when dealing with unfamiliar girls during the HS scenes. I could tell that he felt emboldened after Mia went “behold my tushie in sexy-girly panties!” but I did not find it consistent with his established personality that he would go as far as goading Mia into a mutual masturbation session with a smidge of dirty talk.

Keep writing1

And don't leave out the female PE teacher!

Good START to a story, but 6 years on, I wouldn't have read to have it just end......