All Comments on 'Taking in Sister'

i really enjoyed this story

do not change. hall of fame quality , better than some there. had meat hello

Absolutely love this story so please keep going. These two are so in love and a happy ending in a sibling romance tickles my fancy. Is she pregnant yet?

Even though it was obvious they would end up together, it wss a great journey.

Nice story but there were a couple of spots where you missed a word, so it was like a speed bump in the story, please keep writing.

Good story. It just needs some TLC with proof reading.

Beautifully written. I loved it. The love making part needs to be a little more detailed, that would be my only recommendation.

The few errors meant nothing, this is wonderful. Love like this is so rare. Thanks for sharing your fantasy.

5* but worth so much more.

Tc

Very nice story

Great Story! Please consider part 2!!

Well written. You have the gift. It could stay as a standalone. But if you decide for part 2 it will be nice.

Very good story! Unfortunately there are several misspellings, and at times you would put two of the same word back to back; just a little confusing, but didn't really take away from your story😊Five hearts! ❤❤❤❤❤

Not too long not too short nice build up. Maybe give us some measurements. You touched on that fact that she had big breasts and long legs but measurements would give us a better visual. By far its one of my favorite stories I've read in a while

Such a radically dark opening paragraph, didn't really want to read the rest. Does the other guy really need to be that screwed over to make your plot work?

Disagree about posting measurements. Half the authors on here think that a larger band size means a hotter woman, no clue that a 32DD has a far more stunning figure than a 40DD, who's just a walking marshmallow that will be needing hip and knee replacement surgery soon. Just let the reader's imagination fill in the blanks.

Really a great story. Please write another soon

I loved it. Please continue

Too many of the same old clichés. It was hard to even make it past the first few paragraphs and it just kept going downhill from there. Killing off both the Mc and Fmc's significant others because emotional fulnerability is so sexy (sarcasm). The whole bath scene felt forced and simply there so that he could almost see her naked. I'm sorry but being in grieving doesn't make you an invalid. You're telling me she couldn't bother to refill her own bath, didn't bother to have a towel already on hand, and then needs her brother to pick out her clothes?

Also, this might just be me, but I have a sister and I've never once called her honey. Let alone calling someone by an endearing name nearly every sentence. Nobody talks like that and it's cringy as heck to read. I pretty much stopped reading as soon as she asked him if he peaked. I was at risk of rolling my eyes so far back I'd cause damage to my eye muscles. I get that sometimes you have to suspend belief a bit but this is just too much

Good story. Some of your typos and grammatical errors took a little away from the story. Consider using some grammar tools or using an editor. Keep working and you'll get much better.

Fantastic story!!!!!

I loved this story! Especially the slow build up to their relationship becoming sexual. Please keep writing! I’d love to see a par two or much more. - - - Though I haven’t written anything for Literotica yet, I find the best way to proofread my day-to-day writing is to be listening to it out loud. I’m dyslexic, so I use a text to speech program. There are decent free versions out there and there is a rather good one imbedded in Windows; different voices and you can change the reading speed. I can highlight the text in Literotica, but for writing I have to email it to (works in Edge, but not in Chrome) myself. Then highlight the text and right click then click “Read aloud”. - - - There weren’t a lot of proofreading issues here. I’ve seen (heard) a lot worse. There were several places where there were two words weren’t separated by a space, and some duplicate words written next to each other, or words that were words, but missing a letter from what you meant to write. Also, I’d rather see “…” at the end of a sentence than the “-“ (dash) you used, but that is nitpicking. Hearing it out loud I get the word “dash”.

Not sure you have to worry about much of anything except starting your next story.

Great story! There seemed to be some parts that were glossed over, like did they have a funeral for Jay or just leave him dead in bed? As for Bill, why did he have to mourn alone when Sandy died? It's finally revealed that he is an author that has more money than he can spend, guess he writes for someone other than Erotica, lol. BTW, I would loved to have sorted through Sarah's panty drawer for her blue panties, oh well that's just my thing :) Thought the sex was done nicely, not so graphic that it gets repetitive, but you know they are making love. I'm always a sucker for a good brother/sister incest story and this one is very good. Thanks

Nice story. Loved it. But…… if you have a pool in your back yard, swim attire ought to be outlawed. Naked is the only way to enjoy a pool.

This was a most enjoyable story. Aside from the author-acknowledged proof-reading issue, nothing else need be addressed. I loved it as it is. Thank you for sharing with us.

I enjoyed this a great deal. Well done!

No abusive dialog; no silly pre-cum; and, a nice slow build-up. Well written, sir!

I liked this - no real critique,,,a couple of misses that a proofreader would catch, but nothing to whack your peeper about. Please write another! My preference would be a different story, not a part 2, but that is up to you,

It's a very nice imaginative story but the spelling goofs kept bringing things to a screeching halt over and over. Also, some writers go too porno-style suddenly and ruin a nicely spun romantic love tale with sophomoric porn words but you went the exact opposite way by leaving their actual lovemaking descriptions almost entirely reduced to a quick blurb or two.

Loved the long build up. Grammatical errors be danmed, I didn't notice them. Please continue this Story!

Your nemesis must have taken a beating. Well written and only a few minor misses in grammar. A great story and a great read.

A truly beautiful love story. Thank you so much.

Writing is communicating. You do neither.

Sarah was a great big sister.

That is the first sentence in just the second paragraph. As written, it means Sarah was a huge (great big) sister. I thought "Great. This is going to be about a fat girl".

If you had a sufficient grasp of the English language, you would have known what you wanted to say was "Sarah was a great, big sister."

Let's say 10 people read this story, 8 of them would have been skimming because they don't really understand English, and they would have been fine putting that comma virtually anywhere in the sentence, but the other 2 would have thought exactly like I did. You lost 20% of your readers.

If you had actually had a clue about how to use commas and put that one where it needed to go, all 10 of the readers would have understood what you were saying.

So, do you want to be a wannabe who loses 20% of your readers because you're too stupid to use English to communicate, or do you want to do the work required to use English and have your typing actually say what you mean it to say?

It is your choice, but I'm not going to stop pointing out garbage submissions when I find them.

That isn't my only complaint with this typing, but I stopped after 3 paragraphs as soon as I got to the butchered word that was run into the following word to form one big stinking pile of dog shit. A five-year-old would have caught that one if they read it, so obviously, this typist can't be bothered with even reading through his garbage before submitting it.

Wonderful story, and you pretty much nailed the proof reading. Nothing too outrageous as far as grammar. Keep up the great work!

Great story. The love, loss, and romance were significant. Overall a great work.

The story deserves 5 stars but understand that the male character you portrayed was more fanciful than fiction. There wasn't anything masculine about that individual and it came off a bit made up instead of a realistic character. Keep on writing and thanks for sharing this tale with us.

If you write in MS Word, use Alt-F7 to spell check the whole document. That should start the spelling and grammar checking and may even allow you to reset things that it has learned incorrectly. Other tools have similar features. I’m not sure I’d want Grammarly reviewing my work though.

You missed a couple of “your” vs “you’re” type errors. Sometimes if you can say it in two words, do so. That will avoid that problem. Reading aloud while a great suggestion doesn’t help here.

Reading your ‘finished’ work from back to front (one sentence at a time), helps with individual sentence structure and meaning by taking it out of context.

But the big picture stuff, like writing concisely, with meaning, and conveying the emotion…I have no idea and that has held me back. My respect to you because you’ve taken the chance and I’m still the anonymous lurking coward.

By the way, I liked the story. Very much.

This is a very good story. Whatever the errors are, they do not diminish your efforts here. It could remain a stand alone or... I now have it in my favorites. Great job!

Great reading. Could have been a bit more descriptive about the sex, however. Maybe go from a heavy R rating to a light X. Wish it had been longer, enjoyed it very much.

Just read cageysea9725’s comment. Interesting take on “ constructive criticism “. Seems to me that the only point was to deconstruct. Got personal very quickly, using gutter language like dogshit and equating you to a 5 year old. Made themselves look like a idiot.

Wonderful story. Grammar didn't hurt the fantastic tale. Definitely one of my favorites.

Not bad at all, a trifle long winded, but my writings tend towards that as well.

Five stars!

I really enjoyed this story. It was a very nice slow build up. Not a grab it and cum 12 times a day. You have maybe a good time ahead of you I think.

Brilliant story would love to have had a sister like that if only you could write your own destiny with no judgement life would be perfect

great read

Great looking forward to more

A lot of the periphery is amazing. Great characters, good build up. The erotic scenes are too much telling, not enough showing. Also, it felt like the teasing or turmoil from her went at an odd pace. There wasn't enough signs of love from her before things flipped.

On the whole, fun and enjoyable, but could be amazing with some more work.

Great read ,, she came across as a bit of a tease ,,, yet she didn’t let him have any signs that she wanted more, yet she knew that he loved her more then a brother should,,, she waited until he flipped her then she was onboard

Just needs tweaking for future stories

wonderful love story! Not rushed, well written and a happy ending......

Good story. A few typos but not bad. Hard to proof yourself.

I thoroughly enjoy reading this story well written!!!! And not rushed very good

The ending was certainly abrupt!

Constructive criticism? This was one of the most well written stories I have EVER read on here! It was also very sweet, loving and sexy. Most writers on Literotica don't seem to realize that stories don't have to be all sex, all the time. This story was about pure, family love. Very enjoyable and looking forward to reading other stories you have written.

It was a great story and very we!! Written. As far as criticism goes, I imagine the people who write trite comments are ones who have never contributed any stories. All they can do is try and tear down goid authors. And you are good!